[TW's trailer. TW is staring at his laptop.]
TW: Come on...come on...
[someone knocks on the door]
TW: Yeah?
[AM enters]
AM: Tom? I wanted to talk to y--
[The laptop chimes]
TW: Done!
AM: Done with what?
TW: This. [clicks a mouse button]
J.J. McKay [via laptop]: Smallville (echoes for a couple of seconds). It really whips the Lana's ass.
AM [after a few seconds]: ...uh...
TW: What, not enough echo?
AM: I thought you were done with this when I saw you leaving the soundstage the other day.
TW: Yeah, well...this came to me on the way back to my trailer. Cost me a few bucks, but what the hell. I'm thinking I can use this in a promo spot...
AM [sits in a chair]: Bashing Lana? She's already dead, Tom.
TW: Yeah, about that...I was thinking of introducing another Lanabot in the next episode, too.
AM: What happened to the last one?
TW: Presumed lost when the Luthor mansion got nuked.
AM: And you'd want to bring in another one why? To screw with Kristin?
TW: She deserves it, Allison. Just for screwing with the promo shoots, and with Clark, she deserves it.
AM: Yeah, she--wait, no. [pauses] Well, yeah, she does. But it's not worth it, Tom.
TW [surprised]: You're preaching turning the other cheek?
AM [shrugs]: Hey, it's a surprise for me too. But I am...going after Kristin now is just a waste of time.
TW: This from the woman who edited a videotape to get Bryan to think that Lois is really Chloe...or Chloe is really Lois, I can't keep track.
AM: When did Erica tell you about that, anyway?
TW: A while ago over buffalo wings. But that's not the point. You're one of the most vengeful people in the cast, Allison--
AM: Guilty as charged--and look where that got me. Didn't really do shit, did it? The whole thing with Kristin that I had going...it was kind of a big-ass circle of suckage.
TW: She nearly got you killed when Bryan cut that crane line.
AM: And, as much as I hate saying it, if he hadn't even thought I was "Fake Chloe," he wouldn't have been there in the first place. See? Circle of suckage.
[TW clicks the mouse button again]
JJM: Smallville. It really whips the Lana's ass.
AM: And, you know something, Tom?
TW: What?
AM: Did I ever tell you that you're actually scary when you're really mad?
TW: Thanks. I think.
AM: Besides...I think everybody's still surprised that you, well, sank to their level. [laughs] Annette's still quietly in shock about that Charmed guy. [pauses] But, Tom...what did you do to Bryan, anyway?
TW: Nothing, really. I just fucked with him. [laughs] In a way he'll never forget.
AM: I guess...he was bitching out Jor-El and Lara for ever having you as that truck took off.
TW: Works for me.
AM: Seriously, though, Tom. You're the nice guy in the cast. The rest of us are the vicious, fucked-up ones. You going over to the dark side just fucks the whole symmetry up, so please stop doing it.
TW [laughs]: Thank you for the advice, Chloe.
AM [laughs]: Any time, Clark.
TW: So, what the hell did you come by for again?
AM: The episode? You know it can't interfere with my Caprica shoot, right?
TW: I know, I know. I was working on the teaser while waiting for J.J. to send me that file...check it out. [turns his laptop so AM can see the screen]
[Black screen. The usual "NEXT WEEK" title card fades in under a quiet whistling noise, then fades out.]
Lionel [voiceover]: "There are times when a strong man must do things that lesser men would find...unpleasant."
[Hard cut to Clark pushing or holding something large away from him, off-camera, with audio of something growling. Clark unleashes a massive blast of heat vision at it, and just as the aforementioned something roars in pain the screen cuts hard to black with no sound.]
Lionel: "They must accept the responsibility of others--the scorn of others--because they make that choice."
[Hard cut to a panorama-style shot of the London skyline, which is partially in flames. Cut again to black after two seconds.]
Lionel: "They understand what must be done, and...they...do it! Regardless of the sacrifice!"
[Hard cut to a wide shot of a launch platform for some sort of shuttle-like space vehicle attached to a massive booster rocket. The booster rocket explodes in a huge fireball, the shuttle starts to collapse into the fireball, and the camera switches to an overhead shot as the entire launch platform is destroyed. A huge piece of flying metal corkscrews towards the camera, and hard cut to black again.]
Lionel: "Unfortunately, while society often looks down on such men..."
[Cut to a shot of Clark, Lex, and Martha in the FoS all looking at something offscreen in surprise, wind whipping at their clothes, and cut to black after two seconds]
Lionel: "...history will admit they often played an invaluable part in events."
[Cut to a wide reverse shot of Lionel standing at the window in his office, looking out over Metropolis. A huge spaceship of unknown design is floating over the city, dominating the shot. Cut to black after five seconds.]
Lionel [extra reverb]: "This...is my invaluable part."
[Cut to a wide shot of a snow-covered plain as the chorus from Siouxsie and the Banshees' Cities In Dust abruptly starts up. A huge battle is taking place between ground-based military forces and flying Apokoliptian forces.]
Oh...oh your city lies in dust, my friend
[Cut to a battered Clark and Green Arrow standing back-to-back in the middle of a ruined city street. GA fires an arrow off-camera-left, while Clark literally punches a parademon off-camera-right.]
Oh...oh your city lies in dust
[Cut to a reverse shot of Clark and Lex, standing in the middle of a street, staring up at the massive underside of the spaceship seen earlier]
my friend
[Cut to a black title card with the Smallville logo as the chorus repeats. The Smallville text fades out and is replaced by the word "APOCALYPSE."]
Pompous!CWVoice: "Smallville. Next week on The CW."
AM: John is going to have a literal orgasm when he sees that.
TW: Yeah, probably.
AM: You want to bring the towel, or--
[TW's cellphone rings]
TW: No, you can bring the towel. [answers phone] Tom Welling. [deflates slightly] Yes, Dawn. Yes, I know we're--what? You want me to... [pauses] I see.
AM: What's going on?
TW [holds up a hand]: You're sure you want us to do this? Really? [surprised] You want to do that? Yes, that's...wait. That day? Well, yes, we can pull that off. But, Dawn, I have to say that that might not be the best d--right, right. I'll keep you updated. Thanks. [hangs up] For nothing...huh.
AM: Huh what?
TW: Dawn...she actually wants the season finale to have a night all to itself. So she wants the last two episodes of the season to air back-to-back on the same night.
AM: You're kidding.
TW: That's the good news.
AM: And the bad news...
TW: ...is that she's only willing to let this happen on a Sunday night.
AM: Sunday? Oh, for God's--why not Thursday? Or even Friday?
TW: I think her Supernatural fetish is working overtime. Better that than Gossip Girl, though.
AM: But...but nobody watches TV on Sundays!
TW: Yeah, I was trying to tell her that. The kicker, though, is that if we do this she's willing to cut a blank check for anything we do in those two episodes.
AM: What? No way!
TW: She was serious.
AM: So we can blow up the entire planet...but nobody will ever see it since it'll be on a fucking Sunday!
TW: Damn...more money, or our familiar timeslot. Money...timeslot...
AM: To hell with the timeslot, Tom. Show me the money!
TW: You're not even in most of this episode.
AM: Yeah, so? Chloe can make her triumphant return in the finale, right?
TW: True.
AM: There you go, then! Let's do it like we're the federal government!
TW [after a beat]: I still want to get a Lanabot in there--
AM: Tom.
TW [sighs]: Right, right.
Continued...
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