7.17 Revolt by TW and KK Part XIII

as retold by RepairmanBob

TW: Lex staggers over to the Spartans.
MR: Iron Lex does not stagger! He walks like John Wayne!
ED: Like he just got his ass kicked?
MR: Like his gigantic brass balls are clanking together! "Stop! He is mine!"
JG: You two are not even bothering to hide the Clex anymore, are you?
KK: The Spartans drop Clark like a sack of shit -
TW: Hey!
KK: Fine, like a sack of Grade A Beefcake, and move away.
MR: Lex swaggers closer, and pressed a button on his right gauntlet. A large green blade pops out of the forearm. "My scientists said creating a meteor rock alloy for hand to hand combat was pointless. But I knew it always pays to be prepared."
AM: So. Very. Gay.
ED: Totally.

KK: Chloe grabs one of Brainaic’s spikes with her right hand.
TW: Brainiac raises his left hand, but then looks confused - he cannot turn his fingers into spikes.
KK: "Not so fast. You were the one who wanted to skip the foreplay."
TW: "How did you –"
KK: Kryptonian symbols start to appear around the room, drawn in a fiery orange. "Did I forgot to mention I am a technopath? I control machines. Computers. Security systems. Cameras." Sinister smirk. "You."
TW: Brainiac scoffs, but is covering up some fear. "I am not some toaster, little human. I am the Brain Interactive Construct. Stop this, or –"
KK: Close up on Chloe. Her voice gets lower, and the flames coming from her eyes become larger. "I was hacking computers before I put on my first training bra. I wrote a program to identify Kryptonian symbols. I learned Kryptonian from the last member of the race that built you."
TW: (Looks surprised) When did that happen?
AM+KK: Offscreenville.
KK: "I did all of it when I was just a poor, simple human." Chloe’s voice drops. "I am so much more than that now." The symbols start to appear more rapidly, then stop. "Here we go. Self destruction sequence."
TW: Wait, Chloe kills Brainiac? That’s not what we agreed on!
KK: Punching up the script!
JG: So Chloe has to stop Brainiac? Is poor wittle Clarkie scared of the big shiny robot?
TW: I am just saying Clark should be the one to stop a major Superman villain!
AM: Oh, come on! Lionel killed a Brainiac! It’s not like it’s so hard!
JG: If it is so easy, I would like to see Chloe kill a major Superman villain!
TW: She just did!
JG: Oh, well done then. (Shakes AM’s hand)
AM: Thank you.
ED: Wait, did Clark every kill a Brainiac?
TW: It would be like if Lana killed Bizarro! How the hell would that make any sense?
KK: OK, that is just stupid.
TW: Thank –
KK: Lana is dead. She can’t kill anyone. (Looks around the table) And don’t even think of bringing her back to life!
MR: Hey, if Chloe kills Brainiac, Lex should kill Darkseid!
ED: No, Lois should kill a Superman villain next!
AoT: No, Martha!
TW: (Puts head on desk, groans)
KK: Figure out who kills who in your own scripts.
TW: This is my script!
KK: Do you have a better way to get rid of Brainiac?
TW: Clark was going to save the day!
KK: Sexist much? Are you saying Chloe needs saving? That a womans need big, strapping man to rescue her?
AM+ED+AoT: Yeah!
MR: (To TW) Keep in mind, we are outnumbered 4-to-3 here.
JG: Don’t include me in your little sexist cabal, gentlemen.
TW: (Grumbles)
KK: (Smiles sweetly) Glad we agree.
TW: (Scowls) Brainiac looks scared. "Wait, Miss Sullivan."
KK: "You hurt me."
TW: "You have no idea of the threat you face! The invasion Kal-El stopped was nothing!"
KK: "You hurt the people I love."
TW: "An evil you cannot imagine is coming! It will destroy this world as surely as it did Krypton! Without General Zod’s plans, without his Crusade, you will all die! You need me!"
KK: "Anything that threatens this world will receive the same fate you do." Chloe walks towards Brainiac, driving the spikes further into her body. "Death." Big scary music and Chloe places one hand on Brainiac’s head and the other on his shoulder, and rips the robot in half.
ED: Ouch.
AM: Cool, but how does this get me into the –
KK: Christ, just let me finish the episode, OK? Brainiac’s body disintegrates, leaving Chloe with a very scary smile. She walks to the monitor showing the Slab, her gaping chest wounds healing. She touches the monitor, and orange sparks like into the equipment.

MR: Iron Lex stands over his evil alien foe.
TW: (coughs)
MR: He raises his arm and gets ready to smite the sinister Kal-El. "Good-bye alien."
KK: The large cannons surrounding the Slab suddenly turn and point towards Clark and Lex. The guards operating them look confused.
MR: Iron Lex stabs Kal-El and everyone lives happily ever after.
TW: (Raises eyebrow)
MR: Fine, fine. Iron Lex gets ready to stab Clark, and gets blasted by the cannons. Stupid cannons!
TW: Clark looks up to see Lex getting the ever-living crap blasted out of him.
MR: What are my Spartans doing?
KK: Watching Iron Lex gets the very-living crap get blasted out of him. You ordered them to back off.
MR: Stupid minions!
KK: The cannons narrowly miss the Spartans.
JG: Ah, once again Lex finds a way to steal defeat from the jaws of victory.
MR: That’s Iron Lex to you!
TW: Clark stands up and shields Lex’s body with his own.
ED: Ahhh, how sweet.
TW: Clark uses his heat vision to blast the cannons.
AM: Protecting his one true love.
ED: I thought that was Lana?
KK: Not likely.
TW: Clark then rips the remains of the Iron Lex suit off of Lex –
JG: Wow, even I did not think you would go there.
TW: (Rolls eyes) and smashes it to pieces.
ED: Kryptonian foreplay!
TW: Oh, shut up, Durance! Clark drops Lex to the ground, and LuthorCorp guards move in around him. The meteor freaks move in to surround the guards.
KK: We get a few seconds of tension, then Martha’s voice rings out over the crowd. "Everyone stand down! That is an order!"
AoT: Not bad, Kristin. Can I punch someone?
KK: Why not? We can have a LuthorCorp guard threatening an adorable meta-human child, and Martha pistol whips him.
AoT: (Tapping fingers together like Mr. Burns) Excellent.
TW: Clark flies over Lex, who is struggling to stand up.
ED: While naked.
KK: I guess he is spent.
TW: "I am not your enemy, Lex. But I will not let you hurt innocent people. Stop, before it is too late." Clark flies off.
MR: Lex doesn’t even get a good response? I call bullshit!

continued...