This has all happened before...

[AG & MM offices. SDK enters.]
MM: Glad you could make it, Steven.
SDK: Can we make this short? My flight for L.A. leaves in a few hours and I haven't finished packing yet.
AG: Sure. You're fired.
SDK: You can't fire me. I've already quit.
MM: Technically you resigned.
SDK: What's the difference?
AG: When you resign there's an effective date.
MM: We can still fire you as long as it's before the effective date.
SDK: But today's the effective date. I'm in the process of cleaning out my office.
AG: Which means we can fire you as long as we do it before the end of the day!
MM: Go pack up your office!
SDK: That's what I was doing! [Begins to exit.]
AG: This is all your fault!
SDK: [Pauses and turns back around] OK. I'll bite, a little Buffy humor there, what's all my fault?
MM: Everything!
SDK: Seriously, Miles, everything can't be...
AG: The ratings!
SDK: It wasn't my idea to...
MM: The fan revolt!
SDK: The fan what?
AG: Thanks to you and your damn Writer's Guild.
SDK: Excuse me?
MM: The whole deep sixing the cast's version of season six has a segment of fans all in a tizzy.
SDK: The cast episodes weren't professionally written...
AG: So on your suggestion we work the actors' asses off...
MM: So we can film and air forty five episodes in one year under the pretense of improving ratings.
SDK: Nor are they members of the Guild!
AG: "New episodes of Smallville all year long!" you said. "Rating will soar!" you said.
MM: Only to find out your silly union wants us to forget their episodes ever existed.
SDK: Frankly their episodes weren't all that great.
AG: Their episodes weren't the ones that dropped over a million viewers over the course of the season.
SDK: Guild rules...
MM: Yeah, we know all about Guild rules, now. We got an earful out of your lawyers.
AG: So fans wind up feeling gypped when the DVD set only has twenty-two episodes.
SDK: The good twenty-two episodes.
AG: There were a lot of fans who wanted to make fan videos from the scenes of Clark and Chloe's brief romance.
MM: And we're not even allowed to re-air them.
SDK: Those episodes will eventually be erased from history, as they should be.
AG: You think?
SDK: Of course.
MM: Have you ever heard of YouTube?
SDK: Is it like mySpace?
MM: Yes. Except how it's not.
AG: The cast's entire season is available on-line and they're selling bootleg copies on DVD at fan conventions.
MM: One fan even asked me to sign his copy!
AG: No, that was a copy of the Lanarama book.
MM: Oh, right. I'm pretty hansom in those cartoons.
AG: Shut up!
MM: Just because you look like a buffon doesn't mean...
SDK: Look, are we done yet?
MM: No. They've labeled the cast written episodes season "5.5"
SDK: 5.5?
AG: Yeah. Apparently some other show labels their seasons that way.
MM: It's all kind of wack but this whole thing has really revved up the conspiracy theorists.
SDK: I've done all I can to quash the Chlois...
AG: We're not talking about that, you idiot!
SDK: I thought you said conspiracy...
MM: We did. The whole summer of Chlex is back.
SDK: Summer of Chlex? Back? What are you talking about?
AG: Somehow a couple people got this crazy idea Chloe and Lex hooked up between seasons three and four.
MM: And there's this rumor we even shot a few episodes based on this supposed relationship.
AG: That never happened.
AG: And that we buried them like we're burying the cast's episodes now.
MM: And so now they're calling these mythical episodes season 3.5.
AG: A few die hards have been scouring the globe...
MM: And Ebay
AG: ...for these "lost" episodes.
SDK: But they don't exist. What's the worry?
[A moment of silence as MM & AG eye each other nervously]
SDK: They do exist?
MM: No.
AG: No. Absolutely not.
SDK: So you called me in here to blame me for the fact there are a few fanatics out there searching for "lost" Smallville episodes that don't even exist?
MM: And for ruining our show.
AG: Yeah. That too.
SDK: But I didn't...
MM: Look, you did the writing.
SDK: I didn't...
AG: The whole Lana marries Lex thing was just a suggestion.
MM: You didn't actually have to go through with it.
SDK: You pretty much told us we did.
AG: We weren't serious.
SDK: You did everything but hold a gun to our heads.
MM: We did not.
SDK: You threatened to sic Allison on us.
AG: Well...
SDK: Well what?
AG: She's not that scary. Besides after the whole freak storyline broke she was mostly all bark and no bite.
MM: What are you talking about? I walked around with a limp for three days!
AG: I meant when it came to the whole Lex, Lana, & Clark triangle thing.
MM: Oh.
SDK: I don't care if you lay the blame on me. I'm leaving so you were probably going to say bad things about me anyway. I don't care. And the other writers would appreciate not having to take the fall.
AG: Oh, them. They're fired too.
SDK: All of them?
MM: Yeah. Budget cuts. Lose a million viewers lose a writing staff.
SDK: Please don't tell me you're going to have that bunch of hacks write another season.
AG: Actually we were thinking we'd just steal a bunch of fan fiction.
MM: Al, I spoke with legal. We can't do that.
AG: Oh. Yeah, we're going to have that bunch of hacks write another season.
SDK: [As he exits] Well good luck with that. [Once out of the office with the door closed] Suckers.
[Back inside the office]
AG: Are you sure that's a good idea, Miles? The cast is even more bitter than last time.
MM: We can't afford to pay anyone. Legal won't let us steal fan fic. You have any other bright ideas?
AG: I don't know. Maybe we should write some of the episodes?
MM: I'm tired of eating chicken.
AG: I thought you loved chicken.
MM: The thrill is gone.
AG: Right. I'll set up a meeting with Tom.
MM: Tom isn't talking to us anymore.
AG: Is Allison talking to us?
MM: Sort of.
AG: Sort of?
MM: Well, only because everyone else refuses to talk to her.
AG: Is the rest of the cast still afraid of her?
MM: More or less. I think. Although they might be at the point where they figure there's not much worse she could do to them.
AG: Either way she's our last best hope. I'll set up a meeting.

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