7.19 Confession (Part IV) by TW and JG

as retold by Bill C

TW: We come back on an establishing shot of the Kent farm, accompanied by ambient noise. Hold on the shot while the ambient noise is punctuated twice by a loud "whack."
ED: Wow. This is actually more boring than Lex and the headband.
Cut to a shot of a tree stump with a block of wood sitting on top of it; an axe handle comes in from the top of the shot and splits the block in two. A hand comes into the shot, puts another block of wood on top of the stump, leaves, and again down comes the axe.
MR: I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay?
JG: Pan up to show Clark, shirtless and in jeans--
AM: Shirtless?
ED: Shirtless?
AoT: Oh my.
MR: What happened to all clothed, all the time?
TW: John actually made a compelling argument that--
JG: It'll be a lot easier for people to swallow this cheap episode if we throw them a bone. And that bone is shirtless, sweaty Clark.
AM: And you went for it?
AoT [after a few seconds]: Can we get shirtless Clark--
TW: No.
AoT: In leather--
TW: No.
AoT: You don't know what I was going to--
TW: No.
[AoT pouts]
JG: I tried, ladies. God, I tried.
TW: Clark continues putting blocks on the stump and chopping them up for a bit, almost mechanically, as some quietly dramatic music starts up in the background. And as he chops, the camera slowly zooms in on his face--he starts getting mad--and he starts putting more effort into the axe swings. And on each "whack" we briefly cut to a quick silent shot of something completely different.
JG: Whack, cut to the shot of Clark seeing Bruce Wayne's dead parents.
TW: Whack, Zod punching Clark out in the FoS.
JG: Whack, the battle at the Slab in Revolt.
TW: Whack, Chloe's death.
AM [frowns]: Oh, great...thanks, guys.
JG: Whack, Lana's death.
MR: Can he have the Lanabot then?
TW: And finally whack, Darkseid punching Clark into the wall on Apokolips. And on that last one Clark swings the axe hard enough to not only send the split pieces of wood flying in two directions up and out of the shot...but we cut down to see he got the axe itself stuck in the stump and broke the handle.
ED: Damn. So even Mother Nature has to feel Clark's pain?
AM: I think the only person who's managed to not feel his pain has been...ummm...hmm...okay, give me a minute...
JG: While Allison's working that out...zoom out to a shot of Clark glaring down at the axe. And then we hear Chloe's voice from offscreen: "Stocking up on firewood for the decade, Clark?"
TW: Clark turns around, and we pan over slightly to see Chloe standing behind him holding one of the last two pieces of wood. Quick cut to a reaction shot of Clark, looking surprised. "Chloe..."
AM: What's Chloe wearing? Still the white dress?
TW: No, by now she's changed into a white blouse and jeans under a white longcoat.
AM: Surprisingly tasteful.
ED: Kind of Highlander-esque, though.
AM: Well, there can be only one...Chloe. [points at MR as he opens his mouth] Not a word, smartass.
TW: Cut back to the previous shot as Chloe tosses the piece of wood away. Then cut to the two of them walking into the loft, and Clark's talking. "I was wondering what you were up to, Chloe. You've become a very hard woman to get a hold of."
[KK enters]
AoT [noticing KK]: Kristin, I believe you're just in time for a loft scene.
KK [to TW]: I hate you. [to AoT] What? A loft scene? Oh, Christ...
AoT: In fairness, we haven't had one in a while.
KK: We don't need one now!
MR: Hey, did you catch up to Dawn?
KK: No. Just her secretary, who kept saying that Tom now has Dawn's full support. Whatever the hell that means.
JG: All will be made clear later. Allison, care to read for Chloe?
AM: Yeah, sure. 'kay...Chloe leans against one of the staircase bannisters. "A girl's got things to do, Clark. How'd the old song go--'sisters are doing it for themselves'?"
TW: Cut to Clark sitting at his usual spot by the window, looking back at Chloe. "I'm just glad you're okay."
AM: Chloe sounds ever so bitter, looking around that damn barn. "Okay is definitely a state of mind, Clark."
TW: "Yeah, it is." Clark looks out the window for a few seconds. "A state of mind..."
AM: "You know what's on my mind, Clark?"
MR: Finally being able to screw her BFF super-style?
ED: Whipping out a sword and chopping off Clark's head?
AoT: The big one or the little one?
JG: Annette!
ED [groans]: My brain!
TW [sighs]: "What is it, Chloe?"
AM: Chloe looks up at Clark. "Milton Fine. The artist formerly known as the Brain Interactive Construct."
TW: That wakes Clark up in a hurry. He looks at Chloe with the typical "Clark says 'what?'" look on his face.
AM: Chloe walks the rest of the way up the stairs into the loft, and sits down in a chair. "Clark, while you were getting a beatdown from Lex at the Slab...I was having a meeting of the minds with that...that thing."
TW: "Wait--Brainiac is alive?!?"
AM: Chloe shrugs. "Not any more. The son of a bitch is dead now."
MR: Cool. Chloe's owning her superbadassness.
AM: Damn straight. "He thought he could use me. He thought wrong."
TW: Clark looks intently at Chloe. "What happened?"
AM: "Well, he kidnapped me and took me back to Lex's chamber of horrors--wanted to use me like something out of The Matrix. He...it...whatever the hell it was...it screwed with my mind, damn near killed me--"
TW: Clark's hands are balled up into fists at this point. "Brainiac and Lex were working to--"
AM: "Actually, no, I don't think they were. Like it matters now. Brainiac is definitely dead, though. I saw him die. I felt him die."
TW: "You what?"
AM: Chloe smiles wearily. "And that brings me to why I'm here. Before I recycled Brainiac--"
ED: Oh, God. Chloe's speaking like a smartassed action movie heroine.
AoT [thoughtful]: As opposed to the smartassed spunky sidekick she was when this season started?
ED: I see your point.
AM: Quiet, you two. "Before I recycled Brainiac, I got a chance to look inside its mind. I know it was working for Zod, Clark. But I'm somewhat fuzzy on the why...only that it had something to do with that little alien invasion that happened while I was...out. And something called the Crusade."
MR: Oh, come on. Make her say she was dead.
TW: We don't really need to.
MR: Yeah, but it'd be nice if she did.
TW: Clark is taken aback by Chloe's remark. "The Kryptonian Crusade?"
AM: Chloe frowns. "What, Clark, were your people working on a plan to conquer the world all along?"
ED: From zero to paranoid in five seconds flat?
TW: "N-no, Chloe, that's not it."
AM: "You don't get it, Clark. Brainiac's plan...was to use my...my body--"
MR: For his own sick, depraved sexual urges.
ED: Ew.
MR: Afterwards, Brainiac would have served juice.
AM: Chloe gets a little passionate here. "--as genetic material in order to somehow cross-breed an entire race of...of...of freaks, Clark, of freaks! An army of them!"
ED: Okay, how did that song go again... [sings] And if you complain once more...
JG [sighs]: Quiet, Durance.
ED: ...you'll meet an army of meeeee...
[KK hits ED in the head with an eraser]
AM: Chloe points at Clark. "I need to know exactly what Zod was up to, Clark. I need to know about this Kryptonian Crusade. And if it's all right with you I'd like to know right now."

Continued...