7.21 Apocalypse by TW and AM (Part XII)

as retold by Bill C

TW: The blur swoops up into the air, arcs and lands neatly next to Oliver. This is when we find out that, yes, it's Clark.
AM: GA looks at him. "Not complaining, but--what brings you here, Clark?"
TW: Close shot of Clark. He still looks a bit mad. "These guys messed up something I was working on."
MR: Hey, that was Iron Lex's plan!
AM: Reverse shot as GA turns fully towards Clark and nods. "We were just in the neighborhood, so we thought we could help."
TW: "And you were the ones who disabled their portal?"
AM: "Experimental weapon. We were just lucky it worked. The British military is doing its best, but this area is out of their reach for the time--"
TW: This particular bit of exposition is cut off by a chorus of growls from off-camera-right, and both GA and Clark look in that direction. Cut to another group of parademons coming at them, fast.
KK: Doomed.
ED: So doomed.
MR: There are no words for how doomed these bastards are.
AM: Pretty much, yeah. Cut to a side shot of GA and Clark staring at the doomed critters, and GA gives the obligatory snarky opening: "Feel like mopping up, Boy Scout?"
TW: Clark lowers his head slightly. "I've got this." And we pull back, action music swelling, and the camera pans over slightly into a wide quarter-front shot of GA and Clark as he takes a deep breath--
JG: You're not...
TW: --and he starts blowing a sustained blast of wind at the parademons off-camera.
JG: ...you are. You're actually using super-breath? Why?
AM: According to Tom, I lost a bet.
AoT: What bet?
TW: Allison bet me twenty bucks I couldn't use every one of Clark's abilities in this episode.
AM: It doesn't count! I was drunk and distracted by pork rinds!
TW: You were sober enough to reedit the final draft to keep that damn "relationship" scene in it.
KK: He's got you there.
AM: Oh, go to hell.
TW: So we've already seen him survive a shuttle explosion, which covers near-invulnerability. Now he's using his super-breath [skims script] for a somewhat sustained gust of wind, and we cut away from him to see that group of parademons struggling against it with small bits of debris and such blowing past them.
AoT: I take it this episode needed some levity?
MR: What, Martha telling Clark to "come out" to Lex wasn't enough?
JG: But his super-breath is so...
ED: Lame?
KK: Watch it, Erica. Without it Lois would have never met her eventual friend the barn door and become the woman she is today.
ED: But it is kind of lame.
AM: Which is why Oliver cuts it off.
MR: He shoots Clark in the throat?
AM: No. We cut back to Clark and GA, with GA looking sideways at Clark blowing off the doggies--and after a few seconds he shrugs, raises his bow, and fires another explosive arrow into the middle of the group. Reverse shot as the arrow hits its mark, modest explosion in the background.
ED: Oooh, audience stand-in!
AoT [chuckles]: Okay. That's funny.
TW: Clark stops blowing when he sees the explosion.
[MR, ED and KK start laughing]
TW [skims script and sighs]: Damn you, Allison.
AM [laughs]: Any time, big boy.
TW: Frontal shot as Clark stops, notices the explosion, and looks at GA.
AM: And GA just looks at him. "Less showy."
KK: You ripped off Ronon?
ED+AM: Who?
KK: Stargate Atlantis? Big asskicking black alien guy?
[silence]
KK [shakes head]: Christ, why do I bother?
TW: Clark turns to say something to GA, but a bolt of green energy zips by his head. He and GA whirl around just in time for a different group of space doggies to rush into the frame from a different direction and mob them. Some really melodramatic music cranks up here, and we go into this minute-ish-long action montage of Clark and GA taking on this and a few other mobs of parademons.
AM: Lots of closeups, slo-mo, speed-ramping, realtime with no sound other than the music, blah blah blah.
ED: We can't use dance music here, can we?
KK: Or the Benny Hill theme music. [to AM] Allison, I will pay you to use that music in this scene.
TW: You've got to be kidding.
KK: I've got it in my purse. Right now.
AM: Show me the money.
TW: Allison...
AM: What? I'll do it if you've got the cash.
KK [after a few seconds]: Dammit.
AM: Ha!
JG [sings]: You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em...
KK: Oh, quiet.
AM: Okay, so we have this action montage going, GA and Clark are running around and kicking alien ass--
TW: There's a couple of money shots along the way. GA and Clark back-to-back, where Clark literally punches a parademon out of frame and GA shoots an arrow in the opposite direction...Clark distracting more of them to save various extras trying to flee...
AM: The odd random explosion, that sort of thing.
KK: Still space filler, right?
TW: Yeah, but it ends shortly--with Clark and GA in a fight in the middle of a huge intersection with a crowd of parademons which gets broken up by oncoming British military forces. And at that point Clark just grabs GA and super-speeds on out of there.
AM: And we fade to an empty alley as they super-speed in and stop. GA: "Well, that was fun."
TW: Clark doesn't say anything. He looks unhappy.
MR: Clark in slo-mo makes everyone unhappy. See, if it was Lex in slo-mo...
AM: GA takes his hood and sunglasses off, goes back to his normal voice, and notices Clark's mood. "What is it, Clark?"
TW: Closeup on Clark. "I was...I was trying to leave Earth, Oliver."
ED: Still running like a bitch. But that's over now, right?
AM [after a beat]: Riiight. Pan over to Oliver. "Leave? Why?"
TW: Pan back to Clark. "Darkseid. He wants me badly enough to put the entire planet at risk, and I won't play that game. I can't. So..." Clark leans heavily against a wall. "I got Lex to help me."
AM: Profile shot as Oliver walks a step or two. "Okay, how the hell did you get Lex to help you le--" He then looks surprised. "Clark, you didn't--"
TW: "I had to, Oliver. I had to tell Lex who I really am."
KK: Thus once and for all confirming his insanity.
TW: "He agreed to get me to the International Space Station, but the launch was sabotaged--"
AM: "Wait. That LuthorCorp facility explosion earlier today--that was you?"
TW: "You knew about that?"
AM: "It made the news." Over-the-shoulder shot of Clark as Oliver talks. "So Lex knows you're really Kal-El...and he agreed to help you. Damn, I'm surprised."
TW: "But when the launch was...now I can't get away from Earth before Darkseid's main force arrives. I don't want Earth to be caught in the middle of this whole Apokolips-Krypton grudge match."
AM: Oliver nods. "You may not have a choice. It's already happened once."
JG: Another guest star who resists the crazy logic?
AM: Sort of, but yeah.
TW: Clark bitterly spits out his next sentence. "Yeah, and look what happened after that! Oliver, I--I can't let people continue to be targeted because of me. But I don't have any other choice!"
AM: "Too bad we can't just teleport you to the Moon and film it."
TW: Cut to a medium shot and then a zoom on Clark as a thought strikes him. "What did you say?"
AM: You're Not One Of Them cranks up yet again. "I said it's too bad we can't film you being teleported somewhere."
TW: Clark snaps his fingers. "That's it. That's it!"

AM: Cut to Oliver, suitably confused. "What's it?"
TW: Back to Clark. "It's not the Moon...but there's one place I know I can go."
ED: Port Charles?
TW: I said no more General Hospital for you, Erica.
[ED pouts]
KK: Gotham City?
MR: Tibet?
AoT: Detroit?
TW: Slow zoom. "The Phantom Zone."
AM: Oliver is obviously very surprised by that. "The Phantom Zone? Are you crazy?"
ED+MR+KK: Yes!
MR: Great minds.
TW: Clark straightens up. "I was ready to leave Earth forever to keep it safe, Oliver. This is just another way to do it."
AM: "Isn't it full of people who aren't crazy about Kryptonians?"
TW: "But who can't get to Earth either." Clark speaks faster as the idea comes together. "I can film myself being transported into the Zone...that way Darkseid knows--"
AM: "That you're no longer a threat and he can just steamroll over Earth without breaking a sweat?"
JG: Bingo.
TW: "Earth is a distant second to his vendetta against Krypton. Besides--if I do this, by my own hand...I think that might amuse him enough to keep him from invading Earth."
KK: Okay, that's simultaneously batshit fucking crazy and yet...kind of sane.
TW: "It's either this or...or fighting him here, and risking the lives of billions. I will not do that, Oliver. I'll exile myself first."
AoT: Maybe it's just because I'm bored, but that actually sounds kind of vaguely heroic. Sort of.
JG: Underneath the batshit craziness? Yeah, sure.
AM: Pull back to a two-shot as Oliver walks up to Clark and looks him in the eye. "I've got to say, sacrificing yourself in a last-ditch plan to stop someone who apprently nukes cities for kicks is pretty crazy."
MR: Truth in advertising!
AM: Oliver then extends his hand. "But you've gotta do what you've gotta do, Clark. If you need anything, yell."
MR: Oh, hell no!
ED: Dammit! Now Oliver's embraced the crazy logic!
KK [announcer voice]: Is there no escape from the lure of...CRAZY LOGIC?
TW: Closeup on the hand as Clark grabs it in a power grip, then pan up to his face. "Thanks, Oliver." And cut to commercials.
KK [after a few seconds]: Allison, I can go hit up an ATM--
AM: You had your chance, Kristin.
KK: Damn!

Continued...