A quick little Intermission

[MR's phone buzzes. He checks who's calling]
MR: I have to take this.
TW: But...
MR: It's you know who about you know what.
ED: Huh?
TW: I'll go with you. We're going to take a little break.
[MR and TW leave]
AoT: Well that is... unexpected.
ED: I wonder what they're up to?
JG: No good I'll wager.
KK: [Pulling out her phone] I'm going to make a few calls to see if I can find out.
AM: Don't bother. I'll find out what they're up to. [Picks up a tray of brownies] Watch and learn.
[AM exits as well.]
ED: What the hell?
KK: [Phone to her ear] Could you keep it down?
JG: Can I leave too?
KK: [Heading for the door with her phone to her ear] Shhh! You guys stay put. I'll figure it out.
[KK exits]
ED: OK.
[ED, JG, and AoT sit for a moment in silence]
ED: Anybody want to play "I spy?"
[JG rolls his eyes]
ED: I spy with my little eye something that starts with a "T" [pause] Anyone want to guess?
JG: No.
ED: Come on.
AoT: A table.
ED: Dammit! OK. Your turn.
AoT: I spy with my little eye...
[JG bangs his head on the table]

[The break room MR is still on the phone. TW is looking out the window in the door.]
TW: OK, here she comes. Start wrapping things up.
[There's a knock on the door]
MR: Look, I've got to...
[The door opens and AM comes in carrying a plate of brownies]
AM: I brought brownies!
MR: Gotta go! Bye! [Guiltily hangs up the phone]
AM: Who were you talking to, Michael?
TW: Knock much?
AM: I knocked.
TW: And then barged in.
AM: It's my break room too. I thought you might like a snack.
TW: Um. No thanks. Let's go back to reading.
AM: Not until you tell me what you two are up to.
[Loud banging on the door]
TW: Come in!
[KK enters]
KK: Why did you do it Micheal!?!? Why!?!!?
AM & MR: Do what?
TW: Oh my God, it's gotten out already?
AM: Already?
KK: You're in on this too, Tom?
TW: I... uh.
KK: I should freaking kill you! But I'm sure Allison could make it more painful. [To AM] They're all yours Alli.
AM: All mine for what?
MR: Uh... nothing. Nothing all all.
KK: Killing, maiming, torturing. What ever you deem necessary. I'd start with the torture myself.
MR: We didn't...
KK: They re-negotiated with Bryan!
AM: What? Behind our backs?
TW: It's just that his lawyers had found a couple things...
AM: What. The. Hell. Did. You. Agree. To?
MR: [Getting really excited] First off we're going to get David Bowie after all!
[TW looks irritated]
AM: Tom?
TW: You see it turns out just eating a cake with a picture of me in the suit on it during a script reading doesn't actually count as having me in the suit during an episode.
AM: You sold us all out because of the Damn suit!?!?!
KK: [scowls] Just wait until you hear what he agreed to for us so he doesn't have to wear the suit.
MR: Oh! And I don't have to shave my head anymore! [Rubs head] I can feel it coming in already!
AM: What did you do?
KK: It's worse than you can possibly imagine, Allison.
AM: [Looks at MR] I can imagine some pretty bad stuff.
MR: But you're going to love it!
KK: No you're not.
TW: She might.
KK: She wont.
MR: Sure she will! How better to bring two great shows to a grand close than all at once?
AM: Two great shows?
MR: Our last five episodes are going to be a huge Battlestar Galactica cross over!
AM: A what?
TW: That doesn't sound so bad, does it?
AM: I'm not sure.
MR: When those weary travellers finally make it to Earth the big bad cylons appear and try to tear everything to hell!
KK: I'm going to tear you to hell!
MR: Lex and Clark have to team up to defeat them together.
AM: How does that work if I'm...
KK: I thought you might ask. Turns out a copy of the cylon god has been on Earth the whole time.
AM: Oh my god.
MR: That's what Chole says when she finally meets her original!
TW: Yeah. Uh. Her cylon programing finally kicks in and... well.
MR: [Jumps up and down] Lex gets to kill her!!!!!!
AM: What!?!?!
KK: That's not the worst part.
AM: What the hell could be worse than Lex killing Chloe?
KK: Turns out that Lana was sort of a cylon too.
MR: There's another copy!!!!!!!
AM: That's ridiculous!
KK: The ridiculous part is there were only two copies. And good copy and a bad copy.
AM: So you have to come back as a bad cylon?
MR: No. The bad cylon was the one that was killed.
KK: The sun is going to shine out of Lana's ass even brighter than ever before the next five episodes. Apparently the good copy is instrumental in helping Clark and Lex save the world.
MR: And then she explodes! Naked!
KK: I hate you.
TW: Allison, are you OK?
AM: You agreed to this because you didn't want to wear the damn suit!?!?
TW: Come on. It's the suit. You understand, don't you?
AM: Lex is going to kill Chloe.
MR: Well, she did turn evil.
TW: Shut up, Michael.
AM: Then he's going to team up with Clark.
MR: Actually they're already teamed up by then.
TW: Not helping!
AM: And Lana gets to help them save the world because you don't want to wear a fraking cape!?!?!
TW: I know it sounds extreme but...
AM: I'll show you extreme!
KK: Kill them. Kill them now.
AM: No. I'm in control of my destiny. [Pulls out her phone] Ron will stop this. He is a sensible man.
KK: Before you call there's something you should know.
AM: No. I'm going to put a stop to this right now! Ron would never...
[Ronald Moore walks in from another room]
RM: Never what?
AM: Ron? But...
RM: Yes, Allison. I'm in on it too. When Tom and Micheal presented it to me I thought it was a great idea.
AM: [Drops her phone in disbelief]
KK & MR & TW & RM: April fool!
AM: Why you....
MR: [His eyes go wide] Duck!
[The four all duck as a tray full of brownies flies toward them]

[Writer's room.]
ED: A crayon?
AoT: No.
JG: Do you even see a crayon here, Durance?
ED: Annette could have one in her purse.
[JG rolls his eyes]
ED: A coin?
AoT: No.
[The sound of a tray clanging against the wall is heard.]
ED: A clang?
JG: Can you see a clang?
ED: You can see something clang.
AoT: It's not a clang.
ED: Hmm... [Looks around the room slowly]
JG: A chair, dammit! A chair!
[Pause]
ED: Oh. [Pause] OK, my turn!
[JG bangs his head on the table]
[TW, KK, & MR return smiling. AM returns fuming]
TW: Shall we get started again?
AM: Whatever.
KK: Oh, come on Allison, lighten up.
ED: Did you guys eat all the brownies?
MR: [Smirking] Allison had a little "accident" with the tray.
AM: Shut up!
MR: I think she's turning evil!
AM: Shut up!

And now back to your regularly scheduled program.

Next