7.21 Apocalypse by TW and AM (Part XV)

as retold by Bill C

AM: We come back on a frontal shot of Lionel standing tall in front of the boom tube, clothes and hair fluttering in the breeze. At the same time, some suitably overdramatic poundy guitar/orchestra music cranks up.
JG: Yeeeees.
KK: So Lionel has finally attained true magnificent bastard status.
JG: Magnificent is no longer enough. Lionel has sacrificed his right-hand man...his relationship with the woman he loves...
TW: He--
JG: Shut up, bitch, it's a relationship. His henchman, his relationship with the woman he loves, his relationship with his son--
MR: Oh, come on. That relationship started at fucked up.
ED: And went to what, The Empire Strikes Back?
MR: I was thinking 300.
JG: The point is that Lionel has transcended mere magnificence. He is now [pauses for effect] a God of Bastards.
KK [fake choking noises]: Can't...breathe...ego...sucking up...all the air...
JG: Don't make me hurt you, Kreuk.
TW: So Lionel is standing there, and we cut to a reverse shot with Clark staring at him in surprise. "Lionel? What are you doing here?"
KK: Sharp as a 2x4, same as always.
AM: Lex chimes in. "Dad, what the hell are you doing with that--"
JG: Lionel shall now show you all how it's done. He holds up the remote Mr. Ferret gave Lex. "The kindness of strangers, Lex."
TW: Profile shot as Clark walks up onto the ice platform and stands directly in front of Lionel. "What are you doing here? And what are you doing with Apokoliptian technology?"
JG: "I'm here to accomplish your goal, Clark: stopping Darkseid's forces from invading and likely destroying Earth."
ED: Not very bastard there.
AM: Another quarter-front shot of Clark, and the camera pulls in past him to Martha. "I don't understand, Lionel. How can you help Clark?"
AoT: That's it?
AM: Relax, there's more.
MR: Cut to Lex looking sideways at his dad. "I was wondering the same thing."
JG: Lionel looks unfazed, naturally, but there's just a hint of resignation in his voice. "I'm here to stop the invasion, Martha. Not to help Clark."
ED: Okay, that's kind of bastardish.
AM: Zoom on Martha. She's looking worried. "What do you mean, you're not here to help Clark?"
JG: Back to a frontal shot of me.
KK: Lionel.
JG: Whatever. "Exactly that, Martha."
AM: And just as Lionel says that, the boom tube flashes behind him. Cut to the reverse shot of Clark as he leans to one side to look past Lionel, and then we hear a weapon discharge and a bolt of green energy zips in from off-camera and knocks Clark off the platform.
MR: Reinforcements?
TW: Pretty much. We go to a three-quarter-profile shot of Lionel and the boom tube--and now there's a parademon standing behind him and to one side. It leaps out of the shot as a group of them rush through the boom tube.
ED: Bastard levels rising...
AM: We cut briefly to Hope slowly straightening up behind her video camera, and then we go to a camera-eye view of the first parademon leaping right at it and knocking it over. Hold on that sideways shot as the parademons still in the frame form a line, leveling weapons at Lex and Martha, while the one who knocked over the camera reappears pushing Hope in front of him.
MR: Don't tell me you're fragging Hope in this scene, Tom.
AM: What makes you think that?
MR: She's the only one who's expendable. Unless you're about to kill Martha.
AoT [sharply]: Watch your tongue, Michael. [snorts] Expendable, hell!
MR: Okay, okay, my bad.
JG: And at this point Lionel starts talking. [to TW] This had better be the best speech in human history, Welling. "There are times when a strong man must do things that lesser men would find...unpleasant."
MR: Like writing for this show.
TW: Cut to the parademons herding Martha, Lex and Hope over by Clark as he staggers to his feet by the crystal control panel while Lionel says all that.
ED [bad Southern accent]: Get 'long, little humans! Yah!
JG: Quiet, Durance. Back to Lionel after the human herding. "They must accept the responsibility of others...the scorn of others...because they make that choice."
MR: Such as, oh...writing for this show.
AM [to TW]: I think he's on to something.
TW [to AM]: Shhh.
MR: Quick shot of Lex pointing off-camera at Dad. "Are you crazy? Clark was about to--"
JG: Lionel snaps at him. "Sacrifice himself by self-exile to outer space? Or now, to the Phantom Zone? That wouldn't have worked, Lex."
MR: "You don't know that, Dad."
JG: "I do know, son. That's why I couldn't let the shuttle launch proceed."
ED: Ouch. More bastard.
MR: Zoom on Lex as that sinks in. "You...you're the one who..." Pissed face. "What have you done, Dad?"
AoT: Martha gets a line. She's quiet, but angry. "It's obvious, Lex. Lionel...he's made a deal with Darkseid."
JG: "We turn over Clark, and Apokolips will stop its advance towards Earth."
AoT: Martha spits out her next words. "I can't believe you agreed to do this, Lionel."
JG: "A strong man had to do this, Martha. I'm more sorry than you'll know--"
KK: Is there any chance of getting the word "bullshit" to flash on the screen any time Lionel talks in this scene?
AM: Don't worry. You know someone on YouTube will splice in the flashing "bullshit" sign from Airplane! after this episode airs.
KK: That works.
JG: Can I go on? [pauses] Thank you. "I'm more sorry than you'll know, but it had to be done--Lex wouldn't do it, you wouldn't do it. You're not strong enough to make that kind of sacrifice."
AoT: Martha should slap the taste out of Lionel's mouth for that. "My own son? Of course not!"
TW: Clark gets a line in edgewise. "So a strong man was needed, right?"
JG: Lionel nods. "They understand what must be done...and...they do it! Regardless of the sacrifice!"
MR: Like--
ED: Writing for this show?
MR: Now you're getting it!
AM: Hope actually gets some dialogue. "What...what's going to happen next?"
JG: Lionel turns towards her. "Clark will be handed over to a representative of Steppenwolf's."
TW: Lionel then turns towards the boom tube, moving to one side, and the camera zooms in on it as it flashes blue again. And this huge humanoid figure walks out of it, a guy who basically looks like a giant slab of beef with dark hair and a beard squeezed into a green sleeveless version of Steppenwolf's uniform.
AoT: Wonderful. Another WWE royalty check!
TW: Well, I wanted to get Michael Clarke Duncan, but instead we ended up with...
AM [consults script]: Mike Knox.
AoT: Great--I needed some new clothes anyway.
ED: So who's the slab of beef?
TW: Pull back as Mr. Slab walks slowly and deliberately up to stand next to Lionel, glaring about angrily. Cut to Clark staring back at him, looking a little pissed, then back to Lionel and Slab.
JG: Lionel clears up the identity thing. "Kalibak. As promised...here is Kal-El."
ED [to herself]: Increasingly bastard...
TW: Kalibak continues to glare silently at Clark, but he walks up to stand nose to nose with him. Closeup on them as they face off--and then we jump cut to a reverse shot of Clark as Kalibak suddenly hauls off and punches him in the face.
KK: Okay, hold it--Clark didn't even whine at the guy first. Can he sense whining before it happens?

TW: There's no whining in this scene, Kristin.
KK: You're kidding. Clark is just going to suck it up? That's so...so un-Smallville!
AM: Though there is asskicking, since the next shot is a tracking shot of Clark being knocked off his feet, back past Lex and company, and right into the wall of the FoS.
[KK leans over and whacks TW in the back of the head]
KK: Snap out of it! Clark has to whine!
TW: No, dammit! Shut up, woman!
ED: She's got a point--
TW: You too, shut up!
MR: Cut to Lex whirling to look at Clark, then back at Lionel and Kalibak. "Dad, you honestly don't think--"
AM: Kalibak actually growls at him. "Be. Quiet."
KK: He's not known for his witty repartee to begin with, though.
AM: Kalibak then turns to Lionel. "My father...appreciates your assistance."

Continued...