7.17 Revolt by TW and KK Part XII

as retold by RepairmanBob

TW: At the slab, Clark continues to have problems -
KK: You mean he is getting his ass kicked.
MR: My Spartans rock!
ED: Big talk from a guy playing a coma patient.
MR: Don’t talk that way about Iron Lex!
JG: More like Ironing Board Lex. Would you like a floral dress to go with the head trauma?
MR: I’ll show you an Ironing… Iron …
KK: I’m sure you have a witty retort, but I don’t care enough to wait.
MR: (Muttering) Iron...
KK: Clark is looking battered. Most of the suit –
TW: GreenK Protection Armor!
KK: Suit is gone.
ED+AM+AoT: Nice.
TW: What? I didn’t agree to that!
KK: I punched up the script a little. The chest is completely torn away.
AoT: (Raises eyebrows)
KK: And so is one leg. Green burn marks, bruises are cuts cover the exposed skin.
JG: (Taking notes) Buy more film. (Takes a long look at TW) Much more film.
AoT: Tom could you stand up and show us how all this will play out? Just to help us… visualize it.
ED: Yeah, what she said.
TW: No! Stop looking at me like that!
AM: Come on, Tom.
TW: I am not a piece of meat!
ED: (Turns head) From here, you look like a Grade A piece of –
TW: Stop objectifying me!
KK: Fine, you big wimp.
TW: (Regaining his composure) Clark is getting systematically beaten down by the Spartans. It is like a pack of dogs attacking a bear – every time Clark knocks a Spartan away, another attacks him. A Spartan fire rockets at Clark. He dodges them, but two more of the armored soldiers clothesline him with a huge steel support beam.
JG: I hope the state of Kansas has the Slab insured.
TW: Clark spins around, and two more Spartans tackle him to the ground. He throws them off, but gets the electrified cable around the neck again. Another gets close enough to throw roundhouse kicks to the stomach and head. Two more Spartans land, each grabbing an arm.
MR: Wow, not even I thought the Spartans were this cool.
JG: To bad their boss is such a wimp.
MR: Iron Lex is not a wimp!
KK: A Spartan hovers in front of Clark. Two more of the other armored figures raise their arms and fire energy beams, hitting the Spartan in the chest. The super soldier begins to glow, the armor fading from black to green to white. Finally, the Spartan raises its arms and fires a huge red energy ray. There is a booming sound, and a slight shockwave as the ray hits Clark. He tries to get away, but the cable around his neck and the Spartans holding his arms keep him in place.
ED: Tom, I cannot believe you wrote an episode where Clark gets beat up so much.
AM: Or wears so little clothes.
TW: (To KK) I didn’t.
KK: You will thank me when the ratings come in.

KK: At Vault Black, Chloe is –
AM: Dead, right? You just had to kill Chloe twice in the same episode, didn’t you?
JG: I object! Chloe gets killed twice, and Lionel is still alive!
KK: (Rolling eyes) Chloe is pinned to the wall by one of Brainiac’s spikes.
TW: "It's over, Miss Sullivan."
AM: Dammit!
KK: She is not dead.
AM: Oh.
KK: Yet.
AM: Dammit!
KK: Kidding. Actually, she seems amused.
AM: Amused? She just got stabbed through the chest!
KK: "I should have seen it coming, all that bravado and machismo but absolutely no staying power."
TW: Coming. Hee.
AM: Shut up, Tom.
TW: Brainiac seems surprised Chloe is still alive.
AM: Actually, I am too.
KK: "I hate to deflate your ego but I'm afraid your claim of victory was... premature."
AoT: Ouch.
KK: "Typical male, mere moments after penetration and you think we're done? I'm just getting started."
JG: Now that is a nice line.
MR: I don’t get it.
KK: That’s what she said.
ED: Huh?
TW: Typical male?
KK: She was dating Jimmy.
AM: Jimmy was not a premature...
KK: (raises her eyebrows)
AM: OK, whatever. What's the next line?
AoT: How about, "I've met machines running on double A's with more staying power than you."
(The cast is silent for a moment. TW turns red.)
AoT: "What?"
TW: Brainiac tilts his head to the right
AoT: My husband lives hundreds of miles away! Give me a break!
TW: (Turns redder)
AoT: I hardly ever get to see him!
TW: Annette, please stop.
AoT: Stop what?
TW: Do the initials TMI mean anything to you?
AoT: Too much intercourse? Is there such a thing?
TW: No. Too much...
AoT: Because when it comes to my husband there sure isn't.
TW: (Bangs his head on the table)
AM: Besides, the only machine Chloe would have that runs on batteries is her taser!
ED: Wow. Talk about kinky.
AM: Shut up.
ED: Good thing for that healing power.
AM: Shut up!
KK: We already did a staying power joke, Annette.
AoT: Mine's better.
AM: Chloe does not use a vibrator!
KK: She uses a taser.
AM: Shut up!
TW: Brainiac jams another spike into Chloe’s chest. "Perhaps you're right, Miss Sullivan. We really should take the time to enjoy ourselves."
MR: Woot! Ripped t-shirts!
KK: Other than bleeding, Chloe shows no response. "If you're so intelligent why didn't you bring protection?"
TW: "Protection?"
ED: Heh. He is a typical male.
KK: "You never stopped to think just how vulnerable you really are once inside me?"
JG: If this turns into a piece from The Vagina Monologues, I am leaving.
TW: "Perhaps it is the blood loss, Miss Sullivan, but do you not realize I am about to rip you wide open?"
KK: "Funny. Because I can barely feel a thing."
TW: Brainaic tenses his muscles. "Can you feel me now?"
KK: Chloe yells out on pain.
TW: "Tell me, is it as good for you as it is for me?"
KK: Through clenched teeth, "Mia really could see the future. And thanks to you, now so can I. Do you want to know how this is going to end?"
TW: Brainiac smirks. "I don’t need a precognitive moppet to know this will end badly, Miss Sullivan."
KK: "Oh, it does end badly."
TW: Brainiac’s smirk grows.
KK: "For you."

Thank you to jwm, whose attempt to make the Chloe / Brainiac scene less sexually explicit actualy made it far, far worse than anything I could have come up with.

continued...