7.17 Revolt by TW and KK Part XIV

as retold by RepairmanBob

TW: Well, Lex does get to threaten to have all of the meta-human arrested.
MR: Hurray!
KK: Until Lois and Bittleman produce film showing a LuthorCorp guard fired the first shot, starting the entire riot.
ED: Hurray!
KK: "Back down now Lex, and I will give you a chance to tell your side of the story. In an exclusive interview with the Daily Planet of course."
TW: "And if I refuse?"
AoT: Martha stands next to Lois. "Then the story is published, and the junior senator from Kansas gives an interview telling how reckless LuthorCorp was in its management of the situation. I am sure that would do wonders for your stock price."
MR: Lex scowls. "It you publish a single word before I –"
TW: Bittleman cuts him off. "You lost Baldy-locks! And before you try to threaten us, I have already sent the footage to the great and powerful Kahn, who will run it, with or without your interview, in tomorrow’s edition of the Planet. This is a one time deal to do spin control, Daddy Warbucks, and the clock is ticking. Ten, nine, eight –"
MR: "You are either very brave or very stupid, Mr. Bittleman."
TW: "Try very bored of your threats, Mr. Clean. Seven, six, five –"
MR: "I will meet you both in twenty minutes in my offices here at the Slab. I will want a tape recording of the interview for my own records, and any attempt to slander or misquote me will result in legal action against you and the Daily Planet." Lex scowls. "At the very least"
TW: "Yeah, whatever Dr. Dome."
MR: Dr. Dome?
JG: I like it.
KK: Lex starts to turn away, and Lois says "Hey, Lex. Who is Kal-El?"
TW: Small smirk from Lex. "I have no idea what you are talking about, Lois." Lex walks away.

KK: Cut to Martha giving a big, inspirational speech about how the meteor freaks and the normal humans need to get along.
AoT: That’s it?
KK: Well, I thought you might like to write it. (Looks at AM) As a bonus for a job well done.
JG: Well played, Kristin.

TW: Back at the Daily Planet, Lois and Bittleman are looking at their latest front page story.
ED: I love that!
AM: I am still waiting to hear when Chloe is going to get her job back.
KK: Like I care.
TW: "I love the smell of pissed off Luthor in the morning! Well, I love the smell of pissed off Luthor any time of the day, but did you know we have already gotten three calls from LuthorCorp lawyers? I may write another story just about the different ways you can wipe your ass with a legal threat from Evil Inc."
KK: Lois looks less excited. "Yeah, great, we pissed off Lex. Big woop."
TW: "What the hell, Betty Boop?"
ED: Betty Boop?
TW: I am running out of Disney characters. "We got a front page story, pissed off the Son of Satan, and helped shut down a Very Bad Place. Your friend Senator Kent, who is quite a MILF by the way –"
AoT: Why thank you!
TW: "Is happy."
KK: Lois smiles and smacks Bittleman.
TW: "Evil Queen Kahn is happy, or as happy as she gets during activities that do not involve her pool boy and a riding crop –"
KK: "And how do you know Kahn likes riding crops?"
TW: "And if I am not interrupted by questions that are best left unasked, I might add she did not ask too many questions about where you were when the fighting started, due to the quick verbal footwork of a certain Pulitzer winning reporter and Olympic level sexual athlete. God is in heaven, the paper is at the printer, so why are you moping around here instead of off celebrating very another victory for the Bittleman / Lane -"
KK: Lois smirks. "Lane / Bittleman."
TW: "Bittleman / Lane team?"
KK: "Ted, everyone is mission the real story. Look at these photos." Lois bring up some pictures on her computer from the Slab. "Lex called the man he was fighting Kal-El. The same name I heard Hassad say during the invasion. The same name Vic said is at the center of all the weirdness of Smallville. There is a connection here, and I have to find it!"
TW: "Cinderella, drop it! Just for one night! Yes, I saw a meta-human fighting Lex and his little tin men. Yes, it might even have been this Kal-El you are obsessed with. But lots of people hate Lucifer the Younger. Maybe it was just a pissed off meteor freak, who was just a little more freaky than the rest. Maybe Lex was setting the whole thing up to discredit the meta-humans movement. Maybe –"
KK: "Maybe this all fits together! Smallville, the invasion, the Slab – what’s the common factor?"
TW: "Maybe he moved to Kansas because he likes ribs? Can’t we just take a night off and have some fun? The pictures will still be here tomorrow, Lane. All work and no fun makes you and me both grumpy and horny."
JG: Don’t tell me you are going to ruin Bittleman again!
KK: Lois smirks. "Is that the best pick-up line you have, Bittleman?"
TW: "Why waste the good stuff when I know you have already fallen for my boyish charm?"
KK: "Boyish charm? Try sad sack begging."
TW: "Big talk from a woman who’s last boyfriend was a wanted felon with a leather fetish. If you are too tired to celebrate, Sleeping Beauty, I can have any one of a dozen super models up here in minutes who would kill just to touch my massive –"
KK: "Black eye, after I slap the crap out of you such a pathetic plea for sex?"
TW: "It’s pathetic if it fails. It is creative and inspired if it works."
KK: Lois sends a quick e-mail and stands up. "Nice try, but I doubt a pity lay counts as proof of your sexual prowess."
TW: Bittleman and Lois walks towards the elevators. "The only pity here, Belle, is that I am wasting so much of my valuable time with an ungrateful cub reporter who would not know a good thing it slapped her on the ass." Bittleman takes a long look at Lois's ass.
KK: "Try it, Bittleman, and you’ll be playing pocket pool as a lefty for a week."
TW: "Then I guess I will need someone to help with my pool game, won’t I?" Lois and Bittleman walk out, continuing to exchange insults. The camera pans over to a blurry picture of Clark and Lex fighting.
JG: Not bad, Welling. Bittleman is still much better than Lex.
MR: Iron Lex!

continued...