7.13 Exit Teaser

As retold by Bill C

[MR's trailer. AoT is busily typing on a laptop, while MR is snoring on the couch.]
AoT: Okay, that should do it...Michael? Michael. [kicks MR in the shin] Michael!
MR: ...ow, dammit, Annette. I was having a wonderful dream...what is it?
AoT: We have to finish this teaser...well, okay, had to. It's done now.
MR: Wha? [yawns] It was done before I dozed off. I thought you liked it.
AoT: Yeah, well...I thought it could use some fine tuning.
MR: Okay, woman, what'd you do to my teaser? Gimme the laptop!
AoT [hands MR the laptop]: Okay, okay.
MR: You had better not have removed the ending...

[Fade in on a panning shot of a group of thugs firing weapons at something off-camera.]
[Title card zooms in from camera POV over shot, with a metallic clang: "NEXT WEEK"]
Pompous!CWVoice: "Next week..."
[Cut to Hasaad grinning at Lois and Bittleman, who are seated on crates with guns at their heads. A whining noise starts up in the background, and increases in pitch and volume.]
[Title card zoom with clang: CLARK]
[Cut to a from-below shot of Clark--head down, arms up out of frame, and with his eyes closed in either effort or pain as a huge black blur rushes over his back.]
[Title card zoom with clang: KENT]
[Cut to a panorama-style shot of a contingent of heavy military vehicles advancing down a road towards the distant Metropolis skyline.]
[Cut to Martha, Lionel, Lucius, and Otis in an office staring at a TV in shock]
[Title card zoom with clang: IS]
[Cut to the outside of a Radio Shack at night, with a car parked in front of it. Clark abruptly rockets through a huge window at the front of the store and plows into the side of the car, caving that side in.]
[Cut to a shot of Zod in a shattered doorway, crystals in both hands, in an attack pose with a predatory look on his face]
[Title card zoom with clang: GOING]
[Cut to Zod firing heat-vision at something offscreen]
[Title card zoom with clang: TO]
[Cut to Zod and Lex glaring at each other, virtually nose-to-nose. Cut immediately after that to Zod throwing Lex through a glass partition in a lobby of some sort. Screen cuts hard to black, and the whining noise stops.]

MR: Wait, hold it! That scene wasn't in there in the last version!
AoT: Deal with it.
MR: It wasn't even in the epis--dammit, woman! I wanted to get through one episode without Lex suffering any physical violence!
AoT: Boo-hoo-hoo, poor wimpy Michael.
MR: Shut up! I just wanted one bruise-free episode!
AoT: You can have it later, okay?
MR: Just one episode!
AoT: Will you shut up?

[title card reverse-zoom on black screen, twice as large as the previous cards: HELL]
[Cut to a shot of a vast, volcanic-appearing wasteland tinged in red with what sounds like a brisk wind as ambient noise. Cut from that to a shot of a battered, bloodied Clark slumped against a wall in the same red tint. A huge shadow slowly falls over him, and he looks up off-camera with a grimace.]
Extremely Deep Voice [with enhanced bass]: "Welcome, Kal-El."
[Cut to black Smallville title card]
Pompous!CWVoice: Smallville. Brand new, next week, on The CW.

MR: Waitaminnit! You took out the ending? The entire ending?!?
AoT: I thought it'd work better as a surprise for the audience.
MR: But it was so fucking cool!
AoT: It gave away a little too much, Michael. We want to leave something to the imagination, remember?
MR [grumbles]: Okay, dammit, fine. So who's the evil voice?
AoT: We tried to get Michael Ironside, but he was busy. I think we're waiting for word from [looks at notes on a nearby sheet of paper] Patrick Warburton's agent.
MR: The Tick? Not my first choice, Annette...
AoT: It's not like we have a lot of choices here. Convention season is going on...
MR: Damn it. I'll think of something.

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