7.21 Apocalypse by TW and AM (Part IX)

as retold by Bill C

MR: Back to LuthorCorp, and Lex glaring at Clark. "We were friends once, Clark. Now, I know that Chloe has always been your best friend, but--when we were close--"
TW: "Lex, you've always been a...driven...man. Considering what's happened since I've known you, I couldn't ever tell you who I really was because I was worried for my safety, for my parents, for my friends..."
ED: Translation: he didn't love you enough to trust you with that bombshell.
JG: This is where Lex should kiss Clark Michael Corleone-style.
AM [thinks]: Okay, I'm tempted.
TW: Not happening, John.
MR: "You broke my heart, Clark. You broke my heart!"
KK: John, why not just bribe To--damn, never mind, what am I saying?
MR: Lex laughs bitterly. "A case could be made, Clark, for my being so driven because of you. Because of how we first met."
TW: Clark frowns. "You set up 33.1, Lex. And do I really have to go into what you did to Chloe again? You're a very dangerous man."
MR: "And yet here you are, admitting your greatest secret to me."
JG: If that isn't love, I don't know what the hell is.
AoT: A strange, twisted, complicated love...but love nonetheless.
TW: Clark walks a couple of paces to one side, and the camera pans to follow him. "I'm here now...because I need your help."
MR: "My help. Dare I ask, with what?"
TW: "Darkseid. The only reason he's interested in Earth is because of his war against Krypton...and more recently because of me and...Zod."
MR: Lex takes another figurative hit in the gut. "I thought you might have been hiding something about Zod when I asked you about him."
TW: "Zod was the only other surviving Kryptonian. When Hasaad built his portal here on Earth to their planet--Apokolips--Zod and I went through it and fought Darkseid there. If not for that--"
MR: Lex snaps at Clark. "These people were already interested in Earth. Maybe not as much until they found out about you, but they obviously knew we were here."
TW: "But the only reason they're coming now, in force, is for me. If I'm not here, neither is their reason for attacking."
ED [sing-song]: Cuckoo, cuckoo...
AoT: You know, it's sad when Erica is calling someone crazy.
JG: And they deserve it.
MR: Lex turns away from Clark and looks out a window. "So, what, you want to leave Earth?"
TW: "Well...yes. And, as much as I hate to admit it, you're my best chance of doing that."
MR: "So you're asking me to just put you on a rocket and actually launch you into outer space."
TW: "If you can get me up there, I think I can do the rest myself."
MR: Lex turns to face Clark, hands behind his back. "And why shouldn't I just turn you over to the government? Let them deal with you, and with Darkseid?"
TW: Clark considers that. "The sooner I get off this planet, the better off everyone will be. Besides, all that the government will do is the same thing I'm asking you to do--put me on a ship and send me away. I'm just cutting out the middleman...and I'm asking you to help me, Lex."
KK: If he busted out the puppy-dog eyes, Lex wouldn't have a chance.
MR: Slow zoom on Lex as he considers this. Iron Lex should totally turn Clark's ass in without a second thought, but instead he considers it.
AM: It'd be too easy.
MR: Why can't you guys push the Easy button just once?
TW: Because.
AoT: Because Tom's ambition is greater than the quality level of this show.
KK: Please. The gas in my rental car's tank is greater than the quality level of this show.
MR: And Lex finally leans back and stares at Clark. "LuthorCorp is test-launching a reusable orbital launch vehicle tomorrow morning. It's a fully automated launch, but it's supposed to link up with the International Space Station and transfer supplies to a long-range probe already docked there. The probe...is headed for Saturn."
KK: He gave in too easily! At least have Clark bust out the puppy-dog eyes!
TW: Clark nods. "Saturn."
MR: "This obviously means you can withstand vacuum to some degree. I suppose we can load additional supplies--food, oxygen, a spacesuit--for you to use when you reach the ISS."
TW: "Just get me away from Earth, Lex."
MR: "Though this does beg one question: how will Darkseid believe you're really gone?"
KK: Damn, logic now?
TW: Clark thinks. "The probe will obviously have communications equipment. There must be some way to get it to send a signal showing that I...that Kal-El is on board."
ED: Webcam on the dashboard!
AM: Kal-El Twittering from outer space. Hell, I'd pay to see that.
MR: Lex frowns. "You realize you're asking me to basically cut the entire United States government out of this."
TW: Clark sighs--
ED: As Lex goes for the zipper of his jeans.
TW [shakes head]: "Lex, if it helps your conscience to do it you can blame it all on me. Say I hijacked the probe in an attempt to escape Earth. I don't care. Just get me away from here before Darkseid's main force arrives."
MR: "Fine. The launch facility is outside of Metropolis. Meet me there at--" Lex looks at his watch. "--six A.M. tomorrow. And don't worry...I'm not going to sell you out until after you're gone."
TW: Closeup on Clark nodding. "I'll be there." He turns to leave, then stops and says over his shoulder, "Thank you, Lex."
MR: Closeup on Lex as he nods soundlessly, then wide shot as Clark leaves the office, then back to Lex as he looks after Clark.
ED [sings]: I ain't missin' you at all! No matter...what my friends say!
MR: Welcome to VH1...and the H stands for HoYay.
TW: Cut to a low shot of the hallway outside Lex's office as Clark leaves and walks away from the camera and around a corner. Hold on the shot for a couple of seconds as another person walks into it from behind the camera; some suspenseful music cues up as we track to follow them as they get a few paces closer to Lex's doorway, but still out of sight.
AM: Cut to Lex's office again as he picks up his phone and calls someone, ordering them to hold the ROV launch until his say-so.
TW: And cut to the hallway again as the camera tracks upwards with Lex's dialogue ongoing, revealing that the mysterious person is Otis.
JG: I was wondering where he was during all of this.
ED: Yeah. Lionel's minion has been completely shafted in this episode.
TW: We're about to fix that.
ED: Really?
TW: Yes. Fade from the profile shot of Otis to an overhead aerial tracking shot of some generic countryside--trees, small ponds, grass everywhere, blah blah blah. The shot goes on for about ten seconds, some vaguely patriotic music going in the background, and then the camera pans upward slightly while moving to show a massive CGI gantry complex on the horizon. As we get closer to it, we see a huge white booster rocket sitting on a launch platform with a small vaguely shuttle-shaped vehicle attached to it. A catwalk extends from the main gantry to the vehicle itself.
MR: Space...the fi--
KK [hits MR in the head with a pen]: Don't. You. Fucking. Dare.
MR: Dammit, woman!
AM: The camera flies over the gantry, and we then cut to a quick shot of a Mission Control-style room with lots of huge wall displays and various people sitting behind large consoles. Then we cut to the interior of a completely white room, where Lex is leaning against a wall in the foreground...and Clark is shirtless in the background.

AoT+ED: Shirtless? Again?
JG: All right, I'm stunned.
TW: This time it's very brief.
JG: Damn.
AM: He's in the middle of putting on a standard space suit, so his lower half is encased in it while he's taking off his jacket and T-shirt. He reaches for a red T-shirt which appears to have little electrodes attached to it and slips that on.
MR: Okay...so Lex...walks over to Clark. "The launch is going off as planned...just with some extra equipment on board. So this shouldn't raise too many eyebrows."
TW: Cut to Clark as he attaches small cables to the electrodes on his T-shirt, then begins struggling into the rest of the spacesuit. "I meant what I said, Lex. Once I'm out of Earth orbit, you can...you probably should say that Kal-El hijacked the launch and then the probe in order to escape. That way, you're not in trouble."
KK: I said it before, I'll say it again: not even Lana could compete in the end with the Clex. [snickers] Gave it a hell of a run, though.
ED: I dunno, Kristin. Wasn't it ghost-Lana who actually called Clark "her Superman" a while back?
MR: Kristin wrote that!
ED: Oh, yeah. [pauses] But still.

Continued...