7.14 Escape by TW and ED (Part I)

as retold by RepairmanBob

As Clark races to return to earth Lionel finds an unlikely ally to help destroy the portal.

(The cast walks in. JG is noticeably absent.)
TW: OK, let’s get started. We have a lot to cover.
AoT: Tom, you look … relaxed.
TW: I found a way to keep Bryan distracted, so I actually got to work on the script this time. (Glares at KK).
KK: I thought the changes to Return improved the script.
MR: Especially shooting Lionel. I liked that change.
KK: That was fun.
AoT: Speaking of which, where is John?
TW: He can catch up. We start with -
ED: Tom, what did you do to Bryan?
TW: I just had to get him out of my hair for a little while, so I -
ED: Drugged him?
AoT: Hit him?
KK: Drugged him then hit him? (Rest of the cast looks at her.) Oh, like you all haven’t thought about it.
MR: You did something to the Suit, didn’t you?

(Two hours ago in BS’s office.)
BS: (Looking the empty case where he keeps the Suit.) Nooooooooooo!

TW: Let’s just say Bryan is not going to be influencing this script.

(Capricia set. AM is practicing a fight scene with her trainer.)
AM: Kick, block, punch, spin - God, why don’t people in the future use tazers?
(A messenger arrives.)
Messenger: Ms. Mack? I have a package from you from a… Mr. Kent?
AM: (Smiles) Ah, yes. I have been waiting for that. I’ll sign.

(Writer’s room.)
AoT: Whatever. I just want to make sure there is plenty of Martha this week. I did not get as much screen time as I would have preferred last week –
ED: Are you kidding?
AoT: I did not have as may scenes as usual in Exit, so I think it is only fair that I have twice as many scenes as usual in Escape.
ED: You wrote Exit!
AoT: Erica, I wrote that script knowing I would be in Australian with the WWE, so I would not be around for filming. I just want to make it clear that I expect –
TW: (Looks annoyed) You have to be shitting me.
AoT: Excuse me?
TW: You and Michael trashed Clark last week. You will be lucky if Martha gets an off screen mention.
AoT: That’s not fair! Erica, how could you let this happen!
ED: Sorry, Annette. Tom gave me a great story.
TW: And she is the only person that has not spent the last two episodes trashing Clark.
AoT: What about Michael? Or John and Kristin?
MR: Thanks for throwing us under the bus, Annette.
KK: Way to take one for the team.
TW: I need Lex to be competent for… well, for something else I am setting up. And what am I supposed to do to Kristin?
KK: I love that Lana is dead.
TW: Anyway, she will eventually turn on the rest of you like a rabid dog.
KK: (Smiles, shrugs shoulders.) It’s true. I will.
AoT: I will not stand for this, Tom! I demand that -
TW: (Talking over AoT) As for John…
(JG stumbles into the writing room. He has one black eye, and his shirt is ripped.)
JG: Who the hell told Singer I stole his damn Suit!
MR: Tom!
KK: Wow.
AoT: I cannot believe you did this!
JG: You sent him after me, Welling? As payback for Return?
TW: (Raises an eyebrow)
JG: (Calms down, sits in a chair.) Nicely played, boy. Nicely played. I thought Allison was the only one of you youngsters who could be that devious.
TW: Do we understand each other, Annette?
AoT: (Glares)

TW: Good. We start with the end of Exit.
KK: With Clark’s head in a wall? (Starts to giggle)
ED: No, with Lois firing a rocket launcher!
JG: I liked Clark’s head being punched through a wall.
KK: Through a wall!
ED: No, Lois! Firing a rocket Launcher!
TW: We do start with Lois.
ED: Hurray! Lois saves the day.
TW: Except that she doesn’t.
ED: Sadly.
TW: The battlefield is quiet. The smoke from the explosion clears. The building is trashed. Whatever Zod did not destroy last week is rubble. In the middle of it all is the portal device, completely undamaged by the rocket.
KK: Lois Lane – finding new ways to fuck up and disappoint fans since 2004.
MR: Unless she is in a bikini. Hey, can we put Lois in a –
TW: No.
ED: Actually… no, even I think Lois in a bikini is dumb in that scene.
MR: Worth a shot.
ED: Lois and Bittleman are in shock. “I just shot a rocket at that thing. There is no way it can be standing.”
TW: A dog solider wearing metal wings flies through the portal. “Lane, what is that?”
ED: The parademon flips around, then starts to move towards the rocket launcher. “We need to move.”
TW: “Did that thing just fly out of the portal? They can fly?”
ED: The dog soldier lifts a large weapon and fires at the rocket launcher. “We need to go!” Lois drags Bittleman away from the rocket launcher seconds before it explodes.
JG: You are blowing up things in the teaser? Exactly how do you plan to pay for this?
TW: Lots of endorsement deals this week. Four wheeled vehicles start to pour out of the portal, firing weapons at the troops. More of the Cujo Corp fly out. Hassad stands next to the portal, and starts to yell. “Abandon all hope, you pathetic cretins! Your lives are forfeit! Accept your place in the new order as slaves of great Apokolips! Your champion has been defeated!”
ED: Cut an overhead view of Clark and Zod. Zod is lying on the ground, Clark’s head and upper body is half buried in the wall.
KK: His head is in a wall! (Uncontrolled laughter)
ED: They are surrounded by dog soldiers, who growl and hiss at them.
TW: Hassad’s voice over continues. “Kal-El has been broken and humbled!” A massive, human-shaped shadow falls over them. “As is the fate of all those who would dare to oppose mighty Darkseid!”
ED: Darkseid’s voice rumbles from off-screen. “Remove them.” The parademons bark, and drag our hero –
KK: And his bitch, Clark.
ED - away. Cue the credits.
AoT: See, Clark even gets his ass kicked in episodes you write, Tom.

continued...