As retold by Bill C
AoT: After that flashback, though, Zod's bitch realizes he cannot live without Zod in his life...
[TW groans]
AoT: ...and charges the portal at super-speed...just as a smaller group of parademons comes out of it. He actually stops, they notice him, and they start firing their staff weapons at him--some of the bolts of green energy hit him as he dodges, and he winces in pain.
TW: So when is Clark going to start beating down suckers?
MR: Now, kindasorta. Two of the critters charge him and he ends up in a fistfight with them--just as something explodes near the generator, and the mutant posse runs into the warehouse followed by a handful of soldiers, and they start fighting the rest of the new group of critters.
AoT: This is also about where Lois starts to regain consciousness.
ED: Thank God.
AoT: Just as a parademon flies over her and smacks into the wall with a crunch. Zod's b...Clark finally manages to punch the other one out, though it managed to cut him on the back and chest with a blade on its staff weapon first, and he super-speeds to and through the portal.
MR: And now the budget goes completely to hell: the second Clark reaches the portal, the entire screen goes blue for a split-second. We then go to a reverse-angle shot of Clark coming through the other side of the portal, onto a huge stone platform--the entire scene has a slight reddish tint--and we pan around him to see this huge CGI wasteland, mostly flat plains with what look like volcanic chasms off in the distance in multiple locations.
MR: And this really epic-sounding dark choral/orchestral music cranks up in the background as we do the obligatory pull back from Clark looking completely stunned to show the entire portal platform, the small village-like buildings around it, etcetera. Something saying "You sons of bitches are fucking doomed" in Latin with lots of drums.
KK: Nice place. Did you steal it from Episode III?
MR: What's your point?
AoT: Clark sees a fairly large mass of green and gold moving through a street towards a long incline leading up to the portal. So he runs off to one side and out of the shot, and we cut to him briefly hiding behind a stone column.
MR: We then cut back to Lucius and his mutant team, now with bonus Army, as they dust the few parademons in the warehouse. Lionel gets off a few shots with his pistol at one of them, but the finishing blow comes from a trio of soldiers with assault rifles. He calls for Otis to set the explosives.
JG: That's more like it. The henchman are competent, but the redshirts aren't.
AoT: As Otis sets the explosives around the base of the generator, a groggy Lois stands up. A couple of soldiers notice and aim rifles at her. "Hold it!"
ED: "No no, wait wait wait! I'm on your side!" Damn, that was easy.
JG: Okay, and Lionel notices and stops them from shooting her. Damn, can I object?
MR: No.
JG: I suppose she's a good source of exposition. "Lois? What are you doing here?"
ED: "I was following a lead...which got ugly. Really ugly. What are you doing here?"
JG: "Just helping out."
ED: "You're kidding, right?"
MR: Otis interrupts. "The explosives are set!"
AoT: Then so does Lucius. "Let's get out of here before more of those things arrive."
MR: Lionel turns to leave, then notices something underneath one of the dead critters--stuck on the blade bit of its weapon is part of Clark's jacket.
JG: Angst. Shit.
ED: Wait, there's more. "Oh, dammit--Ted! Where's Ted?"
JG: "What? Who--oh, your partner in crime from the Planet? He's here?"
ED: Lois starts looking around. "Yeah, he came with me...Ted? Ted!"
KK: Does anybody really care about Ted?
MR: Well, no, but we have to at least get him out of the way.
KK: Kill him, then. It worked for Jimmy.
MR: Yeah, and he still came back. Screw that.
AoT: Anyway. Brian and Belinda finally find Ted still conked out behind some crates, just as the portal flashes and some new critters come out.
MR: Cut back to Clark, who is now sneaking through a narrow and empty side street and avoiding the mass of parademons marching towards the portal. He comes to the corner of a building and flattens against the wall, waiting, as we see a single parademon walk around a corner behind him, see him, and bring up its staff weapon to fire--when Zod appears out of nowhere and beats it down.
KK: How dare anyone else hurt his bitch besides him!
TW: That particular cliche, guys? Dammit...
JG: Zod puts his bitch in his place, though. "Child, why did you follow me here? You have nothing to do with--"
TW: "I came to help you shut down the portal, Zod. That thing is letting those...things loose on Earth, and I--"
AoT: And then they get jumped by two more parademons.
TW: What the--come on!
MR: Back to the warehouse, as our gang makes a hasty retreat from it chased by parademons. A couple of redshirt mutants and soldiers get whacked along the way, of course, and Otis detonates the explosives he set with a remote control.
AoT: Obligatory shot of the portal generator being enveloped in fire, and then a shot of an entire section of the warehouse wall exploding outward, taking out some parademons...to reveal the generator, intact and unharmed.
ED: Lois, Lionel, and Lucius all turn to see the undamaged portal spit out even more parademons. "Oh, that's just great. How the hell do we shut that thing down?"
JG: Lionel. "We need bigger guns, Miss Lane!"
ED: Lois gets an idea, and turns to look at the now unmanned mobile rocket launcher the soldiers brought with them. "Or bigger explosives."
AoT: Back to the other planet, as we see a parademon go flying through the air with a hiss. Pan back from that to see Zod and Clark fighting a group of parademons--Zod fighting in a vaguely military-efficient style and Clark just going all Clark smash! on them.
MR: Warehouse again. Lois starts running for the rocket launcher.
JG: Lionel notices. "Lois, what are you doing?"
ED: "Bigger guns, right? Can't get much bigger than this!" She reaches the rocket launcher, just in time for a parademon to jump up from the other side of it and land on top of it.
JG: Defiant Lois-with-cleavage.
AoT: Planet. Clark goes flying sideways into a wall, as Zod is now fighting with a crystal in one hand and a stolen staff weapon in the other.
TW: It was actually less painful when Clark was simply Zod's bitch.
MR: This is where the parademons finally get smart and just blast the hell out of them with about a dozen staff weapons. Zod goes flying back into the same wall Clark just met, and drops his weapons.
AoT: Outside the warehouse again. The orchestral music is going full tilt now with Lois still staring up at the parademon--just before a bolt of green energy hits it and knocks it off the launcher.
JG: Lionel saving Lois? It's--
MR: He didn't. It's Lucius.
JG: Oh. [pauses] Dammit.
MR: Lucius yells, "Whatever you're going to do, do it!"
ED: Lois goes ahead and climbs up onto and into the launcher.
JG: Ah, okay. Lionel is dialing a number on his cellphone.
AoT: And back to the other planet. Zod and Clark look a bit worse for wear than they did a minute ago--torn shirts, some blood and cuts, and they're slumped against a wall surrounded by parademons all aiming weapons at them. This is when we hear...a voice.
ED: Huh?
AoT: A very low, very deep, very menacing bottom-of-the-well voice. "General Zod."
MR: Zod looks up and angled off camera POV, which is a wide shot of him and Clark and a few parademon heads, as the wall of alien critters parts to create an opening. A shadow comes into the shot and moves towards Clark and Zod.
KK: You're going to give people whiplash with this back-and-forth stuff, you know.
AoT: Tough.
MR: Back to--
ED: The warehouse?
MR: The Mutant Recruitment Center.
ED: Damn!
MR: Martha is still there, with Titian and some extras. And she answers her cellphone.
AoT: "Lionel? What's going on?"
JG: Lionel is crouched by his limo, which is still intact during all of this. "Martha, it's insane here. The Army is on the scene, and there are these...these--"
AoT: Martha is watching new aerial footage of the battle in progress on the big-screen TV we saw earlier. Only now, the title bar on the screen reads "BATTLE FOR METROPOLIS." "I know, Lionel, I know. Did you find Clark?"
JG: Lionel takes a moment with that, as we briefly cut to Lois in the gunner's chair of the rocket launcher.
ED: Where she takes a minute to examine the controls, whispering "Okay, Dad and too many video games as a kid, don't fail me now..."
JG: Back to the adults. "Martha...there's this portal here. It's a gateway to some other planet, and the creatures are coming through it. I think...I think Clark was taken through the portal to the other side. We tried to destroy it once and failed, and we're about to try again. Martha...if he's gone wherever that portal leads, once it's destroyed--he'll be trapped there. Forever."
AoT: Back to a tight shot on Martha as she realizes what Lionel's saying, even as we hear the tail end of it from the phone.
JG: Which would free up Martha to truly be with Lionel. Win-win.
[TW sighs]
AoT: Martha hangs up the phone, shaken, as we see a soldier enter the room behind her and call her name. When she turns, he simply explains that he was sent by General Lane.
ED: Wait...how do they know Martha's there?
AoT: Uh...um...
MR: The Belle Reve thing. She had to call people for that. We're just not showing it.
ED: Okay!
MR [shakes head]: Planet again. The shadow is still visible in the shot, but isn't moving. Zod looks up in its direction, his face the picture of rage. "You!"
AoT: And we hear the deep evil voice again. "You escaped your exile, General? I am surprised. Though I had forgotten about you."
JG: Zod struggles to get to his feet and yells, "I could never forget your brutality! What you did! I waited for years until this chance...so I could exact my vengeance upon you!"
AoT: Evil Voice. "Your vengeance...is proceeding apace."
MR: On the last word, a half-dozen parademons shoot Zod again with their weapons. He goes down.
TW: Okay, I'm not exactly broken up about that.
MR: Quick cut back to a POV shot from the rocket launcher, as its rocket pod slowly rotates and angles to point into the warehouse and at the portal generator. Then back to the other planet, as Zod lies groaning on the ground. Clark looks up at the shadow, as it slowly moves to cover him.
AoT: Evil Voice again. "Your lackey I shall have mercy on, General. His death will be swift."
JG: Zod, ever defiant...the mark of a true bastard. "Kal-El is nothing! Your fight is with me, you butcher! With me!"
AoT: The shadow stops, and it appears to raise an arm to its head for a moment. "Kal...El. As in...Jor-El."
TW: Clark gets only one line in this entire scene? Figures. "Who are you?"
AoT: "The general never told you?"
JG: "Kal-El is insignificant! Damn you!"
KK: Well...he kinda is.
MR: Next-to-last quick cut back to the launcher, as Lois flips the cover off the fire controls. Outside, Lionel yells for Lois to fire the damn weapons.
AoT: Planet again. The shadow moves slightly closer to Clark.
JG: Exposition at last. Zod is pulled to his feet by a group of parademons, with others holding weapons to his head. And he yells, "No--Darkseid! You will deal with me!"
AoT: Clark tries to do his best painfully-defiant look, while getting to his feet, and we cut from that to a very brightly backlit giant head. Basically just a silhouette lit by the red-tinted sun, so you can't make anything out and it looks almost like a giant football helmet. And it says, "Welcome to Apokolips, Kal-El."
MR: Cut back to the launcher. Lois grits her teeth. "God help me, here goes nothing." She hits the fire controls.
AoT: And we cut from that to a side shot of Clark's head as he's halfway to his feet. A shadow rapidly falls over him, we see his eyes widen for an instant--and then a giant armored fist bigger than his head suddenly comes in from camera-left and hits him in the face, as the choral music hits a crescendo. And it keeps going--straight into the wall Clark was leaning against.
TW [stunned]: What...the...hell?
KK: So...Clark just got punched...into a wall.
MR: Well, yeah, pretty much. And we cut straight from that to black, and the "To Be Continued..." title card comes up.
JG: That's just...wow.
KK [starts laughing again]: Into the wall!
TW: That's--that's just--
KK: Into the fucking wall! [falls out of her chair again laughing]
JG: Okay, that's getting old now.
ED: And you didn't even show the rockets being fired?
MR: It was either the rockets firing...or that. Which do you think people are going to remember?
[TW scowls, mumbles unintelligibly]
KK [still laughing]: Oh my God, the wall!
Next
7.13 Exit by MR and AoT (Part X)
As retold by Bill C
AoT: We come back to urgent/impending-doom background music as Lois runs over to the one control panel for the portal generator and frantically looks for an off switch.
TW: That'd be too easy, of course.
AoT: Of course. She finds a control labeled MASTER POWER FEED and flips it, but it doesn't appear to do anything to the generator. So she starts flipping all sorts of controls, which also don't do anything. Meanwhile, the portal generator itself is starting to glow a bit in addition to everything else it's been doing.
MR: Cut to outside the warehouse yet again as three separate groups of soldiers accompanied by Hummers with machineguns slowly advance on the building. Suddenly three balls of energy zip out from three separate windows of the warehouse, all within a few seconds; one of them takes out a Hummer, while the other two simply blow up some street and/or sidewalk and cause people to run for cover. This is where the gunners on the other two Hummers, followed by most of the advancing soldiers, start firing full-auto at the warehouse.
AoT: Wide shot from inside the warehouse in slo-mo of Zod super-speeding from window to window, bullets whizzing around him, now carrying two of the modified alien weapons, alternating between firing them from each hand whenever he stops at a window.
KK: Okay. That's pretty damn cool.
MR: I got the idea watching Transformers: The Movie the other night.
AoT: In mid-shot, we zip back to realtime and then crossfade back outside as more balls of energy pin down some troops and a couple of lucky shots take out an APC. This is when a couple of those attack helicopters we saw earlier swoop into the shot and fire two missiles at the warehouse, one of which Zod manages to shoot down. The other one corkscrews into the far side of the building and blows a huge chunk out of it.
JG: And this is where Zod starts quoting Apocalypse Now?
MR: No, but I love that idea.
JG [deep voice]: I love the smell of napalm in the morning.
AoT: Actually...we do have this one shot right after the last bit of firing of Zod pausing to admire his handiwork. He doesn't actually say anything, though.
JG: Do it, Rosenbaum! Do iiiiit!
KK: At least be subtle. Don't go chapter and verse with it.
MR [makes notation in script]: Okay, okay. So Zod's standing there by this window, looking out over what now is most definitely a battlefield, and he smirks and says...okay, got it. "Pathetic apes...they wouldn't ever know the smell of victory."
JG: Okay, I'll allow it.
AoT: And then this fist comes in from off-camera and punches Zod in the face, sending him flying.
JG: The hell?
MR: Pan over to show the fist belongs to a slightly battered, slightly pissed-looking, Clark.
TW: Yeah!
KK: Didn't you already use that visual in this episode?
MR: Zod flies across the warehouse and lands on the portal generator console, crushing it and very nearly taking out Lois. Lois, naturally, freaks.
ED: "Oh my God!"
JG [skims script]: ...oh, hell no.
ED: What?
JG: I can't believe you went there, Rosenbaum.
ED: What?
JG: Right after Lois says "Oh my God!", as he's getting to his feet, Zod growls "No...Zod."
MR: Someone had to make the joke!
TW: We could have waited another decade for someone to do it, Michael.
AoT: Anyway, Zod gets off the ruined console, drops one of the rifles he was carrying which got crushed in the fall, and super-speeds up to his bitch--who manages this one time to catch him by the arms and stop him. Zod glares at him and says--John?
JG: "Child, I told you to stay out of my way! How dare you interrupt my vengeance!"
TW: Clark looks off to one side, out at the battlefield beyond the warehouse, then back at Zod. "You call that 'vengeance'? I call that cold-blooded murder, Zod!"
JG: "Your precious chattel! They would have died anyway, at my hands or at Hasaad's!" Zod frees an arm to point at the portal generator. "Look! That is what Hasaad has been up to--creating a portal to his world, after seducing one of your apes into helping him! And thus preparing to lay siege to yours!"
ED: Lois, still over by the console, looks towards the partially darkened far side of the warehouse. But she can't see anything. "Zod? Who else is there? Dammit, I hope that's not more of them--"
MR: And then the reddish sky patch that has been growing all episode finally reaches the generator perimeter. The whole thing almost visibly oscillates once, then emits a blinding white light and a visible CGI shockwave that knocks Lois, Zod, and Clark down while making a sustained bass hum for about five seconds. Yet another cut to outside as we see the light glowing through the windows and holes in the building, followed by the shockwave knocking people down and pushing small vehicles a bit.
KK: I assume this is the "Oh, shit!" moment.
AoT: Inside the warehouse, we cut to a full-on frontal shot of the generator as the bass hum fades and is replaced by a continuous whooshing noise. Suddenly there's a blue flash near its base, and Hasaad walks out--but this time he's all in black with a cloak, instead of the gray suit he was wearing before going through the portal the other way. He stops when he sees Lois--see, now she's unconscious, Erica--and shakes his head. "Yes, human...perhaps you will be the first to see what is to come after all."
MR: And as he says that, additional blue flashes signal the march of a phalanx of Space Cujos into the warehouse. Hasaad simply points in the direction of the Army forces, who can be seen through a smaller hole in the wall and says, "Go!"
ED: I suppose "Sic 'em!" is out.
AoT: Back to outside, where said forces have regrouped a bit in the minute or so where Zod wasn't shooting at them and after the shockwave passed--and then they see a wave of green-and-gold armored creatures flow out of the warehouse, coming straight at them and either hissing or growling. The battle gets really ugly in a hurry.
MR: Pan and zoom over to the street to one side of the warehouse, away from the main battlezone. Zod and Clark are lying there, and they slowly get to their feet. Zod, of course, is first--and thus he sees the creatures attacking the humans and driving them back. He grabs Clark and turns him to face them.
JG: "Do you finally understand now, whelp? That is what your world has in store for itself!"
TW: Clark looks, for once, understandably shocked. "What...what are they?"
JG: "The parademons came through the portal Hasaad built! And now that portal is locked open--which means more can come through. And they and others will come through...unless I stop them at the source."
TW: "What source?"
JG: "The other side of the portal. The world they came from...where this all began." Side shot of Zod's head for this next part, and he looks pissed. "One last time, son of Jor-El--stay out of my way!"
AoT: Zod picks up his dropped everpresent backpack, gathers himself, and rockets back into the warehouse--once inside, we briefly shift into slo-mo as he barrels through a group of Space Cujos, heads straight for the portal, and disappears in a blue flash.
MR: Hasaad, meanwhile, doesn't notice. He's standing over Lois and looking down consideringly as parademons march by with the sounds of battle fresh and loud in the background. "I think you will make an excellent thrall...a lovely servant."
KK: You've got Baltar macking on Lois?
JG: It's the boobs. Everybody thinks that when they see the boobs.
ED: John!
MR: As Hasaad speaks, we see a shimmering in the air behind him. It abruptly resolves into a dark-haired woman, wearing normal clothes, who taps Hasaad on the shoulder--and punches him in the face when he looks up, knocking him down.
TW: Glass jaws: the number one liability of evil henchmen in the universe.
MR: Simultaneously, we see another shimmering to the other side resolve into a man who looks very much like the woman. He pulls out a walkie-talkie. "We're inside. It looks like all the creatures were sent to fight the Army and the police...there's just this one guy and his thugs, who are all knocked out. And there's some kind of...of device here, which is what the creatures are coming from."
AoT: Cut over the tail end of the dialogue to Lucius, who is standing in the middle of the street somewhere holding another walkie-talkie. As he talks, we pan past him to see Lionel, a couple of dozen redshirts, Otis, and the familiar black limousine. "Stand by, Brian. You and Belinda, stay alert."
MR: Brian and Belinda nod to each other, and shimmer into invisibility again.
JG: Oh yeah.
KK: So now Lionel machos up to impress his woman?
JG: It's not like he does it that often...
AoT: Lucius turns to Lionel. "It looks like the building itself is empty. No obvious security."
JG: "The Army is the real threat, I suppose, and they're trying to deal with that first. Which means that the device inside is vulnerable."
AoT: Lucius opens his mouth to speak again, but is cut off by a completely different voice on a megaphone. The voice belongs to an Army lieutenant sitting on top of a Hummer, which rolls up behind the limo followed by some foot soldiers and a couple of armored vehicles. "You there! What are you doing here? This area isn't safe--get out of here!"
JG: "They're with me, Lieutenant. And believe me, they can take care of themselves."
AoT: Lionel and the lieutenant thus get into a little discussion about being there to help versus being ordered to get the hell out of Dodge.
MR: And then a bolt of green energy zips by the lieutenant's head. Lionel and Lucius turn and see a small group of parademons running towards them.
JG: Lionel pulls out a pistol. "Otis. Are the explosives ready?"
AoT: Otis is carrying a backpack of his own, in addition to his own sidearm. "Yes, sir."
KK: Okay, this whole competent-henchman thing has got to stop. It's positively un-scifi.
JG: The lieutenant is shouting for them to get out of there, and he finally starts unloading on the critters with the machinegun on the Hummer. Lionel simply says, "Mr. Best?"
MR: Lucius nods. "You owe us, Mr. Luthor...let's go!" And he leads the group of redshirt mutants off to one side of the street as the parademons close to fighting distance, followed closely by Lionel and Otis, as the soldiers who came up fill the previous void and begin fighting them.
AoT: As they go, a few mutant abilities come into play...one parademon gets electrocuted, another simply gets punched through a wall, and so on. As the soldiers see that, they and the armored vehicles--an APC and a mobile rocket launcher--start following and/or supporting the mutant brigade towards the side of the warehouse and stop about a hundred yards away.
MR: Cut to Clark, who has now walked back into the warehouse. He hides behind a large crate, and sees another group of parademons march through the portal...most of them run out to join the fight, but three stay behind to apparently tend to the unconscious Hasaad.
AoT: This is where we get a very quick flashback to Return, to Martian Manhunter saying they needed Zod's help. Then an equally brief series of flashbacks to Zod dialogue from earlier in this episode...mostly "You cannot comprehend the threat that Hasaad represents", "That is what your world has in store for itself!" and most notably "You truly have no sense of what the Crusade tried to stop, do you?"
TW: It's not like Clark had a reason to trust Zod, though!
AoT: True, but we're still twisting the knife. It's the Smallville way.
TW: Thanks a lot, Annette.
Continued...
AoT: We come back to urgent/impending-doom background music as Lois runs over to the one control panel for the portal generator and frantically looks for an off switch.
TW: That'd be too easy, of course.
AoT: Of course. She finds a control labeled MASTER POWER FEED and flips it, but it doesn't appear to do anything to the generator. So she starts flipping all sorts of controls, which also don't do anything. Meanwhile, the portal generator itself is starting to glow a bit in addition to everything else it's been doing.
MR: Cut to outside the warehouse yet again as three separate groups of soldiers accompanied by Hummers with machineguns slowly advance on the building. Suddenly three balls of energy zip out from three separate windows of the warehouse, all within a few seconds; one of them takes out a Hummer, while the other two simply blow up some street and/or sidewalk and cause people to run for cover. This is where the gunners on the other two Hummers, followed by most of the advancing soldiers, start firing full-auto at the warehouse.
AoT: Wide shot from inside the warehouse in slo-mo of Zod super-speeding from window to window, bullets whizzing around him, now carrying two of the modified alien weapons, alternating between firing them from each hand whenever he stops at a window.
KK: Okay. That's pretty damn cool.
MR: I got the idea watching Transformers: The Movie the other night.
AoT: In mid-shot, we zip back to realtime and then crossfade back outside as more balls of energy pin down some troops and a couple of lucky shots take out an APC. This is when a couple of those attack helicopters we saw earlier swoop into the shot and fire two missiles at the warehouse, one of which Zod manages to shoot down. The other one corkscrews into the far side of the building and blows a huge chunk out of it.
JG: And this is where Zod starts quoting Apocalypse Now?
MR: No, but I love that idea.
JG [deep voice]: I love the smell of napalm in the morning.
AoT: Actually...we do have this one shot right after the last bit of firing of Zod pausing to admire his handiwork. He doesn't actually say anything, though.
JG: Do it, Rosenbaum! Do iiiiit!
KK: At least be subtle. Don't go chapter and verse with it.
MR [makes notation in script]: Okay, okay. So Zod's standing there by this window, looking out over what now is most definitely a battlefield, and he smirks and says...okay, got it. "Pathetic apes...they wouldn't ever know the smell of victory."
JG: Okay, I'll allow it.
AoT: And then this fist comes in from off-camera and punches Zod in the face, sending him flying.
JG: The hell?
MR: Pan over to show the fist belongs to a slightly battered, slightly pissed-looking, Clark.
TW: Yeah!
KK: Didn't you already use that visual in this episode?
MR: Zod flies across the warehouse and lands on the portal generator console, crushing it and very nearly taking out Lois. Lois, naturally, freaks.
ED: "Oh my God!"
JG [skims script]: ...oh, hell no.
ED: What?
JG: I can't believe you went there, Rosenbaum.
ED: What?
JG: Right after Lois says "Oh my God!", as he's getting to his feet, Zod growls "No...Zod."
MR: Someone had to make the joke!
TW: We could have waited another decade for someone to do it, Michael.
AoT: Anyway, Zod gets off the ruined console, drops one of the rifles he was carrying which got crushed in the fall, and super-speeds up to his bitch--who manages this one time to catch him by the arms and stop him. Zod glares at him and says--John?
JG: "Child, I told you to stay out of my way! How dare you interrupt my vengeance!"
TW: Clark looks off to one side, out at the battlefield beyond the warehouse, then back at Zod. "You call that 'vengeance'? I call that cold-blooded murder, Zod!"
JG: "Your precious chattel! They would have died anyway, at my hands or at Hasaad's!" Zod frees an arm to point at the portal generator. "Look! That is what Hasaad has been up to--creating a portal to his world, after seducing one of your apes into helping him! And thus preparing to lay siege to yours!"
ED: Lois, still over by the console, looks towards the partially darkened far side of the warehouse. But she can't see anything. "Zod? Who else is there? Dammit, I hope that's not more of them--"
MR: And then the reddish sky patch that has been growing all episode finally reaches the generator perimeter. The whole thing almost visibly oscillates once, then emits a blinding white light and a visible CGI shockwave that knocks Lois, Zod, and Clark down while making a sustained bass hum for about five seconds. Yet another cut to outside as we see the light glowing through the windows and holes in the building, followed by the shockwave knocking people down and pushing small vehicles a bit.
KK: I assume this is the "Oh, shit!" moment.
AoT: Inside the warehouse, we cut to a full-on frontal shot of the generator as the bass hum fades and is replaced by a continuous whooshing noise. Suddenly there's a blue flash near its base, and Hasaad walks out--but this time he's all in black with a cloak, instead of the gray suit he was wearing before going through the portal the other way. He stops when he sees Lois--see, now she's unconscious, Erica--and shakes his head. "Yes, human...perhaps you will be the first to see what is to come after all."
MR: And as he says that, additional blue flashes signal the march of a phalanx of Space Cujos into the warehouse. Hasaad simply points in the direction of the Army forces, who can be seen through a smaller hole in the wall and says, "Go!"
ED: I suppose "Sic 'em!" is out.
AoT: Back to outside, where said forces have regrouped a bit in the minute or so where Zod wasn't shooting at them and after the shockwave passed--and then they see a wave of green-and-gold armored creatures flow out of the warehouse, coming straight at them and either hissing or growling. The battle gets really ugly in a hurry.
MR: Pan and zoom over to the street to one side of the warehouse, away from the main battlezone. Zod and Clark are lying there, and they slowly get to their feet. Zod, of course, is first--and thus he sees the creatures attacking the humans and driving them back. He grabs Clark and turns him to face them.
JG: "Do you finally understand now, whelp? That is what your world has in store for itself!"
TW: Clark looks, for once, understandably shocked. "What...what are they?"
JG: "The parademons came through the portal Hasaad built! And now that portal is locked open--which means more can come through. And they and others will come through...unless I stop them at the source."
TW: "What source?"
JG: "The other side of the portal. The world they came from...where this all began." Side shot of Zod's head for this next part, and he looks pissed. "One last time, son of Jor-El--stay out of my way!"
AoT: Zod picks up his dropped everpresent backpack, gathers himself, and rockets back into the warehouse--once inside, we briefly shift into slo-mo as he barrels through a group of Space Cujos, heads straight for the portal, and disappears in a blue flash.
MR: Hasaad, meanwhile, doesn't notice. He's standing over Lois and looking down consideringly as parademons march by with the sounds of battle fresh and loud in the background. "I think you will make an excellent thrall...a lovely servant."
KK: You've got Baltar macking on Lois?
JG: It's the boobs. Everybody thinks that when they see the boobs.
ED: John!
MR: As Hasaad speaks, we see a shimmering in the air behind him. It abruptly resolves into a dark-haired woman, wearing normal clothes, who taps Hasaad on the shoulder--and punches him in the face when he looks up, knocking him down.
TW: Glass jaws: the number one liability of evil henchmen in the universe.
MR: Simultaneously, we see another shimmering to the other side resolve into a man who looks very much like the woman. He pulls out a walkie-talkie. "We're inside. It looks like all the creatures were sent to fight the Army and the police...there's just this one guy and his thugs, who are all knocked out. And there's some kind of...of device here, which is what the creatures are coming from."
AoT: Cut over the tail end of the dialogue to Lucius, who is standing in the middle of the street somewhere holding another walkie-talkie. As he talks, we pan past him to see Lionel, a couple of dozen redshirts, Otis, and the familiar black limousine. "Stand by, Brian. You and Belinda, stay alert."
MR: Brian and Belinda nod to each other, and shimmer into invisibility again.
JG: Oh yeah.
KK: So now Lionel machos up to impress his woman?
JG: It's not like he does it that often...
AoT: Lucius turns to Lionel. "It looks like the building itself is empty. No obvious security."
JG: "The Army is the real threat, I suppose, and they're trying to deal with that first. Which means that the device inside is vulnerable."
AoT: Lucius opens his mouth to speak again, but is cut off by a completely different voice on a megaphone. The voice belongs to an Army lieutenant sitting on top of a Hummer, which rolls up behind the limo followed by some foot soldiers and a couple of armored vehicles. "You there! What are you doing here? This area isn't safe--get out of here!"
JG: "They're with me, Lieutenant. And believe me, they can take care of themselves."
AoT: Lionel and the lieutenant thus get into a little discussion about being there to help versus being ordered to get the hell out of Dodge.
MR: And then a bolt of green energy zips by the lieutenant's head. Lionel and Lucius turn and see a small group of parademons running towards them.
JG: Lionel pulls out a pistol. "Otis. Are the explosives ready?"
AoT: Otis is carrying a backpack of his own, in addition to his own sidearm. "Yes, sir."
KK: Okay, this whole competent-henchman thing has got to stop. It's positively un-scifi.
JG: The lieutenant is shouting for them to get out of there, and he finally starts unloading on the critters with the machinegun on the Hummer. Lionel simply says, "Mr. Best?"
MR: Lucius nods. "You owe us, Mr. Luthor...let's go!" And he leads the group of redshirt mutants off to one side of the street as the parademons close to fighting distance, followed closely by Lionel and Otis, as the soldiers who came up fill the previous void and begin fighting them.
AoT: As they go, a few mutant abilities come into play...one parademon gets electrocuted, another simply gets punched through a wall, and so on. As the soldiers see that, they and the armored vehicles--an APC and a mobile rocket launcher--start following and/or supporting the mutant brigade towards the side of the warehouse and stop about a hundred yards away.
MR: Cut to Clark, who has now walked back into the warehouse. He hides behind a large crate, and sees another group of parademons march through the portal...most of them run out to join the fight, but three stay behind to apparently tend to the unconscious Hasaad.
AoT: This is where we get a very quick flashback to Return, to Martian Manhunter saying they needed Zod's help. Then an equally brief series of flashbacks to Zod dialogue from earlier in this episode...mostly "You cannot comprehend the threat that Hasaad represents", "That is what your world has in store for itself!" and most notably "You truly have no sense of what the Crusade tried to stop, do you?"
TW: It's not like Clark had a reason to trust Zod, though!
AoT: True, but we're still twisting the knife. It's the Smallville way.
TW: Thanks a lot, Annette.
Continued...
7.13 Exit by MR and AoT (Part IX)
As retold by Bill C
MR: After possibly the most well-timed commercial break in weeks we jump-cut to a reverse shot of Zod still floating in mid-air with Hasaad, Lois, Bittleman, and various goons in the background. The sounds of the battle outside are still filtering in, along with occasional flashes of light through various windows. And Hasaad still looks kind of shocked. "General Zod...you..."
JG [skims script]: Oh, I've got this. And now, mocking Zod. "Still playing the seductress even now, Hasaad? Does your master still appreciate your talents after all these years, or has he sent you to this backwater world because he no longer can stand to be on the same planet as you?"
MR: Obligatory retort as Hasaad gets his ego on. "My talents have always been cherished and rewarded, General. Yours simply resulted in your rejection by your beloved own when you became inconvenient."
ED: Is it just me or is that entire exchange really creepy?
KK: Brokeback Krypton. Coming next month to The CW.
TW: Hell, I'm just glad this has absolutely nothing to do with Clark.
AoT: That's just because he's been Zod's bitch for half of the episode.
JG: You're killing the bitchy buzz, people. Stop it.
KK: Okay, fine. Please continue with the ambiguously gay subtext.
JG: Thank you.
MR: Hasaad twists the knife. "Because you were cast aside, of course, you weren't there at the end...you never did get to see the end of your pitiful Crusade, did you? It was a sight to behold, I assure you--"
JG: Zod stares daggers at Hasaad, then starts talking in a low voice. "I know. I know what you did, Hasaad. What you and your people...you and your savages...did to Krypton. To me. To my family."
AoT: Quick cut to Lois and Bittleman as Zod says that. Mainly Lois, of course, who does that look-down-think-look-up thing.
KK: Light switch!
ED: What? Didn't Lois already flip one of those?
AoT: It's called positive reinforcement.
MR: Hasaad nods. "Yes, this world. This world that was supposed to be the secret weapon of the Kryptonian Crusade. It's so lovely how it turned out for you, General."
JG: Zod is silent for a moment. Then he goes on, getting angrier as he goes. The camera slowly pans around him from one side until it's pointing straight at him from the front. "And the rage I felt and still feel when I think about your crimes in the name of your master--it has driven me for over twenty years. From my exile to the Phantom Zone to this pathetic backwater world...twice to this world. But finally, at long last--it has brought me to you!" On the last word, Zod suddenly rockets straight towards camera POV, snarling and doing a pissed-off version of Superman's fist thing.
MR: Cut to slo-mo, as Hasaad actually stands there with a smug look on his face as Zod zooms towards him. Then a reverse shot from just behind Zod as he flies, when suddenly a bolt of green energy hits him from off-camera. Zod abruptly sort of barrel-rolls to one side and we slam back into realtime, as he basically sideswipes Lois and Bittleman and all three of them go flying out of the shot.
ED: Let me guess...unconscious Lois again?
AoT: Yes..well, not yet. Bittleman's out like a light, though.
ED: I'm getting tired of that.
AoT: Tough. Anyway, we pan over from where Zod and Lois and Bittleman just were, past Hasaad, to another one of Hasaad's goons who is lowering an alien rifle-like weapon.
MR: Hasaad smiles triumphantly, then turns to look at Zod--who is picking himself out of the wall, with Lois and Bittleman on the floor fairly close by. "It's a pity that you never learned from your original mistake, General--or, rather, that your entire race never learned from it. And now, at the end, you still don't--
JG: Zod suddenly rockets towards Hasaad and punches him in the face, literally catapulting him into the patch of alien sky in the middle of the portal generator. Hasaad disappears in a blue flash...and Zod shouts, "You should have killed me when you had the chance!"
MR: The goon who shot Zod looks at him, then at his weapon, then at Zod again. Zod sneers at him, and as he lifts the weapon to fire again he obliterates him with a sustained blast of heat vision.
KK: Kick ass. Don't fuck with Zod.
AoT: Lois is a little groggy, but she sees this. She also sees Zod basically zoom around the warehouse and either incapacitate or kill everybody inside it over the course of about a minute, then come back to a spot close to her.
ED: And Lois finally gets some dialogue. "...Zod?"
JG: Zod picks up a castoff weapon, sits down on a crate, pulls one of his makeshift Radio Shack specials--
[KK starts laughing]
JG: Dammit, Kreuk... [sighs] Zod pulls one of those jury-rigged weapons out of his backpack and begins tinkering with both of them as Lois walks up to him, staring at the portal generator. "Stay out of my way, ape."
ED: "Hey, I wasn't planning to bother you. I just need to find a way to shut down this gateway thing--"
JG: Zod doesn't even look up. "No."
ED: "Wait, what? Are you crazy? I don't want him or that creature he summoned coming back through there to wreck things over here!"
JG: "I need the portal."
ED: "Yeah, well, I don't know what you guys did on...Krypton, right? But here on Earth, we usually don't leave doors open so that people can break into your home and kill you."
JG: "The portal will remain open until I need to go through it."
ED: "Okay, fine. Go."
JG: "Not until I'm ready, ape. Be quiet!"
ED: "The military is on its way. They'll destroy that thing while you're busy playing with your toys."
JG: Zod finally looks up at Lois after that remark. "I doubt they could destroy it, human. But they won't get in my way."
AoT: And on that note, we go back to the outside of the warehouse. The battle is still going on when we see the first of General Lane's convoy vehicles roll up to the police perimeter and stop. Other vehicles roar by as an officer gets out and talks to Megaphone Cop from earlier, explaining how they came to investigate something and would be taking over in the area.
MR: Once they see the Army show up and begin to deploy, most of the remaining goons surrender. One or two keep fighting, though, and get blown away or blown up for their trouble. Meanwhile, inside the warehouse, as the sounds of battle trail off Zod finishes working on his new toy--the original rifle weapon now appears to have one of the jury-rigged devices he made attached to one side--and starts working on another one.
ED: Lois tries to appeal to Zod again.
KK: She's not his type. She's an ape.
ED: "Zod, do you hear that? The battle's over."
JG: "No, human. It hasn't even begun yet."
ED: "It doesn't even have to begin at all. Just tell me how to shut this thing down!"
JG: "You can't."
ED: "Then we're just going to have to destroy it."
JG: "I told you--stay out of my way. You beasts should know to stay out of the way of the hunter who is trying to spare your pitiful lives from other hunters."
MR: And Zod levels the first modified weapon off-camera and fires it. A ball of energy zips across the warehouse and blows a fairly good-sized hole in the wall. Quick cut to outside, as various soldiers notice the explosion and halt their advances on the building, then back to Zod with an anxious-terrified-whatever Lois staring at him. "Let Hasaad come. Let your misguided ape soldiers come. For my revenge is at hand--and I will not be denied."
AoT: And we go to another well-timed commercial break.
Continued...
MR: After possibly the most well-timed commercial break in weeks we jump-cut to a reverse shot of Zod still floating in mid-air with Hasaad, Lois, Bittleman, and various goons in the background. The sounds of the battle outside are still filtering in, along with occasional flashes of light through various windows. And Hasaad still looks kind of shocked. "General Zod...you..."
JG [skims script]: Oh, I've got this. And now, mocking Zod. "Still playing the seductress even now, Hasaad? Does your master still appreciate your talents after all these years, or has he sent you to this backwater world because he no longer can stand to be on the same planet as you?"
MR: Obligatory retort as Hasaad gets his ego on. "My talents have always been cherished and rewarded, General. Yours simply resulted in your rejection by your beloved own when you became inconvenient."
ED: Is it just me or is that entire exchange really creepy?
KK: Brokeback Krypton. Coming next month to The CW.
TW: Hell, I'm just glad this has absolutely nothing to do with Clark.
AoT: That's just because he's been Zod's bitch for half of the episode.
JG: You're killing the bitchy buzz, people. Stop it.
KK: Okay, fine. Please continue with the ambiguously gay subtext.
JG: Thank you.
MR: Hasaad twists the knife. "Because you were cast aside, of course, you weren't there at the end...you never did get to see the end of your pitiful Crusade, did you? It was a sight to behold, I assure you--"
JG: Zod stares daggers at Hasaad, then starts talking in a low voice. "I know. I know what you did, Hasaad. What you and your people...you and your savages...did to Krypton. To me. To my family."
AoT: Quick cut to Lois and Bittleman as Zod says that. Mainly Lois, of course, who does that look-down-think-look-up thing.
KK: Light switch!
ED: What? Didn't Lois already flip one of those?
AoT: It's called positive reinforcement.
MR: Hasaad nods. "Yes, this world. This world that was supposed to be the secret weapon of the Kryptonian Crusade. It's so lovely how it turned out for you, General."
JG: Zod is silent for a moment. Then he goes on, getting angrier as he goes. The camera slowly pans around him from one side until it's pointing straight at him from the front. "And the rage I felt and still feel when I think about your crimes in the name of your master--it has driven me for over twenty years. From my exile to the Phantom Zone to this pathetic backwater world...twice to this world. But finally, at long last--it has brought me to you!" On the last word, Zod suddenly rockets straight towards camera POV, snarling and doing a pissed-off version of Superman's fist thing.
MR: Cut to slo-mo, as Hasaad actually stands there with a smug look on his face as Zod zooms towards him. Then a reverse shot from just behind Zod as he flies, when suddenly a bolt of green energy hits him from off-camera. Zod abruptly sort of barrel-rolls to one side and we slam back into realtime, as he basically sideswipes Lois and Bittleman and all three of them go flying out of the shot.
ED: Let me guess...unconscious Lois again?
AoT: Yes..well, not yet. Bittleman's out like a light, though.
ED: I'm getting tired of that.
AoT: Tough. Anyway, we pan over from where Zod and Lois and Bittleman just were, past Hasaad, to another one of Hasaad's goons who is lowering an alien rifle-like weapon.
MR: Hasaad smiles triumphantly, then turns to look at Zod--who is picking himself out of the wall, with Lois and Bittleman on the floor fairly close by. "It's a pity that you never learned from your original mistake, General--or, rather, that your entire race never learned from it. And now, at the end, you still don't--
JG: Zod suddenly rockets towards Hasaad and punches him in the face, literally catapulting him into the patch of alien sky in the middle of the portal generator. Hasaad disappears in a blue flash...and Zod shouts, "You should have killed me when you had the chance!"
MR: The goon who shot Zod looks at him, then at his weapon, then at Zod again. Zod sneers at him, and as he lifts the weapon to fire again he obliterates him with a sustained blast of heat vision.
KK: Kick ass. Don't fuck with Zod.
AoT: Lois is a little groggy, but she sees this. She also sees Zod basically zoom around the warehouse and either incapacitate or kill everybody inside it over the course of about a minute, then come back to a spot close to her.
ED: And Lois finally gets some dialogue. "...Zod?"
JG: Zod picks up a castoff weapon, sits down on a crate, pulls one of his makeshift Radio Shack specials--
[KK starts laughing]
JG: Dammit, Kreuk... [sighs] Zod pulls one of those jury-rigged weapons out of his backpack and begins tinkering with both of them as Lois walks up to him, staring at the portal generator. "Stay out of my way, ape."
ED: "Hey, I wasn't planning to bother you. I just need to find a way to shut down this gateway thing--"
JG: Zod doesn't even look up. "No."
ED: "Wait, what? Are you crazy? I don't want him or that creature he summoned coming back through there to wreck things over here!"
JG: "I need the portal."
ED: "Yeah, well, I don't know what you guys did on...Krypton, right? But here on Earth, we usually don't leave doors open so that people can break into your home and kill you."
JG: "The portal will remain open until I need to go through it."
ED: "Okay, fine. Go."
JG: "Not until I'm ready, ape. Be quiet!"
ED: "The military is on its way. They'll destroy that thing while you're busy playing with your toys."
JG: Zod finally looks up at Lois after that remark. "I doubt they could destroy it, human. But they won't get in my way."
AoT: And on that note, we go back to the outside of the warehouse. The battle is still going on when we see the first of General Lane's convoy vehicles roll up to the police perimeter and stop. Other vehicles roar by as an officer gets out and talks to Megaphone Cop from earlier, explaining how they came to investigate something and would be taking over in the area.
MR: Once they see the Army show up and begin to deploy, most of the remaining goons surrender. One or two keep fighting, though, and get blown away or blown up for their trouble. Meanwhile, inside the warehouse, as the sounds of battle trail off Zod finishes working on his new toy--the original rifle weapon now appears to have one of the jury-rigged devices he made attached to one side--and starts working on another one.
ED: Lois tries to appeal to Zod again.
KK: She's not his type. She's an ape.
ED: "Zod, do you hear that? The battle's over."
JG: "No, human. It hasn't even begun yet."
ED: "It doesn't even have to begin at all. Just tell me how to shut this thing down!"
JG: "You can't."
ED: "Then we're just going to have to destroy it."
JG: "I told you--stay out of my way. You beasts should know to stay out of the way of the hunter who is trying to spare your pitiful lives from other hunters."
MR: And Zod levels the first modified weapon off-camera and fires it. A ball of energy zips across the warehouse and blows a fairly good-sized hole in the wall. Quick cut to outside, as various soldiers notice the explosion and halt their advances on the building, then back to Zod with an anxious-terrified-whatever Lois staring at him. "Let Hasaad come. Let your misguided ape soldiers come. For my revenge is at hand--and I will not be denied."
AoT: And we go to another well-timed commercial break.
Continued...
7.13 Exit by MR & AoT (Part VIII)
As retold by Bill C
MR: After that nice segue, we open on an exterior shot of the Mutant Recruitment Center. Over it we hear Lucius's voice: "You want me to do what?"
KK: Lionel and Martha want a threesome?
TW [sticks fingers in ears]: Lalalalalalalalala...
JG: They want to swing, baby!
TW [louder]: ...lalalalalalalalalala...
MR: Cut to the office we saw Lionel, Martha, Otis, and Lucius in earlier.
ED [nudges TW, loudly]: It's okay! They stopped!
MR: Lucius is pacing back and forth in front of Lionel and Martha, and he sounds annoyed. "You asked me to help you once, Martha, and I did. You asked me again, and I did...and I still have no idea what happened to Mr. O'Donnell. But now you're asking me for a third favor?"
JG: Lionel steps forward. "That's exactly what we're asking you."
MR: "And this favor can cost the lives of our people?"
AoT: "Lucius, believe me, we wouldn't be asking if we didn't think you could help."
MR: "Help is one thing. Creating some kind of...suicide squad is another."
JG: "It wouldn't necessary be suicidal, Mr. B--"
MR: Lucius stops pacing. "Mr. Luthor. You just told me that you want us to help you fight a threat that, as you yourself said, may well be more than a match for the police. Where I come from, that's called one of two things--it's either a military action, or suicide."
JG: "It could be a third thing as well, Mr. Best."
KK: Yup. It could be utterly stupid.
JG: Quiet, Kreuk. "It could be a move showing how metahumans really are just like everyone else in a very specific way--when they are threatened, they will fight to protect themselves and other innocent people."
MR: Lucius actually chuckles at that. "Martha, your friend is even more silver-tongued than you are. No wonder you're so fond of him."
AoT: "The thing is that he's right, Lucius."
MR: "So you both think that it would be in the best interests of all metahumans if I, say, got twenty or thirty of us together and marched off to die in glorious defeat? You'll understand if I beg to--"
AoT: At this point, an assistant leans into the office. She looks concerned. "Lucius...Mrs. Kent...I think you should come see this."
MR: Lucius, Martha and Lionel all exit the office and follow the extra over to a large open meeting room which has a big-screen TV mounted on the wall. Otis and a couple of other extras are already there, watching what appears to be aerial footage of the police fighting Hasaad's goons outside the warehouse with an onscreen subtitle reading "GUNFIGHT IN SOUTH METROPOLIS." A couple of vehicles appear to be on fire and every so often flashes of reddish light can be seen.
ED: I can't believe it's not Baghdad!
KK [groans, smacks ED in the back of the head]: Bad Erica, bad!
ED: Ow!
MR: A male voice is talking over the footage, and we briefly cut back to a reaction shot of Lionel and Martha as he talks about how the police were apparently tipped off about the location by an unknown source an hour or so ago and how the police initially appeared to be outmatched, how there appears to be at least one metahuman involved in the fight, blah blah blah.
AoT: We then cut to Lex's office at LuthorCorp, as Lex is sitting on the edge of his desk watching the same footage. Dr. Richards walks into the office, sporting a fresh bandage on his head. "Lex--"
MR: Lex holds up a hand to stop him from talking. "Doctor...it may be time to prepare Revision Two."
JG: Why does he get the cryptically evil stuff?
MR: Hello? My episode?
ED: Revision Two? Vault Black? What the hell is Lex doing, using the PAS as a starting point for making an unstoppable robot army?
TW: Don't tempt him, Erica.
MR [wistfully]: Oh, Erica, if only. If only.
AoT: We go back to the MRC right after Lex's line, as the one male voice stops talking and another one starts. Martha turns to Lionel. "Zod?"
JG: "I think so...Mr. Best. We need an answer, and we need one now."
MR: "Risking the lives of people I consider my friends...intervening in something the police may be ill-equipped to handle. You're asking a lot of me."
AoT: "Lucius, you've already intervened in things the police definitely would not be equipped to handle at all. We're simply asking you to intervene again."
MR: At this point Titian Vinebracer walks into the room. Tom, would you?
TW: Sure. "I got here as fast as I could, Lucius, once I got your call. What's going on?"
MR: Lucius brings him up to speed on Martha and Lionel's request, and Titian laughs bitterly.
TW: "We've somehow lost one of our own thanks to you two. Why should we help you again?"
AoT: Dramatic slow zoom on Martha as she goes into impassioned mode. "Because this is a more significant threat than anything you've ever seen thus far. Because this is more than just 'your' people at risk if those 'terrorists' succeed at doing whatever it is they're doing. This is now all our people--humans and metahumans alike--who are in danger. And if we don't do something--anything--to help, together, we stand to lose everything together."
KK [after a few seconds]: Annette, are you absolutely sure you haven't been reading X-Men?
AoT: No comment, Kristen.
KK: I knew it!
MR: Lucius considers Martha's words, with a quick back-and-forth cut between him and Martha. After a while, he finally answers. "All right, Martha. I'll need to talk to--"
TW: Titian cuts in. "Hold on, Lucius. Mrs. Kent...what's in it for us if we help you this time?"
AoT: "I don't understand."
TW: "It's pretty obvious, isn't it? I think we might be willing to help you...but this time we definitely will need something in return."
AoT: "Such as?"
TW: "Our most powerful metahumans--the ones deemed most dangerous--are ironically the ones you probably need most if you're planning any sort of attack. Some of them are imprisoned at Belle Reve."
JG: "You want us to get them released?"
TW: "At the very least, see if it can be done. Though between the two of you I imagine it probably can be..."
ED: This will be followed by selling refrigerators to Eskimos and getting Hillary Clinton to admit to being a raging megabitch on live national TV.
AoT: Martha frowns, and looks at Lucius. "Well?"
MR: Lucius appears to consider everything recently said. "Titian has a point. While there are powerful metahumans who are not in Belle Reve, it would help if those who are were free to help us. Perhaps...pardons could be arranged for them."
AoT: Even Martha is taken aback by that. "Lucius, you and I both know that some of them aren't stable--"
MR: "And some of them are simply...unlucky."
JG: Lionel suddenly pipes up. "Otis? We need the inmate records for Belle Reve, as soon as possible--assuming LuthorCorp is now safe, you can retrieve them from the terminal in my office. Bring a summation here."
TW: As previously said: this can't possibly end well.
AoT: Martha looks at Lionel for a moment as Otis exits, then back at Lucius. "I don't think anyone could pardon the ones who have, say, committed cold-blooded murder. But I might be able to do something for the ones who committed lesser crimes."
MR: "Fair enough."
AoT: "And in the meantime...do we have your support again, Lucius?"
JG: "It could be considered...a second chance of a sort for some of them."
MR: Titian snorts at that, but Lucius nods. "We have work to do."
KK: And so is born...can we call them Martha's Marauders?
AoT [laughs]: Why not?
JG: Dammit, why doesn't Lionel have his own conscript militia?
ED: He has Otis. And Martha.
JG: Good point.
TW: Could we trade Martha for the conscripts?
MR: What, just so Clark can finally go all Oedipal on us?
JG: Screw that.
TW: Never mind.
AoT: Okay, going back to the warehouse. We cut to a group of SWAT officers with full-body shields advancing under fire to recover a wounded cop, no music, then to the goons firing at them, and finally to a police command vehicle set a distance behind the battle lines. Some guy in a suit is yelling for a status report about more units being sent to reinforce them when something--a large red blur--suddenly passes by him with enough speed to knock him and three other cops down.
MR: Through a series of jump cuts, with heavy dramatic music kicking in, we see the red blur make a beeline for the warehouse--knocking cops and goons alike out of the way. Then we cut to the inside of the warehouse, just as part of a wall on the opposite side of the portal generator from Lois and Bittleman and Hasaad implodes inward.
KK: He's heeeeeere...
MR: Yup. Everybody whirls around and there's Zod, floating a few feet off the ground and looking pissed. He silently glares around the warehouse, finally locking in on Hasaad--who looks suitably stunned, even as he whips up the weapon he got from Space Cujo. "General--"
AoT: And Zod heat-visions the weapon, partially melting it. And he growls, "Zod. It is good to be remembered--isn't it, Hasaad?"
Continued...
MR: After that nice segue, we open on an exterior shot of the Mutant Recruitment Center. Over it we hear Lucius's voice: "You want me to do what?"
KK: Lionel and Martha want a threesome?
TW [sticks fingers in ears]: Lalalalalalalalala...
JG: They want to swing, baby!
TW [louder]: ...lalalalalalalalalala...
MR: Cut to the office we saw Lionel, Martha, Otis, and Lucius in earlier.
ED [nudges TW, loudly]: It's okay! They stopped!
MR: Lucius is pacing back and forth in front of Lionel and Martha, and he sounds annoyed. "You asked me to help you once, Martha, and I did. You asked me again, and I did...and I still have no idea what happened to Mr. O'Donnell. But now you're asking me for a third favor?"
JG: Lionel steps forward. "That's exactly what we're asking you."
MR: "And this favor can cost the lives of our people?"
AoT: "Lucius, believe me, we wouldn't be asking if we didn't think you could help."
MR: "Help is one thing. Creating some kind of...suicide squad is another."
JG: "It wouldn't necessary be suicidal, Mr. B--"
MR: Lucius stops pacing. "Mr. Luthor. You just told me that you want us to help you fight a threat that, as you yourself said, may well be more than a match for the police. Where I come from, that's called one of two things--it's either a military action, or suicide."
JG: "It could be a third thing as well, Mr. Best."
KK: Yup. It could be utterly stupid.
JG: Quiet, Kreuk. "It could be a move showing how metahumans really are just like everyone else in a very specific way--when they are threatened, they will fight to protect themselves and other innocent people."
MR: Lucius actually chuckles at that. "Martha, your friend is even more silver-tongued than you are. No wonder you're so fond of him."
AoT: "The thing is that he's right, Lucius."
MR: "So you both think that it would be in the best interests of all metahumans if I, say, got twenty or thirty of us together and marched off to die in glorious defeat? You'll understand if I beg to--"
AoT: At this point, an assistant leans into the office. She looks concerned. "Lucius...Mrs. Kent...I think you should come see this."
MR: Lucius, Martha and Lionel all exit the office and follow the extra over to a large open meeting room which has a big-screen TV mounted on the wall. Otis and a couple of other extras are already there, watching what appears to be aerial footage of the police fighting Hasaad's goons outside the warehouse with an onscreen subtitle reading "GUNFIGHT IN SOUTH METROPOLIS." A couple of vehicles appear to be on fire and every so often flashes of reddish light can be seen.
ED: I can't believe it's not Baghdad!
KK [groans, smacks ED in the back of the head]: Bad Erica, bad!
ED: Ow!
MR: A male voice is talking over the footage, and we briefly cut back to a reaction shot of Lionel and Martha as he talks about how the police were apparently tipped off about the location by an unknown source an hour or so ago and how the police initially appeared to be outmatched, how there appears to be at least one metahuman involved in the fight, blah blah blah.
AoT: We then cut to Lex's office at LuthorCorp, as Lex is sitting on the edge of his desk watching the same footage. Dr. Richards walks into the office, sporting a fresh bandage on his head. "Lex--"
MR: Lex holds up a hand to stop him from talking. "Doctor...it may be time to prepare Revision Two."
JG: Why does he get the cryptically evil stuff?
MR: Hello? My episode?
ED: Revision Two? Vault Black? What the hell is Lex doing, using the PAS as a starting point for making an unstoppable robot army?
TW: Don't tempt him, Erica.
MR [wistfully]: Oh, Erica, if only. If only.
AoT: We go back to the MRC right after Lex's line, as the one male voice stops talking and another one starts. Martha turns to Lionel. "Zod?"
JG: "I think so...Mr. Best. We need an answer, and we need one now."
MR: "Risking the lives of people I consider my friends...intervening in something the police may be ill-equipped to handle. You're asking a lot of me."
AoT: "Lucius, you've already intervened in things the police definitely would not be equipped to handle at all. We're simply asking you to intervene again."
MR: At this point Titian Vinebracer walks into the room. Tom, would you?
TW: Sure. "I got here as fast as I could, Lucius, once I got your call. What's going on?"
MR: Lucius brings him up to speed on Martha and Lionel's request, and Titian laughs bitterly.
TW: "We've somehow lost one of our own thanks to you two. Why should we help you again?"
AoT: Dramatic slow zoom on Martha as she goes into impassioned mode. "Because this is a more significant threat than anything you've ever seen thus far. Because this is more than just 'your' people at risk if those 'terrorists' succeed at doing whatever it is they're doing. This is now all our people--humans and metahumans alike--who are in danger. And if we don't do something--anything--to help, together, we stand to lose everything together."
KK [after a few seconds]: Annette, are you absolutely sure you haven't been reading X-Men?
AoT: No comment, Kristen.
KK: I knew it!
MR: Lucius considers Martha's words, with a quick back-and-forth cut between him and Martha. After a while, he finally answers. "All right, Martha. I'll need to talk to--"
TW: Titian cuts in. "Hold on, Lucius. Mrs. Kent...what's in it for us if we help you this time?"
AoT: "I don't understand."
TW: "It's pretty obvious, isn't it? I think we might be willing to help you...but this time we definitely will need something in return."
AoT: "Such as?"
TW: "Our most powerful metahumans--the ones deemed most dangerous--are ironically the ones you probably need most if you're planning any sort of attack. Some of them are imprisoned at Belle Reve."
JG: "You want us to get them released?"
TW: "At the very least, see if it can be done. Though between the two of you I imagine it probably can be..."
ED: This will be followed by selling refrigerators to Eskimos and getting Hillary Clinton to admit to being a raging megabitch on live national TV.
AoT: Martha frowns, and looks at Lucius. "Well?"
MR: Lucius appears to consider everything recently said. "Titian has a point. While there are powerful metahumans who are not in Belle Reve, it would help if those who are were free to help us. Perhaps...pardons could be arranged for them."
AoT: Even Martha is taken aback by that. "Lucius, you and I both know that some of them aren't stable--"
MR: "And some of them are simply...unlucky."
JG: Lionel suddenly pipes up. "Otis? We need the inmate records for Belle Reve, as soon as possible--assuming LuthorCorp is now safe, you can retrieve them from the terminal in my office. Bring a summation here."
TW: As previously said: this can't possibly end well.
AoT: Martha looks at Lionel for a moment as Otis exits, then back at Lucius. "I don't think anyone could pardon the ones who have, say, committed cold-blooded murder. But I might be able to do something for the ones who committed lesser crimes."
MR: "Fair enough."
AoT: "And in the meantime...do we have your support again, Lucius?"
JG: "It could be considered...a second chance of a sort for some of them."
MR: Titian snorts at that, but Lucius nods. "We have work to do."
KK: And so is born...can we call them Martha's Marauders?
AoT [laughs]: Why not?
JG: Dammit, why doesn't Lionel have his own conscript militia?
ED: He has Otis. And Martha.
JG: Good point.
TW: Could we trade Martha for the conscripts?
MR: What, just so Clark can finally go all Oedipal on us?
JG: Screw that.
TW: Never mind.
AoT: Okay, going back to the warehouse. We cut to a group of SWAT officers with full-body shields advancing under fire to recover a wounded cop, no music, then to the goons firing at them, and finally to a police command vehicle set a distance behind the battle lines. Some guy in a suit is yelling for a status report about more units being sent to reinforce them when something--a large red blur--suddenly passes by him with enough speed to knock him and three other cops down.
MR: Through a series of jump cuts, with heavy dramatic music kicking in, we see the red blur make a beeline for the warehouse--knocking cops and goons alike out of the way. Then we cut to the inside of the warehouse, just as part of a wall on the opposite side of the portal generator from Lois and Bittleman and Hasaad implodes inward.
KK: He's heeeeeere...
MR: Yup. Everybody whirls around and there's Zod, floating a few feet off the ground and looking pissed. He silently glares around the warehouse, finally locking in on Hasaad--who looks suitably stunned, even as he whips up the weapon he got from Space Cujo. "General--"
AoT: And Zod heat-visions the weapon, partially melting it. And he growls, "Zod. It is good to be remembered--isn't it, Hasaad?"
Continued...
7.13 Exit by MR and AoT (Part VII)
As retold by Bill C
MR: We come back from--
JG: Going hard.
MR: --on commercials to an alternate angle of the shot of Clark pinning Zod to the pillar.
KK: Right before ravishing him.
ED: While thinking about Lex.
AoT: And screaming "Who's whose bitch now?"
TW [head in hands]: News flash: I hate you all.
AoT [sweetly]: Back to you, Michael.
MR [cheerfully]: Thank you, Annette. Clark is glaring at Zod, and Zod simply looks smug as hell and goes "Well?"
AoT: Quick cut to the speeding train, then back.
MR: Clark looks down briefly, then back up at Zod...nice zoom in for you there, Tom, try to look pissed and conflicted...and lets him go, then super-speeds towards the bridge.
AoT: Zod lets his bitch go without a word. We hold on him for a couple of seconds after said bitch bails, and then he takes off--straight up.
KK: I was wondering when he'd fly.
AoT: Super-speed is cheaper.
KK: Oh, okay.
MR: Meanwhile, Clark zips over to the bridge and checks out the damage. There's a nice hole in the bridge, and the rails are a little mangled and bent down into it.
ED [uncertain]: Wait a minute...
AoT: We cut back to the train for a second, then back to Zod's b...Clark...looking determined.
TW: He's not Zod's bitch in this scene?
AoT: Well, not this particular bit.
MR: In super-speed slo-mo, Clark climbs over the side of the bridge and then onto a support beam underneath the main bridge surface and positions himself underneath the hole. He then grabs one of the broken rails and heaves it up into place, then uses his heat vision to weld it back into place.
TW: Wait, hang on. He's actually saving somebody?
MR: A few somebodies. I thought it would offset the end--
AoT [sharply]: Michael.
MR: --uh...offset the...bitchifying of Clark by Zod. A little.
TW: Oh. Thanks. I think.
KK [quietly, to ED]: That is what you call a bad save.
ED [quietly, to KK]: Really?
MR: Clark looks up post-welding to see the train bearing down on the bridge, so he lunges across the beam and shoves the other rail up into place and holds it as the train goes overhead.
ED: Hey! Isn't he supposed to lie in place of one of the rails?
AoT: Yes, but we decided to skip that in part of common sense.
MR: And Annette wanted to flip Bryan the metaphorical finger.
AoT: That too.
MR: So for about five seconds there's this shaky-cam shot of Clark from below, teeth gritted, holding this rail over his head as a train whooshes by. Then the train's gone, and Clark goes ahead and heat-vision-welds the second rail into place, all with that I Can't Believe It's Not Superman theme going.
JG: Do we have to use that?
ED: Is it just me, or is that the most heroic thing Clark's done in a while?
TW: God, I think it is. [groans] Dammit.
AoT: And away we go to the warehouse. Lois and Bittleman are now seated on a large crate with a couple of goons pointing big guns at them. Hasaad is walking around them. "So, what is that quaint human saying...the one about curiosity and cats?"
ED: Yeah, bitchy Lois! "Talk all you want. It's not going to make any difference--you're going down, Hasaad."
MR: Hasaad does the standard evil villain laugh. "You're a delightful one. I should keep you around, just so you can truly see how wrong you are about that."
ED: "We'll see about that. The police know you're here. The Army knows you're here. Face it--you're through."
MR: "On the other hand...I could just kill you and your minion--"
AoT: Bittleman throws in a token "Hey!" for effect.
MR: "--and spare you the indignity of being the first to see what is to come."
ED: Okay, and Lois--huh? "Insert defiant Lois-with-cleavage shot here"?
JG: Oh, you know! That one shot of Lois where she's glaring up at someone while showing off her...acting talent.
ED: Oh, okay. [pauses] Wait. [shrugs] Okay. So Lois glares up at Hasaad. "You won't get away with this."
MR: And Hasaad leans in so we can zoom in on his and Lois's heads as they glare at each other. "Human fool, you have absolutely no idea what I will get away with."
AoT: Lois is about to fire off a witty retort when an armed goon runs in. "The cops are outside! They're setting up a perimeter!"
JG: Okay, seriously: how many gun-toting thugs can say "perimeter"?
MR: Hasaad merely points at a large crate off to one side. "Delay them...by any means necessary."
KK: And Hasaad uses the Ark of the Covenant to melt everybody's faces off.
AoT: Said armed goon and a couple of others run over to the crate and open it, and we go to an exterior shot of the warehouse. The Metropolis P.D. has now shown up in moderate force--three cruisers and a SWAT truck are parked a short distance away from the building with lights flashing, helicopter noises are heard and we see spotlights swirling around from above-frame, and cops are running all over the place.
KK: Nothing like a pitched battle for sweeps.
JG: Except hot sex.
AoT: Some big burly cop grabs a megaphone and starts the usual "Come out with your hands up!" bullshit--only to get the megaphone blasted out of his hand by a small bolt of red energy. That came from a bulky rifle-like weapon the talkative armed goon is now carrying, as he and the other two come out of a side door and crouch behind a burned-out car chassis; they start firing at the cops, who either start running for cover and so on or firing back with normal automatic weapons.
MR: Cut back to inside the warehouse, as the sounds of gunfighting filter in. Hasaad nods, then looks over at Space Cujo. "Soldier."
AoT: Space Cujo hisses in reply. Cut to a panning shot of a group of goons all firing weapons, some conventional and some alien, at the cops...then cut to a couple of cops firing from behind a cruiser. Jump cut to a reverse shot of them, facing the thugs, as a large form appears behind them and appears to jump up out of the shot--and then pan up as Space Cujo lands on top of the cruiser, aims his staff weapon down at them, and fires a blast of greenish energy down out of frame.
JG: Flambe'd pig. That's unusual for this show.
MR: There's some very...very...brief screaming right after that, and then we cut to half the cops all glancing over to see Space Cujo's handiwork and then shifting to fire everything they've got at it. The bullets mostly bounce off the armor, but they do drive it back a bit--far enough for one cop to break out a grenade launcher and pop off a round at it, taking out an old junker car and some concrete--and catapulting Space Cujo into a brick wall.
ED: Competent police? What is this, a dream sequence?
AoT: Not quite. But after Space Cujo hits the wall, we jump to some unidentified military base where various soldiers are putting on gear, loading weapons, loading vehicles, and so on. Nice semi-patriotic montage, which ends in a CGI convoy of vehicles--Hummers, APCs, and some armored vehicles of various stripes--all roaring through a gate.
ED: Daddy's coming to save his little girl.
KK: That sounds so incredibly wrong.
MR: We then see General Lane, now wearing standard camouflage military gear and carrying a pistol, climb into the passenger seat of a Hummer with general's flags on the antennae. He growls, "Let's go, Mackenzie," and the vehicle roars off to join the end of the convoy. From there we go to a wide shot of the convoy, now accompanied by attack helicopters, moving off into the night down a highway--with a "METROPOLIS - 50 MI" sign marker by the side of the road.
Continued...
MR: We come back from--
JG: Going hard.
MR: --on commercials to an alternate angle of the shot of Clark pinning Zod to the pillar.
KK: Right before ravishing him.
ED: While thinking about Lex.
AoT: And screaming "Who's whose bitch now?"
TW [head in hands]: News flash: I hate you all.
AoT [sweetly]: Back to you, Michael.
MR [cheerfully]: Thank you, Annette. Clark is glaring at Zod, and Zod simply looks smug as hell and goes "Well?"
AoT: Quick cut to the speeding train, then back.
MR: Clark looks down briefly, then back up at Zod...nice zoom in for you there, Tom, try to look pissed and conflicted...and lets him go, then super-speeds towards the bridge.
AoT: Zod lets his bitch go without a word. We hold on him for a couple of seconds after said bitch bails, and then he takes off--straight up.
KK: I was wondering when he'd fly.
AoT: Super-speed is cheaper.
KK: Oh, okay.
MR: Meanwhile, Clark zips over to the bridge and checks out the damage. There's a nice hole in the bridge, and the rails are a little mangled and bent down into it.
ED [uncertain]: Wait a minute...
AoT: We cut back to the train for a second, then back to Zod's b...Clark...looking determined.
TW: He's not Zod's bitch in this scene?
AoT: Well, not this particular bit.
MR: In super-speed slo-mo, Clark climbs over the side of the bridge and then onto a support beam underneath the main bridge surface and positions himself underneath the hole. He then grabs one of the broken rails and heaves it up into place, then uses his heat vision to weld it back into place.
TW: Wait, hang on. He's actually saving somebody?
MR: A few somebodies. I thought it would offset the end--
AoT [sharply]: Michael.
MR: --uh...offset the...bitchifying of Clark by Zod. A little.
TW: Oh. Thanks. I think.
KK [quietly, to ED]: That is what you call a bad save.
ED [quietly, to KK]: Really?
MR: Clark looks up post-welding to see the train bearing down on the bridge, so he lunges across the beam and shoves the other rail up into place and holds it as the train goes overhead.
ED: Hey! Isn't he supposed to lie in place of one of the rails?
AoT: Yes, but we decided to skip that in part of common sense.
MR: And Annette wanted to flip Bryan the metaphorical finger.
AoT: That too.
MR: So for about five seconds there's this shaky-cam shot of Clark from below, teeth gritted, holding this rail over his head as a train whooshes by. Then the train's gone, and Clark goes ahead and heat-vision-welds the second rail into place, all with that I Can't Believe It's Not Superman theme going.
JG: Do we have to use that?
ED: Is it just me, or is that the most heroic thing Clark's done in a while?
TW: God, I think it is. [groans] Dammit.
AoT: And away we go to the warehouse. Lois and Bittleman are now seated on a large crate with a couple of goons pointing big guns at them. Hasaad is walking around them. "So, what is that quaint human saying...the one about curiosity and cats?"
ED: Yeah, bitchy Lois! "Talk all you want. It's not going to make any difference--you're going down, Hasaad."
MR: Hasaad does the standard evil villain laugh. "You're a delightful one. I should keep you around, just so you can truly see how wrong you are about that."
ED: "We'll see about that. The police know you're here. The Army knows you're here. Face it--you're through."
MR: "On the other hand...I could just kill you and your minion--"
AoT: Bittleman throws in a token "Hey!" for effect.
MR: "--and spare you the indignity of being the first to see what is to come."
ED: Okay, and Lois--huh? "Insert defiant Lois-with-cleavage shot here"?
JG: Oh, you know! That one shot of Lois where she's glaring up at someone while showing off her...acting talent.
ED: Oh, okay. [pauses] Wait. [shrugs] Okay. So Lois glares up at Hasaad. "You won't get away with this."
MR: And Hasaad leans in so we can zoom in on his and Lois's heads as they glare at each other. "Human fool, you have absolutely no idea what I will get away with."
AoT: Lois is about to fire off a witty retort when an armed goon runs in. "The cops are outside! They're setting up a perimeter!"
JG: Okay, seriously: how many gun-toting thugs can say "perimeter"?
MR: Hasaad merely points at a large crate off to one side. "Delay them...by any means necessary."
KK: And Hasaad uses the Ark of the Covenant to melt everybody's faces off.
AoT: Said armed goon and a couple of others run over to the crate and open it, and we go to an exterior shot of the warehouse. The Metropolis P.D. has now shown up in moderate force--three cruisers and a SWAT truck are parked a short distance away from the building with lights flashing, helicopter noises are heard and we see spotlights swirling around from above-frame, and cops are running all over the place.
KK: Nothing like a pitched battle for sweeps.
JG: Except hot sex.
AoT: Some big burly cop grabs a megaphone and starts the usual "Come out with your hands up!" bullshit--only to get the megaphone blasted out of his hand by a small bolt of red energy. That came from a bulky rifle-like weapon the talkative armed goon is now carrying, as he and the other two come out of a side door and crouch behind a burned-out car chassis; they start firing at the cops, who either start running for cover and so on or firing back with normal automatic weapons.
MR: Cut back to inside the warehouse, as the sounds of gunfighting filter in. Hasaad nods, then looks over at Space Cujo. "Soldier."
AoT: Space Cujo hisses in reply. Cut to a panning shot of a group of goons all firing weapons, some conventional and some alien, at the cops...then cut to a couple of cops firing from behind a cruiser. Jump cut to a reverse shot of them, facing the thugs, as a large form appears behind them and appears to jump up out of the shot--and then pan up as Space Cujo lands on top of the cruiser, aims his staff weapon down at them, and fires a blast of greenish energy down out of frame.
JG: Flambe'd pig. That's unusual for this show.
MR: There's some very...very...brief screaming right after that, and then we cut to half the cops all glancing over to see Space Cujo's handiwork and then shifting to fire everything they've got at it. The bullets mostly bounce off the armor, but they do drive it back a bit--far enough for one cop to break out a grenade launcher and pop off a round at it, taking out an old junker car and some concrete--and catapulting Space Cujo into a brick wall.
ED: Competent police? What is this, a dream sequence?
AoT: Not quite. But after Space Cujo hits the wall, we jump to some unidentified military base where various soldiers are putting on gear, loading weapons, loading vehicles, and so on. Nice semi-patriotic montage, which ends in a CGI convoy of vehicles--Hummers, APCs, and some armored vehicles of various stripes--all roaring through a gate.
ED: Daddy's coming to save his little girl.
KK: That sounds so incredibly wrong.
MR: We then see General Lane, now wearing standard camouflage military gear and carrying a pistol, climb into the passenger seat of a Hummer with general's flags on the antennae. He growls, "Let's go, Mackenzie," and the vehicle roars off to join the end of the convoy. From there we go to a wide shot of the convoy, now accompanied by attack helicopters, moving off into the night down a highway--with a "METROPOLIS - 50 MI" sign marker by the side of the road.
Continued...
7.13 Exit by MR and AoT (Part VI)
As retold by Bill C
MR: Bittleman. "We need to get out of here now, Lois--the police are going to be here any minute, and God only knows what's going to happen when they show up."
ED: Lois thinks for a minute.
JG: Or ten.
ED: Shh! Then she finally says, "This looks like a job for--"
KK: Superman?
ED: "--my dad."
KK: Damn.
ED: Lois whips out her cellphone again. "We need to contact my father. But we need evidence first. Nobody is going to believe that we just saw Space Cujo there without at least a picture!" Okay, it's not really a dog, right?
MR: Not even close, but that's okay. "Assuming we survive this, sure...take the damn picture and let's get the hell out of here!"
AoT: Thug #2 walks up to Hasaad--keeping him between himself and Space Cujo. "Uh...sir? The regional power grid appears to be stabilizing somewhat...it may be getting reinforced by another grid."
MR: Hasaad shrugs. "No matter. The portal is almost ready--once it's fully open, power won't be an issue."
AoT: This is where Lois flips open her cellphone to take a picture--and notices she's getting a signal again.
KK: No shots of power being restored?
AoT: We can't afford them. Instead of taking a picture, Lois rapidly dials a number; we then cut to a telephone ringing on someone's desk. A hand reaches into the shot and picks up the handset. John, would you mind?
JG: Yes, but okay. "Lane."
ED: Back to Lois. "Dad? Dad? It's Lois."
JG: Back to the office, and to the head of General Sam Lane. "Lois? It's good to hear from you, honey...but why are you whispering?"
ED: "Well...Dad, something's going on. I need you to send some troops to Metropolis."
JG: "I see. And you need troops there why?"
ED: "Dad, there's...there's a group of criminals here that's opening some kind of portal. To another planet."
JG: "Another...planet. Lois, it's December--not April--and it's too late in the day to be pulling a fast one on your father."
ED: "I'm not! I'm watching them open this portal right now! That's why I'm whispering!"
JG: Sam looks suitably skeptical, I suppose. "All right, Lois. If you can get me some proof of this--"
ED: "Hang on, I'm sending you a picture." Lois carefully aims her cameraphone at the portal and takes a snapshot, complete with dubbed-in camera noise. "Okay, tell me you got that."
JG: Sam looks at the receiver part of his phone, which has an LCD display built-in--oh, that's nice. And he sees a blurry image of the portal, Hasaad, some goons, and the armored thing. "I got it, Lois...what is that thing?"
ED: "That's the portal, Dad. I already called the police here, but I think this is out of their league."
JG: "I can't really make out the thing in the middle--"
ED: "That's an honest-to-God alien, Dad. I am not making this up...but it's not like E.T. It's like some reject from a Ridley Scott movie!"
JG: Sam frowns. "Lois, where exactly are you?"
ED: "Hold on, Dad, I'm going to get closer and get a better shot--"
MR: Bittleman necessarily objects. "Are you out of your mind?"
ED: "Dammit, Ted, we need more evidence!" And Lois carefully begins to sneak closer to the portal, using crates as cover.
AoT: Meanwhile, we cut outside to the street leading up to the warehouse. A police car cruises up and comes to a stop about half a block away, a lone officer gets out, and walks a few yards closer to the building--where she sees more goons patrolling the perimeter of it with weapons. She runs back to her car and radios for assistance, like a SWAT team or two.
KK: I was wondering when you'd get around to that.
AoT: Let's just say that the budget basically goes to hell from this point forward. So we jump back inside the warehouse, where Lois has managed to get fairly close to the right side of the portal itself. She aims her cameraphone again and takes a picture--and at the faint camera noise Space Cujo whips its head around and looks right at her.
TW: Unavoidable cliche, I'm guessing...
MR: It was either that or the old Lois-knocks-something-over gag.
ED: Lois freaks a little when she gets made by the thing.
JG: Girl, you'll be a Scooby Snack soon.
ED: That's wrong, John.
AoT: Space Cujo growls again, and wire-fu leaps--all the way from the portal over to land on the crate Lois is hiding behind. Lois--and Bittleman who of course followed her--both fall backwards as it hisses at them. Hasaad looks over in that direction, then gestures for some nearby armed goons to go over there.
ED: Lois--defiantly, oh I love that word!...
KK: Mainly because it's not used that often with Lois.
ED: ...brings up the cameraphone and takes one more picture of Space Cujo. She then puts the phone back up to her ear. "Dad? I think I'm going to have to call you back..."
AoT: Sam, meanwhile, looks at the last picture--a closeup of Space Cujo, all fangs and armor--and then hears the phone disconnect. "Lois? Lois!" He hangs up the phone, then picks up the handset again and dials a number. "This is General Lane. Mobilize Twelfth Cav. We're going to Metropolis!"
MR: And we jump back to the small-stores street we saw earlier. Clark super-speeds into the center of the shot, looking around, and then he stops as if hearing something. We go into super-hearing echo mode, where we hear what sounds like electrical tinkering.
KK: Oh, lord. [laughs] Showdown at Radio Shack!
MR: Cut back to Zod, now sitting in the middle of the floor of said Radio Shack with what looks like a small assortment of odd-looking pistols and other devices around him. We hear the super-speed noise, and he looks up and around to see Clark in the rear entrance.
JG: Like he can fit in the rear entrance.
TW [scowls at JG]: Shut up. Okay--Clark super-speeds across the room and attempts to grab Zod, but Zod "redirects him"? Huh?
MR: Like Steven Seagal did to everybody before he got fat.
TW [uncertain]: Okay...so Clark gets redirected and given a little nudge, and we cut to a side shot of the front of the Radio Shack as...Clark goes flying out the huge front window and T-bones a car parked in front of it? Damn, when does Clark get some payback?
[AoT and MR look at each other, but don't say anything]
TW: ...oh, that's just great, people.
MR: Zod gathers up his new toys and stuffs them into his backpack.
JG: "I told you to stay out of my way, child. You're only delaying my revenge."
TW: Clark climbs out of the side of the wrecked car. "Your revenge involves destroying this planet, Zod, and I won't let you do that."
JG: "If I had time to explain, child, you would be reminded that I am actually trying to save this world. You cannot comprehend the threat that Hasaad represents."
TW: "A bigger threat than you?"
JG: "On an order of magnitude. Now return to your incessant whining and insignificance, whelp." And Zod super-speeds away.
KK: If Lana had truly embraced the dark side before she died, she so would have said that.
TW: Clark gives chase, and catches up to Zod a few blocks away. We're going through slo-mo like it's going out of style, aren't we?
AoT: Pretty much. For what it's worth, Zod's bitch manages to return Zod's favor--when he catches up to him, he manages to hit him in the jaw and deflect him at speed so that he plows into the side of a car wash.
MR: But then Zod comes back and hits him, knocking him through a lamppost and making a nice shallow crater in some concrete.
AoT: Yet another scene of Zod's bitch getting back up--
MR: And getting knocked back down as Zod hits him.
JG: Along the way: "Stay down, whelp! I said stay down!"
TW [half to himself]: At least it's Zod. Not a witch...or a vampire...or a Zoner...but Zod.
KK: Keep telling yourself that, Tom.
MR: The fight goes through another couple of blocks--yes, Clark does get a couple of licks in--and it stops with Clark and Zod near some kind of bridge. Clark has managed to pin Zod to a concrete pillar, with his hands around his throat.
AoT: Zod manages to turn his head to one side, and sees a long object moving towards the bridge--a small commuter train. He sort of gathers himself and fires off a long blast of heat vision at the bridge, blowing a small part of it up...including part of the rails the train would use. Clark looks over once he sees the heat vision go off, and thus he sees the blast on the bridge.
JG [admiringly]: Now that's a bastard. Zod then manages to turn his head to look at Clark. "Well, child? You can stop me--or you can save your precious chattel! Choose!"
TW [sighs]: The necessary shot of a panicked Clark looking at Zod, then at the bridge, then at Zod.
JG: Zod smirks triumphantly. "Choose, whelp!"
TW: Okay, I hate this. Can I say that? I hate this.
MR: It's all got a point, Tom.
TW: Yeah, that you want to turn Clark into mush.
AoT [absently]: Pie filling...
ED [puzzled]: What?
AoT: Uh...nothing.
MR: We go hard to commercials on a shot of Clark.
JG: You pervert.
Continued...
MR: Bittleman. "We need to get out of here now, Lois--the police are going to be here any minute, and God only knows what's going to happen when they show up."
ED: Lois thinks for a minute.
JG: Or ten.
ED: Shh! Then she finally says, "This looks like a job for--"
KK: Superman?
ED: "--my dad."
KK: Damn.
ED: Lois whips out her cellphone again. "We need to contact my father. But we need evidence first. Nobody is going to believe that we just saw Space Cujo there without at least a picture!" Okay, it's not really a dog, right?
MR: Not even close, but that's okay. "Assuming we survive this, sure...take the damn picture and let's get the hell out of here!"
AoT: Thug #2 walks up to Hasaad--keeping him between himself and Space Cujo. "Uh...sir? The regional power grid appears to be stabilizing somewhat...it may be getting reinforced by another grid."
MR: Hasaad shrugs. "No matter. The portal is almost ready--once it's fully open, power won't be an issue."
AoT: This is where Lois flips open her cellphone to take a picture--and notices she's getting a signal again.
KK: No shots of power being restored?
AoT: We can't afford them. Instead of taking a picture, Lois rapidly dials a number; we then cut to a telephone ringing on someone's desk. A hand reaches into the shot and picks up the handset. John, would you mind?
JG: Yes, but okay. "Lane."
ED: Back to Lois. "Dad? Dad? It's Lois."
JG: Back to the office, and to the head of General Sam Lane. "Lois? It's good to hear from you, honey...but why are you whispering?"
ED: "Well...Dad, something's going on. I need you to send some troops to Metropolis."
JG: "I see. And you need troops there why?"
ED: "Dad, there's...there's a group of criminals here that's opening some kind of portal. To another planet."
JG: "Another...planet. Lois, it's December--not April--and it's too late in the day to be pulling a fast one on your father."
ED: "I'm not! I'm watching them open this portal right now! That's why I'm whispering!"
JG: Sam looks suitably skeptical, I suppose. "All right, Lois. If you can get me some proof of this--"
ED: "Hang on, I'm sending you a picture." Lois carefully aims her cameraphone at the portal and takes a snapshot, complete with dubbed-in camera noise. "Okay, tell me you got that."
JG: Sam looks at the receiver part of his phone, which has an LCD display built-in--oh, that's nice. And he sees a blurry image of the portal, Hasaad, some goons, and the armored thing. "I got it, Lois...what is that thing?"
ED: "That's the portal, Dad. I already called the police here, but I think this is out of their league."
JG: "I can't really make out the thing in the middle--"
ED: "That's an honest-to-God alien, Dad. I am not making this up...but it's not like E.T. It's like some reject from a Ridley Scott movie!"
JG: Sam frowns. "Lois, where exactly are you?"
ED: "Hold on, Dad, I'm going to get closer and get a better shot--"
MR: Bittleman necessarily objects. "Are you out of your mind?"
ED: "Dammit, Ted, we need more evidence!" And Lois carefully begins to sneak closer to the portal, using crates as cover.
AoT: Meanwhile, we cut outside to the street leading up to the warehouse. A police car cruises up and comes to a stop about half a block away, a lone officer gets out, and walks a few yards closer to the building--where she sees more goons patrolling the perimeter of it with weapons. She runs back to her car and radios for assistance, like a SWAT team or two.
KK: I was wondering when you'd get around to that.
AoT: Let's just say that the budget basically goes to hell from this point forward. So we jump back inside the warehouse, where Lois has managed to get fairly close to the right side of the portal itself. She aims her cameraphone again and takes a picture--and at the faint camera noise Space Cujo whips its head around and looks right at her.
TW: Unavoidable cliche, I'm guessing...
MR: It was either that or the old Lois-knocks-something-over gag.
ED: Lois freaks a little when she gets made by the thing.
JG: Girl, you'll be a Scooby Snack soon.
ED: That's wrong, John.
AoT: Space Cujo growls again, and wire-fu leaps--all the way from the portal over to land on the crate Lois is hiding behind. Lois--and Bittleman who of course followed her--both fall backwards as it hisses at them. Hasaad looks over in that direction, then gestures for some nearby armed goons to go over there.
ED: Lois--defiantly, oh I love that word!...
KK: Mainly because it's not used that often with Lois.
ED: ...brings up the cameraphone and takes one more picture of Space Cujo. She then puts the phone back up to her ear. "Dad? I think I'm going to have to call you back..."
AoT: Sam, meanwhile, looks at the last picture--a closeup of Space Cujo, all fangs and armor--and then hears the phone disconnect. "Lois? Lois!" He hangs up the phone, then picks up the handset again and dials a number. "This is General Lane. Mobilize Twelfth Cav. We're going to Metropolis!"
MR: And we jump back to the small-stores street we saw earlier. Clark super-speeds into the center of the shot, looking around, and then he stops as if hearing something. We go into super-hearing echo mode, where we hear what sounds like electrical tinkering.
KK: Oh, lord. [laughs] Showdown at Radio Shack!
MR: Cut back to Zod, now sitting in the middle of the floor of said Radio Shack with what looks like a small assortment of odd-looking pistols and other devices around him. We hear the super-speed noise, and he looks up and around to see Clark in the rear entrance.
JG: Like he can fit in the rear entrance.
TW [scowls at JG]: Shut up. Okay--Clark super-speeds across the room and attempts to grab Zod, but Zod "redirects him"? Huh?
MR: Like Steven Seagal did to everybody before he got fat.
TW [uncertain]: Okay...so Clark gets redirected and given a little nudge, and we cut to a side shot of the front of the Radio Shack as...Clark goes flying out the huge front window and T-bones a car parked in front of it? Damn, when does Clark get some payback?
[AoT and MR look at each other, but don't say anything]
TW: ...oh, that's just great, people.
MR: Zod gathers up his new toys and stuffs them into his backpack.
JG: "I told you to stay out of my way, child. You're only delaying my revenge."
TW: Clark climbs out of the side of the wrecked car. "Your revenge involves destroying this planet, Zod, and I won't let you do that."
JG: "If I had time to explain, child, you would be reminded that I am actually trying to save this world. You cannot comprehend the threat that Hasaad represents."
TW: "A bigger threat than you?"
JG: "On an order of magnitude. Now return to your incessant whining and insignificance, whelp." And Zod super-speeds away.
KK: If Lana had truly embraced the dark side before she died, she so would have said that.
TW: Clark gives chase, and catches up to Zod a few blocks away. We're going through slo-mo like it's going out of style, aren't we?
AoT: Pretty much. For what it's worth, Zod's bitch manages to return Zod's favor--when he catches up to him, he manages to hit him in the jaw and deflect him at speed so that he plows into the side of a car wash.
MR: But then Zod comes back and hits him, knocking him through a lamppost and making a nice shallow crater in some concrete.
AoT: Yet another scene of Zod's bitch getting back up--
MR: And getting knocked back down as Zod hits him.
JG: Along the way: "Stay down, whelp! I said stay down!"
TW [half to himself]: At least it's Zod. Not a witch...or a vampire...or a Zoner...but Zod.
KK: Keep telling yourself that, Tom.
MR: The fight goes through another couple of blocks--yes, Clark does get a couple of licks in--and it stops with Clark and Zod near some kind of bridge. Clark has managed to pin Zod to a concrete pillar, with his hands around his throat.
AoT: Zod manages to turn his head to one side, and sees a long object moving towards the bridge--a small commuter train. He sort of gathers himself and fires off a long blast of heat vision at the bridge, blowing a small part of it up...including part of the rails the train would use. Clark looks over once he sees the heat vision go off, and thus he sees the blast on the bridge.
JG [admiringly]: Now that's a bastard. Zod then manages to turn his head to look at Clark. "Well, child? You can stop me--or you can save your precious chattel! Choose!"
TW [sighs]: The necessary shot of a panicked Clark looking at Zod, then at the bridge, then at Zod.
JG: Zod smirks triumphantly. "Choose, whelp!"
TW: Okay, I hate this. Can I say that? I hate this.
MR: It's all got a point, Tom.
TW: Yeah, that you want to turn Clark into mush.
AoT [absently]: Pie filling...
ED [puzzled]: What?
AoT: Uh...nothing.
MR: We go hard to commercials on a shot of Clark.
JG: You pervert.
Continued...
7.13 Exit by MR and AoT (Part V)
As retold by Bill C
AoT: And now, the big plug--
[KK snickers]
AoT: --for Radio...what are you, twelve?
KK: I can't help it today. I'm in too good a mood.
ED: Why?
KK: My episode of Supernatural airs tonight.
TW: Oh, okay. The pink succubus thing?
KK: Yeah. But hey--at least I got to make out with Jensen again.
ED: Good for you!
AoT: Okay, okay. We open on a deserted street somewhere, with various little stores, and then we fade to an alley...pan over and zoom in on a doorknob. A hand reaches into the shot and turns the doorknob well past its limits--we hear a loud snapping sound--and opens the door.
MR: Cut from that to the inside of some sort of shop, with lots of little electrical components hanging on the walls and on shelves. A loud burglar alarm is going off during all of this. Pan down to see a somewhat familiar pair of boots walking across the carpeted floor, then stopping, and a very familiar backpack hits the floor next to the boots.
ED: Okay, so Zod fought [does math in her head] seven PAS soldiers and won?
MR: Erica. It's Zod.
ED: Riiiight.
AoT: We pan up to his face, though, and he looks a little worse for wear--a couple of bruises, some dried blood around the mouth, that sort of thing. But his attitude is completely intact.
MR: Zod looks around, apparently finally noticing the alarm going off, and traces it to a big box mounted in a corner near the ceiling...which he fries with heat vision. The alarm grinds to a halt, and Zod starts walking around pulling components off the walls and making a small pile in the middle of the room. There's a huge window at the front of the room, which has a logo on it that's reversed so we can't read it.
AoT: Once he has enough parts, Zod sits down next to the pile, pulls a crystal out of his backpack, and gets to work. Pan away from him, seemingly through the window--and now we can read the logo on it, which is the Radio Shack logo.
KK: You're kidding.
ED: What?
KK [starts snickering again]: The most powerful villain Smallville has ever had...
JG [frostily]: Excuse me?
KK: ...who once almost destroyed the Earth...
JG: Who are you calling most powerful?
KK: ...is now jacking parts from [laughing] Radio Shack.
JG: Q.E.D.
MR [after a few seconds]: Well, when you put it that way...
AoT: We needed the money, okay?
KK [falls sideways out of her chair, laughing hysterically]: Radio Shack!
AoT: .....okay, back to LuthorCorp. Zod's bitch enters the hallway Richards and Zod went through earlier, which now looks like something blew up in it--there's debris, holes in the walls, the few lights that aren't broken are flickering, sparks are flying here and there, and as we see via a long zoom-out there are blood splashes and dead bodies all over the place. PAS troops, along with some of Lex's security guys.
MR: Clark starts making his way through the hallway, sidestepping the occasional corpse, until he gets to the doorway Zod punched in earlier. Reverse shot as he looks inside the room, which is thoroughly trashed--nothing is intact, except a couple of corpses.
TW: Well, at least Zod got to spread the love around for once.
MR: Clark goes and looks in the other room, where Richards is still lying underneath the one dead PAS. Though he groans once, so we know he's okay. Then we hear another groan...which comes from a security guard on the floor that Clark actually stepped over a few seconds ago.
TW: All right, so Clark gets to do something heroic--
MR: Actually, no.
TW: Oh.
MR: Obligatory angst death...this guy's pretty much gone. But Clark goes over to check him out when he hears the second groan--sucking chest wound. We can get away with that, right?
AoT: Combined with the uniform, yeah.
TW: Okay. So...Clark at least tries to make the guy comfortable.
MR: Pretty much.
AoT: The guard busts out the necessary cliche, though, and gasps, "Stop...him..." and points off-camera as he dies.
ED: Damn, he's betting on the wrong horse there...
MR: Clark looks off that way, and we cut over to see the necessary man-sized hole in the wall.
KK [gasps for air]: Okay...okay...come on now. [gets back into her chair] This is way too cliched.
AoT: Yes, but it's cheap. After that, we then hear voices from far off-camera...cut back to Zod's bitch looking back down the hallway, and then cut to a phalanx of large men in assault gear with rather large weapons sweeping around the corner and moving down the hallway special-ops style.
MR: Behind the assault team is Lex, and behind him are another couple of suited guards with pistols. The assault team clears the hallway--now devoid of life--and the two rooms, one of them yells back "Clear!" and Lex makes a beeline for the room Richards is in as he's pulled out from under the corpse by a couple of guys.
AoT: Richards is a little groggy. "Lex...?"
MR: Lex isn't. "Where did Zod go?"
AoT: "No...no idea."
MR: And then the lights go out completely for a few seconds, then come back on. Lex goes "What the...?"
AoT: Richards shuffles over to the console he was monitoring earlier. "The drain on the subgrid...it seems to be increasing. The regional grid is still almost completely gone--"
MR: Lex again gets urgent. "What about Vault Black?"
AoT: "It appears to be stable for the moment."
MR: "Keep it that way." Pointing of finger, dramatic from-below shot. "If you have to divert power from anywhere else, do it. But Vault Black must be kept stable."
KK: Plot device, yay.
ED: I still think "Black Vault" sounds better.
AoT: And we jump-cut to Lois still sitting in her little hidey-hole in Hasaad's warehouse. Continuing the cliches, we see a hand reach in from off-camera and clamp over her mouth--but it's just Bittleman, doing the "shhh!" thing as he comes back.
ED: Okay, and Lois says "Dammit! Way to give me a heart attack!" [pauses] Cliche?
AoT [nods]: Cliche.
ED: Figures.
MR: As they sneak back to their original observation point, Bittleman explains that he was able to get to a phone booth and call the cops, and that they said they would try to get a car over there as soon as they can.
AoT: Meanwhile, the portal generator is still going strong. The patch of reddish sky we saw earlier is now larger than man-sized. Suddenly there's this flash of blue light from the middle of the patch, and a humanoid figure steps through it and lands in front of Hasaad. It's the size of a man, wearing battered gold and green armor and a helmet covering most of its face and head, and it's carrying some sort of staff weapon.
KK: Great. We're using Chinese knockoff Jaffa in this episode.
ED [to KK]: What are you talking about?
KK: Jaffa. You know, Stargate? Jack and Daniel? Egyptian... [sighs] oh, never mind.
AoT: Hasaad's grin increases in wattage. "Welcome to Earth, loyal soldier."
MR: The humanoid takes off its helmet and looks up, revealing a pretty damn inhuman face. Solid yellow eyes, gray skin, fangs, a small amount of drool, and just about everybody except Hasaad takes four steps back from it as it growls and pulls out a weird-looking pistol, which it presents to Hasaad.
AoT: Hasaad takes the weapon. "Thank you. Soon your brothers will be here..." Loud voice again. "And we can truly begin to rectify the Kryptonian mistake!"
MR: Pan over to some goons who look completely confused, then over to Thug #2 who's got the necessary "What the fuck is that?" look going. Then cut to Lois and Bittleman, who both say "What the hell?!?"
ED: "I...I don't think the police are going to cut it, Ted." God, Lois is just Little Miss Obvious in this episode!
KK: Someone has to do it, Lana and Chloe are dead, and Clark's not there. Guess who's left?
ED: Dammit!
Continued...
AoT: And now, the big plug--
[KK snickers]
AoT: --for Radio...what are you, twelve?
KK: I can't help it today. I'm in too good a mood.
ED: Why?
KK: My episode of Supernatural airs tonight.
TW: Oh, okay. The pink succubus thing?
KK: Yeah. But hey--at least I got to make out with Jensen again.
ED: Good for you!
AoT: Okay, okay. We open on a deserted street somewhere, with various little stores, and then we fade to an alley...pan over and zoom in on a doorknob. A hand reaches into the shot and turns the doorknob well past its limits--we hear a loud snapping sound--and opens the door.
MR: Cut from that to the inside of some sort of shop, with lots of little electrical components hanging on the walls and on shelves. A loud burglar alarm is going off during all of this. Pan down to see a somewhat familiar pair of boots walking across the carpeted floor, then stopping, and a very familiar backpack hits the floor next to the boots.
ED: Okay, so Zod fought [does math in her head] seven PAS soldiers and won?
MR: Erica. It's Zod.
ED: Riiiight.
AoT: We pan up to his face, though, and he looks a little worse for wear--a couple of bruises, some dried blood around the mouth, that sort of thing. But his attitude is completely intact.
MR: Zod looks around, apparently finally noticing the alarm going off, and traces it to a big box mounted in a corner near the ceiling...which he fries with heat vision. The alarm grinds to a halt, and Zod starts walking around pulling components off the walls and making a small pile in the middle of the room. There's a huge window at the front of the room, which has a logo on it that's reversed so we can't read it.
AoT: Once he has enough parts, Zod sits down next to the pile, pulls a crystal out of his backpack, and gets to work. Pan away from him, seemingly through the window--and now we can read the logo on it, which is the Radio Shack logo.
KK: You're kidding.
ED: What?
KK [starts snickering again]: The most powerful villain Smallville has ever had...
JG [frostily]: Excuse me?
KK: ...who once almost destroyed the Earth...
JG: Who are you calling most powerful?
KK: ...is now jacking parts from [laughing] Radio Shack.
JG: Q.E.D.
MR [after a few seconds]: Well, when you put it that way...
AoT: We needed the money, okay?
KK [falls sideways out of her chair, laughing hysterically]: Radio Shack!
AoT: .....okay, back to LuthorCorp. Zod's bitch enters the hallway Richards and Zod went through earlier, which now looks like something blew up in it--there's debris, holes in the walls, the few lights that aren't broken are flickering, sparks are flying here and there, and as we see via a long zoom-out there are blood splashes and dead bodies all over the place. PAS troops, along with some of Lex's security guys.
MR: Clark starts making his way through the hallway, sidestepping the occasional corpse, until he gets to the doorway Zod punched in earlier. Reverse shot as he looks inside the room, which is thoroughly trashed--nothing is intact, except a couple of corpses.
TW: Well, at least Zod got to spread the love around for once.
MR: Clark goes and looks in the other room, where Richards is still lying underneath the one dead PAS. Though he groans once, so we know he's okay. Then we hear another groan...which comes from a security guard on the floor that Clark actually stepped over a few seconds ago.
TW: All right, so Clark gets to do something heroic--
MR: Actually, no.
TW: Oh.
MR: Obligatory angst death...this guy's pretty much gone. But Clark goes over to check him out when he hears the second groan--sucking chest wound. We can get away with that, right?
AoT: Combined with the uniform, yeah.
TW: Okay. So...Clark at least tries to make the guy comfortable.
MR: Pretty much.
AoT: The guard busts out the necessary cliche, though, and gasps, "Stop...him..." and points off-camera as he dies.
ED: Damn, he's betting on the wrong horse there...
MR: Clark looks off that way, and we cut over to see the necessary man-sized hole in the wall.
KK [gasps for air]: Okay...okay...come on now. [gets back into her chair] This is way too cliched.
AoT: Yes, but it's cheap. After that, we then hear voices from far off-camera...cut back to Zod's bitch looking back down the hallway, and then cut to a phalanx of large men in assault gear with rather large weapons sweeping around the corner and moving down the hallway special-ops style.
MR: Behind the assault team is Lex, and behind him are another couple of suited guards with pistols. The assault team clears the hallway--now devoid of life--and the two rooms, one of them yells back "Clear!" and Lex makes a beeline for the room Richards is in as he's pulled out from under the corpse by a couple of guys.
AoT: Richards is a little groggy. "Lex...?"
MR: Lex isn't. "Where did Zod go?"
AoT: "No...no idea."
MR: And then the lights go out completely for a few seconds, then come back on. Lex goes "What the...?"
AoT: Richards shuffles over to the console he was monitoring earlier. "The drain on the subgrid...it seems to be increasing. The regional grid is still almost completely gone--"
MR: Lex again gets urgent. "What about Vault Black?"
AoT: "It appears to be stable for the moment."
MR: "Keep it that way." Pointing of finger, dramatic from-below shot. "If you have to divert power from anywhere else, do it. But Vault Black must be kept stable."
KK: Plot device, yay.
ED: I still think "Black Vault" sounds better.
AoT: And we jump-cut to Lois still sitting in her little hidey-hole in Hasaad's warehouse. Continuing the cliches, we see a hand reach in from off-camera and clamp over her mouth--but it's just Bittleman, doing the "shhh!" thing as he comes back.
ED: Okay, and Lois says "Dammit! Way to give me a heart attack!" [pauses] Cliche?
AoT [nods]: Cliche.
ED: Figures.
MR: As they sneak back to their original observation point, Bittleman explains that he was able to get to a phone booth and call the cops, and that they said they would try to get a car over there as soon as they can.
AoT: Meanwhile, the portal generator is still going strong. The patch of reddish sky we saw earlier is now larger than man-sized. Suddenly there's this flash of blue light from the middle of the patch, and a humanoid figure steps through it and lands in front of Hasaad. It's the size of a man, wearing battered gold and green armor and a helmet covering most of its face and head, and it's carrying some sort of staff weapon.
KK: Great. We're using Chinese knockoff Jaffa in this episode.
ED [to KK]: What are you talking about?
KK: Jaffa. You know, Stargate? Jack and Daniel? Egyptian... [sighs] oh, never mind.
AoT: Hasaad's grin increases in wattage. "Welcome to Earth, loyal soldier."
MR: The humanoid takes off its helmet and looks up, revealing a pretty damn inhuman face. Solid yellow eyes, gray skin, fangs, a small amount of drool, and just about everybody except Hasaad takes four steps back from it as it growls and pulls out a weird-looking pistol, which it presents to Hasaad.
AoT: Hasaad takes the weapon. "Thank you. Soon your brothers will be here..." Loud voice again. "And we can truly begin to rectify the Kryptonian mistake!"
MR: Pan over to some goons who look completely confused, then over to Thug #2 who's got the necessary "What the fuck is that?" look going. Then cut to Lois and Bittleman, who both say "What the hell?!?"
ED: "I...I don't think the police are going to cut it, Ted." God, Lois is just Little Miss Obvious in this episode!
KK: Someone has to do it, Lana and Chloe are dead, and Clark's not there. Guess who's left?
ED: Dammit!
Continued...
7.13 Exit by MR and AoT (Part IV)
As retold by Bill C
AoT: We come back from that commercial break to a quick establishing shot of LuthorCorp--the only building with any lights on in the shot.
MR: And cut from that to Lex's office. A couple of guards are stationed at the door, and as we pan over from them Lex is walking to and bending over his desk with some cuts and bruises on his head. Dammit, Annette, I still--
AoT: What did I say? Deal with it.
MR [scowls]: Lex winces slightly as he hits a button on his phone. "Doctor? Status report?"
AoT: Cut back to the room Richards was last in, as Richards is putting on a headset. We hear the tail end of Lex's dialogue through it.
MR: The headset has the VoiceStar logo on it.
KK: Who?
MR: VoiceStar.
KK [after a few seconds]: Seriously. Who?
AoT: VoiceStar is a brand name exclusive to Radio Shack.
ED: ...Radio Shack?
TW: We're now plugging Radio Shack?
MR: Trying to, anyway.
JG: Uh huh. Did anybody know who the hell VoiceStar is before now?
[Everybody else shakes their head or shrugs]
JG: Exactly.
MR: Anyway, while Richards is getting his headset action on we cut back to the hallway outside the room he's in. The little part of it we can see is completely trashed, the lights are flickering, and we see some out-of-focus forms moving around rapidly while hearing the occasional grunt and impact noise.
KK: Aww...we don't get to see the big dustup?
MR: Nope.
AoT: Richards replies quietly but urgently into his headset microphone. "Richards. Zod is being...kept busy." Cut back to Lex, as we hear Richards' voice from his phone. "We have, however, lost two units."
MR: Lex frowns. "If need be, pull two more from Bay Eight along with some guards in assault--"
AoT: "There's something more important you should know, sir." Cut back to Richards, as he watches some sort of bar chart display on the control console. "There's some sort of power blackout going on across the greater Metropolis area--I noticed it because it's affecting our subgrid as well."
MR: "What? What could be affecting our grid along with the metro power grid?"
AoT: "I have no idea...but it's definitely putting a strain on our systems. Including Vault Black, which suffered a two-second complete loss of power."
ED: Vault Black? Shouldn't that be Black Vault?
MR: No, this sounds cooler. Cut back to Lex, with the camera going tight on him, as he briefly looks up from his desk with a stunned look on his face. He then glares at the phone and goes all urgent and shit. "Is Vault Black stable now?"
AoT: Back to Richards replies, "It appears to be--" And then we hear a loud grunt, and a flying PAS suddenly hits him in the back and knocks him completely out of the shot.
KK: That's three.
MR: Back to Lex. "Doctor Richards? Richards?"
AoT: Quick cut back to the control room. Richards is knocked out on the floor, with a PAS on top of him; the PAS has what appears to be a jagged piece of crystal stuck in the base of its neck.
ED: Damn.
MR: And back to Lex, as he turns and points at one of the guards by the door. "Get additional guards down there!"
AoT: And from that we cut back to the lobby, now mostly populated by LuthorCorp security and a few Metropolis P.D. officers, as Zod's bitch super-speeds on in and stops behind a support column.
TW: Do you have to call Clark Zod's bitch?
AoT: What, and stop now? He stops to take in the devastation left in Zod's wake, including a couple of bodies now covered by plastic sheets, and then super-speeds out of the lobby.
TW: ...well, at least it was brief.
AoT: We cut from this across town, to Lionel's limo pulling up behind another car in front of the now-mostly-darkened Mutant Recruitment Center. Lionel and Otis get out and go inside, past a big gas generator that's running, and into a side office lit by a couple of lamps. Martha is inside the office, along with Lucius Best and a couple of extras.
JG: The supercouple, reunited at last.
[TW grumbles under his breath]
AoT: Lucius is saying something about the outage as Lionel comes in. Martha notices him and does that little tut-tut head thing she does. "Lionel? You shouldn't be out of the hospital..."
JG: "I'm all right, Martha. And besides--I imagine they've got bigger problems by now. Have you heard anything about what caused the power outage?"
AoT: "Nothing. Supposedly some isolated areas still have partial power, though."
JG: Lionel looks at Lucius. "Would you excuse us for a minute, please?"
MR: Lucius shrugs and leads his extras out of the office.
JG: And once they're gone, Lionel walks over to Martha. "Martha...I don't know how it happened, but--Zod is free again."
AoT: "What? How......where is Clark?"
JG: "I don't know. I was wondering if you had heard from him."
AoT: Martha is already pulling out her cellphone and dialing a number. "Nothing since he, J'onn, and Lucius's assistant left the farm...no answer. "
JG: "Zod apparently went straight to LuthorCorp. I think Lex can take care of him, thanks to the PAS...but if he can't--well, that's why I'm here. Otis?"
MR: Otis calls out for Lucius, who comes back into the room. "What is it?"
JG: Lionel simply says, "Mr. Best, I have another proposition..."
MR: Cut back to Lex's office, with Lex still bent over his desk. This time, though, he's looking at the computer monitor on it--which is showing the same bar chart as on the console Richards was looking at. We hear Clark's voice from off-camera, demanding to talk to Lex. Lex calls out over his shoulder, "It's okay," and straightens up and turns as Clark walks in.
TW: "Lex, are you all right?"
MR: Lex shrugs. "You should see the other guy. What is it, Clark?"
TW: Clark folds his arms--
KK: Hypocrisy mode, go!
TW: --and says, "Lex, what happened downstairs? Did your new friend--"
MR: "Hasaad? No, no, that wasn't his handiwork. That was one of Kal-El's friends...a...Zod, I believe his name is."
TW: Clark stiffens. "What happened to Zod?"
MR: "The situation is under control, Clark. I don't need you running around underfoot getting in the way again--just go home and milk some cows, feed your dog or something."
ED [shocked]: You mentioned Shelby?
MR: Someone had to, because it damn sure won't be Clark.
TW: Hey!
MR: Lex is about to twist the knife some more when his computer beeps. He turns around and looks at the monitor again, which now shows an alert message about something in Bay Eight being released. We hear the super-speed sound in the background, as Lex comments about possibly not having to worry about Zod and turns back to where Clark was--and isn't now. Go to commercial right after that.
Continued...
AoT: We come back from that commercial break to a quick establishing shot of LuthorCorp--the only building with any lights on in the shot.
MR: And cut from that to Lex's office. A couple of guards are stationed at the door, and as we pan over from them Lex is walking to and bending over his desk with some cuts and bruises on his head. Dammit, Annette, I still--
AoT: What did I say? Deal with it.
MR [scowls]: Lex winces slightly as he hits a button on his phone. "Doctor? Status report?"
AoT: Cut back to the room Richards was last in, as Richards is putting on a headset. We hear the tail end of Lex's dialogue through it.
MR: The headset has the VoiceStar logo on it.
KK: Who?
MR: VoiceStar.
KK [after a few seconds]: Seriously. Who?
AoT: VoiceStar is a brand name exclusive to Radio Shack.
ED: ...Radio Shack?
TW: We're now plugging Radio Shack?
MR: Trying to, anyway.
JG: Uh huh. Did anybody know who the hell VoiceStar is before now?
[Everybody else shakes their head or shrugs]
JG: Exactly.
MR: Anyway, while Richards is getting his headset action on we cut back to the hallway outside the room he's in. The little part of it we can see is completely trashed, the lights are flickering, and we see some out-of-focus forms moving around rapidly while hearing the occasional grunt and impact noise.
KK: Aww...we don't get to see the big dustup?
MR: Nope.
AoT: Richards replies quietly but urgently into his headset microphone. "Richards. Zod is being...kept busy." Cut back to Lex, as we hear Richards' voice from his phone. "We have, however, lost two units."
MR: Lex frowns. "If need be, pull two more from Bay Eight along with some guards in assault--"
AoT: "There's something more important you should know, sir." Cut back to Richards, as he watches some sort of bar chart display on the control console. "There's some sort of power blackout going on across the greater Metropolis area--I noticed it because it's affecting our subgrid as well."
MR: "What? What could be affecting our grid along with the metro power grid?"
AoT: "I have no idea...but it's definitely putting a strain on our systems. Including Vault Black, which suffered a two-second complete loss of power."
ED: Vault Black? Shouldn't that be Black Vault?
MR: No, this sounds cooler. Cut back to Lex, with the camera going tight on him, as he briefly looks up from his desk with a stunned look on his face. He then glares at the phone and goes all urgent and shit. "Is Vault Black stable now?"
AoT: Back to Richards replies, "It appears to be--" And then we hear a loud grunt, and a flying PAS suddenly hits him in the back and knocks him completely out of the shot.
KK: That's three.
MR: Back to Lex. "Doctor Richards? Richards?"
AoT: Quick cut back to the control room. Richards is knocked out on the floor, with a PAS on top of him; the PAS has what appears to be a jagged piece of crystal stuck in the base of its neck.
ED: Damn.
MR: And back to Lex, as he turns and points at one of the guards by the door. "Get additional guards down there!"
AoT: And from that we cut back to the lobby, now mostly populated by LuthorCorp security and a few Metropolis P.D. officers, as Zod's bitch super-speeds on in and stops behind a support column.
TW: Do you have to call Clark Zod's bitch?
AoT: What, and stop now? He stops to take in the devastation left in Zod's wake, including a couple of bodies now covered by plastic sheets, and then super-speeds out of the lobby.
TW: ...well, at least it was brief.
AoT: We cut from this across town, to Lionel's limo pulling up behind another car in front of the now-mostly-darkened Mutant Recruitment Center. Lionel and Otis get out and go inside, past a big gas generator that's running, and into a side office lit by a couple of lamps. Martha is inside the office, along with Lucius Best and a couple of extras.
JG: The supercouple, reunited at last.
[TW grumbles under his breath]
AoT: Lucius is saying something about the outage as Lionel comes in. Martha notices him and does that little tut-tut head thing she does. "Lionel? You shouldn't be out of the hospital..."
JG: "I'm all right, Martha. And besides--I imagine they've got bigger problems by now. Have you heard anything about what caused the power outage?"
AoT: "Nothing. Supposedly some isolated areas still have partial power, though."
JG: Lionel looks at Lucius. "Would you excuse us for a minute, please?"
MR: Lucius shrugs and leads his extras out of the office.
JG: And once they're gone, Lionel walks over to Martha. "Martha...I don't know how it happened, but--Zod is free again."
AoT: "What? How......where is Clark?"
JG: "I don't know. I was wondering if you had heard from him."
AoT: Martha is already pulling out her cellphone and dialing a number. "Nothing since he, J'onn, and Lucius's assistant left the farm...no answer. "
JG: "Zod apparently went straight to LuthorCorp. I think Lex can take care of him, thanks to the PAS...but if he can't--well, that's why I'm here. Otis?"
MR: Otis calls out for Lucius, who comes back into the room. "What is it?"
JG: Lionel simply says, "Mr. Best, I have another proposition..."
MR: Cut back to Lex's office, with Lex still bent over his desk. This time, though, he's looking at the computer monitor on it--which is showing the same bar chart as on the console Richards was looking at. We hear Clark's voice from off-camera, demanding to talk to Lex. Lex calls out over his shoulder, "It's okay," and straightens up and turns as Clark walks in.
TW: "Lex, are you all right?"
MR: Lex shrugs. "You should see the other guy. What is it, Clark?"
TW: Clark folds his arms--
KK: Hypocrisy mode, go!
TW: --and says, "Lex, what happened downstairs? Did your new friend--"
MR: "Hasaad? No, no, that wasn't his handiwork. That was one of Kal-El's friends...a...Zod, I believe his name is."
TW: Clark stiffens. "What happened to Zod?"
MR: "The situation is under control, Clark. I don't need you running around underfoot getting in the way again--just go home and milk some cows, feed your dog or something."
ED [shocked]: You mentioned Shelby?
MR: Someone had to, because it damn sure won't be Clark.
TW: Hey!
MR: Lex is about to twist the knife some more when his computer beeps. He turns around and looks at the monitor again, which now shows an alert message about something in Bay Eight being released. We hear the super-speed sound in the background, as Lex comments about possibly not having to worry about Zod and turns back to where Clark was--and isn't now. Go to commercial right after that.
Continued...
7.13 Exit by MR and AoT (Part III)
As retold by Bill C
MR: Now, we finally get around to seeing Hasaad's warehouse again. Some goons are checking out the portal generator, tinkering with controls, et cetera. Hasaad himself is talking to some redshirt. "Are the new power taps ready?" [falsetto voice] "Why, yes, sir, it's ready to go. Would you like some toast while we begin the restart procedures?"
AoT: Okay, minus the toast part.
MR: We cut around the warehouse, pan past some armed thugs on patrol, and finally get to Lois and Bittleman's little hiding place.
ED: Lois whispers, "Oh, great. You got any idea what that little lightshow was a while ago?"
MR: Bittleman is all "Blondie, this would probably be a great time to call in the cavalry."
AoT: Meanwhile, another redshirt comes up to Hasaad. "Excuse me, Mr. Hasaad?"
MR: "What is it?"
AoT: "Well, I was wondering...if we're going to go and hijack even more power from the city grid, won't the police notice?"
TW: Exposition, thy name is [looks at script] Thug #2.
KK: Someone has to do it.
AoT: True. But this is a little more than that.
MR: Hasaad snorts. "You're not paid to think, you know. But it won't matter."
AoT: "Yeah, but if the cops are going to swoop down on the place the minute you flip the switch--"
MR: Hasaad goes immediately into soothing mode. "It's quite all right. Really. No one will notice the power drain immediately, which will give us plenty of time to get what we need once the portal is open. Don't worry...you'll be rewarded handsomely." He raises his voice for the next line--oh, James will love that. "All of you, thank you...once we are connected to the main grid and the portal is opened, all your worries about what we have accomplished here will be put to rest once and for all."
KK, JG, and TW: Uh-oh.
KK: Usually, that kind of comment is followed by poisoned Kool-Aid and mass graves...
MR: Well...duh.
ED: Lois and Bittleman overhear that last part. "Did you hear that?"--oh, come on, guys. She actually says "Did you hear that?" That's just too obvious!
AoT: And thus very Lois.
TW: She's got you there.
[ED pouts]
MR: "Okay--definitely cavalry time, Blondie. Left my phone in the car..."
ED: Lois pulls out her phone from a pocket, okay, and then they both sneak back into a secluded corner. Sneakity-sneak-sneak.
AoT [shakes head]: Hasaad, meanwhile, forges ahead. "Restart the power-up sequence!"
MR: Redshirt One flips the proverbial switch, and the portal generator kicks on again...this time, while the humming and the emitting of light are basically the same as from the last episode, they don't stop after a few seconds. And in the center of the portal, where we last saw what appeared to be open sky, we see a small patch of reddish-tinged sky with clouds and no stars.
AoT: Hold on the patch for a couple of seconds, as it slowly begins to enlarge. The humming noise gets louder as well.
MR: And immediately after that, as we cut back to Lois flipping open her cellphone and dialing 911, we cut immediately to an exterior shot of the warehouse--as the lights in every other building in the shot go out. Then we cut to an aerial view of that entire part of Metropolis, and finally the entire city itself, as most of the city lights go out in massive blocks.
AoT: Lois finishes dialing 911, and gets...nothing. She looks at the phone.
ED: "Dammit! No signal! Wasn't there a cell tower a block or two away on the way here?"
MR: Bittleman shakes his head. "Missed it. But we definitely need to get the word out--I know we passed a phone booth on the way in here. I'm going to make a run for the phone booth, Lois...you stay here and keep an eye on Mr. Personality there."
ED: "Wait, Ted--"
MR: And Bittleman is off. Lois sits down behind a stack of crates--there's always stacks of crates--to wait for him to come back.
AoT: Cut back to Hasaad, lit by the glow of the portal, with a huge shit-eating grin on his face. "Almost time..."
KK: Yup. So not ending well.
MR: And once again we cut back to LuthorCorp. Zod is all but dragging Dr. Richards through some hallway somewhere, and they come to a fairly large fire door on one side of the hallway with a glass window and another door on the other side. Zod go--
JG: Ah-ah, that's mine. "Hasaad is in there?"
MR: Richards nods. "Yes, he has be--"
AoT: We cut to a door's-eye view of Zod shoving Richards away, in pretty much the same way he shoved Lex.
MR: Fling!
AoT: Richards goes through the window, now behind them, and Zod simply punches the camera's POV.
KK: General Zod, thrower of bitches, claims another one...
AoT: We cut to the inside of the room as the fire door collapses inward and hits the floor with a crunch. It's a dark room, lit by the light from the hallway and a couple of isolated computer monitors, with what appear to be four or five huge glass containers scattered around the room. Zod takes a couple of steps into the room and looks around.
JG: Ah, hell. Not so bastardly dialogue. "Hasaad! Come out! Your time is finally over!"
MR: We cut back to Richards staggering to his feet, a couple of cuts on his face from his trip through the window. He makes his way over to a control console in the room he ended up in and flips about a dozen switches and knobs and such, finally mashing a big red button. Back to the room Zod is in, as the glass containers all begin to open with hissing noises and lots of dry ice fog.
AoT: Zod looks around in puzzlement, and then we see five PASs climb out of the containers. They all turn and look at Zod, and the over-dramatic music cranks up again.
MR: Zod actually smiles at them. A big, evil, you-are-so-fucked grin.
JG: I love it. So Zod goes "An intelligent ape! I am surprised that you had the wherewithal to try to deceive me!"
AoT: Quick cut back to Richards from behind, as Zod briefly turns to look through the shattered window and smirk at him. Then cut back to Zod from behind the PASs, as he slowly pulls out a pair of crystals he jacked from the Fortress.
JG: And Zod shifts into an attack pose, crystals in both hands, still with the big evil grin, as the music swells. "How foolish of you...now come, trained beasts!"
KK: Oh, God!
JG: What?
KK: Say that last line again!
JG: What? "Now come, trained be--" Ohhh.
MR: Huh? What's wrong with [pauses] .......oh, shit.
KK [quietly, to ED]: New gayest scene in the episode.
AoT: Hell, was that line my idea or yours?
MR: That was all yours.
AoT: Shit. At least we go right to a commercial from that.
KK: So people can forget it.
TW: Okay. If your mind isn't in the gutter, it actually sounds...cool.
ED: Yeah...so, what, Allison ghost-wrote that?
MR [glares at ED]: ...quiet, you.
Continued...
MR: Now, we finally get around to seeing Hasaad's warehouse again. Some goons are checking out the portal generator, tinkering with controls, et cetera. Hasaad himself is talking to some redshirt. "Are the new power taps ready?" [falsetto voice] "Why, yes, sir, it's ready to go. Would you like some toast while we begin the restart procedures?"
AoT: Okay, minus the toast part.
MR: We cut around the warehouse, pan past some armed thugs on patrol, and finally get to Lois and Bittleman's little hiding place.
ED: Lois whispers, "Oh, great. You got any idea what that little lightshow was a while ago?"
MR: Bittleman is all "Blondie, this would probably be a great time to call in the cavalry."
AoT: Meanwhile, another redshirt comes up to Hasaad. "Excuse me, Mr. Hasaad?"
MR: "What is it?"
AoT: "Well, I was wondering...if we're going to go and hijack even more power from the city grid, won't the police notice?"
TW: Exposition, thy name is [looks at script] Thug #2.
KK: Someone has to do it.
AoT: True. But this is a little more than that.
MR: Hasaad snorts. "You're not paid to think, you know. But it won't matter."
AoT: "Yeah, but if the cops are going to swoop down on the place the minute you flip the switch--"
MR: Hasaad goes immediately into soothing mode. "It's quite all right. Really. No one will notice the power drain immediately, which will give us plenty of time to get what we need once the portal is open. Don't worry...you'll be rewarded handsomely." He raises his voice for the next line--oh, James will love that. "All of you, thank you...once we are connected to the main grid and the portal is opened, all your worries about what we have accomplished here will be put to rest once and for all."
KK, JG, and TW: Uh-oh.
KK: Usually, that kind of comment is followed by poisoned Kool-Aid and mass graves...
MR: Well...duh.
ED: Lois and Bittleman overhear that last part. "Did you hear that?"--oh, come on, guys. She actually says "Did you hear that?" That's just too obvious!
AoT: And thus very Lois.
TW: She's got you there.
[ED pouts]
MR: "Okay--definitely cavalry time, Blondie. Left my phone in the car..."
ED: Lois pulls out her phone from a pocket, okay, and then they both sneak back into a secluded corner. Sneakity-sneak-sneak.
AoT [shakes head]: Hasaad, meanwhile, forges ahead. "Restart the power-up sequence!"
MR: Redshirt One flips the proverbial switch, and the portal generator kicks on again...this time, while the humming and the emitting of light are basically the same as from the last episode, they don't stop after a few seconds. And in the center of the portal, where we last saw what appeared to be open sky, we see a small patch of reddish-tinged sky with clouds and no stars.
AoT: Hold on the patch for a couple of seconds, as it slowly begins to enlarge. The humming noise gets louder as well.
MR: And immediately after that, as we cut back to Lois flipping open her cellphone and dialing 911, we cut immediately to an exterior shot of the warehouse--as the lights in every other building in the shot go out. Then we cut to an aerial view of that entire part of Metropolis, and finally the entire city itself, as most of the city lights go out in massive blocks.
AoT: Lois finishes dialing 911, and gets...nothing. She looks at the phone.
ED: "Dammit! No signal! Wasn't there a cell tower a block or two away on the way here?"
MR: Bittleman shakes his head. "Missed it. But we definitely need to get the word out--I know we passed a phone booth on the way in here. I'm going to make a run for the phone booth, Lois...you stay here and keep an eye on Mr. Personality there."
ED: "Wait, Ted--"
MR: And Bittleman is off. Lois sits down behind a stack of crates--there's always stacks of crates--to wait for him to come back.
AoT: Cut back to Hasaad, lit by the glow of the portal, with a huge shit-eating grin on his face. "Almost time..."
KK: Yup. So not ending well.
MR: And once again we cut back to LuthorCorp. Zod is all but dragging Dr. Richards through some hallway somewhere, and they come to a fairly large fire door on one side of the hallway with a glass window and another door on the other side. Zod go--
JG: Ah-ah, that's mine. "Hasaad is in there?"
MR: Richards nods. "Yes, he has be--"
AoT: We cut to a door's-eye view of Zod shoving Richards away, in pretty much the same way he shoved Lex.
MR: Fling!
AoT: Richards goes through the window, now behind them, and Zod simply punches the camera's POV.
KK: General Zod, thrower of bitches, claims another one...
AoT: We cut to the inside of the room as the fire door collapses inward and hits the floor with a crunch. It's a dark room, lit by the light from the hallway and a couple of isolated computer monitors, with what appear to be four or five huge glass containers scattered around the room. Zod takes a couple of steps into the room and looks around.
JG: Ah, hell. Not so bastardly dialogue. "Hasaad! Come out! Your time is finally over!"
MR: We cut back to Richards staggering to his feet, a couple of cuts on his face from his trip through the window. He makes his way over to a control console in the room he ended up in and flips about a dozen switches and knobs and such, finally mashing a big red button. Back to the room Zod is in, as the glass containers all begin to open with hissing noises and lots of dry ice fog.
AoT: Zod looks around in puzzlement, and then we see five PASs climb out of the containers. They all turn and look at Zod, and the over-dramatic music cranks up again.
MR: Zod actually smiles at them. A big, evil, you-are-so-fucked grin.
JG: I love it. So Zod goes "An intelligent ape! I am surprised that you had the wherewithal to try to deceive me!"
AoT: Quick cut back to Richards from behind, as Zod briefly turns to look through the shattered window and smirk at him. Then cut back to Zod from behind the PASs, as he slowly pulls out a pair of crystals he jacked from the Fortress.
JG: And Zod shifts into an attack pose, crystals in both hands, still with the big evil grin, as the music swells. "How foolish of you...now come, trained beasts!"
KK: Oh, God!
JG: What?
KK: Say that last line again!
JG: What? "Now come, trained be--" Ohhh.
MR: Huh? What's wrong with [pauses] .......oh, shit.
KK [quietly, to ED]: New gayest scene in the episode.
AoT: Hell, was that line my idea or yours?
MR: That was all yours.
AoT: Shit. At least we go right to a commercial from that.
KK: So people can forget it.
TW: Okay. If your mind isn't in the gutter, it actually sounds...cool.
ED: Yeah...so, what, Allison ghost-wrote that?
MR [glares at ED]: ...quiet, you.
Continued...
7.13 Exit by MR and AoT (Part II)
As retold by Bill C
MR: The opening credits roll as Clark is scrambling around the FoS, recovering some crystals Zod dropped while jacking a big chunk of them. He shoves a couple of them into the FoS control panel, some lights come on, etcetera. And Clark goes...Clark goes... [leans over and taps TW on the shoulder] Tom?
TW [distracted]: What? Oh, sorry. Where were we?
AoT: Zod's bitch...
MR [to TW]: That's Clark.
AoT: ...is kickstarting the FoS.
TW: Zod's bitch?
MR [points at AoT]: Her idea.
AoT: My idea.
TW: Bad idea.
AoT: Well, it's not your episode. [deliberately] Zod's...bitch...
[TW sighs]
AoT: ...puts another crystal into the panel, more glowy lights come on, and he goes...
TW: "Jor-El, answer me."
AoT: With feeling, okay?
TW: Right, right. "Jor-El! Answer me!"
MR: And Jor-El finally replies. "Kal-El. Zod has been freed from his prison."
ED: Fashionably late. Typical.
TW: Okay... "J'onn was trapped in the--"
MR: "For the time being, he will have to fend for himself."
TW: "What? But J'onn is trapped in the Phantom Zone--"
ED: Hey--aren't all the Zoners dead?
KK: Until a plot device resurrects them, sure.
ED [brightly]: So he's all alone in a big desert. Which is still safer than anywhere with Zod.
MR [after a few seconds]: ...moving on. Uh--okay, "J'onn is a powerful entity. He will survive. The only thing standing between Zod and the fate of this world is you, Kal-El, and any time spent attempting to retrieve J'onn from his prison will give Zod that much more of an advantage."
JG: So get a move on, bitch.
AoT: Clark looks down at the seal MM got sucked into, in his hand. He reluctantly puts it on top of the control panel.
TW: "Damn it..."
MR: "You must find him, my son. And you must stop him, for he will not stop until he finds his prey--and he will not let anything stand in his way."
AoT: And Zod's bitch super-speeds out of there. Back we go to LuthorCorp, just in time to see another security guard go flying across the lobby and hit something expensive. Zod is bellowing.
JG: Can I do the arrogant bellowing? I'm bored.
AoT: Go ahead.
JG: Thank you. "You mindless primitives! You are actually protecting him? You cattle! You have no idea what your alliance of evil with him will lead to! Bring me Hasaad!"
TW: You really enjoy that.
JG: Damn straight.
MR: Lex and Dr. Richards are over by a wall, covered by a phalanx of suit-clad security goons. In addition, there are perhaps a dozen LuthorCorp security guards in the lobby...okay, most of them are unconscious and on the floor, but they're there. Lex wisely keeps his mouth shut, though.
JG: Zod glares around the lobby, at the few folks who aren't wise enough to run like hell. He then super-speeds over to one of Lex's goons, a couple of feet away from Lex, and lifts him off the floor by his throat. "One piece of chattel is as another to you, human. I know this from when I entered you."
ED: Okay, so is this scene the gayest one in the episode or the first one?
KK: Still the first one.
ED: Just checking.
MR: Lex. "What are you talking about?"
AoT: There's a nice slow zoom on Zod's face for this next part. Along with some choking noises from the goon.
JG: "Your minions are just valuable pieces of property to you, human...so while you wouldn't miss, oh, one piece--"
AoT: Zod rolls his shoulder forward, the one his goon-holding arm uses. There's a loud cracking noise, and the goon noises stop immediately after that.
KK: Ow.
JG: "Human, I will slaughter every piece of cattle in this building--" This is where Zod drops the now dead beefcake like a slab of beef, okay... "--if you do not bring me the emi--"
MR: Dr. Richards chimes in at this point. "Wait! Wait! I can take you to Hasaad!"
KK: So he's really a big old wuss? Lex's employee of the month?
MR: Lex goes "What are you doing?" under his breath, but Richards doesn't back down.
JG: Zod shoots a look at the good doctor. "You will take me to the beast."
MR: Richards nods, looking fairly frazzled, and Zod all but drags him away down a hallway. But as he gets pulled away, even as Lex is giving him a curious "What's up, Doc?" look--
ED: "'What's up, Doc?'"
KK [laughs]: That should probably be aimed at Zod.
JG [shouts]: I'll kill the wabbit!
MR: Richards manages to get a quick nod off in Lex's direction. A "trust me" sort of nod.
TW [quietly]: That can't possibly end well.
AoT: Okay, there's a short scene right after this with Lionel at the hospital.
JG: Not flatlining, right?
AoT: No, but if you really wanted it...
JG: You're oddly mercurial today.
AoT: Lack of sex. So Lionel is in his hospital bed, looking thoughtful, when Otis comes in. "Sir?"
JG: What the hell. "Otis? What is it?"
AoT: "There's an incident in progress at LuthorCorp, sir."
JG: "You woke me up for that? Piss off and wake me up when a real problem occurs."
MR: John...
JG: Okay, okay. But he would say that, dammit. "What kind of incident?"
AoT: "Apparently it was attacked by a lone humanoid. Security reports he identified himself as a 'Zod.'"
JG: Let me guess... [skims script] Yup. One of those "Jor-El reaches out and touches someone" moments?
MR: Yup. With appropriate dramatic/spooky music.
JG: Okay, fugue state, quickie twitching, blah blah blah.
AoT: While that's going on, Otis is droning on with the big lie about how security is holding their own for the time being. And then Lionel comes out of it and says...
JG: "Otis, my clothes. We have to go."
AoT: "Sir? LuthorCorp isn't safe right now--"
JG: "We're not going to LuthorCorp." Wait, that's it? Shit.
MR: And we cut to the usual establishing shot of the Talon, then to Clark going into the apartment.
TW: Nobody ever just goes for coffee any more. It's always straight to the apartment for information, arguments, every once in a while some sex, and then straight out.
KK and ED: And this is a bad thing?
ED [looks at KK]: Out of my head.
TW: Just saying. Shaking things up might be a good idea.
MR: Annette, can we put a fight scene in the Talon?
AoT: Someone should just blow it up.
ED: Damn, if only Allison was here...
KK: I'll pay!
JG: Oh, shit now...okay, Kristen, you're on!
KK: Seriously?
JG: If money's involved? We'll find a way.
MR: Coming back on point now...
TW: Why is Clark in the apartment, anyway?
AoT: He's looking for Lois. Rather, he's looking for her so she can help him find Hasaad.
TW: Okay. So he looks for her, "Lois? Lois?", and doesn't find her...
AoT: But he notices a message on her answering machine. Being Clark, he plays it...Erica, would you mind? It's Bittleman.
ED: 'kay. "Lois? Bittleman. I'm running a little late, Blondie, so if you get this go on to the LuthorCorp facility we located. I'll be along in a few. Out."
TW: Okay, so Clark hears the message. And all he says is "LuthorCorp..." and runs off? Can't he at least get a headshake or something wry in here?
MR: Clark does wry? Since when?
Continued...
MR: The opening credits roll as Clark is scrambling around the FoS, recovering some crystals Zod dropped while jacking a big chunk of them. He shoves a couple of them into the FoS control panel, some lights come on, etcetera. And Clark goes...Clark goes... [leans over and taps TW on the shoulder] Tom?
TW [distracted]: What? Oh, sorry. Where were we?
AoT: Zod's bitch...
MR [to TW]: That's Clark.
AoT: ...is kickstarting the FoS.
TW: Zod's bitch?
MR [points at AoT]: Her idea.
AoT: My idea.
TW: Bad idea.
AoT: Well, it's not your episode. [deliberately] Zod's...bitch...
[TW sighs]
AoT: ...puts another crystal into the panel, more glowy lights come on, and he goes...
TW: "Jor-El, answer me."
AoT: With feeling, okay?
TW: Right, right. "Jor-El! Answer me!"
MR: And Jor-El finally replies. "Kal-El. Zod has been freed from his prison."
ED: Fashionably late. Typical.
TW: Okay... "J'onn was trapped in the--"
MR: "For the time being, he will have to fend for himself."
TW: "What? But J'onn is trapped in the Phantom Zone--"
ED: Hey--aren't all the Zoners dead?
KK: Until a plot device resurrects them, sure.
ED [brightly]: So he's all alone in a big desert. Which is still safer than anywhere with Zod.
MR [after a few seconds]: ...moving on. Uh--okay, "J'onn is a powerful entity. He will survive. The only thing standing between Zod and the fate of this world is you, Kal-El, and any time spent attempting to retrieve J'onn from his prison will give Zod that much more of an advantage."
JG: So get a move on, bitch.
AoT: Clark looks down at the seal MM got sucked into, in his hand. He reluctantly puts it on top of the control panel.
TW: "Damn it..."
MR: "You must find him, my son. And you must stop him, for he will not stop until he finds his prey--and he will not let anything stand in his way."
AoT: And Zod's bitch super-speeds out of there. Back we go to LuthorCorp, just in time to see another security guard go flying across the lobby and hit something expensive. Zod is bellowing.
JG: Can I do the arrogant bellowing? I'm bored.
AoT: Go ahead.
JG: Thank you. "You mindless primitives! You are actually protecting him? You cattle! You have no idea what your alliance of evil with him will lead to! Bring me Hasaad!"
TW: You really enjoy that.
JG: Damn straight.
MR: Lex and Dr. Richards are over by a wall, covered by a phalanx of suit-clad security goons. In addition, there are perhaps a dozen LuthorCorp security guards in the lobby...okay, most of them are unconscious and on the floor, but they're there. Lex wisely keeps his mouth shut, though.
JG: Zod glares around the lobby, at the few folks who aren't wise enough to run like hell. He then super-speeds over to one of Lex's goons, a couple of feet away from Lex, and lifts him off the floor by his throat. "One piece of chattel is as another to you, human. I know this from when I entered you."
ED: Okay, so is this scene the gayest one in the episode or the first one?
KK: Still the first one.
ED: Just checking.
MR: Lex. "What are you talking about?"
AoT: There's a nice slow zoom on Zod's face for this next part. Along with some choking noises from the goon.
JG: "Your minions are just valuable pieces of property to you, human...so while you wouldn't miss, oh, one piece--"
AoT: Zod rolls his shoulder forward, the one his goon-holding arm uses. There's a loud cracking noise, and the goon noises stop immediately after that.
KK: Ow.
JG: "Human, I will slaughter every piece of cattle in this building--" This is where Zod drops the now dead beefcake like a slab of beef, okay... "--if you do not bring me the emi--"
MR: Dr. Richards chimes in at this point. "Wait! Wait! I can take you to Hasaad!"
KK: So he's really a big old wuss? Lex's employee of the month?
MR: Lex goes "What are you doing?" under his breath, but Richards doesn't back down.
JG: Zod shoots a look at the good doctor. "You will take me to the beast."
MR: Richards nods, looking fairly frazzled, and Zod all but drags him away down a hallway. But as he gets pulled away, even as Lex is giving him a curious "What's up, Doc?" look--
ED: "'What's up, Doc?'"
KK [laughs]: That should probably be aimed at Zod.
JG [shouts]: I'll kill the wabbit!
MR: Richards manages to get a quick nod off in Lex's direction. A "trust me" sort of nod.
TW [quietly]: That can't possibly end well.
AoT: Okay, there's a short scene right after this with Lionel at the hospital.
JG: Not flatlining, right?
AoT: No, but if you really wanted it...
JG: You're oddly mercurial today.
AoT: Lack of sex. So Lionel is in his hospital bed, looking thoughtful, when Otis comes in. "Sir?"
JG: What the hell. "Otis? What is it?"
AoT: "There's an incident in progress at LuthorCorp, sir."
JG: "You woke me up for that? Piss off and wake me up when a real problem occurs."
MR: John...
JG: Okay, okay. But he would say that, dammit. "What kind of incident?"
AoT: "Apparently it was attacked by a lone humanoid. Security reports he identified himself as a 'Zod.'"
JG: Let me guess... [skims script] Yup. One of those "Jor-El reaches out and touches someone" moments?
MR: Yup. With appropriate dramatic/spooky music.
JG: Okay, fugue state, quickie twitching, blah blah blah.
AoT: While that's going on, Otis is droning on with the big lie about how security is holding their own for the time being. And then Lionel comes out of it and says...
JG: "Otis, my clothes. We have to go."
AoT: "Sir? LuthorCorp isn't safe right now--"
JG: "We're not going to LuthorCorp." Wait, that's it? Shit.
MR: And we cut to the usual establishing shot of the Talon, then to Clark going into the apartment.
TW: Nobody ever just goes for coffee any more. It's always straight to the apartment for information, arguments, every once in a while some sex, and then straight out.
KK and ED: And this is a bad thing?
ED [looks at KK]: Out of my head.
TW: Just saying. Shaking things up might be a good idea.
MR: Annette, can we put a fight scene in the Talon?
AoT: Someone should just blow it up.
ED: Damn, if only Allison was here...
KK: I'll pay!
JG: Oh, shit now...okay, Kristen, you're on!
KK: Seriously?
JG: If money's involved? We'll find a way.
MR: Coming back on point now...
TW: Why is Clark in the apartment, anyway?
AoT: He's looking for Lois. Rather, he's looking for her so she can help him find Hasaad.
TW: Okay. So he looks for her, "Lois? Lois?", and doesn't find her...
AoT: But he notices a message on her answering machine. Being Clark, he plays it...Erica, would you mind? It's Bittleman.
ED: 'kay. "Lois? Bittleman. I'm running a little late, Blondie, so if you get this go on to the LuthorCorp facility we located. I'll be along in a few. Out."
TW: Okay, so Clark hears the message. And all he says is "LuthorCorp..." and runs off? Can't he at least get a headshake or something wry in here?
MR: Clark does wry? Since when?
Continued...
7.13 Exit by MR and AOT (Part I)
As retold by Bill C
Lionel is faced with the task of either destroying a dangerous portal possibly exiling Clark from earth forever or risk exposing earth to certain destruction.
[Writers' room. Everyone is present except TW.]
MR [hands out scripts]: Gather 'round, folks, the show is about to begin.
JG: After six and a half years? It's about goddamn time.
KK: Where's Tom?
AoT: No idea. I think Bryan waylaid him.
MR: He can catch up. So, this episode opens with "Previously on Smallville"--
JG: Who gets to say that this time?
ED: My turn!
KK: Actually, I think it's my turn.
ED: You're not even on the show!
KK: Yeah, so?
MR: We'll figure it out later. Anyway, "previously on Smallville," flashbacks to last week, poor redshirt Zack being possessed by Zod, Martian Manhunter getting sucked into the crystal, blah blah blah. It ends with the shot of Zod from the end of the previous episode, then cuts to black.
AoT: And then we fade in on a reverse-angle shot of Zod with Clark lying in a heap of ice debris across the room.
[KK starts snickering quietly]
JG: What is it, woman?
KK: Zod's standing across the room from the person he just beat up, right?
MR: Yeah.
KK [laughs]: So he looks like the abusive boyfriend in a made-for-TV movie?
AoT: Actually, Kristen, he...wait. [nods] Yes, that's exactly what he looks like.
KK [still laughing]: So Clark is now Zod's bitch.
JG: Again, you mean.
MR: Zod looks down at the seal of El in his hand, the one he sucked MM into, then tosses it away like a cigarette butt. "It's sad to see that this world only has you as its so-called 'savior,' son of Jor-El."
AoT: Clark, or should we say Zod's bitch, slowly lurches to his feet. "Zod...I can't let you des--"
MR: Zod simply super-speeds over and backhands Clark in the face. Clark falls down.
ED: This is a recurring theme for this episode, isn't it?
MR: You have no idea.
AoT: Zod's bitch groans and tries to get to his feet again. "You...you can't--"
MR: Zod. "Stay out of my way, child. Your better has tasks ahead...such as hunting down that--that creature he calls an emissary."
AoT: Zod's bitch looks appropriately confused. "Emissary?"
MR: "That creature...Hasaad! You truly have no sense of what the Crusade tried to stop, do you? He was the chosen, the first contact with any world--he would seduce them, get them to let their guard down, and then...nonsense. You will never understand, child."
ED: Hasaad, you slut.
AoT: Zod gets bored and super-speeds out of the FoS to look for a new bitch. His old bitch finally manages to get to his feet, then dashes over to where Zod tossed the seal. "J'onn! Dammit...Jor-El! Jor-El, answer me!"
JG: And Jor-El says [impersonates Terence Stamp] "You are not my son. You are a fucking idiot."
MR: Actually, we just had silence...Annette, can we use that?
AoT: No.
MR: Aww. Why not?
AoT: It would clash with the dramatic music.
MR: Forget the dramatic music. [grumbles under his breath]
AoT: Quiet, you. It's over with quickly, so shut up.
JG: Dare I ask?
MR [sighs]: No. Aaand we cut to the usual establishing shot of LuthorCorp HQ, then to Lex walking out of an elevator into the main lobby followed by Dr. Richards and some secretary.
AoT: The secretary is talking about noticing some sort of unusual power drain in the regional power grid and how they're attempting to trace it back to its source.
MR: Lex tells him to let him know of any further developments, just as a set of glass panes set into the front of the lobby shatter accompanied by a loud boom.
KK: Bitch number two! Come on dowwwwwn!
MR [stares at KK]: You're not helping, Kristen.
KK: That's the idea.
AoT: Anyway, all this glass shatters and people go running. Quick cut back to Lex and his posse going "What the hell?" as the dramatic music kicks in...
MR: And we go into slo-mo as Zod walks through the now open-air lobby entrance, a backpack slung over one shoulder. He stops, looks around smugly, and--
KK: Where'd he get the backpack?
AoT: It doesn't matter.
KK: Sure it does. Where'd it come from?
MR: He jacked it from a Wal-Mart on his way to LuthorCorp, okay?
KK: Okay. Do we get to see--
MR and AoT: No.
KK [pouts]: Fine, be that way.
AoT: Zod looks around, in that master-of-all-he-surveys sort of way. And then he notices Lex.
JG [sings]: I can't seem to forget you...your Wind Song stays on my miiiiind...
[AoT lightly punches JG in the shoulder]
MR: Lex's secretary freaks and runs for the hills, while Lex stands rooted to his spot. A couple of LuthorCorp security guards run in from a nearby hallway and get blown away.
ED: Wait, where'd Zod get a gun?
AoT: No, dear. Blown away. Literally. Zod puckers up and blows a gust of air right at them. One of them goes through a table, and the other gets knocked back into the hallway.
ED: Oh.
AoT: Zod then walks up to Lex. "I...I remember you."
MR: Lex puts on his best snarky face. "Then you have me at a disadvantage, because I have absolutely no idea who the hell you are."
AoT: "How miniscule your brain is! You have already forgotten the touch of my essence?"
KK: I'm assuming that line is accompanied by a suitably gay look?
AoT: There was actually doubt?
MR: Lex goes for the obvious. "Who are you?"
AoT: "I am...General Zod."
MR: Lex does his best to hide that fear. "Zod...I'm sorry, but I don't think we've had the pleasure."
AoT: Zod smirks. "Ah, but we have, ape. We have."
ED: The gayest look in the episode is barely three minutes into it? Isn't that illegal?
KK: Not if you do it right.
[TW enters]
JG: And then he kisses him.
TW: Who kisses who now?
ED: What kept you, Tom?
TW: I...had to take a call. What'd I miss?
MR [hands TW a script]: Oh, not much--
KK: Zod bitchslaps Clark.
TW: What?
KK: Right on the first page.
TW [skims script]: What the--hey!
MR: Come on, Tom. It's Zod. He has to beat down suckers.
JG: Clark should be used to it from the first time around, anyway.
AoT: Anyway, Zod takes a step closer to Lex, staring him right in the eye. "Where is the emissary?"
KK: He is of Bajor?
ED: Who is of what?
KK: Quiet.
MR: Lex. "I have no idea what you're talking about...unless you're referring to what you call Kal-El."
AoT: Zod laughs in Lex's face. "He is inconsequential! I mean the emissary--the agent of your world's destruction! The one you call Hasaad!"
MR: Music swells as Zod and Lex stare each other down, and--Annette, I hate this part...
AoT: You big baby.
MR: Fine. Zod shoves Lex out of the way, and Lex goes flying through some artsy glass partition.
AoT: In slow motion.
MR: Dammit.
AoT: We then cut back to Zod, who roars "Hasaad!"--and then cut to credits.
Continued...
Lionel is faced with the task of either destroying a dangerous portal possibly exiling Clark from earth forever or risk exposing earth to certain destruction.
[Writers' room. Everyone is present except TW.]
MR [hands out scripts]: Gather 'round, folks, the show is about to begin.
JG: After six and a half years? It's about goddamn time.
KK: Where's Tom?
AoT: No idea. I think Bryan waylaid him.
MR: He can catch up. So, this episode opens with "Previously on Smallville"--
JG: Who gets to say that this time?
ED: My turn!
KK: Actually, I think it's my turn.
ED: You're not even on the show!
KK: Yeah, so?
MR: We'll figure it out later. Anyway, "previously on Smallville," flashbacks to last week, poor redshirt Zack being possessed by Zod, Martian Manhunter getting sucked into the crystal, blah blah blah. It ends with the shot of Zod from the end of the previous episode, then cuts to black.
AoT: And then we fade in on a reverse-angle shot of Zod with Clark lying in a heap of ice debris across the room.
[KK starts snickering quietly]
JG: What is it, woman?
KK: Zod's standing across the room from the person he just beat up, right?
MR: Yeah.
KK [laughs]: So he looks like the abusive boyfriend in a made-for-TV movie?
AoT: Actually, Kristen, he...wait. [nods] Yes, that's exactly what he looks like.
KK [still laughing]: So Clark is now Zod's bitch.
JG: Again, you mean.
MR: Zod looks down at the seal of El in his hand, the one he sucked MM into, then tosses it away like a cigarette butt. "It's sad to see that this world only has you as its so-called 'savior,' son of Jor-El."
AoT: Clark, or should we say Zod's bitch, slowly lurches to his feet. "Zod...I can't let you des--"
MR: Zod simply super-speeds over and backhands Clark in the face. Clark falls down.
ED: This is a recurring theme for this episode, isn't it?
MR: You have no idea.
AoT: Zod's bitch groans and tries to get to his feet again. "You...you can't--"
MR: Zod. "Stay out of my way, child. Your better has tasks ahead...such as hunting down that--that creature he calls an emissary."
AoT: Zod's bitch looks appropriately confused. "Emissary?"
MR: "That creature...Hasaad! You truly have no sense of what the Crusade tried to stop, do you? He was the chosen, the first contact with any world--he would seduce them, get them to let their guard down, and then...nonsense. You will never understand, child."
ED: Hasaad, you slut.
AoT: Zod gets bored and super-speeds out of the FoS to look for a new bitch. His old bitch finally manages to get to his feet, then dashes over to where Zod tossed the seal. "J'onn! Dammit...Jor-El! Jor-El, answer me!"
JG: And Jor-El says [impersonates Terence Stamp] "You are not my son. You are a fucking idiot."
MR: Actually, we just had silence...Annette, can we use that?
AoT: No.
MR: Aww. Why not?
AoT: It would clash with the dramatic music.
MR: Forget the dramatic music. [grumbles under his breath]
AoT: Quiet, you. It's over with quickly, so shut up.
JG: Dare I ask?
MR [sighs]: No. Aaand we cut to the usual establishing shot of LuthorCorp HQ, then to Lex walking out of an elevator into the main lobby followed by Dr. Richards and some secretary.
AoT: The secretary is talking about noticing some sort of unusual power drain in the regional power grid and how they're attempting to trace it back to its source.
MR: Lex tells him to let him know of any further developments, just as a set of glass panes set into the front of the lobby shatter accompanied by a loud boom.
KK: Bitch number two! Come on dowwwwwn!
MR [stares at KK]: You're not helping, Kristen.
KK: That's the idea.
AoT: Anyway, all this glass shatters and people go running. Quick cut back to Lex and his posse going "What the hell?" as the dramatic music kicks in...
MR: And we go into slo-mo as Zod walks through the now open-air lobby entrance, a backpack slung over one shoulder. He stops, looks around smugly, and--
KK: Where'd he get the backpack?
AoT: It doesn't matter.
KK: Sure it does. Where'd it come from?
MR: He jacked it from a Wal-Mart on his way to LuthorCorp, okay?
KK: Okay. Do we get to see--
MR and AoT: No.
KK [pouts]: Fine, be that way.
AoT: Zod looks around, in that master-of-all-he-surveys sort of way. And then he notices Lex.
JG [sings]: I can't seem to forget you...your Wind Song stays on my miiiiind...
[AoT lightly punches JG in the shoulder]
MR: Lex's secretary freaks and runs for the hills, while Lex stands rooted to his spot. A couple of LuthorCorp security guards run in from a nearby hallway and get blown away.
ED: Wait, where'd Zod get a gun?
AoT: No, dear. Blown away. Literally. Zod puckers up and blows a gust of air right at them. One of them goes through a table, and the other gets knocked back into the hallway.
ED: Oh.
AoT: Zod then walks up to Lex. "I...I remember you."
MR: Lex puts on his best snarky face. "Then you have me at a disadvantage, because I have absolutely no idea who the hell you are."
AoT: "How miniscule your brain is! You have already forgotten the touch of my essence?"
KK: I'm assuming that line is accompanied by a suitably gay look?
AoT: There was actually doubt?
MR: Lex goes for the obvious. "Who are you?"
AoT: "I am...General Zod."
MR: Lex does his best to hide that fear. "Zod...I'm sorry, but I don't think we've had the pleasure."
AoT: Zod smirks. "Ah, but we have, ape. We have."
ED: The gayest look in the episode is barely three minutes into it? Isn't that illegal?
KK: Not if you do it right.
[TW enters]
JG: And then he kisses him.
TW: Who kisses who now?
ED: What kept you, Tom?
TW: I...had to take a call. What'd I miss?
MR [hands TW a script]: Oh, not much--
KK: Zod bitchslaps Clark.
TW: What?
KK: Right on the first page.
TW [skims script]: What the--hey!
MR: Come on, Tom. It's Zod. He has to beat down suckers.
JG: Clark should be used to it from the first time around, anyway.
AoT: Anyway, Zod takes a step closer to Lex, staring him right in the eye. "Where is the emissary?"
KK: He is of Bajor?
ED: Who is of what?
KK: Quiet.
MR: Lex. "I have no idea what you're talking about...unless you're referring to what you call Kal-El."
AoT: Zod laughs in Lex's face. "He is inconsequential! I mean the emissary--the agent of your world's destruction! The one you call Hasaad!"
MR: Music swells as Zod and Lex stare each other down, and--Annette, I hate this part...
AoT: You big baby.
MR: Fine. Zod shoves Lex out of the way, and Lex goes flying through some artsy glass partition.
AoT: In slow motion.
MR: Dammit.
AoT: We then cut back to Zod, who roars "Hasaad!"--and then cut to credits.
Continued...
7.13 Exit Teaser
As retold by Bill C
[MR's trailer. AoT is busily typing on a laptop, while MR is snoring on the couch.]
AoT: Okay, that should do it...Michael? Michael. [kicks MR in the shin] Michael!
MR: ...ow, dammit, Annette. I was having a wonderful dream...what is it?
AoT: We have to finish this teaser...well, okay, had to. It's done now.
MR: Wha? [yawns] It was done before I dozed off. I thought you liked it.
AoT: Yeah, well...I thought it could use some fine tuning.
MR: Okay, woman, what'd you do to my teaser? Gimme the laptop!
AoT [hands MR the laptop]: Okay, okay.
MR: You had better not have removed the ending...
MR: Wait, hold it! That scene wasn't in there in the last version!
AoT: Deal with it.
MR: It wasn't even in the epis--dammit, woman! I wanted to get through one episode without Lex suffering any physical violence!
AoT: Boo-hoo-hoo, poor wimpy Michael.
MR: Shut up! I just wanted one bruise-free episode!
AoT: You can have it later, okay?
MR: Just one episode!
AoT: Will you shut up?
MR: Waitaminnit! You took out the ending? The entire ending?!?
AoT: I thought it'd work better as a surprise for the audience.
MR: But it was so fucking cool!
AoT: It gave away a little too much, Michael. We want to leave something to the imagination, remember?
MR [grumbles]: Okay, dammit, fine. So who's the evil voice?
AoT: We tried to get Michael Ironside, but he was busy. I think we're waiting for word from [looks at notes on a nearby sheet of paper] Patrick Warburton's agent.
MR: The Tick? Not my first choice, Annette...
AoT: It's not like we have a lot of choices here. Convention season is going on...
MR: Damn it. I'll think of something.
Next
[MR's trailer. AoT is busily typing on a laptop, while MR is snoring on the couch.]
AoT: Okay, that should do it...Michael? Michael. [kicks MR in the shin] Michael!
MR: ...ow, dammit, Annette. I was having a wonderful dream...what is it?
AoT: We have to finish this teaser...well, okay, had to. It's done now.
MR: Wha? [yawns] It was done before I dozed off. I thought you liked it.
AoT: Yeah, well...I thought it could use some fine tuning.
MR: Okay, woman, what'd you do to my teaser? Gimme the laptop!
AoT [hands MR the laptop]: Okay, okay.
MR: You had better not have removed the ending...
[Fade in on a panning shot of a group of thugs firing weapons at something off-camera.]
[Title card zooms in from camera POV over shot, with a metallic clang: "NEXT WEEK"]
Pompous!CWVoice: "Next week..."
[Cut to Hasaad grinning at Lois and Bittleman, who are seated on crates with guns at their heads. A whining noise starts up in the background, and increases in pitch and volume.]
[Title card zoom with clang: CLARK]
[Cut to a from-below shot of Clark--head down, arms up out of frame, and with his eyes closed in either effort or pain as a huge black blur rushes over his back.]
[Title card zoom with clang: KENT]
[Cut to a panorama-style shot of a contingent of heavy military vehicles advancing down a road towards the distant Metropolis skyline.]
[Cut to Martha, Lionel, Lucius, and Otis in an office staring at a TV in shock]
[Title card zoom with clang: IS]
[Cut to the outside of a Radio Shack at night, with a car parked in front of it. Clark abruptly rockets through a huge window at the front of the store and plows into the side of the car, caving that side in.]
[Cut to a shot of Zod in a shattered doorway, crystals in both hands, in an attack pose with a predatory look on his face]
[Title card zoom with clang: GOING]
[Cut to Zod firing heat-vision at something offscreen]
[Title card zoom with clang: TO]
[Cut to Zod and Lex glaring at each other, virtually nose-to-nose. Cut immediately after that to Zod throwing Lex through a glass partition in a lobby of some sort. Screen cuts hard to black, and the whining noise stops.]
MR: Wait, hold it! That scene wasn't in there in the last version!
AoT: Deal with it.
MR: It wasn't even in the epis--dammit, woman! I wanted to get through one episode without Lex suffering any physical violence!
AoT: Boo-hoo-hoo, poor wimpy Michael.
MR: Shut up! I just wanted one bruise-free episode!
AoT: You can have it later, okay?
MR: Just one episode!
AoT: Will you shut up?
[title card reverse-zoom on black screen, twice as large as the previous cards: HELL]
[Cut to a shot of a vast, volcanic-appearing wasteland tinged in red with what sounds like a brisk wind as ambient noise. Cut from that to a shot of a battered, bloodied Clark slumped against a wall in the same red tint. A huge shadow slowly falls over him, and he looks up off-camera with a grimace.]
Extremely Deep Voice [with enhanced bass]: "Welcome, Kal-El."
[Cut to black Smallville title card]
Pompous!CWVoice: Smallville. Brand new, next week, on The CW.
[Cut to a shot of a vast, volcanic-appearing wasteland tinged in red with what sounds like a brisk wind as ambient noise. Cut from that to a shot of a battered, bloodied Clark slumped against a wall in the same red tint. A huge shadow slowly falls over him, and he looks up off-camera with a grimace.]
Extremely Deep Voice [with enhanced bass]: "Welcome, Kal-El."
[Cut to black Smallville title card]
Pompous!CWVoice: Smallville. Brand new, next week, on The CW.
MR: Waitaminnit! You took out the ending? The entire ending?!?
AoT: I thought it'd work better as a surprise for the audience.
MR: But it was so fucking cool!
AoT: It gave away a little too much, Michael. We want to leave something to the imagination, remember?
MR [grumbles]: Okay, dammit, fine. So who's the evil voice?
AoT: We tried to get Michael Ironside, but he was busy. I think we're waiting for word from [looks at notes on a nearby sheet of paper] Patrick Warburton's agent.
MR: The Tick? Not my first choice, Annette...
AoT: It's not like we have a lot of choices here. Convention season is going on...
MR: Damn it. I'll think of something.
Next
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