as retold by RepairmanBob
(Cast is talking over each other)
AM: What the hell did you do?
MR: Lex has Chloe-bots?
ED: What is going on?
JG: We are going to get sued again!
MR: Lex has Chloe-bots!
AM: What the fuck, Kristin?
JG: I refuse to be held legally responsible for this!
MR: Lex has fucking Chloe-bots!! (Stands up, starts to dance)
TW: SHUT UP!!
(Everyone looks at TW with shocked expressions)
TW: John, we are not going to get sued.
JG: Says you.
TW: Erica, you are supposed to be confused.
ED: Oh, good.
KK: (mutters) Well, no more than usual.
TW: Allison and Michael, if you just wait a minute –
AM: No! I am tired to trusting you two! Super powers are great, but they do not get Chloe –
KK + ED + JG + AoT + TW + AM: Back into the Daily Planet.
KK: Annette, if Allison says the Daily Planet one more time before the end of this scene, can you punch her?
AM: Hey!
AoT: We already have a deal in place for your protection, dear.
KK: I will add another Martha scene. She will be arguing with other Senators about meta-human rights.
TW: Another Martha scene? We don’t even have a closing scene for Clark!
KK: Are you saying we have too much Martha this week, Tom?
AoT: (Cracks knuckles)
JG: (To MR) And this is why you do not write episodes with Kristin.
MR: Word. (MR and JG tap fists)
AoT: You have a deal, Kristin.
AM: Grrrrr.
KK: Chloe speaks with a surprisingly pleasant voice, a contrast to her body language and glowing eyes. "Did I ever tell you imagined what our children might look like, Lex?"
TW: Lex presses a button on his desk. "No."
KK: "I guess every eighteen year old girl thinks about it, when she is lying in the arms of the man she loves." A brown-haired boy in a school uniform appears, next to a small, red haired girl. "Would they have your eyes? My mouth? Would they love me?" The children disappear, and Chloe’s tone shifts to faked excitement. "I was so happy when I woke up and realized we did have children!" She gestures to the Spartans. "It was like a dream come true!"
TW: "You don’t understand –"
KK: Chloe voice becomes sharp, dripping with scorn. "Of course, in this version of the story, Prince Philip drugs Sleeping Beauty, rapes her, and turns their children into soulless killing machines. Not exactly Disney friendly material."
JG: Damn. This is fucked up.
TW: Lex stands up. "Please, let me explain."
KK: Chloe looks pissed. "Explain how you lied to me? Explain how you used me? Explain how you betrayed me?"
TW: Lex looks a little sad. "You are not Chloe Sullivan."
AM: WHAT?!?
TW: "Chloe died while trying to be cured of her meta-human abilities. You are just a malfunctioning clone."
AM: You killed me again, you bitch!
(AM leaps at KK, only to be clotheslines by AoT)
AoT: (Picks AM up, puts her back in seat) Sorry, dear.
TW: "You are confused because your programming was not complete. If you just come back with me to Vault Black, we can clear all of this up." Lex smiles and reaches out to Chloe. "I can help you."
KK: Chloe teleports next to Lex. "Nice try, lover." Chloe kisses Lex, and the screen shifts back to Vault Black, just before Brainiac showed the film that caused Chloe to have a breakdown. Chloe does a voice over. "It is amazing what people video tape today. Weddings, funerals… human experimentation on loved ones." The camera starts facing Chloe, then shifts behind her to show the screen. It opens with Chloe mid-vivisection. Her rip cage is split open, and Dr. Richards, Lex and a team of scientists are cutting into her. The image shows a few nasty surgical scenes, all supervised by Lex.
ED: How in the hell do you expect to get that past the censors?
JG: The CW has censors?
ED: Point.
KK: "I saw why you decided to start our happy family." Lex is facing Dr. Richards in Vault Black. An unconscious, healed Chloe is lying in the birthing pool.
TW: "What do you mean it is not working?"
KK: "We have takes tissue samples from every part of her body. We have removed and examined every major organ, including her heart. Twice. We cannot isolate is Subject C36’s ability to absorb or maintain meta-human abilities."
TW: "Which makes her useless as a way to improve the Project Ares Soldiers." Lex looks frustrated, and suddenly his eyes light up. "I know what to do."
KK: The video cuts to what looks like a newborn infant in one of the birthing pools. "They grow up so quickly, don’t they Lex?" The infant rapid ages, until it looks like a sixteen year-old Chloe. "I always wanted a big family." The video shifts back to show multiple birthing pools, with different aged girls in them.
MR: Lex was growing his own Chloes?
KK: I call them Chlones.
ED: OK, that is just gross.
AM: How is this not going to get us sued by Ron again?
MR: I am not sure if this is really cool or really sick.
JG: A little of each, I would say.
KK: "Of course, it was always nice to know you cared." The video shifts to Lex, sitting alone next to Chloe’s birthing pool.
TW: Lex looks down at her sadly. "I am sorry, Chloe. I… I never wanted this." Lex looks like he is trying to convince himself of something. "What I want… what we want is meaningless. We have to think of the world. People will live because of you, Chloe. People will be safe." Lex puts his head in his hands, and his shoulders start to shake. "It has to be this way."
JG: Great, Lex is crying again.
KK: "How sweet." The image disappears, and we are back in the study. Chloe teleports into one of the chairs facing Lex’s desk.
TW: Lex staggers back. "How did you…"
KK: "An old friend of your showed me the home movies. Remember Milton Fine?"
TW: "Fine?"
KK: "He’s dead. But let’s talk about us, Lex."
TW: Lex sits down. "I assume you are here to threaten me, or gain some kind of revenge. How predictable." Lex looks past Chloe to the Spartans. "Spartans - command Gamma Seven. Neutralize Subject C36 and return her to captivity."
KK: The Spartans look at Chloe, who smiles. "It is always sad when children have to choose between their parents. Don't bother with the auto destruct sequence, either."
TW: "It does not matter. This room has been filled with an aerosol version of Salvation and a mild tranquilizer." Lex smiles. "You will be back in Vault Black within the hour."
MR: Yes!
KK: Chloe gestures, and the air in the room spins and swirls, until an orange cloud solidified in front of her. "Oh, Lex. Did you ever wonder why Dr. Richards used alien technology to keep me under control?" Her voice drops. "I Am Salvation." Chloe gestures again, and the orange cloud bursts into flames. She stands, puts her hands on Lex's desk and looks him directly in the eye. Close up of Chloe. "And you, Lex Luthor, are going to help me save the world." And cut to the credits.
Next
7.17 Revolt by TW and KK Part XVI
as retold by RepairmanBob
TW: We go to Lex in the study, talking to Dr. Zabriska.
KK: "Mr. Luthor, I am so sorry. Please –"
TW: "I am not angry with you, Doctor. In fact, I am overjoyed at your work. The armor performed beyond my expectations. The alien was more powerful than we anticipated, and I still came close to defeating him."
MR: I would have had him, if not for those pesky cannons!
TW: "I assume the data collection was successful?"
KK: "Yes, the onboard computers transmitted all of the data from your fight with the alien to out network. I already have three teams analyzing it."
TW: "Excellent. I want to begin production of the upgraded armor by the end of the week…"
KK: "That soon, sir? But –"
TW: "Based on the events at the Slab, I have orders for the HADES armor from the military and several government agencies. I have complete faith in your efforts, Dr. Zabriska. Now, I am expecting a call, so if you don’t mind?" Lex glaces at the door.
JG: An entire conversation, and Lex was not shot or stabbed my his minion. Quite absurd.
KK: The doctor walks out, and Lex picks up his phone.
TW: "Put him through…. Hello, Mr. President… Yes, the situation was unfortunate… Why, thank you, sir. It is good to know LuthorCorp has your support… Yes, we have already started repairs on the Slab… Senator Kent, sir? She has expressed an interest in overseeing the program? Well, we can discuss that later… I will look forward to it sir. The additional resources will help keep us all safe from the meteor freaks… Goody-bye, sir."
KK: The doors to the study open, and Chloe walks in. She looks around the study, but does not make eye contact with Lex. She looks, for the lack of a better term, slightly off. Two Spartans decloak, one on either side of Lex's desk. They begin to move towards Chloe.
AM: Does Chloe blackmail Lex into helping her get her job back at the Daily Planet?
TW: No. Lex waves the Spartans off and scowls at the blond. "Chloe, I had already had the pleasure of one interview with the Daily Planet. If you have come to gloat about my setback at the Slab, let me assure you everyone from the president down to mayor of this pathetic town has called to show their support to LuthorCorp. You can see yourself out."
KK: Annette, could you help us out as do a little singing?
AoT: Certainly. (Looks as script.) I think I have heard this song, but I am not sure where.
TW: It is from Pirates of the Carribbean: At World’s End. They a paying us a small fortune to pimp the re-release of the movies on dvd.
ED: And chance we can get Johnny Depp for a cameo?
KK: I asked. Apparently, Mr. Depp laughed so hard at the request he needed oxygen.
ED: Damnit!
KK: On the left of the study, Lex’s bed appears. An illusion of Chloe is asleep, wearing a red nightgown. An illusion of Lex, wearing a white suit, looks down at her. He reaches down, and stokes FakeChloe’s cheek. She wakes up, and smiles. The illusion is completely silent. RealChloe starts to sing.
AoT: The king and his men
KK: Two men appear next to FakeLex.
AoT: Stole the queen from her bed
KK: FakeLex grabs FakeChloe by her hair and pulls her from the bed. The two men grab her arms, and pull her across the room, where the metal table from Freak has appeared.
AoT: And bound her in her bones
KK: FakeLex and the men strip FakeChloe and strap her into the table. She is silently crying and struggling.
AoT: The seas be ours
KK: One of FakeLex’s men rolls over a cart with a selection of medical instruments.
AoT: And by the powers
KK: FakeLex picks up a massive bone saw.
AoT: Where we will
KK: FakeLex turns back to FakeChloe. She begs him to stop, and mouths "I love you."
AoT: We’ll roam
KK: FakeLex smiles, and begins to cut. He stands so that the graphic stuff is hidden, but we see FakeChloe’s head and hear the saw cutting into her. She starts to scream.
ED: (Turns green)
AoT: Yo, ho, all hands
KK: FakeChloe goes limp. FakeLex hands the bone saw to one of his men, and reaches his hand into her body.
AoT: Hoist the colors high
KK: FakeLex pulls her beating heart out, and hold it in the air. He turns around, looking back at the real Lex and Chloe with a victorious grin. He is covered in blood – the front of the suit, his right arm, his pants, all stained red.
ED: (Gags, runs out of the room)
AoT: Heave ho, thieves and beggars
KK: Blood runs from the heart, and floats upward. It divides into two pools, then transforms into the logo for Salvation and a Spartan.
AoT: Never shall we die
KK: FakeChloe begins to scream again. FakeLex drops the heart, takes the bone saw back from his minion, and starts to cut. The illusion fades.
JG: That was a bit much, even for me.
AoT: I appreciate violence, but my goodness.
TW: Lex’s face is blank. "Chloe, I do not know what you have heard –"
KK: We hear a new voice.
AoT: Yo, ho
KK: Cut hard to the Spartan on Chloe’s right. The voice is heavily distorted. Not just mechanical, but rough, like it has never been used.
AoT: All hands
KK: The Spartan reaches up to it’s neck and makes some adjustments. A vacuum seal breaks, and air rushes out.
TW: Lex's face turns white.
AoT: Hoist the colors high
KK The Spartan removes helmet, revealing Chloe’s face.
AM: Holy Shit!
ED: Holy Shit!
MR: Holy Shit!
JG: Holy Shit!
AoT: Oh my!
KK: The Spartan looks younger than Chloe - like she is sixteen or seventeen. Her skin is so pale it is almosy translucent. Her hair is almost entirely shaved, and what look like small computer ports line either side of her head, with wires running into her armor. Hard cut to the second Spartan.
AoT: Heave ho
KK: The second Spartan makes adjustments to neck, removes helmet. It also has Chloe’s face. The Spartans move the stand behind Chloe and sing together.
AoT: Thieves and beggars
KK: Cut to Chloe. She finally looks at Lex, and her eyes turn fiery orange. She sings the last verse in a growl, making it an accusation or a curse.
AoT: Never shall we die
KK: Chloe slowly moves towards Lex, with a strut that looks like nothing so much a as great cat stalking its prey. "Hello, lover. We need to talk."
continued...
TW: We go to Lex in the study, talking to Dr. Zabriska.
KK: "Mr. Luthor, I am so sorry. Please –"
TW: "I am not angry with you, Doctor. In fact, I am overjoyed at your work. The armor performed beyond my expectations. The alien was more powerful than we anticipated, and I still came close to defeating him."
MR: I would have had him, if not for those pesky cannons!
TW: "I assume the data collection was successful?"
KK: "Yes, the onboard computers transmitted all of the data from your fight with the alien to out network. I already have three teams analyzing it."
TW: "Excellent. I want to begin production of the upgraded armor by the end of the week…"
KK: "That soon, sir? But –"
TW: "Based on the events at the Slab, I have orders for the HADES armor from the military and several government agencies. I have complete faith in your efforts, Dr. Zabriska. Now, I am expecting a call, so if you don’t mind?" Lex glaces at the door.
JG: An entire conversation, and Lex was not shot or stabbed my his minion. Quite absurd.
KK: The doctor walks out, and Lex picks up his phone.
TW: "Put him through…. Hello, Mr. President… Yes, the situation was unfortunate… Why, thank you, sir. It is good to know LuthorCorp has your support… Yes, we have already started repairs on the Slab… Senator Kent, sir? She has expressed an interest in overseeing the program? Well, we can discuss that later… I will look forward to it sir. The additional resources will help keep us all safe from the meteor freaks… Goody-bye, sir."
KK: The doors to the study open, and Chloe walks in. She looks around the study, but does not make eye contact with Lex. She looks, for the lack of a better term, slightly off. Two Spartans decloak, one on either side of Lex's desk. They begin to move towards Chloe.
AM: Does Chloe blackmail Lex into helping her get her job back at the Daily Planet?
TW: No. Lex waves the Spartans off and scowls at the blond. "Chloe, I had already had the pleasure of one interview with the Daily Planet. If you have come to gloat about my setback at the Slab, let me assure you everyone from the president down to mayor of this pathetic town has called to show their support to LuthorCorp. You can see yourself out."
KK: Annette, could you help us out as do a little singing?
AoT: Certainly. (Looks as script.) I think I have heard this song, but I am not sure where.
TW: It is from Pirates of the Carribbean: At World’s End. They a paying us a small fortune to pimp the re-release of the movies on dvd.
ED: And chance we can get Johnny Depp for a cameo?
KK: I asked. Apparently, Mr. Depp laughed so hard at the request he needed oxygen.
ED: Damnit!
KK: On the left of the study, Lex’s bed appears. An illusion of Chloe is asleep, wearing a red nightgown. An illusion of Lex, wearing a white suit, looks down at her. He reaches down, and stokes FakeChloe’s cheek. She wakes up, and smiles. The illusion is completely silent. RealChloe starts to sing.
AoT: The king and his men
KK: Two men appear next to FakeLex.
AoT: Stole the queen from her bed
KK: FakeLex grabs FakeChloe by her hair and pulls her from the bed. The two men grab her arms, and pull her across the room, where the metal table from Freak has appeared.
AoT: And bound her in her bones
KK: FakeLex and the men strip FakeChloe and strap her into the table. She is silently crying and struggling.
AoT: The seas be ours
KK: One of FakeLex’s men rolls over a cart with a selection of medical instruments.
AoT: And by the powers
KK: FakeLex picks up a massive bone saw.
AoT: Where we will
KK: FakeLex turns back to FakeChloe. She begs him to stop, and mouths "I love you."
AoT: We’ll roam
KK: FakeLex smiles, and begins to cut. He stands so that the graphic stuff is hidden, but we see FakeChloe’s head and hear the saw cutting into her. She starts to scream.
ED: (Turns green)
AoT: Yo, ho, all hands
KK: FakeChloe goes limp. FakeLex hands the bone saw to one of his men, and reaches his hand into her body.
AoT: Hoist the colors high
KK: FakeLex pulls her beating heart out, and hold it in the air. He turns around, looking back at the real Lex and Chloe with a victorious grin. He is covered in blood – the front of the suit, his right arm, his pants, all stained red.
ED: (Gags, runs out of the room)
AoT: Heave ho, thieves and beggars
KK: Blood runs from the heart, and floats upward. It divides into two pools, then transforms into the logo for Salvation and a Spartan.
AoT: Never shall we die
KK: FakeChloe begins to scream again. FakeLex drops the heart, takes the bone saw back from his minion, and starts to cut. The illusion fades.
JG: That was a bit much, even for me.
AoT: I appreciate violence, but my goodness.
TW: Lex’s face is blank. "Chloe, I do not know what you have heard –"
KK: We hear a new voice.
AoT: Yo, ho
KK: Cut hard to the Spartan on Chloe’s right. The voice is heavily distorted. Not just mechanical, but rough, like it has never been used.
AoT: All hands
KK: The Spartan reaches up to it’s neck and makes some adjustments. A vacuum seal breaks, and air rushes out.
TW: Lex's face turns white.
AoT: Hoist the colors high
KK The Spartan removes helmet, revealing Chloe’s face.
AM: Holy Shit!
ED: Holy Shit!
MR: Holy Shit!
JG: Holy Shit!
AoT: Oh my!
KK: The Spartan looks younger than Chloe - like she is sixteen or seventeen. Her skin is so pale it is almosy translucent. Her hair is almost entirely shaved, and what look like small computer ports line either side of her head, with wires running into her armor. Hard cut to the second Spartan.
AoT: Heave ho
KK: The second Spartan makes adjustments to neck, removes helmet. It also has Chloe’s face. The Spartans move the stand behind Chloe and sing together.
AoT: Thieves and beggars
KK: Cut to Chloe. She finally looks at Lex, and her eyes turn fiery orange. She sings the last verse in a growl, making it an accusation or a curse.
AoT: Never shall we die
KK: Chloe slowly moves towards Lex, with a strut that looks like nothing so much a as great cat stalking its prey. "Hello, lover. We need to talk."
continued...
7.17 Revolt by TW and KK Part XV
as retold by RepairmanBob
TW: The next day, Clark and Martha are talking in the kitchen of the Kent Farm, wondering if humans and meta-humans can ever get along.
AM: Hold on! Why isn’t Clark worried about Chloe?
KK: Martha says –
AM: Clark went to the Slab to look for Chloe! He saw Brainiac abduct her! Now he is having a leisurely breakfast with Mom instead of looking for his kidnapped best friend?
TW: (Looking through script) I could have sworn I wrote something…
ED: Who cares? I want to see how Lois and Bittleman’s date went!
JG: I still get my full salary if I only appear in three scenes, correct?
MR: I want more Iron Lex!
TW: (Flipping pages) I remember writing a loft scene with Clark and Chloe…
KK: You did. I cut it.
AM + TW: You what?
KK: I hate loft scenes. I have for years. So, I cut it. Martha says –
TW: You can’t keep changing my episode!
KK: Our episode, Tom. Our episode. And it’s done. I shredded your original.
TW: God damnit!
AM: But –
KK: Allison, it had nothing to do with Chloe getting back into the Daily Planet.
AM: Oh. Never mind then.
TW: But Clark –
KK: Look, he can tell Martha that Chloe called. She told him she never saw Brainiac, and has no idea what he is talking about.
AM: So Chloe lies to Clark?
KK: (Shakes head) It will all make sense!
AoT: Now about my scene –
KK: Usual "Stop being a moron and blaming yourself for everything, Clark."
TW: Oh, come on!
AoT: I can work with that.
MR: Clark should have some guilt about how Iron Lex hated him so much.
ED: Oh, I like that.
TW: No more guilt! I am tired of Clark feeling guilty all the time!
JG: (Yawns)
KK: And we go back to Lionel.
JG: Finally! Let me do this! Lionel is disheveled and covered in sweat.
AoT: But still sexy.
JG: That goes without saying. In the center of his office sits a large, circular machine. Lionel is positioning the last of several crystals in the center of the device.
ED: What is it?
AM: (sarcastic voice) An advanced hair washing machine.
ED: Oh, does it use shampoo that controls minds?
AM: (Bangs head on desk)
MR: How do you not get lost walking between your trailer and the writers’ room?
JG: Lights around the top of the machine start to blink. Lionel takes a step back, as more lights appear and the machine starts to hum. After a few seconds, lasers at the top of the machine start to track across the room, before centering themselves a few feet above the top of the machine.
TW: A hologram of a man appears. He has a tan skin, a short black beard and is wearing a green tunic and cape. He looks at Lionel with a cold, arrogant expression. "All hail Mighty Darkseid. I hope this message finds you well, Cursor Hassad. After the destruction of the Master’s portal device due to the treachery of the vile Kryptonians Zod and Kal-El, the parameters of your mission have changed. The objective of this endeavorer is no longer conquest." The man’s expression becomes more animated - like a zealot spreading the word of his deity. "Mighty Darkseid himself is coming to oversee the eradication of the last son of Krypton. And everyone and everything he holds dear."
JG: Lionel looks concerned.
continued...
TW: The next day, Clark and Martha are talking in the kitchen of the Kent Farm, wondering if humans and meta-humans can ever get along.
AM: Hold on! Why isn’t Clark worried about Chloe?
KK: Martha says –
AM: Clark went to the Slab to look for Chloe! He saw Brainiac abduct her! Now he is having a leisurely breakfast with Mom instead of looking for his kidnapped best friend?
TW: (Looking through script) I could have sworn I wrote something…
ED: Who cares? I want to see how Lois and Bittleman’s date went!
JG: I still get my full salary if I only appear in three scenes, correct?
MR: I want more Iron Lex!
TW: (Flipping pages) I remember writing a loft scene with Clark and Chloe…
KK: You did. I cut it.
AM + TW: You what?
KK: I hate loft scenes. I have for years. So, I cut it. Martha says –
TW: You can’t keep changing my episode!
KK: Our episode, Tom. Our episode. And it’s done. I shredded your original.
TW: God damnit!
AM: But –
KK: Allison, it had nothing to do with Chloe getting back into the Daily Planet.
AM: Oh. Never mind then.
TW: But Clark –
KK: Look, he can tell Martha that Chloe called. She told him she never saw Brainiac, and has no idea what he is talking about.
AM: So Chloe lies to Clark?
KK: (Shakes head) It will all make sense!
AoT: Now about my scene –
KK: Usual "Stop being a moron and blaming yourself for everything, Clark."
TW: Oh, come on!
AoT: I can work with that.
MR: Clark should have some guilt about how Iron Lex hated him so much.
ED: Oh, I like that.
TW: No more guilt! I am tired of Clark feeling guilty all the time!
JG: (Yawns)
KK: And we go back to Lionel.
JG: Finally! Let me do this! Lionel is disheveled and covered in sweat.
AoT: But still sexy.
JG: That goes without saying. In the center of his office sits a large, circular machine. Lionel is positioning the last of several crystals in the center of the device.
ED: What is it?
AM: (sarcastic voice) An advanced hair washing machine.
ED: Oh, does it use shampoo that controls minds?
AM: (Bangs head on desk)
MR: How do you not get lost walking between your trailer and the writers’ room?
JG: Lights around the top of the machine start to blink. Lionel takes a step back, as more lights appear and the machine starts to hum. After a few seconds, lasers at the top of the machine start to track across the room, before centering themselves a few feet above the top of the machine.
TW: A hologram of a man appears. He has a tan skin, a short black beard and is wearing a green tunic and cape. He looks at Lionel with a cold, arrogant expression. "All hail Mighty Darkseid. I hope this message finds you well, Cursor Hassad. After the destruction of the Master’s portal device due to the treachery of the vile Kryptonians Zod and Kal-El, the parameters of your mission have changed. The objective of this endeavorer is no longer conquest." The man’s expression becomes more animated - like a zealot spreading the word of his deity. "Mighty Darkseid himself is coming to oversee the eradication of the last son of Krypton. And everyone and everything he holds dear."
JG: Lionel looks concerned.
continued...
7.17 Revolt by TW and KK Part XIV
as retold by RepairmanBob
TW: Well, Lex does get to threaten to have all of the meta-human arrested.
MR: Hurray!
KK: Until Lois and Bittleman produce film showing a LuthorCorp guard fired the first shot, starting the entire riot.
ED: Hurray!
KK: "Back down now Lex, and I will give you a chance to tell your side of the story. In an exclusive interview with the Daily Planet of course."
TW: "And if I refuse?"
AoT: Martha stands next to Lois. "Then the story is published, and the junior senator from Kansas gives an interview telling how reckless LuthorCorp was in its management of the situation. I am sure that would do wonders for your stock price."
MR: Lex scowls. "It you publish a single word before I –"
TW: Bittleman cuts him off. "You lost Baldy-locks! And before you try to threaten us, I have already sent the footage to the great and powerful Kahn, who will run it, with or without your interview, in tomorrow’s edition of the Planet. This is a one time deal to do spin control, Daddy Warbucks, and the clock is ticking. Ten, nine, eight –"
MR: "You are either very brave or very stupid, Mr. Bittleman."
TW: "Try very bored of your threats, Mr. Clean. Seven, six, five –"
MR: "I will meet you both in twenty minutes in my offices here at the Slab. I will want a tape recording of the interview for my own records, and any attempt to slander or misquote me will result in legal action against you and the Daily Planet." Lex scowls. "At the very least"
TW: "Yeah, whatever Dr. Dome."
MR: Dr. Dome?
JG: I like it.
KK: Lex starts to turn away, and Lois says "Hey, Lex. Who is Kal-El?"
TW: Small smirk from Lex. "I have no idea what you are talking about, Lois." Lex walks away.
KK: Cut to Martha giving a big, inspirational speech about how the meteor freaks and the normal humans need to get along.
AoT: That’s it?
KK: Well, I thought you might like to write it. (Looks at AM) As a bonus for a job well done.
JG: Well played, Kristin.
TW: Back at the Daily Planet, Lois and Bittleman are looking at their latest front page story.
ED: I love that!
AM: I am still waiting to hear when Chloe is going to get her job back.
KK: Like I care.
TW: "I love the smell of pissed off Luthor in the morning! Well, I love the smell of pissed off Luthor any time of the day, but did you know we have already gotten three calls from LuthorCorp lawyers? I may write another story just about the different ways you can wipe your ass with a legal threat from Evil Inc."
KK: Lois looks less excited. "Yeah, great, we pissed off Lex. Big woop."
TW: "What the hell, Betty Boop?"
ED: Betty Boop?
TW: I am running out of Disney characters. "We got a front page story, pissed off the Son of Satan, and helped shut down a Very Bad Place. Your friend Senator Kent, who is quite a MILF by the way –"
AoT: Why thank you!
TW: "Is happy."
KK: Lois smiles and smacks Bittleman.
TW: "Evil Queen Kahn is happy, or as happy as she gets during activities that do not involve her pool boy and a riding crop –"
KK: "And how do you know Kahn likes riding crops?"
TW: "And if I am not interrupted by questions that are best left unasked, I might add she did not ask too many questions about where you were when the fighting started, due to the quick verbal footwork of a certain Pulitzer winning reporter and Olympic level sexual athlete. God is in heaven, the paper is at the printer, so why are you moping around here instead of off celebrating very another victory for the Bittleman / Lane -"
KK: Lois smirks. "Lane / Bittleman."
TW: "Bittleman / Lane team?"
KK: "Ted, everyone is mission the real story. Look at these photos." Lois bring up some pictures on her computer from the Slab. "Lex called the man he was fighting Kal-El. The same name I heard Hassad say during the invasion. The same name Vic said is at the center of all the weirdness of Smallville. There is a connection here, and I have to find it!"
TW: "Cinderella, drop it! Just for one night! Yes, I saw a meta-human fighting Lex and his little tin men. Yes, it might even have been this Kal-El you are obsessed with. But lots of people hate Lucifer the Younger. Maybe it was just a pissed off meteor freak, who was just a little more freaky than the rest. Maybe Lex was setting the whole thing up to discredit the meta-humans movement. Maybe –"
KK: "Maybe this all fits together! Smallville, the invasion, the Slab – what’s the common factor?"
TW: "Maybe he moved to Kansas because he likes ribs? Can’t we just take a night off and have some fun? The pictures will still be here tomorrow, Lane. All work and no fun makes you and me both grumpy and horny."
JG: Don’t tell me you are going to ruin Bittleman again!
KK: Lois smirks. "Is that the best pick-up line you have, Bittleman?"
TW: "Why waste the good stuff when I know you have already fallen for my boyish charm?"
KK: "Boyish charm? Try sad sack begging."
TW: "Big talk from a woman who’s last boyfriend was a wanted felon with a leather fetish. If you are too tired to celebrate, Sleeping Beauty, I can have any one of a dozen super models up here in minutes who would kill just to touch my massive –"
KK: "Black eye, after I slap the crap out of you such a pathetic plea for sex?"
TW: "It’s pathetic if it fails. It is creative and inspired if it works."
KK: Lois sends a quick e-mail and stands up. "Nice try, but I doubt a pity lay counts as proof of your sexual prowess."
TW: Bittleman and Lois walks towards the elevators. "The only pity here, Belle, is that I am wasting so much of my valuable time with an ungrateful cub reporter who would not know a good thing it slapped her on the ass." Bittleman takes a long look at Lois's ass.
KK: "Try it, Bittleman, and you’ll be playing pocket pool as a lefty for a week."
TW: "Then I guess I will need someone to help with my pool game, won’t I?" Lois and Bittleman walk out, continuing to exchange insults. The camera pans over to a blurry picture of Clark and Lex fighting.
JG: Not bad, Welling. Bittleman is still much better than Lex.
MR: Iron Lex!
continued...
TW: Well, Lex does get to threaten to have all of the meta-human arrested.
MR: Hurray!
KK: Until Lois and Bittleman produce film showing a LuthorCorp guard fired the first shot, starting the entire riot.
ED: Hurray!
KK: "Back down now Lex, and I will give you a chance to tell your side of the story. In an exclusive interview with the Daily Planet of course."
TW: "And if I refuse?"
AoT: Martha stands next to Lois. "Then the story is published, and the junior senator from Kansas gives an interview telling how reckless LuthorCorp was in its management of the situation. I am sure that would do wonders for your stock price."
MR: Lex scowls. "It you publish a single word before I –"
TW: Bittleman cuts him off. "You lost Baldy-locks! And before you try to threaten us, I have already sent the footage to the great and powerful Kahn, who will run it, with or without your interview, in tomorrow’s edition of the Planet. This is a one time deal to do spin control, Daddy Warbucks, and the clock is ticking. Ten, nine, eight –"
MR: "You are either very brave or very stupid, Mr. Bittleman."
TW: "Try very bored of your threats, Mr. Clean. Seven, six, five –"
MR: "I will meet you both in twenty minutes in my offices here at the Slab. I will want a tape recording of the interview for my own records, and any attempt to slander or misquote me will result in legal action against you and the Daily Planet." Lex scowls. "At the very least"
TW: "Yeah, whatever Dr. Dome."
MR: Dr. Dome?
JG: I like it.
KK: Lex starts to turn away, and Lois says "Hey, Lex. Who is Kal-El?"
TW: Small smirk from Lex. "I have no idea what you are talking about, Lois." Lex walks away.
KK: Cut to Martha giving a big, inspirational speech about how the meteor freaks and the normal humans need to get along.
AoT: That’s it?
KK: Well, I thought you might like to write it. (Looks at AM) As a bonus for a job well done.
JG: Well played, Kristin.
TW: Back at the Daily Planet, Lois and Bittleman are looking at their latest front page story.
ED: I love that!
AM: I am still waiting to hear when Chloe is going to get her job back.
KK: Like I care.
TW: "I love the smell of pissed off Luthor in the morning! Well, I love the smell of pissed off Luthor any time of the day, but did you know we have already gotten three calls from LuthorCorp lawyers? I may write another story just about the different ways you can wipe your ass with a legal threat from Evil Inc."
KK: Lois looks less excited. "Yeah, great, we pissed off Lex. Big woop."
TW: "What the hell, Betty Boop?"
ED: Betty Boop?
TW: I am running out of Disney characters. "We got a front page story, pissed off the Son of Satan, and helped shut down a Very Bad Place. Your friend Senator Kent, who is quite a MILF by the way –"
AoT: Why thank you!
TW: "Is happy."
KK: Lois smiles and smacks Bittleman.
TW: "Evil Queen Kahn is happy, or as happy as she gets during activities that do not involve her pool boy and a riding crop –"
KK: "And how do you know Kahn likes riding crops?"
TW: "And if I am not interrupted by questions that are best left unasked, I might add she did not ask too many questions about where you were when the fighting started, due to the quick verbal footwork of a certain Pulitzer winning reporter and Olympic level sexual athlete. God is in heaven, the paper is at the printer, so why are you moping around here instead of off celebrating very another victory for the Bittleman / Lane -"
KK: Lois smirks. "Lane / Bittleman."
TW: "Bittleman / Lane team?"
KK: "Ted, everyone is mission the real story. Look at these photos." Lois bring up some pictures on her computer from the Slab. "Lex called the man he was fighting Kal-El. The same name I heard Hassad say during the invasion. The same name Vic said is at the center of all the weirdness of Smallville. There is a connection here, and I have to find it!"
TW: "Cinderella, drop it! Just for one night! Yes, I saw a meta-human fighting Lex and his little tin men. Yes, it might even have been this Kal-El you are obsessed with. But lots of people hate Lucifer the Younger. Maybe it was just a pissed off meteor freak, who was just a little more freaky than the rest. Maybe Lex was setting the whole thing up to discredit the meta-humans movement. Maybe –"
KK: "Maybe this all fits together! Smallville, the invasion, the Slab – what’s the common factor?"
TW: "Maybe he moved to Kansas because he likes ribs? Can’t we just take a night off and have some fun? The pictures will still be here tomorrow, Lane. All work and no fun makes you and me both grumpy and horny."
JG: Don’t tell me you are going to ruin Bittleman again!
KK: Lois smirks. "Is that the best pick-up line you have, Bittleman?"
TW: "Why waste the good stuff when I know you have already fallen for my boyish charm?"
KK: "Boyish charm? Try sad sack begging."
TW: "Big talk from a woman who’s last boyfriend was a wanted felon with a leather fetish. If you are too tired to celebrate, Sleeping Beauty, I can have any one of a dozen super models up here in minutes who would kill just to touch my massive –"
KK: "Black eye, after I slap the crap out of you such a pathetic plea for sex?"
TW: "It’s pathetic if it fails. It is creative and inspired if it works."
KK: Lois sends a quick e-mail and stands up. "Nice try, but I doubt a pity lay counts as proof of your sexual prowess."
TW: Bittleman and Lois walks towards the elevators. "The only pity here, Belle, is that I am wasting so much of my valuable time with an ungrateful cub reporter who would not know a good thing it slapped her on the ass." Bittleman takes a long look at Lois's ass.
KK: "Try it, Bittleman, and you’ll be playing pocket pool as a lefty for a week."
TW: "Then I guess I will need someone to help with my pool game, won’t I?" Lois and Bittleman walk out, continuing to exchange insults. The camera pans over to a blurry picture of Clark and Lex fighting.
JG: Not bad, Welling. Bittleman is still much better than Lex.
MR: Iron Lex!
continued...
7.17 Revolt by TW and KK Part XIII
as retold by RepairmanBob
TW: Lex staggers over to the Spartans.
MR: Iron Lex does not stagger! He walks like John Wayne!
ED: Like he just got his ass kicked?
MR: Like his gigantic brass balls are clanking together! "Stop! He is mine!"
JG: You two are not even bothering to hide the Clex anymore, are you?
KK: The Spartans drop Clark like a sack of shit -
TW: Hey!
KK: Fine, like a sack of Grade A Beefcake, and move away.
MR: Lex swaggers closer, and pressed a button on his right gauntlet. A large green blade pops out of the forearm. "My scientists said creating a meteor rock alloy for hand to hand combat was pointless. But I knew it always pays to be prepared."
AM: So. Very. Gay.
ED: Totally.
KK: Chloe grabs one of Brainaic’s spikes with her right hand.
TW: Brainiac raises his left hand, but then looks confused - he cannot turn his fingers into spikes.
KK: "Not so fast. You were the one who wanted to skip the foreplay."
TW: "How did you –"
KK: Kryptonian symbols start to appear around the room, drawn in a fiery orange. "Did I forgot to mention I am a technopath? I control machines. Computers. Security systems. Cameras." Sinister smirk. "You."
TW: Brainiac scoffs, but is covering up some fear. "I am not some toaster, little human. I am the Brain Interactive Construct. Stop this, or –"
KK: Close up on Chloe. Her voice gets lower, and the flames coming from her eyes become larger. "I was hacking computers before I put on my first training bra. I wrote a program to identify Kryptonian symbols. I learned Kryptonian from the last member of the race that built you."
TW: (Looks surprised) When did that happen?
AM+KK: Offscreenville.
KK: "I did all of it when I was just a poor, simple human." Chloe’s voice drops. "I am so much more than that now." The symbols start to appear more rapidly, then stop. "Here we go. Self destruction sequence."
TW: Wait, Chloe kills Brainiac? That’s not what we agreed on!
KK: Punching up the script!
JG: So Chloe has to stop Brainiac? Is poor wittle Clarkie scared of the big shiny robot?
TW: I am just saying Clark should be the one to stop a major Superman villain!
AM: Oh, come on! Lionel killed a Brainiac! It’s not like it’s so hard!
JG: If it is so easy, I would like to see Chloe kill a major Superman villain!
TW: She just did!
JG: Oh, well done then. (Shakes AM’s hand)
AM: Thank you.
ED: Wait, did Clark every kill a Brainiac?
TW: It would be like if Lana killed Bizarro! How the hell would that make any sense?
KK: OK, that is just stupid.
TW: Thank –
KK: Lana is dead. She can’t kill anyone. (Looks around the table) And don’t even think of bringing her back to life!
MR: Hey, if Chloe kills Brainiac, Lex should kill Darkseid!
ED: No, Lois should kill a Superman villain next!
AoT: No, Martha!
TW: (Puts head on desk, groans)
KK: Figure out who kills who in your own scripts.
TW: This is my script!
KK: Do you have a better way to get rid of Brainiac?
TW: Clark was going to save the day!
KK: Sexist much? Are you saying Chloe needs saving? That a womans need big, strapping man to rescue her?
AM+ED+AoT: Yeah!
MR: (To TW) Keep in mind, we are outnumbered 4-to-3 here.
JG: Don’t include me in your little sexist cabal, gentlemen.
TW: (Grumbles)
KK: (Smiles sweetly) Glad we agree.
TW: (Scowls) Brainiac looks scared. "Wait, Miss Sullivan."
KK: "You hurt me."
TW: "You have no idea of the threat you face! The invasion Kal-El stopped was nothing!"
KK: "You hurt the people I love."
TW: "An evil you cannot imagine is coming! It will destroy this world as surely as it did Krypton! Without General Zod’s plans, without his Crusade, you will all die! You need me!"
KK: "Anything that threatens this world will receive the same fate you do." Chloe walks towards Brainiac, driving the spikes further into her body. "Death." Big scary music and Chloe places one hand on Brainiac’s head and the other on his shoulder, and rips the robot in half.
ED: Ouch.
AM: Cool, but how does this get me into the –
KK: Christ, just let me finish the episode, OK? Brainiac’s body disintegrates, leaving Chloe with a very scary smile. She walks to the monitor showing the Slab, her gaping chest wounds healing. She touches the monitor, and orange sparks like into the equipment.
MR: Iron Lex stands over his evil alien foe.
TW: (coughs)
MR: He raises his arm and gets ready to smite the sinister Kal-El. "Good-bye alien."
KK: The large cannons surrounding the Slab suddenly turn and point towards Clark and Lex. The guards operating them look confused.
MR: Iron Lex stabs Kal-El and everyone lives happily ever after.
TW: (Raises eyebrow)
MR: Fine, fine. Iron Lex gets ready to stab Clark, and gets blasted by the cannons. Stupid cannons!
TW: Clark looks up to see Lex getting the ever-living crap blasted out of him.
MR: What are my Spartans doing?
KK: Watching Iron Lex gets the very-living crap get blasted out of him. You ordered them to back off.
MR: Stupid minions!
KK: The cannons narrowly miss the Spartans.
JG: Ah, once again Lex finds a way to steal defeat from the jaws of victory.
MR: That’s Iron Lex to you!
TW: Clark stands up and shields Lex’s body with his own.
ED: Ahhh, how sweet.
TW: Clark uses his heat vision to blast the cannons.
AM: Protecting his one true love.
ED: I thought that was Lana?
KK: Not likely.
TW: Clark then rips the remains of the Iron Lex suit off of Lex –
JG: Wow, even I did not think you would go there.
TW: (Rolls eyes) and smashes it to pieces.
ED: Kryptonian foreplay!
TW: Oh, shut up, Durance! Clark drops Lex to the ground, and LuthorCorp guards move in around him. The meteor freaks move in to surround the guards.
KK: We get a few seconds of tension, then Martha’s voice rings out over the crowd. "Everyone stand down! That is an order!"
AoT: Not bad, Kristin. Can I punch someone?
KK: Why not? We can have a LuthorCorp guard threatening an adorable meta-human child, and Martha pistol whips him.
AoT: (Tapping fingers together like Mr. Burns) Excellent.
TW: Clark flies over Lex, who is struggling to stand up.
ED: While naked.
KK: I guess he is spent.
TW: "I am not your enemy, Lex. But I will not let you hurt innocent people. Stop, before it is too late." Clark flies off.
MR: Lex doesn’t even get a good response? I call bullshit!
continued...
TW: Lex staggers over to the Spartans.
MR: Iron Lex does not stagger! He walks like John Wayne!
ED: Like he just got his ass kicked?
MR: Like his gigantic brass balls are clanking together! "Stop! He is mine!"
JG: You two are not even bothering to hide the Clex anymore, are you?
KK: The Spartans drop Clark like a sack of shit -
TW: Hey!
KK: Fine, like a sack of Grade A Beefcake, and move away.
MR: Lex swaggers closer, and pressed a button on his right gauntlet. A large green blade pops out of the forearm. "My scientists said creating a meteor rock alloy for hand to hand combat was pointless. But I knew it always pays to be prepared."
AM: So. Very. Gay.
ED: Totally.
KK: Chloe grabs one of Brainaic’s spikes with her right hand.
TW: Brainiac raises his left hand, but then looks confused - he cannot turn his fingers into spikes.
KK: "Not so fast. You were the one who wanted to skip the foreplay."
TW: "How did you –"
KK: Kryptonian symbols start to appear around the room, drawn in a fiery orange. "Did I forgot to mention I am a technopath? I control machines. Computers. Security systems. Cameras." Sinister smirk. "You."
TW: Brainiac scoffs, but is covering up some fear. "I am not some toaster, little human. I am the Brain Interactive Construct. Stop this, or –"
KK: Close up on Chloe. Her voice gets lower, and the flames coming from her eyes become larger. "I was hacking computers before I put on my first training bra. I wrote a program to identify Kryptonian symbols. I learned Kryptonian from the last member of the race that built you."
TW: (Looks surprised) When did that happen?
AM+KK: Offscreenville.
KK: "I did all of it when I was just a poor, simple human." Chloe’s voice drops. "I am so much more than that now." The symbols start to appear more rapidly, then stop. "Here we go. Self destruction sequence."
TW: Wait, Chloe kills Brainiac? That’s not what we agreed on!
KK: Punching up the script!
JG: So Chloe has to stop Brainiac? Is poor wittle Clarkie scared of the big shiny robot?
TW: I am just saying Clark should be the one to stop a major Superman villain!
AM: Oh, come on! Lionel killed a Brainiac! It’s not like it’s so hard!
JG: If it is so easy, I would like to see Chloe kill a major Superman villain!
TW: She just did!
JG: Oh, well done then. (Shakes AM’s hand)
AM: Thank you.
ED: Wait, did Clark every kill a Brainiac?
TW: It would be like if Lana killed Bizarro! How the hell would that make any sense?
KK: OK, that is just stupid.
TW: Thank –
KK: Lana is dead. She can’t kill anyone. (Looks around the table) And don’t even think of bringing her back to life!
MR: Hey, if Chloe kills Brainiac, Lex should kill Darkseid!
ED: No, Lois should kill a Superman villain next!
AoT: No, Martha!
TW: (Puts head on desk, groans)
KK: Figure out who kills who in your own scripts.
TW: This is my script!
KK: Do you have a better way to get rid of Brainiac?
TW: Clark was going to save the day!
KK: Sexist much? Are you saying Chloe needs saving? That a womans need big, strapping man to rescue her?
AM+ED+AoT: Yeah!
MR: (To TW) Keep in mind, we are outnumbered 4-to-3 here.
JG: Don’t include me in your little sexist cabal, gentlemen.
TW: (Grumbles)
KK: (Smiles sweetly) Glad we agree.
TW: (Scowls) Brainiac looks scared. "Wait, Miss Sullivan."
KK: "You hurt me."
TW: "You have no idea of the threat you face! The invasion Kal-El stopped was nothing!"
KK: "You hurt the people I love."
TW: "An evil you cannot imagine is coming! It will destroy this world as surely as it did Krypton! Without General Zod’s plans, without his Crusade, you will all die! You need me!"
KK: "Anything that threatens this world will receive the same fate you do." Chloe walks towards Brainiac, driving the spikes further into her body. "Death." Big scary music and Chloe places one hand on Brainiac’s head and the other on his shoulder, and rips the robot in half.
ED: Ouch.
AM: Cool, but how does this get me into the –
KK: Christ, just let me finish the episode, OK? Brainiac’s body disintegrates, leaving Chloe with a very scary smile. She walks to the monitor showing the Slab, her gaping chest wounds healing. She touches the monitor, and orange sparks like into the equipment.
MR: Iron Lex stands over his evil alien foe.
TW: (coughs)
MR: He raises his arm and gets ready to smite the sinister Kal-El. "Good-bye alien."
KK: The large cannons surrounding the Slab suddenly turn and point towards Clark and Lex. The guards operating them look confused.
MR: Iron Lex stabs Kal-El and everyone lives happily ever after.
TW: (Raises eyebrow)
MR: Fine, fine. Iron Lex gets ready to stab Clark, and gets blasted by the cannons. Stupid cannons!
TW: Clark looks up to see Lex getting the ever-living crap blasted out of him.
MR: What are my Spartans doing?
KK: Watching Iron Lex gets the very-living crap get blasted out of him. You ordered them to back off.
MR: Stupid minions!
KK: The cannons narrowly miss the Spartans.
JG: Ah, once again Lex finds a way to steal defeat from the jaws of victory.
MR: That’s Iron Lex to you!
TW: Clark stands up and shields Lex’s body with his own.
ED: Ahhh, how sweet.
TW: Clark uses his heat vision to blast the cannons.
AM: Protecting his one true love.
ED: I thought that was Lana?
KK: Not likely.
TW: Clark then rips the remains of the Iron Lex suit off of Lex –
JG: Wow, even I did not think you would go there.
TW: (Rolls eyes) and smashes it to pieces.
ED: Kryptonian foreplay!
TW: Oh, shut up, Durance! Clark drops Lex to the ground, and LuthorCorp guards move in around him. The meteor freaks move in to surround the guards.
KK: We get a few seconds of tension, then Martha’s voice rings out over the crowd. "Everyone stand down! That is an order!"
AoT: Not bad, Kristin. Can I punch someone?
KK: Why not? We can have a LuthorCorp guard threatening an adorable meta-human child, and Martha pistol whips him.
AoT: (Tapping fingers together like Mr. Burns) Excellent.
TW: Clark flies over Lex, who is struggling to stand up.
ED: While naked.
KK: I guess he is spent.
TW: "I am not your enemy, Lex. But I will not let you hurt innocent people. Stop, before it is too late." Clark flies off.
MR: Lex doesn’t even get a good response? I call bullshit!
continued...
7.17 Revolt by TW and KK Part XII
as retold by RepairmanBob
TW: At the slab, Clark continues to have problems -
KK: You mean he is getting his ass kicked.
MR: My Spartans rock!
ED: Big talk from a guy playing a coma patient.
MR: Don’t talk that way about Iron Lex!
JG: More like Ironing Board Lex. Would you like a floral dress to go with the head trauma?
MR: I’ll show you an Ironing… Iron …
KK: I’m sure you have a witty retort, but I don’t care enough to wait.
MR: (Muttering) Iron...
KK: Clark is looking battered. Most of the suit –
TW: GreenK Protection Armor!
KK: Suit is gone.
ED+AM+AoT: Nice.
TW: What? I didn’t agree to that!
KK: I punched up the script a little. The chest is completely torn away.
AoT: (Raises eyebrows)
KK: And so is one leg. Green burn marks, bruises are cuts cover the exposed skin.
JG: (Taking notes) Buy more film. (Takes a long look at TW) Much more film.
AoT: Tom could you stand up and show us how all this will play out? Just to help us… visualize it.
ED: Yeah, what she said.
TW: No! Stop looking at me like that!
AM: Come on, Tom.
TW: I am not a piece of meat!
ED: (Turns head) From here, you look like a Grade A piece of –
TW: Stop objectifying me!
KK: Fine, you big wimp.
TW: (Regaining his composure) Clark is getting systematically beaten down by the Spartans. It is like a pack of dogs attacking a bear – every time Clark knocks a Spartan away, another attacks him. A Spartan fire rockets at Clark. He dodges them, but two more of the armored soldiers clothesline him with a huge steel support beam.
JG: I hope the state of Kansas has the Slab insured.
TW: Clark spins around, and two more Spartans tackle him to the ground. He throws them off, but gets the electrified cable around the neck again. Another gets close enough to throw roundhouse kicks to the stomach and head. Two more Spartans land, each grabbing an arm.
MR: Wow, not even I thought the Spartans were this cool.
JG: To bad their boss is such a wimp.
MR: Iron Lex is not a wimp!
KK: A Spartan hovers in front of Clark. Two more of the other armored figures raise their arms and fire energy beams, hitting the Spartan in the chest. The super soldier begins to glow, the armor fading from black to green to white. Finally, the Spartan raises its arms and fires a huge red energy ray. There is a booming sound, and a slight shockwave as the ray hits Clark. He tries to get away, but the cable around his neck and the Spartans holding his arms keep him in place.
ED: Tom, I cannot believe you wrote an episode where Clark gets beat up so much.
AM: Or wears so little clothes.
TW: (To KK) I didn’t.
KK: You will thank me when the ratings come in.
KK: At Vault Black, Chloe is –
AM: Dead, right? You just had to kill Chloe twice in the same episode, didn’t you?
JG: I object! Chloe gets killed twice, and Lionel is still alive!
KK: (Rolling eyes) Chloe is pinned to the wall by one of Brainiac’s spikes.
TW: "It's over, Miss Sullivan."
AM: Dammit!
KK: She is not dead.
AM: Oh.
KK: Yet.
AM: Dammit!
KK: Kidding. Actually, she seems amused.
AM: Amused? She just got stabbed through the chest!
KK: "I should have seen it coming, all that bravado and machismo but absolutely no staying power."
TW: Coming. Hee.
AM: Shut up, Tom.
TW: Brainiac seems surprised Chloe is still alive.
AM: Actually, I am too.
KK: "I hate to deflate your ego but I'm afraid your claim of victory was... premature."
AoT: Ouch.
KK: "Typical male, mere moments after penetration and you think we're done? I'm just getting started."
JG: Now that is a nice line.
MR: I don’t get it.
KK: That’s what she said.
ED: Huh?
TW: Typical male?
KK: She was dating Jimmy.
AM: Jimmy was not a premature...
KK: (raises her eyebrows)
AM: OK, whatever. What's the next line?
AoT: How about, "I've met machines running on double A's with more staying power than you."
(The cast is silent for a moment. TW turns red.)
AoT: "What?"
TW: Brainiac tilts his head to the right
AoT: My husband lives hundreds of miles away! Give me a break!
TW: (Turns redder)
AoT: I hardly ever get to see him!
TW: Annette, please stop.
AoT: Stop what?
TW: Do the initials TMI mean anything to you?
AoT: Too much intercourse? Is there such a thing?
TW: No. Too much...
AoT: Because when it comes to my husband there sure isn't.
TW: (Bangs his head on the table)
AM: Besides, the only machine Chloe would have that runs on batteries is her taser!
ED: Wow. Talk about kinky.
AM: Shut up.
ED: Good thing for that healing power.
AM: Shut up!
KK: We already did a staying power joke, Annette.
AoT: Mine's better.
AM: Chloe does not use a vibrator!
KK: She uses a taser.
AM: Shut up!
TW: Brainiac jams another spike into Chloe’s chest. "Perhaps you're right, Miss Sullivan. We really should take the time to enjoy ourselves."
MR: Woot! Ripped t-shirts!
KK: Other than bleeding, Chloe shows no response. "If you're so intelligent why didn't you bring protection?"
TW: "Protection?"
ED: Heh. He is a typical male.
KK: "You never stopped to think just how vulnerable you really are once inside me?"
JG: If this turns into a piece from The Vagina Monologues, I am leaving.
TW: "Perhaps it is the blood loss, Miss Sullivan, but do you not realize I am about to rip you wide open?"
KK: "Funny. Because I can barely feel a thing."
TW: Brainaic tenses his muscles. "Can you feel me now?"
KK: Chloe yells out on pain.
TW: "Tell me, is it as good for you as it is for me?"
KK: Through clenched teeth, "Mia really could see the future. And thanks to you, now so can I. Do you want to know how this is going to end?"
TW: Brainiac smirks. "I don’t need a precognitive moppet to know this will end badly, Miss Sullivan."
KK: "Oh, it does end badly."
TW: Brainiac’s smirk grows.
KK: "For you."
Thank you to jwm, whose attempt to make the Chloe / Brainiac scene less sexually explicit actualy made it far, far worse than anything I could have come up with.
continued...
TW: At the slab, Clark continues to have problems -
KK: You mean he is getting his ass kicked.
MR: My Spartans rock!
ED: Big talk from a guy playing a coma patient.
MR: Don’t talk that way about Iron Lex!
JG: More like Ironing Board Lex. Would you like a floral dress to go with the head trauma?
MR: I’ll show you an Ironing… Iron …
KK: I’m sure you have a witty retort, but I don’t care enough to wait.
MR: (Muttering) Iron...
KK: Clark is looking battered. Most of the suit –
TW: GreenK Protection Armor!
KK: Suit is gone.
ED+AM+AoT: Nice.
TW: What? I didn’t agree to that!
KK: I punched up the script a little. The chest is completely torn away.
AoT: (Raises eyebrows)
KK: And so is one leg. Green burn marks, bruises are cuts cover the exposed skin.
JG: (Taking notes) Buy more film. (Takes a long look at TW) Much more film.
AoT: Tom could you stand up and show us how all this will play out? Just to help us… visualize it.
ED: Yeah, what she said.
TW: No! Stop looking at me like that!
AM: Come on, Tom.
TW: I am not a piece of meat!
ED: (Turns head) From here, you look like a Grade A piece of –
TW: Stop objectifying me!
KK: Fine, you big wimp.
TW: (Regaining his composure) Clark is getting systematically beaten down by the Spartans. It is like a pack of dogs attacking a bear – every time Clark knocks a Spartan away, another attacks him. A Spartan fire rockets at Clark. He dodges them, but two more of the armored soldiers clothesline him with a huge steel support beam.
JG: I hope the state of Kansas has the Slab insured.
TW: Clark spins around, and two more Spartans tackle him to the ground. He throws them off, but gets the electrified cable around the neck again. Another gets close enough to throw roundhouse kicks to the stomach and head. Two more Spartans land, each grabbing an arm.
MR: Wow, not even I thought the Spartans were this cool.
JG: To bad their boss is such a wimp.
MR: Iron Lex is not a wimp!
KK: A Spartan hovers in front of Clark. Two more of the other armored figures raise their arms and fire energy beams, hitting the Spartan in the chest. The super soldier begins to glow, the armor fading from black to green to white. Finally, the Spartan raises its arms and fires a huge red energy ray. There is a booming sound, and a slight shockwave as the ray hits Clark. He tries to get away, but the cable around his neck and the Spartans holding his arms keep him in place.
ED: Tom, I cannot believe you wrote an episode where Clark gets beat up so much.
AM: Or wears so little clothes.
TW: (To KK) I didn’t.
KK: You will thank me when the ratings come in.
KK: At Vault Black, Chloe is –
AM: Dead, right? You just had to kill Chloe twice in the same episode, didn’t you?
JG: I object! Chloe gets killed twice, and Lionel is still alive!
KK: (Rolling eyes) Chloe is pinned to the wall by one of Brainiac’s spikes.
TW: "It's over, Miss Sullivan."
AM: Dammit!
KK: She is not dead.
AM: Oh.
KK: Yet.
AM: Dammit!
KK: Kidding. Actually, she seems amused.
AM: Amused? She just got stabbed through the chest!
KK: "I should have seen it coming, all that bravado and machismo but absolutely no staying power."
TW: Coming. Hee.
AM: Shut up, Tom.
TW: Brainiac seems surprised Chloe is still alive.
AM: Actually, I am too.
KK: "I hate to deflate your ego but I'm afraid your claim of victory was... premature."
AoT: Ouch.
KK: "Typical male, mere moments after penetration and you think we're done? I'm just getting started."
JG: Now that is a nice line.
MR: I don’t get it.
KK: That’s what she said.
ED: Huh?
TW: Typical male?
KK: She was dating Jimmy.
AM: Jimmy was not a premature...
KK: (raises her eyebrows)
AM: OK, whatever. What's the next line?
AoT: How about, "I've met machines running on double A's with more staying power than you."
(The cast is silent for a moment. TW turns red.)
AoT: "What?"
TW: Brainiac tilts his head to the right
AoT: My husband lives hundreds of miles away! Give me a break!
TW: (Turns redder)
AoT: I hardly ever get to see him!
TW: Annette, please stop.
AoT: Stop what?
TW: Do the initials TMI mean anything to you?
AoT: Too much intercourse? Is there such a thing?
TW: No. Too much...
AoT: Because when it comes to my husband there sure isn't.
TW: (Bangs his head on the table)
AM: Besides, the only machine Chloe would have that runs on batteries is her taser!
ED: Wow. Talk about kinky.
AM: Shut up.
ED: Good thing for that healing power.
AM: Shut up!
KK: We already did a staying power joke, Annette.
AoT: Mine's better.
AM: Chloe does not use a vibrator!
KK: She uses a taser.
AM: Shut up!
TW: Brainiac jams another spike into Chloe’s chest. "Perhaps you're right, Miss Sullivan. We really should take the time to enjoy ourselves."
MR: Woot! Ripped t-shirts!
KK: Other than bleeding, Chloe shows no response. "If you're so intelligent why didn't you bring protection?"
TW: "Protection?"
ED: Heh. He is a typical male.
KK: "You never stopped to think just how vulnerable you really are once inside me?"
JG: If this turns into a piece from The Vagina Monologues, I am leaving.
TW: "Perhaps it is the blood loss, Miss Sullivan, but do you not realize I am about to rip you wide open?"
KK: "Funny. Because I can barely feel a thing."
TW: Brainaic tenses his muscles. "Can you feel me now?"
KK: Chloe yells out on pain.
TW: "Tell me, is it as good for you as it is for me?"
KK: Through clenched teeth, "Mia really could see the future. And thanks to you, now so can I. Do you want to know how this is going to end?"
TW: Brainiac smirks. "I don’t need a precognitive moppet to know this will end badly, Miss Sullivan."
KK: "Oh, it does end badly."
TW: Brainiac’s smirk grows.
KK: "For you."
Thank you to jwm, whose attempt to make the Chloe / Brainiac scene less sexually explicit actualy made it far, far worse than anything I could have come up with.
continued...
7.17 Revolt by TW and KK Part XI
as retold by RepairmanBob
TW: Clark uses his super-breath to knock Lex to the ground. "The hell with you, Luthor!"
MR: Iron Lex staggers up and fires a rocket at Clark.
TW: Which Clark catches and throws back at Lex.
JG: (Shaking head) Pathetic.
TW: Lex is knocked to the ground. The Chest of the Iron Lex armor is cracked and burned.
KK: Quick cut to one of the Spartans. It turns and looks at Clark. We shift to an in-helmet of our favorite farmboy. Text appears. Target: Kal-El. Objective: Eliminate. Quick cuts to the five other Spartans around the Slab, who stop what they are doing and look at Clark.
TW: Clark walks towards Lex, who is lying on the ground. "You want to talk about monsters? Why don’t you look in the mirror, you son of a bitch?" Clark raises his arm –
AoT: Clark is going to attack a helpless Lex?
TW: He is going to help him up!
KK: A likely story.
MR: Iron Lex doesn’t need Clark’s help!
AM: Iron Lex is probably unconscious.
ED: A feather could knock out Iron Lex.
MR: Don’t talk that way about Iron Lex!
ED: At least Lois is still conscious!
TW: Clark raises his arm and gets knocked on his ass. He turns around as sees a Spartan walking towards him. Clark flies about 20 feet off the ground, and confronted by another Spartan.
KK: Slow circular pan shows all six Spartans de-cloaking or flying to surround Clark. It is clear that, even in their armor, they are quite a bit smaller than Clark.
TW: "I don’t have time for this. Back off or I will –"
KK: The Spartans charge.
TW: Back at the Slab, Brainiac is smiling while he watches the Spartans attack Clark.
KK: Slow pan to Chloe, who is shuddering on the ground.
AM: I swear, Kristin, you are so dead.
AoT: (Clears throat)
AM: When this script reading is over, you are so dead.
AoT: Thank you, dear.
KK: Close up on Chloe’s eyes. The iris lightens changes brown to dark orange. The color spreads to her pupil and the white of her eye. Chloe slowly rises to her knees.
TW: Brainiac looks over. "Miss Sullivan, I must insist you stop. You are going to hurt yourself. Your usefulness as a slave will be severly limited if you give yourself an aneurysm."
KK: Chloe speaks through gritted teeth. "I am not… your slave." Small orange flames begin to rise from her eyes.
AM: OK, that actually is cool.
KK: She gets louder. "I am not… your property."
TW: Brainiac’s smile starts to fade. "Stop now. I order you –"
KK: Chloe yells "You do not… tell me… anything!" The collar explodes.
TW: Brainiac, for the first time, looks concerned. "That... should not be possible."
KK: Chloe’s neck and upper chest are horribly burned. As we watch, they heal almost instantly. She sneers at Brainiac.
TW: Back at the Slab, Clark is having problems. He hits the first Spartan with a right hand, but another one throws an electrified cable around his neck. Clark starts to choke, and two more Spartans grab his arms while a fourth punches him in the stomach.
JG: Sissy.
TW: Clark brings his arms together, then flings the Spartans holding his arms away. He kicks the Spartan punching him, then grabs the cable around his neck and throws the fourth super soldier into the stage where Governor Smith was standing, narrowly missing Lois. Clark takes a breath, just in time for another Spartan to hit him in the small of the back, knocking him into a rocket shot by the final Spartan.
MR: Holy crap! My Spartans rock!
JG: Now that is some quality teamwork!
ED: Lois should do something!
KK: She is. She is filming the fight.
ED: Not just that! I know – Lois picks up a rocket launcher.
TW: (Puts head in hands) Oh my God.
ED: She aims it at one of the Spartans, and says something cool.
MR: (Sarcastic voice) "Not on my watch?"
ED: Exactly! Then she fires and takes out one of the Spartans!
KK: Why the fuck would there be rocket launchers lying around the Slab?
AoT: Yes, that is just absurd.
KK: Thank –
AoT: Martha clearly should be the one who fires a rocket at the Spartans! They are attacking her son!
TW: (Puts head on table, moans softly)
AoT: Then she should fight another one!
ED: That’s my idea! Come up with your own ways to get more screen time!
AoT: Watch your tone, young lady!
ED: I’m tired of you threatening me, Annette! I have been taking self defense classes, and I’m not going to take it anymore!
MR+JG+AM: Fight! Fight! Fight!
(ED and AoT start to grapple. JG passes out bags of popcorn)
TW: (To KK) Please don’t tell me you are considering their ideas.
KK: (To TW) Are you kidding? It is way more fun to watch them fight.
(AoT quickly puts ED in a hammerlock)
AoT: Say it!
ED: No!
AoT: Say it!
ED: No!
AoT: (Puts more pressure on hammerlock) Say it!
ED: Fine! I am Annette’s bitch!
JG: What was that? I didn’t hear you!
ED: Screw you, John!
AoT: That was unladylike, Erica. (Applies more pressure)
ED: Ahhhhhh! Sorry, sorry!
AoT: (Releases ED) Good. Remember that a lady should always be polite, no matter how severe a beating she needs to deliver.
KK: Are you all finished? Good. Lois gets a close up shot of the Spartan that got knocked into the stage. We see the solider has a cracked helmet. Before Lois can get to close, it flies up and punches Clark in the jaw.
KK: Chloe moves towards Brainiac. "No one is ever going to hurt me again." He uses telekinesis to slam him across the room, through several of the pools. "No one is going to control me again." Brainiac tries to stab Chloe, but she teleports behind him. She raises her right arm and makes a pushing motion at Brainiac. A beam of orange energy comes out of her hand and cuts a hole in Brainiac’s chest.
MR: Since when can Chloe fire energy rays?
KK: Nuclear energy plus telekinesis plus a power upgrade from all the liquid green K.
AM: That… that is cool.
KK: Chloe leaps at Brainiac.
TW: Brainiac stabs Chloe through the chest and into the wall behind her.
AM: Fuck!
continued...
TW: Clark uses his super-breath to knock Lex to the ground. "The hell with you, Luthor!"
MR: Iron Lex staggers up and fires a rocket at Clark.
TW: Which Clark catches and throws back at Lex.
JG: (Shaking head) Pathetic.
TW: Lex is knocked to the ground. The Chest of the Iron Lex armor is cracked and burned.
KK: Quick cut to one of the Spartans. It turns and looks at Clark. We shift to an in-helmet of our favorite farmboy. Text appears. Target: Kal-El. Objective: Eliminate. Quick cuts to the five other Spartans around the Slab, who stop what they are doing and look at Clark.
TW: Clark walks towards Lex, who is lying on the ground. "You want to talk about monsters? Why don’t you look in the mirror, you son of a bitch?" Clark raises his arm –
AoT: Clark is going to attack a helpless Lex?
TW: He is going to help him up!
KK: A likely story.
MR: Iron Lex doesn’t need Clark’s help!
AM: Iron Lex is probably unconscious.
ED: A feather could knock out Iron Lex.
MR: Don’t talk that way about Iron Lex!
ED: At least Lois is still conscious!
TW: Clark raises his arm and gets knocked on his ass. He turns around as sees a Spartan walking towards him. Clark flies about 20 feet off the ground, and confronted by another Spartan.
KK: Slow circular pan shows all six Spartans de-cloaking or flying to surround Clark. It is clear that, even in their armor, they are quite a bit smaller than Clark.
TW: "I don’t have time for this. Back off or I will –"
KK: The Spartans charge.
TW: Back at the Slab, Brainiac is smiling while he watches the Spartans attack Clark.
KK: Slow pan to Chloe, who is shuddering on the ground.
AM: I swear, Kristin, you are so dead.
AoT: (Clears throat)
AM: When this script reading is over, you are so dead.
AoT: Thank you, dear.
KK: Close up on Chloe’s eyes. The iris lightens changes brown to dark orange. The color spreads to her pupil and the white of her eye. Chloe slowly rises to her knees.
TW: Brainiac looks over. "Miss Sullivan, I must insist you stop. You are going to hurt yourself. Your usefulness as a slave will be severly limited if you give yourself an aneurysm."
KK: Chloe speaks through gritted teeth. "I am not… your slave." Small orange flames begin to rise from her eyes.
AM: OK, that actually is cool.
KK: She gets louder. "I am not… your property."
TW: Brainiac’s smile starts to fade. "Stop now. I order you –"
KK: Chloe yells "You do not… tell me… anything!" The collar explodes.
TW: Brainiac, for the first time, looks concerned. "That... should not be possible."
KK: Chloe’s neck and upper chest are horribly burned. As we watch, they heal almost instantly. She sneers at Brainiac.
TW: Back at the Slab, Clark is having problems. He hits the first Spartan with a right hand, but another one throws an electrified cable around his neck. Clark starts to choke, and two more Spartans grab his arms while a fourth punches him in the stomach.
JG: Sissy.
TW: Clark brings his arms together, then flings the Spartans holding his arms away. He kicks the Spartan punching him, then grabs the cable around his neck and throws the fourth super soldier into the stage where Governor Smith was standing, narrowly missing Lois. Clark takes a breath, just in time for another Spartan to hit him in the small of the back, knocking him into a rocket shot by the final Spartan.
MR: Holy crap! My Spartans rock!
JG: Now that is some quality teamwork!
ED: Lois should do something!
KK: She is. She is filming the fight.
ED: Not just that! I know – Lois picks up a rocket launcher.
TW: (Puts head in hands) Oh my God.
ED: She aims it at one of the Spartans, and says something cool.
MR: (Sarcastic voice) "Not on my watch?"
ED: Exactly! Then she fires and takes out one of the Spartans!
KK: Why the fuck would there be rocket launchers lying around the Slab?
AoT: Yes, that is just absurd.
KK: Thank –
AoT: Martha clearly should be the one who fires a rocket at the Spartans! They are attacking her son!
TW: (Puts head on table, moans softly)
AoT: Then she should fight another one!
ED: That’s my idea! Come up with your own ways to get more screen time!
AoT: Watch your tone, young lady!
ED: I’m tired of you threatening me, Annette! I have been taking self defense classes, and I’m not going to take it anymore!
MR+JG+AM: Fight! Fight! Fight!
(ED and AoT start to grapple. JG passes out bags of popcorn)
TW: (To KK) Please don’t tell me you are considering their ideas.
KK: (To TW) Are you kidding? It is way more fun to watch them fight.
(AoT quickly puts ED in a hammerlock)
AoT: Say it!
ED: No!
AoT: Say it!
ED: No!
AoT: (Puts more pressure on hammerlock) Say it!
ED: Fine! I am Annette’s bitch!
JG: What was that? I didn’t hear you!
ED: Screw you, John!
AoT: That was unladylike, Erica. (Applies more pressure)
ED: Ahhhhhh! Sorry, sorry!
AoT: (Releases ED) Good. Remember that a lady should always be polite, no matter how severe a beating she needs to deliver.
KK: Are you all finished? Good. Lois gets a close up shot of the Spartan that got knocked into the stage. We see the solider has a cracked helmet. Before Lois can get to close, it flies up and punches Clark in the jaw.
KK: Chloe moves towards Brainiac. "No one is ever going to hurt me again." He uses telekinesis to slam him across the room, through several of the pools. "No one is going to control me again." Brainiac tries to stab Chloe, but she teleports behind him. She raises her right arm and makes a pushing motion at Brainiac. A beam of orange energy comes out of her hand and cuts a hole in Brainiac’s chest.
MR: Since when can Chloe fire energy rays?
KK: Nuclear energy plus telekinesis plus a power upgrade from all the liquid green K.
AM: That… that is cool.
KK: Chloe leaps at Brainiac.
TW: Brainiac stabs Chloe through the chest and into the wall behind her.
AM: Fuck!
continued...
7.17 Revolt by TW and KK Part X
as retold by RepairmanBob
TW: "You think you are innocent, Lex?" Clark punches Lex in the head.
MR: Damnit!
JG: (Laughing)
TW: We cut to an in-helmet shot, so it looks like the next punch is actually going into the camera.
MR: God damnit!
JG: (Uncontrollable laughing)
TW: Clark holds Lex up by the neck. Lex’s helmet has cracked, and his left eye is visible. "Why don’t we talk about all the meta-human who died at Level 33.1! The soldiers you betrayed to build you little super powered army! How much blood is on your hands, Lex?"
AM: (Deep voice) I love you baby!
ED: (Deep voice) Why do you make me hurt you, baby?
JG: (Laughing so hard he starts to choke)
AoT: (Hits JG on the back) John! Take a breath!
JG: (Crying) Lex… is… (continues laughing)
MR: (Grumbling) "You want to talk about victims? How about Lana Lang?" Oh, come on Tom!
JG: (Falls out of chair laughing) So… pathetic…
KK: I liked it!
MR: You would!
TW: Clark looks shocked and takes a step back. "What did you say?"
MR: Lex takes the opportunity to make a sound tactical choice and take advantage of his opponent’s mistake.
AM: So he…
MR: Kicks Clark in the balls.
AoT: Another classic.
MR: As Clark grabs his ruptured Krypto-nads, Lex drops him with an uppercut. "You want to talk about victims, Kal-El? How about the police officers your friends killed after the second meteor shower!" Lex stalks towards a downed Clark. "Or the soldiers who died when you and Hassad decided to fight over who would rule the Earth!" Lex kicks Clark in the ribs.
KK: Pan back to show Lois has picked up a video camera from the press conference and is filming the fight.
ED: Do I get to talk?
KK: No.
KK: At Vault Black, Chloe throws the metal door away and stands up. She looks around for Brainiac, and sees another pool. And a second. The camera pans back, to show the room is full of the pools. Chloe looks concerned. "This isn’t right."
TW: Brainaic speaks from offscreen. "Did you really think Lex Luthor would give you up so easily. Miss Sullivan? Did you believe a man who has collected a menagerie of meteor freaks would surrender a prize such as yourself?"
KK: Chloe rises into the air, looking for Brainiac.
TW: "You have nearly limitless potential, Miss Sullivan. The fact that you wanted to throw that away is pathetic. But the idea that Lex Luthor would do the same by curing you? Your schoolgirl delusions are nearly a meta-human ability in their own right."
AM: Screw you guys!
TW: "I believe it is time for you to learn why Lex really abducted you." The shot moves to a hand pressing a button on a keyboard.
MR: Was it for porn? I think Lex abducted Chloe and brain washed her to make porn.
JG: It would be profitable.
AM: Chloe did not make porn films with Lex!
KK: Now that you mention it, that would be –
TW: Stay on task, Kristin.
MR: Chlex porn tapes! Evil Chlex porn! Lex could be selling it on the internet!
JG: That could explain how he was funding all of his projects.
ED: No! I am the one who is the sex symbol on this show! I was voted the most –
MR: Pregnant Lois Lane ever?
ED: (Leaps at MR)
MR: (Jumping out of the way) Watch out for the baby!
TW: Everyone stop it!
KK: (To MR) We’ll talk later. (To the group) A huge video screen turns on in front of Chloe. Hard cut to Chloe’s face. Allison, this next part is all on you. The video screen is the only light in the room, making shadows around Chloe. Cue the dramatic music, as Chloe’s expression goes from confusion to awareness to finally shock and horror. She mouths "No" over and over again, dropping to her knees. We cannot hear any dialogue over the music, and just see Chloe breaking down from what is on the screen, looking like the figure from The Scream.
MR: Only with boobs.
AoT: Enough, Michael.
MR: Yes, ma’am.
TW: Brainiac rises up behind Chloe and taps his wrist. The metal collar around her neck lights up, and Chloe falls to the ground convulsing.
AM: Great, more torture porn.
KK: Just trust –
AM: If you finish that sentence, I am going to shave your head the next time you fall asleep.
KK: Annette?
AoT: Sorry, Kristin. Our deal only lasts through the script reading. I suggest a nice hat.
TW: At the Slab –
MR: Iron Lex gets ready to finish off Clark!
TW: I was –
MR: I’ve got this, Tom. "I was going to use my weapons to kill you, Kal-El. The fruits of billions of dollars spent on research to fight an alien invasion." Lex pulls a huge piece of rebar from the rubble. "But I suppose there is something satisfying about doing this the old fashion way." He smashes the rebar over Clark’s head.
AM: Ouch. Poor Clark.
JG: Poor rebar.
MR: "I consider myself a civilized man." Smash! "But I have to admit it is gratifying to remove a threat to the world with my own hands." Smash!
TW: You are enjoying this far too much. "Me? A threat?"
MR: Lex raises the rebar like a spear and –
TW: And Clark grabs it and throws it away. "You helped Hassad build that portal to Apokolypse!" He kicks Lex into the air, and super-speeds to hit him before he hits the ground. "Your stupidity and greed put this entire world in danger!"
MR: That is cheating! "I did not –"
TW: (Rolling eyes) Clark punches Lex in the chest, leaving a huge crack in the Iron Lex armor. "Hassad represents a threat you cannot begin to imagine and you, in your lust for power, helped him invade Earth!"
MR: Noooo!
TW: He then punches Lex in the head –
JG: Knocking him out?
TW: Knocking the helmet off. "Do you understand me, you self righteous bastard? You brought Armageddon to this planet! I bled and suffered and, God help me, I was forced to killed to save the people of this woirld from the holocaust you tried to inflict!"
ED: I think it would knock Lex out.
AM: Lex does get knocked unconscious a lot.
MR: No! Not knocked out!
AoT: Lex is prone to concussions.
MR: Not knocked out!
TW: Fine, Lex is dazed but standing. Clark slowly walks towards him. "I have saved this world again and again and you, the traitor who aided a darkness you cannot begin to comprehend, dare me a monster?" Clark looks pissed.
TW: Brainiac looks down at Chloe. "Abject misery and hopelessness – just what I needed to break your resistance to this handy device." He taps the collar. "You might as well stop resisting, Miss Sullivan. No one is going to save you this time. Not your cousin. Not your mother. And not your beloved Kal-El. You are alone, and you will do what you always do when you are alone. You will surrender. And then you will help me destroy that reactor, and kill everyone you are about in the world." Brainiac smiles and walks over to one of the computers. He makes some adjustments and we see the Clex fight at the Slab. "Well, that will not do." He super-speeds to consoles around the pools, pressing buttons and flipping switches.
continued...
TW: "You think you are innocent, Lex?" Clark punches Lex in the head.
MR: Damnit!
JG: (Laughing)
TW: We cut to an in-helmet shot, so it looks like the next punch is actually going into the camera.
MR: God damnit!
JG: (Uncontrollable laughing)
TW: Clark holds Lex up by the neck. Lex’s helmet has cracked, and his left eye is visible. "Why don’t we talk about all the meta-human who died at Level 33.1! The soldiers you betrayed to build you little super powered army! How much blood is on your hands, Lex?"
AM: (Deep voice) I love you baby!
ED: (Deep voice) Why do you make me hurt you, baby?
JG: (Laughing so hard he starts to choke)
AoT: (Hits JG on the back) John! Take a breath!
JG: (Crying) Lex… is… (continues laughing)
MR: (Grumbling) "You want to talk about victims? How about Lana Lang?" Oh, come on Tom!
JG: (Falls out of chair laughing) So… pathetic…
KK: I liked it!
MR: You would!
TW: Clark looks shocked and takes a step back. "What did you say?"
MR: Lex takes the opportunity to make a sound tactical choice and take advantage of his opponent’s mistake.
AM: So he…
MR: Kicks Clark in the balls.
AoT: Another classic.
MR: As Clark grabs his ruptured Krypto-nads, Lex drops him with an uppercut. "You want to talk about victims, Kal-El? How about the police officers your friends killed after the second meteor shower!" Lex stalks towards a downed Clark. "Or the soldiers who died when you and Hassad decided to fight over who would rule the Earth!" Lex kicks Clark in the ribs.
KK: Pan back to show Lois has picked up a video camera from the press conference and is filming the fight.
ED: Do I get to talk?
KK: No.
KK: At Vault Black, Chloe throws the metal door away and stands up. She looks around for Brainiac, and sees another pool. And a second. The camera pans back, to show the room is full of the pools. Chloe looks concerned. "This isn’t right."
TW: Brainaic speaks from offscreen. "Did you really think Lex Luthor would give you up so easily. Miss Sullivan? Did you believe a man who has collected a menagerie of meteor freaks would surrender a prize such as yourself?"
KK: Chloe rises into the air, looking for Brainiac.
TW: "You have nearly limitless potential, Miss Sullivan. The fact that you wanted to throw that away is pathetic. But the idea that Lex Luthor would do the same by curing you? Your schoolgirl delusions are nearly a meta-human ability in their own right."
AM: Screw you guys!
TW: "I believe it is time for you to learn why Lex really abducted you." The shot moves to a hand pressing a button on a keyboard.
MR: Was it for porn? I think Lex abducted Chloe and brain washed her to make porn.
JG: It would be profitable.
AM: Chloe did not make porn films with Lex!
KK: Now that you mention it, that would be –
TW: Stay on task, Kristin.
MR: Chlex porn tapes! Evil Chlex porn! Lex could be selling it on the internet!
JG: That could explain how he was funding all of his projects.
ED: No! I am the one who is the sex symbol on this show! I was voted the most –
MR: Pregnant Lois Lane ever?
ED: (Leaps at MR)
MR: (Jumping out of the way) Watch out for the baby!
TW: Everyone stop it!
KK: (To MR) We’ll talk later. (To the group) A huge video screen turns on in front of Chloe. Hard cut to Chloe’s face. Allison, this next part is all on you. The video screen is the only light in the room, making shadows around Chloe. Cue the dramatic music, as Chloe’s expression goes from confusion to awareness to finally shock and horror. She mouths "No" over and over again, dropping to her knees. We cannot hear any dialogue over the music, and just see Chloe breaking down from what is on the screen, looking like the figure from The Scream.
MR: Only with boobs.
AoT: Enough, Michael.
MR: Yes, ma’am.
TW: Brainiac rises up behind Chloe and taps his wrist. The metal collar around her neck lights up, and Chloe falls to the ground convulsing.
AM: Great, more torture porn.
KK: Just trust –
AM: If you finish that sentence, I am going to shave your head the next time you fall asleep.
KK: Annette?
AoT: Sorry, Kristin. Our deal only lasts through the script reading. I suggest a nice hat.
TW: At the Slab –
MR: Iron Lex gets ready to finish off Clark!
TW: I was –
MR: I’ve got this, Tom. "I was going to use my weapons to kill you, Kal-El. The fruits of billions of dollars spent on research to fight an alien invasion." Lex pulls a huge piece of rebar from the rubble. "But I suppose there is something satisfying about doing this the old fashion way." He smashes the rebar over Clark’s head.
AM: Ouch. Poor Clark.
JG: Poor rebar.
MR: "I consider myself a civilized man." Smash! "But I have to admit it is gratifying to remove a threat to the world with my own hands." Smash!
TW: You are enjoying this far too much. "Me? A threat?"
MR: Lex raises the rebar like a spear and –
TW: And Clark grabs it and throws it away. "You helped Hassad build that portal to Apokolypse!" He kicks Lex into the air, and super-speeds to hit him before he hits the ground. "Your stupidity and greed put this entire world in danger!"
MR: That is cheating! "I did not –"
TW: (Rolling eyes) Clark punches Lex in the chest, leaving a huge crack in the Iron Lex armor. "Hassad represents a threat you cannot begin to imagine and you, in your lust for power, helped him invade Earth!"
MR: Noooo!
TW: He then punches Lex in the head –
JG: Knocking him out?
TW: Knocking the helmet off. "Do you understand me, you self righteous bastard? You brought Armageddon to this planet! I bled and suffered and, God help me, I was forced to killed to save the people of this woirld from the holocaust you tried to inflict!"
ED: I think it would knock Lex out.
AM: Lex does get knocked unconscious a lot.
MR: No! Not knocked out!
AoT: Lex is prone to concussions.
MR: Not knocked out!
TW: Fine, Lex is dazed but standing. Clark slowly walks towards him. "I have saved this world again and again and you, the traitor who aided a darkness you cannot begin to comprehend, dare me a monster?" Clark looks pissed.
TW: Brainiac looks down at Chloe. "Abject misery and hopelessness – just what I needed to break your resistance to this handy device." He taps the collar. "You might as well stop resisting, Miss Sullivan. No one is going to save you this time. Not your cousin. Not your mother. And not your beloved Kal-El. You are alone, and you will do what you always do when you are alone. You will surrender. And then you will help me destroy that reactor, and kill everyone you are about in the world." Brainiac smiles and walks over to one of the computers. He makes some adjustments and we see the Clex fight at the Slab. "Well, that will not do." He super-speeds to consoles around the pools, pressing buttons and flipping switches.
continued...
7.17 Revolt by TW and KK Part IX
as retold by RepairmanBob
KK: Brainiac and Chloe fall into another lab, and proceed to smash it to pieces.
JG: I am sorry, but how exactly are you going to pay for all of this? Two super powered fights?
MR: Who cares? Go back to Iron Lex!
JG: And more importantly, why am I not getting a cut?
AoT: Now that you mention it –
TW: It is all taken care of. Microsoft is paying us a small fortune to promote the Spartans, and we have a few other deals in place.
AM: You do made deals with lame CW bands, didn’t you?
KK: Wait and see. Chloe uses her telekinesis to throw objects at Brainiac, which he speeds away from. Brainiac stabs at her, but the spike goes through another fake Chloe. The real Chloe appears behind him and uses a sonic scream to push him against a wall.
MR: I guess we have conformed Chloe is not a moaner in bed.
TW: Brainiac’s skin starts to ripple. He uses heat vision, burning Chloe’s left shoulder to the bone. She is knocked to the ground, and we see the flesh and skin regenerate.
ED: Ewwww.
TW: "Well, Miss Sullivan, I am happy to see you have regained your abilities." He grab’s Chloe’s foot and throws her against the ceiling, then the floor. "Now, I hope you come to your senses and stop fighting me before things become… unpleasant."
KK: Chloe, lying on the floor, looks up at Brainiac and scowls.
TW: Brainiac smirks and tilts his head to the side. "Oh, dear. Did the restoration process damage that famous Sullivan wit? No matter. A slave does not need to be able to talk to –"
KK: Chloe raises her arms and pulls them down swiftly. The ceiling above Brainiac collapses, dropping him into another room.
AoT: Now that is a comeback I can respect. Violence is always the best response to a verbal assault.
AM: Does Chloe get to talk soon?
ED: Screw that! Do I get to talk soon?
JG: Does Lionel get to shoot anyone?
MR: Does Chloe’s shirt fall off in the fight?
KK: Yes, no, no and shut up. Chloe smirks and looks into the hole in the floor. "Witty enough for you?" She floats into the hole.
TW: Back at the Slab, Clark dodges more GreenK rays from Lex.
MR: Lex fires the chain gun, but Clark uses his heat vision to destroy the bullets. "You can’t stop them all, alien!"
TW: Clark grabs a piece of rebar from a damaged wall and throws it at Lex. It tears the gun off of the armor. "I am not your enemy!"
MR: "At least Zod had the courtesy to be honest about his intentions." Iron Lex fires two rockets from his shoulder launchers. They change into two floating globes, which circle Clark.
JG: Does this mean Clark finally gets his balls back?
KK: Like Lana is ever giving them up.
TW: Shut up.
MR: The globes generate shockwaves and a high-pitched sound. Clark grabs his ears. "My scientists theorized you would have enhances hearing, Kal-El. These devices are creating sonic feedback at a level well above human hearing. But to you? I think the effect would be excruciating."
TW: Clark drops to his knees.
KK: Hardly the first time he has been in that position.
TW: Shut up!
MR: Lex walks towards his new bitch.
JG: Super Oz. This season on the CW.
MR: "Nausea, vertigo, and of course the pain. I would be surprised if you could even walk." Lex kicks Clark in the jaw.
KK: Lex believes in showing his bitches their proper place.
TW: Shut up!
KK: Chloe looks around the new room for Brainiac. The room is empty except for the rubble and a familiar looking, small freestanding pool. Chloe looks confused. We see an illusion of two PAS lowering her into the pool.
MR: Will there be a wet t-shirt scene here?
ED + AM: No!
MR + JG: Yes?
MR: (To JG) Yes?
JG: (To MR) I am planning new hardwood floor for my summer home, and my contact at Maxim is paying top dollar.
KK: Chloe shakes her head, and then we see another illusion of Dr. Richards and Lex looking down at her. Michael, John?
MR: "You are sure she will not regain consciousness?"
JG: "As long as the containment field from Mr. Hassad is in place, Subject C36 will be unable to form a coherent thought. Other than her regenerative abilities, her powers are completely suppressed. Subject C36 is as helpless as a newborn baby."
MR: "Then get to work, Dr. Richards"
KK: Chloe looks confused and disturbed. "I don’t… I don’t remember this."
TW: Brainiac rises up and solidifies himself behind Chloe. "Homecomings can be so stressful." He grabs her by the back of the head and pushes her into the pool. "So many memories." He pulls a gasping Chloe back out of the pool. "So much suppressed trauma."
MR: Now wet t-shirt?
ED+AM: No!
KK: Pretty much necessary here.
JG: (Taking notes) Buy extra film for camera.
TW: Brainiac pushes Chloe’s head back into the pool and pulls her out. "I think it is time you saw why Lex really went to so much trouble for you, Miss Sullivan." He backhands Chloe, and throws her through a heavy metal door at the back of the room.
AM: So the door is unlocked?
TW: Not so much. It bends around Chloe as she flies out of the room.
TW: At the Slab, Clark is –
MR: Getting his ass kicked by Lex!
TW: Keep reading, Michael.
MR: Lex aims his right hand at Clark. "This has been a fulfilling test of my new armor, Kal-El. However, it is time to end it. I really had hoped for a better fight."
JG: Lex is going to get cocky and lose again, isn’t he?
MR: Iron Lex doesn’t lose, old man!
TW: (smirking) We go to slow motion and see Lex’s GreenK ray powering up. Clark grabs Lex’s arm and aims it at one of the floating globes. As Lex fires, Clark uses his heat vision to destroy the other globe.
MR: Mother fucker!
JG: Once again, Lex fails. It would be sad it was not so predictable.
MR: That’s Iron Lex!
TW: Clark head-butts Lex, and slams him against one of the few undamaged sections of wall. Clark, still holding onto Lex’s hand –
AM: Ahhh, how cute.
TW: Uses his heat vision to destroy the GreenK weapon.
MR: Damnit!
JG: Ha!
continued...
KK: Brainiac and Chloe fall into another lab, and proceed to smash it to pieces.
JG: I am sorry, but how exactly are you going to pay for all of this? Two super powered fights?
MR: Who cares? Go back to Iron Lex!
JG: And more importantly, why am I not getting a cut?
AoT: Now that you mention it –
TW: It is all taken care of. Microsoft is paying us a small fortune to promote the Spartans, and we have a few other deals in place.
AM: You do made deals with lame CW bands, didn’t you?
KK: Wait and see. Chloe uses her telekinesis to throw objects at Brainiac, which he speeds away from. Brainiac stabs at her, but the spike goes through another fake Chloe. The real Chloe appears behind him and uses a sonic scream to push him against a wall.
MR: I guess we have conformed Chloe is not a moaner in bed.
TW: Brainiac’s skin starts to ripple. He uses heat vision, burning Chloe’s left shoulder to the bone. She is knocked to the ground, and we see the flesh and skin regenerate.
ED: Ewwww.
TW: "Well, Miss Sullivan, I am happy to see you have regained your abilities." He grab’s Chloe’s foot and throws her against the ceiling, then the floor. "Now, I hope you come to your senses and stop fighting me before things become… unpleasant."
KK: Chloe, lying on the floor, looks up at Brainiac and scowls.
TW: Brainiac smirks and tilts his head to the side. "Oh, dear. Did the restoration process damage that famous Sullivan wit? No matter. A slave does not need to be able to talk to –"
KK: Chloe raises her arms and pulls them down swiftly. The ceiling above Brainiac collapses, dropping him into another room.
AoT: Now that is a comeback I can respect. Violence is always the best response to a verbal assault.
AM: Does Chloe get to talk soon?
ED: Screw that! Do I get to talk soon?
JG: Does Lionel get to shoot anyone?
MR: Does Chloe’s shirt fall off in the fight?
KK: Yes, no, no and shut up. Chloe smirks and looks into the hole in the floor. "Witty enough for you?" She floats into the hole.
TW: Back at the Slab, Clark dodges more GreenK rays from Lex.
MR: Lex fires the chain gun, but Clark uses his heat vision to destroy the bullets. "You can’t stop them all, alien!"
TW: Clark grabs a piece of rebar from a damaged wall and throws it at Lex. It tears the gun off of the armor. "I am not your enemy!"
MR: "At least Zod had the courtesy to be honest about his intentions." Iron Lex fires two rockets from his shoulder launchers. They change into two floating globes, which circle Clark.
JG: Does this mean Clark finally gets his balls back?
KK: Like Lana is ever giving them up.
TW: Shut up.
MR: The globes generate shockwaves and a high-pitched sound. Clark grabs his ears. "My scientists theorized you would have enhances hearing, Kal-El. These devices are creating sonic feedback at a level well above human hearing. But to you? I think the effect would be excruciating."
TW: Clark drops to his knees.
KK: Hardly the first time he has been in that position.
TW: Shut up!
MR: Lex walks towards his new bitch.
JG: Super Oz. This season on the CW.
MR: "Nausea, vertigo, and of course the pain. I would be surprised if you could even walk." Lex kicks Clark in the jaw.
KK: Lex believes in showing his bitches their proper place.
TW: Shut up!
KK: Chloe looks around the new room for Brainiac. The room is empty except for the rubble and a familiar looking, small freestanding pool. Chloe looks confused. We see an illusion of two PAS lowering her into the pool.
MR: Will there be a wet t-shirt scene here?
ED + AM: No!
MR + JG: Yes?
MR: (To JG) Yes?
JG: (To MR) I am planning new hardwood floor for my summer home, and my contact at Maxim is paying top dollar.
KK: Chloe shakes her head, and then we see another illusion of Dr. Richards and Lex looking down at her. Michael, John?
MR: "You are sure she will not regain consciousness?"
JG: "As long as the containment field from Mr. Hassad is in place, Subject C36 will be unable to form a coherent thought. Other than her regenerative abilities, her powers are completely suppressed. Subject C36 is as helpless as a newborn baby."
MR: "Then get to work, Dr. Richards"
KK: Chloe looks confused and disturbed. "I don’t… I don’t remember this."
TW: Brainiac rises up and solidifies himself behind Chloe. "Homecomings can be so stressful." He grabs her by the back of the head and pushes her into the pool. "So many memories." He pulls a gasping Chloe back out of the pool. "So much suppressed trauma."
MR: Now wet t-shirt?
ED+AM: No!
KK: Pretty much necessary here.
JG: (Taking notes) Buy extra film for camera.
TW: Brainiac pushes Chloe’s head back into the pool and pulls her out. "I think it is time you saw why Lex really went to so much trouble for you, Miss Sullivan." He backhands Chloe, and throws her through a heavy metal door at the back of the room.
AM: So the door is unlocked?
TW: Not so much. It bends around Chloe as she flies out of the room.
TW: At the Slab, Clark is –
MR: Getting his ass kicked by Lex!
TW: Keep reading, Michael.
MR: Lex aims his right hand at Clark. "This has been a fulfilling test of my new armor, Kal-El. However, it is time to end it. I really had hoped for a better fight."
JG: Lex is going to get cocky and lose again, isn’t he?
MR: Iron Lex doesn’t lose, old man!
TW: (smirking) We go to slow motion and see Lex’s GreenK ray powering up. Clark grabs Lex’s arm and aims it at one of the floating globes. As Lex fires, Clark uses his heat vision to destroy the other globe.
MR: Mother fucker!
JG: Once again, Lex fails. It would be sad it was not so predictable.
MR: That’s Iron Lex!
TW: Clark head-butts Lex, and slams him against one of the few undamaged sections of wall. Clark, still holding onto Lex’s hand –
AM: Ahhh, how cute.
TW: Uses his heat vision to destroy the GreenK weapon.
MR: Damnit!
JG: Ha!
continued...
7.17 Revolt by TW and KK Part VIII
as retold by RepairmanBob
TW: Back at Vault Black, Chloe’s head has fallen forward. She is not moving.
AM: (glares at KK)
TW: Brainiac checks her pulse. "Oh, well. Unfortunately, but not completely unforeseen. Kurt, Ted – it is time to begin. Mia, you might want to stand back." Ted concentrates, and starts to glow.
KK: As Brainiac and Mia move to check the monitors at the Slab, we heat a single heartbeat.
AM: Huh?
KK: The camera plans over the Chloe. Liquid GreenK is still being pumped into her.
TW: Thump thump.
JG: What are you doing?
TW: Dramatic effect.
JG: Do you even know what that means?
KK: The view moves into Chloe’s chest, to her heart.
TW: Thump thump.
KK: The liquid GreenK flows into her heart. The muscle changes from bright pink to green to orange.
TW: Thump thump.
KK: The GreenK flows in, and orange blood flows out into the body. We pull back out, and move in close to the metal restrains on Chloe's right arm. Her fingers twitch, and the metal crumples like tissue paper.
AM: Hmmm.
KK: (Smirks)
TW: Clark rushes Lex and lands three quick blows on the chest.
MR: Lex grabs Clark’s arm as he pulls back for a fourth punch and swings him into the wall. Lex maintains the hold and throws Clark.
TW: In the air, Clark spins, regains his balance and turns back towards Lex.
JG: That was just not very bright.
MR: Actually, Clark turns back to get hit by the two missiles Iron Lex fired from his shoulder-mounted launchers.
ED: OK, that was cool.
MR: Clark lands with a splat. Iron Lex leaps 20 feet into the air and does a flying curb stomp as Clark tries to stand up.
AoT: The curb stomp. A classic.
AM: When are we going back to Chloe?
KK: Oh, so now, you want to go back to Chloe?
AM: Ummm
MR: Iron Lex hits Clark with a blast of GreenK. "Did you really think it would that easy, alien?" Another blast. "I have sacrificed more than you can imagine to protect this planet from monsters like you." Lex kicks Clark in the ribs.
KK: Clark’s uniform is starting to look ragged.
AoT+ED+AM: Ohhhhh.
TW: That wasn’t in the script!
KK: Sex sells, Tom. One shoulder and a pec are visible.
ED: Better hit the gym, Tom.
JG: (taking notes) Buy camera. Call contacts at People and OK. Call broker to discuss offshore accounts.
TW: In Vault Black, Ted is glowing so brightly he is almost white. Waves of heat and pouring off of him. The walls and floor around him have been burned black and are melting. Brainiac looks pleased – Mia, hiding behind him looks slightly scared. Brainaic gestures to Kurt, who starts to walk towards Ted. His hair and clothes start to smoke as her gets closer. Kurt reaches out to touch the burning man –
KK: And Ted flies across the room. The camera stars tight on the glowing freak, who shouts, then goes stiff as his body is covered in what looks like orange electricity. Ted shutters, then is thrown through the nearest wall. Revealing…
AM: (Looking excited)
KK: Chloe Sullivan. Her hair is covering her face, like a girl in a Japanese horror movie.
ED: Only blond.
MR: And with much better breasts.
AM: Thank you. (Pause) I think.
KK: Chloe is standing still. Orange bolts of energy periodically flash across her body.
TW: Brainiac looks annoyed. " Kurt, remove –"
KK: Before he can finish the sentence, Chloe lifts her arm, and a wall of monitors flies across the room and slams into Brainaic. Kurt grabs a metal pole and teleports behind Chloe. He smashes it down into her head – which turns out to be an illusion. Chloe appears and lifts him by the neck.
ED: Mia shouts "No! This isn’t how it happens!" She looks at Brainiac, who is starting to flow out from behind the equipment. She picks up a large rifle, and starts firing at Chloe.
KK: Kurt is surrounded by the same orange energy as Ted. Chloe is shot once, twice – we see the bullets rip into her and the wounds almost instantly heal. Mia continues to fire, and Chloe ignores her. She drains Kurt of his power, and throws him into the monitors near Mia, which explode.
ED: Mia flinches, and when she turns back Chloe is next to her. She raises the rifle, but Chloe takes it away and crushes it. Mia whispers "This isn’t how it happens" as Chloe reaches for her.
TW: Brainiac reforms himself, and takes a look around. His minions are down, the room is trashed, and Chloe is standing perfectly still. Like I said, creepy Japanese horror girl.
ED: But blond.
MR: And busty.
KK: Chloe finally looks up. She gives Brainiac a sinister grin – like Skylar looking at a tasty brain. Chloe yells and flies at Brainian, knocking them both through the wall of the room with a crash.
TW: Allison, is there anything you would like to say?
AM: Michael, stop talking about my chest.
TW: Besides that?
AM: (grumbles) It's not as good as getting Chloe back into the Daily Planet. But it's a start.
KK: A start? I gave Chloe her powers back!
AM: But when does she get back to being a reporter?
JG: Kristin gives Chloe god-like powers and you are concerned about when she turns back into a cub reporter? What is the matter with you?
MR: Powers rock!
AM: I got rid of Chloe's powers for a reason! I want to get hr back to being a reporter!
ED: Who cares about being a reporter when you can have cool powers?
MR: (Deadpan) Your dedication to journalism is always impressive, Erica.
ED: What? I just said -
AM: Fine, give Lois powers!
KK: No! I want Super Chloe! It will all make sense when -
AM: And Lois can have a secret identity!
ED: Hurray!
AM: And a skin tight spandex uniform!
ED: I love skin tight spandex!
AM: And Chloe can get a new identity! Maybe as a reporter who had to move away because she became a super hero!
ED: Whatever! When do I get my spandex!
JG: (Shaking head) Unbelievable.
TW: Write your own episodes, Mack.
TW: At the Slab, Clark kicks Lex in the stomach and knocks him back 15 feet. As Lex gets his balance, Clark rushes in and tackles him against another wall, landing quick punches to the chest and shoulders. The Iron Lex armor is starting to show some dents and cracks.
MR: Lex, being much smarter than Clark –
TW: Hey!
MR: Takes the hits, then give Clark a palm thrust to the throat.
AoT: Ah, the palm thrust. A classic.
MR: As Clark staggers back, Lex raises his left arm. "You have to breath." A red gas starts to pump out of his forearm. "Let’s see how you like this nerve toxin. A few grams would be enough to kill everyone in Metropolis. But I made it stronger for you."
TW: Clark tates a breath, and chokes. He looks startled, then uses his super-breath to blow the gas into the sky, away from the bystanders.
continued...
TW: Back at Vault Black, Chloe’s head has fallen forward. She is not moving.
AM: (glares at KK)
TW: Brainiac checks her pulse. "Oh, well. Unfortunately, but not completely unforeseen. Kurt, Ted – it is time to begin. Mia, you might want to stand back." Ted concentrates, and starts to glow.
KK: As Brainiac and Mia move to check the monitors at the Slab, we heat a single heartbeat.
AM: Huh?
KK: The camera plans over the Chloe. Liquid GreenK is still being pumped into her.
TW: Thump thump.
JG: What are you doing?
TW: Dramatic effect.
JG: Do you even know what that means?
KK: The view moves into Chloe’s chest, to her heart.
TW: Thump thump.
KK: The liquid GreenK flows into her heart. The muscle changes from bright pink to green to orange.
TW: Thump thump.
KK: The GreenK flows in, and orange blood flows out into the body. We pull back out, and move in close to the metal restrains on Chloe's right arm. Her fingers twitch, and the metal crumples like tissue paper.
AM: Hmmm.
KK: (Smirks)
TW: Clark rushes Lex and lands three quick blows on the chest.
MR: Lex grabs Clark’s arm as he pulls back for a fourth punch and swings him into the wall. Lex maintains the hold and throws Clark.
TW: In the air, Clark spins, regains his balance and turns back towards Lex.
JG: That was just not very bright.
MR: Actually, Clark turns back to get hit by the two missiles Iron Lex fired from his shoulder-mounted launchers.
ED: OK, that was cool.
MR: Clark lands with a splat. Iron Lex leaps 20 feet into the air and does a flying curb stomp as Clark tries to stand up.
AoT: The curb stomp. A classic.
AM: When are we going back to Chloe?
KK: Oh, so now, you want to go back to Chloe?
AM: Ummm
MR: Iron Lex hits Clark with a blast of GreenK. "Did you really think it would that easy, alien?" Another blast. "I have sacrificed more than you can imagine to protect this planet from monsters like you." Lex kicks Clark in the ribs.
KK: Clark’s uniform is starting to look ragged.
AoT+ED+AM: Ohhhhh.
TW: That wasn’t in the script!
KK: Sex sells, Tom. One shoulder and a pec are visible.
ED: Better hit the gym, Tom.
JG: (taking notes) Buy camera. Call contacts at People and OK. Call broker to discuss offshore accounts.
TW: In Vault Black, Ted is glowing so brightly he is almost white. Waves of heat and pouring off of him. The walls and floor around him have been burned black and are melting. Brainiac looks pleased – Mia, hiding behind him looks slightly scared. Brainaic gestures to Kurt, who starts to walk towards Ted. His hair and clothes start to smoke as her gets closer. Kurt reaches out to touch the burning man –
KK: And Ted flies across the room. The camera stars tight on the glowing freak, who shouts, then goes stiff as his body is covered in what looks like orange electricity. Ted shutters, then is thrown through the nearest wall. Revealing…
AM: (Looking excited)
KK: Chloe Sullivan. Her hair is covering her face, like a girl in a Japanese horror movie.
ED: Only blond.
MR: And with much better breasts.
AM: Thank you. (Pause) I think.
KK: Chloe is standing still. Orange bolts of energy periodically flash across her body.
TW: Brainiac looks annoyed. " Kurt, remove –"
KK: Before he can finish the sentence, Chloe lifts her arm, and a wall of monitors flies across the room and slams into Brainaic. Kurt grabs a metal pole and teleports behind Chloe. He smashes it down into her head – which turns out to be an illusion. Chloe appears and lifts him by the neck.
ED: Mia shouts "No! This isn’t how it happens!" She looks at Brainiac, who is starting to flow out from behind the equipment. She picks up a large rifle, and starts firing at Chloe.
KK: Kurt is surrounded by the same orange energy as Ted. Chloe is shot once, twice – we see the bullets rip into her and the wounds almost instantly heal. Mia continues to fire, and Chloe ignores her. She drains Kurt of his power, and throws him into the monitors near Mia, which explode.
ED: Mia flinches, and when she turns back Chloe is next to her. She raises the rifle, but Chloe takes it away and crushes it. Mia whispers "This isn’t how it happens" as Chloe reaches for her.
TW: Brainiac reforms himself, and takes a look around. His minions are down, the room is trashed, and Chloe is standing perfectly still. Like I said, creepy Japanese horror girl.
ED: But blond.
MR: And busty.
KK: Chloe finally looks up. She gives Brainiac a sinister grin – like Skylar looking at a tasty brain. Chloe yells and flies at Brainian, knocking them both through the wall of the room with a crash.
TW: Allison, is there anything you would like to say?
AM: Michael, stop talking about my chest.
TW: Besides that?
AM: (grumbles) It's not as good as getting Chloe back into the Daily Planet. But it's a start.
KK: A start? I gave Chloe her powers back!
AM: But when does she get back to being a reporter?
JG: Kristin gives Chloe god-like powers and you are concerned about when she turns back into a cub reporter? What is the matter with you?
MR: Powers rock!
AM: I got rid of Chloe's powers for a reason! I want to get hr back to being a reporter!
ED: Who cares about being a reporter when you can have cool powers?
MR: (Deadpan) Your dedication to journalism is always impressive, Erica.
ED: What? I just said -
AM: Fine, give Lois powers!
KK: No! I want Super Chloe! It will all make sense when -
AM: And Lois can have a secret identity!
ED: Hurray!
AM: And a skin tight spandex uniform!
ED: I love skin tight spandex!
AM: And Chloe can get a new identity! Maybe as a reporter who had to move away because she became a super hero!
ED: Whatever! When do I get my spandex!
JG: (Shaking head) Unbelievable.
TW: Write your own episodes, Mack.
TW: At the Slab, Clark kicks Lex in the stomach and knocks him back 15 feet. As Lex gets his balance, Clark rushes in and tackles him against another wall, landing quick punches to the chest and shoulders. The Iron Lex armor is starting to show some dents and cracks.
MR: Lex, being much smarter than Clark –
TW: Hey!
MR: Takes the hits, then give Clark a palm thrust to the throat.
AoT: Ah, the palm thrust. A classic.
MR: As Clark staggers back, Lex raises his left arm. "You have to breath." A red gas starts to pump out of his forearm. "Let’s see how you like this nerve toxin. A few grams would be enough to kill everyone in Metropolis. But I made it stronger for you."
TW: Clark tates a breath, and chokes. He looks startled, then uses his super-breath to blow the gas into the sky, away from the bystanders.
continued...
7.17 Revolt by TW and KK Part VII
as retold by RepairmanBob
TW: Back at the Vault, Clark and Lex circle one another. Lex tries for a few quick punches, but Clark dodges them. Clark tries to punch Lex, but he blocks to blow with his forearm and jabs Clark in the chest. After a few passes, it becomes clear Clark is faster, but Lex is the better fighter.
JG: I doubt that.
TW: Michael, could you –
MR: Anything for Iron Lex! We get an in helmet view of Clark, with lots of measurements and figures. "You are holding back, alien. I, on the other hand, have been measuring your reaction time." Lex raises his right hand. A small circle in his palm glows brightly, and Lex blasts the ever-living crap out of Clark with a bolt of green energy.
TW: Ever-living crap?
MR: Hey, it’s Iron Lex. "Hassad may have been a bastard, but he did know how to deal with your kind." Lex fires at Clark again, who barely gets out of the way. "It was surprisingly easy to reverse engineer the technology. If I had this years ago, I could have eliminated your allies who attacked Smallville during the second meteor shower." Lex fires three times in quick succession, the last one hitting Clark in the leg.
ED: Is Lex actually… winning a fight?
TW: Clark zips to the right and hits Lex in the chest with heat vision. The heat shimmers, and stops a few inches from Lex. He is knocked a few feet backwards, and stops.
MR: "Heat reflective energy shields. Insulated ceramic body armor." Lex smirks. "You will have to do a little better than that, Kal-El."
TW: Brainiac turns back into Lex. "Your people are sadly predictable. The humans will blame the freaks, the freaks will blame the humans, fighting will commence... all according to my designs."
KK: We hear a sound in the background – Chloe’s heartbeat.
TW: "I will have every meteor freak in the United States arrested. In the world, if the correct alliances can be arranged."
JG: Damn, that is a good plan.
KK: Chloe’s heart beat speeds up. She is still shaking, but manages to raise her head and stare at Brainiac.
TW: "An endless source of materials for a new generation of Spartans, all under my control. General Zod’s Crusade will continue, and Kal-El will be eliminated." He smiles at Chloe. "Of course, if you had your powers, you might be able to stop me."
KK: Chloe’s shivering has progresses to a grand mal seizure. Her heartbeat gets faster and faster. We move inside her body see inside her body, where the liquid GreenK is moving through her veins.
AM: Kristin…
KK: Chloe’s heartbeat gets faster and faster as it reaches her heart, then stops.
(The cast looks at KK in stunned silence. Well, except for JG, who pulls out a stopwatch.)
JG: Ten…
AM: (Face turns white)
JG: Nine…
AM: (Face quickly moves from white to red.)
JG: Eight…
KK: Allison, just –
JG: Seven…
AM: (Slowly stands up)
TW: Look, I am sure this all –
JG: Six…
AM: THE MACK IS GOING TO LAY THE SMACK DOWN ON YOUR CANDY ASS! (Leaps over the table at KK)
AoT: Now that is a catchphrase!
(ED and MR try to pull AM away from KK)
AM: I will whip your monkey ass, your treacherous bitch!
KK: It’s OK! It will all work out
JG: I want to get killed next!
AoT: No, me!
TW: OK, let’s take a break, people.
(Five minutes later…)
TW: Allison, are you going to be able to control yourself?
AM: But –
KK: Or am I going to have to give Annette more scenes in exchange for kicking your ass?
AoT: More scenes and I get to hurt someone? Oh, goody!
AM: (Takes a long look at AoT)
AoT: Think about it very carefully, dear. It has been weeks since I got to give a good beating.
AM: (Continues to glare, slowly sits down)
TW: Good choice.
KK: You are going to thank me when this is finished, Allison. We will get together and laugh.
AM: One of us will be laughing, all right.
KK: (Clears throat) Lois arrives at the Slab, and runs into Bittleman and Martha watching the Clex fight. "Ted, what is going on?"
TW: Bittleman does not even turn away from the fight to look at Lois. "Ariel, do you know when I told you that all of that Kal-El crap was insane? That you were wasting your time, and much more importantly my time, in a half-assed witch hunt that did not even have the benefit of ending with a witch? That even a dull witted child could see your pitiful pursuit of an imaginary friend was both sad and amusing?"
KK: "Yes?"
TW: "I may, just possibly, owe you an apology."
TW: As Bittleman is talking, we see Clark dodge more GreenK blasts from Lex. He pulls off a piece of the wall and throws it at Lex.
MR: Iron Lex!
TW: Lex raises his left arm, and a small chain gun pops out of his forearm. He blasts the slab of concrete. Clark runs through the cloud of debris and hits Lex from the side. He slams into a support beam, leaving a large crack.
continued...
TW: Back at the Vault, Clark and Lex circle one another. Lex tries for a few quick punches, but Clark dodges them. Clark tries to punch Lex, but he blocks to blow with his forearm and jabs Clark in the chest. After a few passes, it becomes clear Clark is faster, but Lex is the better fighter.
JG: I doubt that.
TW: Michael, could you –
MR: Anything for Iron Lex! We get an in helmet view of Clark, with lots of measurements and figures. "You are holding back, alien. I, on the other hand, have been measuring your reaction time." Lex raises his right hand. A small circle in his palm glows brightly, and Lex blasts the ever-living crap out of Clark with a bolt of green energy.
TW: Ever-living crap?
MR: Hey, it’s Iron Lex. "Hassad may have been a bastard, but he did know how to deal with your kind." Lex fires at Clark again, who barely gets out of the way. "It was surprisingly easy to reverse engineer the technology. If I had this years ago, I could have eliminated your allies who attacked Smallville during the second meteor shower." Lex fires three times in quick succession, the last one hitting Clark in the leg.
ED: Is Lex actually… winning a fight?
TW: Clark zips to the right and hits Lex in the chest with heat vision. The heat shimmers, and stops a few inches from Lex. He is knocked a few feet backwards, and stops.
MR: "Heat reflective energy shields. Insulated ceramic body armor." Lex smirks. "You will have to do a little better than that, Kal-El."
TW: Brainiac turns back into Lex. "Your people are sadly predictable. The humans will blame the freaks, the freaks will blame the humans, fighting will commence... all according to my designs."
KK: We hear a sound in the background – Chloe’s heartbeat.
TW: "I will have every meteor freak in the United States arrested. In the world, if the correct alliances can be arranged."
JG: Damn, that is a good plan.
KK: Chloe’s heart beat speeds up. She is still shaking, but manages to raise her head and stare at Brainiac.
TW: "An endless source of materials for a new generation of Spartans, all under my control. General Zod’s Crusade will continue, and Kal-El will be eliminated." He smiles at Chloe. "Of course, if you had your powers, you might be able to stop me."
KK: Chloe’s shivering has progresses to a grand mal seizure. Her heartbeat gets faster and faster. We move inside her body see inside her body, where the liquid GreenK is moving through her veins.
AM: Kristin…
KK: Chloe’s heartbeat gets faster and faster as it reaches her heart, then stops.
(The cast looks at KK in stunned silence. Well, except for JG, who pulls out a stopwatch.)
JG: Ten…
AM: (Face turns white)
JG: Nine…
AM: (Face quickly moves from white to red.)
JG: Eight…
KK: Allison, just –
JG: Seven…
AM: (Slowly stands up)
TW: Look, I am sure this all –
JG: Six…
AM: THE MACK IS GOING TO LAY THE SMACK DOWN ON YOUR CANDY ASS! (Leaps over the table at KK)
AoT: Now that is a catchphrase!
(ED and MR try to pull AM away from KK)
AM: I will whip your monkey ass, your treacherous bitch!
KK: It’s OK! It will all work out
JG: I want to get killed next!
AoT: No, me!
TW: OK, let’s take a break, people.
(Five minutes later…)
TW: Allison, are you going to be able to control yourself?
AM: But –
KK: Or am I going to have to give Annette more scenes in exchange for kicking your ass?
AoT: More scenes and I get to hurt someone? Oh, goody!
AM: (Takes a long look at AoT)
AoT: Think about it very carefully, dear. It has been weeks since I got to give a good beating.
AM: (Continues to glare, slowly sits down)
TW: Good choice.
KK: You are going to thank me when this is finished, Allison. We will get together and laugh.
AM: One of us will be laughing, all right.
KK: (Clears throat) Lois arrives at the Slab, and runs into Bittleman and Martha watching the Clex fight. "Ted, what is going on?"
TW: Bittleman does not even turn away from the fight to look at Lois. "Ariel, do you know when I told you that all of that Kal-El crap was insane? That you were wasting your time, and much more importantly my time, in a half-assed witch hunt that did not even have the benefit of ending with a witch? That even a dull witted child could see your pitiful pursuit of an imaginary friend was both sad and amusing?"
KK: "Yes?"
TW: "I may, just possibly, owe you an apology."
TW: As Bittleman is talking, we see Clark dodge more GreenK blasts from Lex. He pulls off a piece of the wall and throws it at Lex.
MR: Iron Lex!
TW: Lex raises his left arm, and a small chain gun pops out of his forearm. He blasts the slab of concrete. Clark runs through the cloud of debris and hits Lex from the side. He slams into a support beam, leaving a large crack.
continued...
7.17 Revolt by TW and KK Part VI
as retold by RepairmanBob
KK: Back in the lab. Chloe looks like hell.
AM: Kristin, what the fuck are you doing? We had a deal! No screwing with each other’s characters!
KK: (Looks surprised) I’m not screwing with Chloe!
AM: Yeah, maybe if Chloe is staring in a Saw spin-off!
JG: Is that a movie about power tools?
ED: It is a horror movie.
JG: No, this is show is a horror movie. A saw is a tool.
KK: Just trust me, Allison.
AM: (Raises one eyebrow)
KK: Trust Tom?
AM: (Raises eyebrow higher)
AoT: You are not related to The Rock by any chance, are you?
JG: Kristin, even I am impressed that you have the gall to ask for trust.
AoT: (humming) The Mack says, The Mack says, The Mack says…
KK: Fine, whatever. Chloe looks at Mia and asks why she is helping Brainiac. "He is not… one of…"
ED: "One of us? I knew that before I ever met him."
TW: Brainiac, who is working at one of the computers, looks up and smiles.
KK: "I have seen what is coming, Ms. Sullivan. I have seen every possible future. Every choice leads to the same place. Oblivion." Mia looks at Chloe with a cold, empty stare. "I have seen this world burn. Over and over. More times than you can imagine. The innocent die. The guilty die. It happens again and again, until all that is left is the Dark One."
ED: "I don’t… what are you…"
KK: Mia signs, and for a moment she looks like a normal little girl. "I am sorry, Ms. Sullivan. You are not a bad person." Her face hardens. "But Mr. Fine will save the world. I have seen it. Compared to that, your fate is insignificant." Mia reaches towards Chloe.
AoT: (singing) The Mack says –
AM: What the fuck, Kristin?
AoT: We need to work on a catchphrase for the t-shirt.
JG: Lionel is back in his office. He orders Otis to wait outside and guard the door. "Use whatever force is necessary, Mr. Burg. Understand?"
TW: Otis reaches under his jacket and takes out an absurdly large gun. "Yes, sir." Otis walks outside the office, closing the door behind him.
JG: Now that is a quality minion. Lionel looks at the cart full of random parts. His eyes turn white, and he begins to take them out and put them together.
TW: Back at Vault Black –
AM: Motherfucker! I never should have come back to this goddamn show!
ED: I agree!
AM: Thank –
ED: Allison is getting way too much screen time! When she was gone, there was much more Lois!
(Stunned silence. AM’s glare moves from KK to ED.)
ED: I think liked it better when Bryan was -
AoT: Erica, you want to consider the next words that come out of your mouth very carefully.
TW: (Low growl)
ED: I am just saying Lois got more attention when Bryan –
JG: Very. Carefully.
ED: But –
KK: I hear the gestation period for a Kryptonian pregnancy is three weeks.
TW: Or less.
AM: (To ED) Farscape?
KK: (To AM) Peacekeeper Wars. (To ED) Anything else you want to add?
ED: (Grumbles)
TW: (Shakes his head) Back at Vault Black, Brainaic looks annoyed. "Ms. Sullivan, I must say, I am disappointed. I had hoped physical or psychic trauma would help restore your powers. It appears we will have to try something a more direct approach. Kurt? Ted?" The two men roll in a large piece of equipment. It looks like a dialysis machine with a massive tank of green liquid. "Lex has been quite the busy little monkey."
MR: No one talks about Iron Lex that way!
TW: "It seems he was not content to hunt – how can I put this? ‘Free range meteor freaks,’ like yourself, Ms. Sullivan. He created a formula from refined meteor rock, and injected it into transients abducted from across the country. Lex’s hope, from what I understand, was to create new meta-humans whose abilities he could then transplant into his PAS and Spartans."
AoT: Even for Lex, that is disturbing.
TW: "The mortality rate was nearly 99%, but I do have to admire his creative problem solving."
ED: Wow, that is fucked up.
MR: I am not sure if I should cheer or complain.
TW: Brainiac takes an IV line and inserts it into Chloe’s arm. "This is Lex’s entire remaining supply of the formula. There is enough liquid meteor rock to infect an entire building of curious cub reporters." He nods to Mia, who turns on the machine. Green liquid starts to pump into a shivering Chloe. "While I have your attention, let me tell you what I have in mind for your beloved Kal-El. Using small words, so you can understand." Brainiac walks to one of the two men and pats him on the shoulder, like you would a loyal dog. "Ted can generate nuclear energy. An interesting, if highly destructive, ability." He touches the other man. "Kurt can create micro-wormholes to transport himself instantly across short distances. It is similar to the portals used by Kryptonians." He frowns. "I am not sure exactly how he manages this feat." He smiles. "But I am certain the tissue samples I have taken will be fascinating to examine at a later time."
AoT: When does the exposition stop?
AM: (taps fingers on the table)
TW: "Kurt is going to take Ted to the reactor Lex is using to power the Slab. The meteor rock fueled reactor. Ted will create an explosion identical to what would be expected if the reactor was sabotaged by angry meteor freaks. I expect this will kill them both." He looks at the men and shrugs. "Along with everyone else in the Slab. Senator Martha Kent. Lois Lane. Lex Luthor." Brainiac morphs into each person as he says their name. He leans in close to Chloe morphs into Clark and kisses Chloe on the cheek. "And with that much kryptonite radiation, Kal-El, son of Jor-El."
continued...
KK: Back in the lab. Chloe looks like hell.
AM: Kristin, what the fuck are you doing? We had a deal! No screwing with each other’s characters!
KK: (Looks surprised) I’m not screwing with Chloe!
AM: Yeah, maybe if Chloe is staring in a Saw spin-off!
JG: Is that a movie about power tools?
ED: It is a horror movie.
JG: No, this is show is a horror movie. A saw is a tool.
KK: Just trust me, Allison.
AM: (Raises one eyebrow)
KK: Trust Tom?
AM: (Raises eyebrow higher)
AoT: You are not related to The Rock by any chance, are you?
JG: Kristin, even I am impressed that you have the gall to ask for trust.
AoT: (humming) The Mack says, The Mack says, The Mack says…
KK: Fine, whatever. Chloe looks at Mia and asks why she is helping Brainiac. "He is not… one of…"
ED: "One of us? I knew that before I ever met him."
TW: Brainiac, who is working at one of the computers, looks up and smiles.
KK: "I have seen what is coming, Ms. Sullivan. I have seen every possible future. Every choice leads to the same place. Oblivion." Mia looks at Chloe with a cold, empty stare. "I have seen this world burn. Over and over. More times than you can imagine. The innocent die. The guilty die. It happens again and again, until all that is left is the Dark One."
ED: "I don’t… what are you…"
KK: Mia signs, and for a moment she looks like a normal little girl. "I am sorry, Ms. Sullivan. You are not a bad person." Her face hardens. "But Mr. Fine will save the world. I have seen it. Compared to that, your fate is insignificant." Mia reaches towards Chloe.
AoT: (singing) The Mack says –
AM: What the fuck, Kristin?
AoT: We need to work on a catchphrase for the t-shirt.
JG: Lionel is back in his office. He orders Otis to wait outside and guard the door. "Use whatever force is necessary, Mr. Burg. Understand?"
TW: Otis reaches under his jacket and takes out an absurdly large gun. "Yes, sir." Otis walks outside the office, closing the door behind him.
JG: Now that is a quality minion. Lionel looks at the cart full of random parts. His eyes turn white, and he begins to take them out and put them together.
TW: Back at Vault Black –
AM: Motherfucker! I never should have come back to this goddamn show!
ED: I agree!
AM: Thank –
ED: Allison is getting way too much screen time! When she was gone, there was much more Lois!
(Stunned silence. AM’s glare moves from KK to ED.)
ED: I think liked it better when Bryan was -
AoT: Erica, you want to consider the next words that come out of your mouth very carefully.
TW: (Low growl)
ED: I am just saying Lois got more attention when Bryan –
JG: Very. Carefully.
ED: But –
KK: I hear the gestation period for a Kryptonian pregnancy is three weeks.
TW: Or less.
AM: (To ED) Farscape?
KK: (To AM) Peacekeeper Wars. (To ED) Anything else you want to add?
ED: (Grumbles)
TW: (Shakes his head) Back at Vault Black, Brainaic looks annoyed. "Ms. Sullivan, I must say, I am disappointed. I had hoped physical or psychic trauma would help restore your powers. It appears we will have to try something a more direct approach. Kurt? Ted?" The two men roll in a large piece of equipment. It looks like a dialysis machine with a massive tank of green liquid. "Lex has been quite the busy little monkey."
MR: No one talks about Iron Lex that way!
TW: "It seems he was not content to hunt – how can I put this? ‘Free range meteor freaks,’ like yourself, Ms. Sullivan. He created a formula from refined meteor rock, and injected it into transients abducted from across the country. Lex’s hope, from what I understand, was to create new meta-humans whose abilities he could then transplant into his PAS and Spartans."
AoT: Even for Lex, that is disturbing.
TW: "The mortality rate was nearly 99%, but I do have to admire his creative problem solving."
ED: Wow, that is fucked up.
MR: I am not sure if I should cheer or complain.
TW: Brainiac takes an IV line and inserts it into Chloe’s arm. "This is Lex’s entire remaining supply of the formula. There is enough liquid meteor rock to infect an entire building of curious cub reporters." He nods to Mia, who turns on the machine. Green liquid starts to pump into a shivering Chloe. "While I have your attention, let me tell you what I have in mind for your beloved Kal-El. Using small words, so you can understand." Brainiac walks to one of the two men and pats him on the shoulder, like you would a loyal dog. "Ted can generate nuclear energy. An interesting, if highly destructive, ability." He touches the other man. "Kurt can create micro-wormholes to transport himself instantly across short distances. It is similar to the portals used by Kryptonians." He frowns. "I am not sure exactly how he manages this feat." He smiles. "But I am certain the tissue samples I have taken will be fascinating to examine at a later time."
AoT: When does the exposition stop?
AM: (taps fingers on the table)
TW: "Kurt is going to take Ted to the reactor Lex is using to power the Slab. The meteor rock fueled reactor. Ted will create an explosion identical to what would be expected if the reactor was sabotaged by angry meteor freaks. I expect this will kill them both." He looks at the men and shrugs. "Along with everyone else in the Slab. Senator Martha Kent. Lois Lane. Lex Luthor." Brainiac morphs into each person as he says their name. He leans in close to Chloe morphs into Clark and kisses Chloe on the cheek. "And with that much kryptonite radiation, Kal-El, son of Jor-El."
continued...
7.17 Revolt by TW and KK Part V
as retold by RepairmanBob
TW: Lex flies over the crowd. The Spartans move behind him, three on each side. "Attention protesters! Under my authority as a representative of the Department of Domestic Security, I am placing you all under arrest! Surrender now, or I will use whatever force is necessary to end the threat you present to these innocent people!" Lex smiles, and we get an in-helmet view as he targets the acid-spitting woman.
AoT: Good! Kill that vile harpy!
TW: Lex fires, and just before it hits the woman, there is a gust of wind, and she appears three feet to the right, in Clark’s arms.
AM: Hold on. Clark just rushed in and saved someone?
TW: Yes.
MR: That doesn’t sound like Clark, does it?
TW: Clark saves people, damnit! He is heroic!
AoT: He saved the woman who attacked Martha! What kind of son is that?
TW: Clark is a hero!
AM: I mean, how does Lex not recognize him?
(Long pause)
AM: You two did think about how Lex, Hope, Bittleman, and the collected press would not identify Clark, right?
TW: Hold on, give me a minute…
KK: I did. But since it did not involve me, (shrugs) big woop.
JG: (Uncontrolled laughter)
AoT: So you had time for Clark to save the woman who attacked his sainted mother, but you could not be bothered to handle something this simple? Tom, this is so disappointing.
AM: (Smirking) You know what this means, right?
TW: No!
ED: What?
TW: No! I am not wearing the suit!
JG: (continues laughing, starts hitting the table)
TW: I got rid of Bryan so I would not have to wear the suit!
AM: Guess April’s Fools day isn’t so funny now, is it dumbass?
TW: I can… we could…
JG: (Falls to floor laughing)
ED: How about if Tom wears a modified outfit –
TW: No suit!
ED: (ignoring the interruption) made by Ollie? Like what the rest of the JL wears. Hood, leather bodysuit, small face mask, no cape. We can say it is lined with lead, to protect Clark from GreenK weapons.
TW: But it is a suit!
AoT: Tom, be reasonable. The alternative is that everyone who is at the Slab, as well as everyone who sees the live video of the battle, or anyone who sees a recording of it in the future, is so deeply stupid that they would not recognize Superman.
MR: Like Lois is right now!
ED: Or Lex.
TW: (Grumbles)
KK: You are the one who wanted a big fight scene, Tom. Stop being a baby and wear your suit.
TW: Fine, fine. But it’s not a suit. It is… anti-GreenK armor.
AM: Whatever helps you put on your leather chaps, Tom.
TW: Back at Vault Black, Brainiac takes a break.
KK: Chloe has several burn marks, and has been crying.
AM: What the hell?
TW: Talk to Kristin. "Well, it appears physical pain will not be sufficient to inspire the return of your power, Ms. Sullivan. I would try to use some psychological methods, but sadly lack the time to help you deal with your clear abandonment and self esteem issues." Nasty smirk here.
KK: Chloe looks up. "Why… are you… doing this?"
AM: Because someone is bitter she did not get to work with Ron D. Moore?
TW: "It is cliché that the villain explains his plot to the hero, Miss Sullivan. However, you are not the hero, and maybe some perspective would help you to understand the situation. The collar around your neck will allow me to control your thoughts, and once they are returned, your abilities. The more distraught you are, the easier it will be for me to exert control. However, until you regain your abilities, you are just another useless, barely sentient meat-bag." He turns to the little girl. "Mia, would you explain why Ms. Sullivan is useful to me?" Erica?
ED: Mia gives Chloe a cold look. "The Salvation compound is based on a sample of your DNA. Every crippling injury, every abducted meta-human, every life lost is because of you."
AM: Oh, come on.
KK: Chloe looks shocked. "No. I don’t believe you."
TW: "Mia has a unique ability, Ms. Sullivan. She is a precognitive. Quite fascinating, really. She can also share what she has seen." Brainaic nods, and Mia takes Chloe’s hands. Cut to scenes of people suffering the side effects of Salvation, the ending with Lex and Dr. Richards talking about using Chloe’s DNA to create the drug.
KK: Chloe gasps, her eyes wide.
TW: "What Lex did not consider was how your mother’s power would interact with Salvation. Of course, who could? Poor, dead Moria could control meta-humans when she held their possessions." Brainiac lightly touches Chloe’s face. "But you, Ms. Sullivan… pieces of you are in every meta-human that has been exposed to Salvation. Did you know every meta-human who has registered their abilities and been given a trace amount of the drug? Thousands upon thousand of people, all of whom lives have been touched by Lex Luthor… and you."
ED: Mia touches Chloe again. Chloe screams.
TW: Brainaic walks away. "Of course, that is to say nothing of Lex’s private army! The Project Ares Soldiers and the Spartans! I know you were ’dead’ when he unveiled them, but think for a moment. Isn’t it suspicious that Lex introduces his newest line of super weapons at exactly the same time he was experimenting on you in one of his labs?"
KK: "I… I don’t…"
TW: "Mira, be a dear and help Ms. Sullivan remember her time with Dr. Richards."
ED: Chloe tries to pull away. Mia gives her an empty look. She takes Chloe’s hand. Chloe’s entire body goes rigid, then she starts to sob.
TW: Back at the Slab. Clark floats above the ground. "Leave them alone, Lex."
Michael, could you?
MR: Sure. We get quick flashes of Lex flying, and a fight at super speed. Lex hears his own voice. ‘Kneel before Zod…’ He looks at the flying figure, and smiles. "Kal-El." Lex flies and punches Clark 30 feet in the air.
JG: I cannot believe you wrote that.
TW: Clark gets his balance, and circles around the Slab. The Spartans surround him.
MR: Lex flies closer to Clark. "If you run, I will kill them all, alien. I will kill every meteor freak in that crowd." Lex lands. "Unless you want to be responsible for a slaughter, you will come fight me."
TW: Clark floats to the ground. The Spartans move away, separating the meteor freaks from the humans. Clark and Lex rush towards each other.
continued...
TW: Lex flies over the crowd. The Spartans move behind him, three on each side. "Attention protesters! Under my authority as a representative of the Department of Domestic Security, I am placing you all under arrest! Surrender now, or I will use whatever force is necessary to end the threat you present to these innocent people!" Lex smiles, and we get an in-helmet view as he targets the acid-spitting woman.
AoT: Good! Kill that vile harpy!
TW: Lex fires, and just before it hits the woman, there is a gust of wind, and she appears three feet to the right, in Clark’s arms.
AM: Hold on. Clark just rushed in and saved someone?
TW: Yes.
MR: That doesn’t sound like Clark, does it?
TW: Clark saves people, damnit! He is heroic!
AoT: He saved the woman who attacked Martha! What kind of son is that?
TW: Clark is a hero!
AM: I mean, how does Lex not recognize him?
(Long pause)
AM: You two did think about how Lex, Hope, Bittleman, and the collected press would not identify Clark, right?
TW: Hold on, give me a minute…
KK: I did. But since it did not involve me, (shrugs) big woop.
JG: (Uncontrolled laughter)
AoT: So you had time for Clark to save the woman who attacked his sainted mother, but you could not be bothered to handle something this simple? Tom, this is so disappointing.
AM: (Smirking) You know what this means, right?
TW: No!
ED: What?
TW: No! I am not wearing the suit!
JG: (continues laughing, starts hitting the table)
TW: I got rid of Bryan so I would not have to wear the suit!
AM: Guess April’s Fools day isn’t so funny now, is it dumbass?
TW: I can… we could…
JG: (Falls to floor laughing)
ED: How about if Tom wears a modified outfit –
TW: No suit!
ED: (ignoring the interruption) made by Ollie? Like what the rest of the JL wears. Hood, leather bodysuit, small face mask, no cape. We can say it is lined with lead, to protect Clark from GreenK weapons.
TW: But it is a suit!
AoT: Tom, be reasonable. The alternative is that everyone who is at the Slab, as well as everyone who sees the live video of the battle, or anyone who sees a recording of it in the future, is so deeply stupid that they would not recognize Superman.
MR: Like Lois is right now!
ED: Or Lex.
TW: (Grumbles)
KK: You are the one who wanted a big fight scene, Tom. Stop being a baby and wear your suit.
TW: Fine, fine. But it’s not a suit. It is… anti-GreenK armor.
AM: Whatever helps you put on your leather chaps, Tom.
TW: Back at Vault Black, Brainiac takes a break.
KK: Chloe has several burn marks, and has been crying.
AM: What the hell?
TW: Talk to Kristin. "Well, it appears physical pain will not be sufficient to inspire the return of your power, Ms. Sullivan. I would try to use some psychological methods, but sadly lack the time to help you deal with your clear abandonment and self esteem issues." Nasty smirk here.
KK: Chloe looks up. "Why… are you… doing this?"
AM: Because someone is bitter she did not get to work with Ron D. Moore?
TW: "It is cliché that the villain explains his plot to the hero, Miss Sullivan. However, you are not the hero, and maybe some perspective would help you to understand the situation. The collar around your neck will allow me to control your thoughts, and once they are returned, your abilities. The more distraught you are, the easier it will be for me to exert control. However, until you regain your abilities, you are just another useless, barely sentient meat-bag." He turns to the little girl. "Mia, would you explain why Ms. Sullivan is useful to me?" Erica?
ED: Mia gives Chloe a cold look. "The Salvation compound is based on a sample of your DNA. Every crippling injury, every abducted meta-human, every life lost is because of you."
AM: Oh, come on.
KK: Chloe looks shocked. "No. I don’t believe you."
TW: "Mia has a unique ability, Ms. Sullivan. She is a precognitive. Quite fascinating, really. She can also share what she has seen." Brainaic nods, and Mia takes Chloe’s hands. Cut to scenes of people suffering the side effects of Salvation, the ending with Lex and Dr. Richards talking about using Chloe’s DNA to create the drug.
KK: Chloe gasps, her eyes wide.
TW: "What Lex did not consider was how your mother’s power would interact with Salvation. Of course, who could? Poor, dead Moria could control meta-humans when she held their possessions." Brainiac lightly touches Chloe’s face. "But you, Ms. Sullivan… pieces of you are in every meta-human that has been exposed to Salvation. Did you know every meta-human who has registered their abilities and been given a trace amount of the drug? Thousands upon thousand of people, all of whom lives have been touched by Lex Luthor… and you."
ED: Mia touches Chloe again. Chloe screams.
TW: Brainaic walks away. "Of course, that is to say nothing of Lex’s private army! The Project Ares Soldiers and the Spartans! I know you were ’dead’ when he unveiled them, but think for a moment. Isn’t it suspicious that Lex introduces his newest line of super weapons at exactly the same time he was experimenting on you in one of his labs?"
KK: "I… I don’t…"
TW: "Mira, be a dear and help Ms. Sullivan remember her time with Dr. Richards."
ED: Chloe tries to pull away. Mia gives her an empty look. She takes Chloe’s hand. Chloe’s entire body goes rigid, then she starts to sob.
TW: Back at the Slab. Clark floats above the ground. "Leave them alone, Lex."
Michael, could you?
MR: Sure. We get quick flashes of Lex flying, and a fight at super speed. Lex hears his own voice. ‘Kneel before Zod…’ He looks at the flying figure, and smiles. "Kal-El." Lex flies and punches Clark 30 feet in the air.
JG: I cannot believe you wrote that.
TW: Clark gets his balance, and circles around the Slab. The Spartans surround him.
MR: Lex flies closer to Clark. "If you run, I will kill them all, alien. I will kill every meteor freak in that crowd." Lex lands. "Unless you want to be responsible for a slaughter, you will come fight me."
TW: Clark floats to the ground. The Spartans move away, separating the meteor freaks from the humans. Clark and Lex rush towards each other.
continued...
7.17 Revolt by TW and KK Part IV
as retold by RepairmanBob
TW: Lionel and Otis walk into the large lab of Apokolips tech last seen in Escape.
JG: About damn time.
AM: Am I ever going to reappear?
KK: No, Brainiac kills Chloe off-screen.
AM: (Growls)
KK: Kidding! Geese, Alli, learn to take a joke.
JG: (Clears throat) Can we get back to Lionel, please?
TW: Otis is pushing a large cart. Lionel points at seemingly random objects around the room, and Otis walks through groups of scientists to get them and put them in the cart.
JG: Otis certainly does have good people skills.
TW: One of the scientists objects, and Otis head butts him.
JG: Excellent people skills.
KK: A scientist walks over to Lionel. "Mr. Luthor, I must object!" John would you like to?
JG: "What you must do is move out of my way before any more of your team is injured, Dr. Connor."
KK: "We are under strict orders not to allow any of the extra-terrestrial materials to leave this lab! You son –"
JG: Big Lionel smile. "My son is not here at the moment." Otis walks up next to Lionel and scowls. "And neither am I. Do we understand one another, Dr. Connor? Or will Mr. Burg and I be visiting your daughter’s softball game next Saturday? If I recall correctly, she is in the running for a full scholarship to Metropolis University. It would be… tragic if anything happened to her."
KK: Dr. Connor gets pale. "You… "
JG: "The words you are search for, I believe, are ‘I am sorry for wasting your time, Mr. Luthor.’"
KK: Dr. Connor backs away. Otis goes back to, loading things into his cart.
JG: Why can’t the rest of you write Lionel like this?
KK: Back at the Slab, the meteor freaks are overwhelming the police. The Spartans are carrying civilians over the walls. Bittleman runs into Martha.
AoT: Can Martha save Bittleman from a meteor freak?
JG: No! Bittleman just got good again!
AoT: She can break a chair over the back of some disgusting freak that is about to eat Bittleman’s face!
JG: Not the face! Lois’s love interest needs his face!
KK: Martha saves Bittleman.
AoT: Hurray!
JG: Motherfucker!
KK: But they are then confronted by a group of angry meteor freaks.
AM: Am I ever going to show up this week?
TW: The camera pans down a long, dark hallway. It passes a sign identifying it as part of Vault Black. The camera passes through an open doorway, to a large room full of high tech equipment. Two men are securing an unconscious Chloe into a table similar to the one from Freak, but tilted upwards so Chloe is facing the rest of the actors.
MR: Hurray! Naked Bondage Chloe!
AM: You wish, Michael
MR: You did nudity for Capricia!
AM: I got a Peabody for Capricia!
AoT: I hadn’t heard! Congratulations!
AM: Thank you! Well, it is just a nomination right now, but Ron said –
MR: Back on task! Naked Chloe!
ED: No naked Chloe! I am the sexy one who gets naked on Smallville, not Allison!
AM: Are you saying I’m not sexy enough to get naked?
MR: Yes! That is exactly what she is saying! Prove her wrong!
TW: (Bangs head on table)
KK: Chloe is wearing the clothes from the intro – T-shirt and running shorts.
ED+MR: Nooooo!!!
TW: Pan to the left, where Mia is watching the men, then to Brainiac. "Make sure the restraints are placed correctly. I do not want Ms. Sullivan to hurt herself when she wakes up." Brainiac moves to a monitor, and makes some adjustments. "Let’s see how everyone is doing." The monitor shows surveillance footage from the Slab.
TW: The meteor freaks surround Martha and Bittleman.
AoT: And Martha lashes out, and in a feat of awe-inspiring skill and stamina, beats them all into submission?
KK: Not quite. A woman spits at Bittleman, and acid narrowly misses his face, melting a pillar behind him.
ED: Ewww.
KK: The woman smiles at Martha. "This is for Lucius, bitch." She pulls her head back –
AoT: And Martha jabs her in the throat!
TW: Actually, a blue energy ray blasts the woman in the chest, knocking her into the crowd of meteor freaks. Cue the dramatic music, ad we pan up to Lex, flying above Martha in his battle-suit.
MR: His Iron Lex armor!
TW: "Do not worry, Senator. I have the situation under control."
KK: Close up of Chloe’s face, as she wakes up. Chloe looks confused, then scared when she tries to move her arms and finds them tied down. She looks around down, and starts to make small, scared noises when she sees she is locked to the table.
AM: Great, more crying Chloe. How exactly does this get me back to the Daily Planet?
TW: Brainiac walks over to Chloe. "Awake at last, Ms. Sullivan." One of the two men hands him a metal collar. "During my time on this world, I have, occasionally, been impressed by the ingenuity up your people. For a collection of barely evolved primates, you have a natural talent for creating tools to murder and subjugate one another. Take this, for instance." He places the collar around Chloe’s neck. "It is based on technology created by the Summerhold Institute to control the human mind. I improved it, of course, but the basic design was quite impressive. Relatively speaking." Quick flashes to show the men are wearing collars, as is the guard who killed Rick.
KK: Chloe tries to calm herself, but she is terrified. "What.. what do you…"
TW: "Lex Luthor, on the other hand, has actually managed to somewhat impress me. It is almost embarrassing that a simple human could realize the true potential of your abilities, when I did not."
KK: "My powers? They are gone! Please, let me go, I don’t have –"
TW: Brainiac tilts his head and smiles. "What has been lost can be found, Miss Sullivan. I have need of you for the Crusade. Based on Lex’s research, your abilities are merely… repressed. With sufficient motivation, I am sure we can discover them." One of the men hands Brainiac a device. "In my experience, I have found the greatest motivator for humans is pain." He lifts a tazer, and turns it on.
ED: Wow, talk about irony.
JG: Hoisted on her own tazer, eh?
AM: (Grumbling) Fuck you both.
TW: "Let’s begin." Brainiac zaps Chloe. Cue the screaming
AM: I’ve gone from playing God to being a victim in torture porn. Remind me why I came back?
ED: You love us?
TW: You want what is best for the show?
MR: You love Chloe?
JG: Easy paycheck?
AoT: The freedom to terrorize the crew and food service personnel?
AM: Yeah, those last two.
continued...
TW: Lionel and Otis walk into the large lab of Apokolips tech last seen in Escape.
JG: About damn time.
AM: Am I ever going to reappear?
KK: No, Brainiac kills Chloe off-screen.
AM: (Growls)
KK: Kidding! Geese, Alli, learn to take a joke.
JG: (Clears throat) Can we get back to Lionel, please?
TW: Otis is pushing a large cart. Lionel points at seemingly random objects around the room, and Otis walks through groups of scientists to get them and put them in the cart.
JG: Otis certainly does have good people skills.
TW: One of the scientists objects, and Otis head butts him.
JG: Excellent people skills.
KK: A scientist walks over to Lionel. "Mr. Luthor, I must object!" John would you like to?
JG: "What you must do is move out of my way before any more of your team is injured, Dr. Connor."
KK: "We are under strict orders not to allow any of the extra-terrestrial materials to leave this lab! You son –"
JG: Big Lionel smile. "My son is not here at the moment." Otis walks up next to Lionel and scowls. "And neither am I. Do we understand one another, Dr. Connor? Or will Mr. Burg and I be visiting your daughter’s softball game next Saturday? If I recall correctly, she is in the running for a full scholarship to Metropolis University. It would be… tragic if anything happened to her."
KK: Dr. Connor gets pale. "You… "
JG: "The words you are search for, I believe, are ‘I am sorry for wasting your time, Mr. Luthor.’"
KK: Dr. Connor backs away. Otis goes back to, loading things into his cart.
JG: Why can’t the rest of you write Lionel like this?
KK: Back at the Slab, the meteor freaks are overwhelming the police. The Spartans are carrying civilians over the walls. Bittleman runs into Martha.
AoT: Can Martha save Bittleman from a meteor freak?
JG: No! Bittleman just got good again!
AoT: She can break a chair over the back of some disgusting freak that is about to eat Bittleman’s face!
JG: Not the face! Lois’s love interest needs his face!
KK: Martha saves Bittleman.
AoT: Hurray!
JG: Motherfucker!
KK: But they are then confronted by a group of angry meteor freaks.
AM: Am I ever going to show up this week?
TW: The camera pans down a long, dark hallway. It passes a sign identifying it as part of Vault Black. The camera passes through an open doorway, to a large room full of high tech equipment. Two men are securing an unconscious Chloe into a table similar to the one from Freak, but tilted upwards so Chloe is facing the rest of the actors.
MR: Hurray! Naked Bondage Chloe!
AM: You wish, Michael
MR: You did nudity for Capricia!
AM: I got a Peabody for Capricia!
AoT: I hadn’t heard! Congratulations!
AM: Thank you! Well, it is just a nomination right now, but Ron said –
MR: Back on task! Naked Chloe!
ED: No naked Chloe! I am the sexy one who gets naked on Smallville, not Allison!
AM: Are you saying I’m not sexy enough to get naked?
MR: Yes! That is exactly what she is saying! Prove her wrong!
TW: (Bangs head on table)
KK: Chloe is wearing the clothes from the intro – T-shirt and running shorts.
ED+MR: Nooooo!!!
TW: Pan to the left, where Mia is watching the men, then to Brainiac. "Make sure the restraints are placed correctly. I do not want Ms. Sullivan to hurt herself when she wakes up." Brainiac moves to a monitor, and makes some adjustments. "Let’s see how everyone is doing." The monitor shows surveillance footage from the Slab.
TW: The meteor freaks surround Martha and Bittleman.
AoT: And Martha lashes out, and in a feat of awe-inspiring skill and stamina, beats them all into submission?
KK: Not quite. A woman spits at Bittleman, and acid narrowly misses his face, melting a pillar behind him.
ED: Ewww.
KK: The woman smiles at Martha. "This is for Lucius, bitch." She pulls her head back –
AoT: And Martha jabs her in the throat!
TW: Actually, a blue energy ray blasts the woman in the chest, knocking her into the crowd of meteor freaks. Cue the dramatic music, ad we pan up to Lex, flying above Martha in his battle-suit.
MR: His Iron Lex armor!
TW: "Do not worry, Senator. I have the situation under control."
KK: Close up of Chloe’s face, as she wakes up. Chloe looks confused, then scared when she tries to move her arms and finds them tied down. She looks around down, and starts to make small, scared noises when she sees she is locked to the table.
AM: Great, more crying Chloe. How exactly does this get me back to the Daily Planet?
TW: Brainiac walks over to Chloe. "Awake at last, Ms. Sullivan." One of the two men hands him a metal collar. "During my time on this world, I have, occasionally, been impressed by the ingenuity up your people. For a collection of barely evolved primates, you have a natural talent for creating tools to murder and subjugate one another. Take this, for instance." He places the collar around Chloe’s neck. "It is based on technology created by the Summerhold Institute to control the human mind. I improved it, of course, but the basic design was quite impressive. Relatively speaking." Quick flashes to show the men are wearing collars, as is the guard who killed Rick.
KK: Chloe tries to calm herself, but she is terrified. "What.. what do you…"
TW: "Lex Luthor, on the other hand, has actually managed to somewhat impress me. It is almost embarrassing that a simple human could realize the true potential of your abilities, when I did not."
KK: "My powers? They are gone! Please, let me go, I don’t have –"
TW: Brainiac tilts his head and smiles. "What has been lost can be found, Miss Sullivan. I have need of you for the Crusade. Based on Lex’s research, your abilities are merely… repressed. With sufficient motivation, I am sure we can discover them." One of the men hands Brainiac a device. "In my experience, I have found the greatest motivator for humans is pain." He lifts a tazer, and turns it on.
ED: Wow, talk about irony.
JG: Hoisted on her own tazer, eh?
AM: (Grumbling) Fuck you both.
TW: "Let’s begin." Brainiac zaps Chloe. Cue the screaming
AM: I’ve gone from playing God to being a victim in torture porn. Remind me why I came back?
ED: You love us?
TW: You want what is best for the show?
MR: You love Chloe?
JG: Easy paycheck?
AoT: The freedom to terrorize the crew and food service personnel?
AM: Yeah, those last two.
continued...
7.17 Revolt by TW and KK Part III
as retold by RepairmanBob
TW: At the Slab, the protesting meta-humans break through the police lines and force their way inside. Rick uses telekinesis to push past two guards and confronts Governor Smith. "You want to lock us all away! You want to put us in this prison, where you can use us like lab rats!"
MR: That would be the plan, yes.
TW: Rick looks flushed – he is sweating, and just about foaming at the mouth.
KK: Hope and Lex quickly move off the stage.
JG: Lex runs away. What a surprise.
KK: Back at the Talon, Clark listens to Governor Smith deny all of it.
JG: I would hope so! If LuthorCorp went to the trouble of paying the man off, he damn well better deny it!
MR: Yeah!
KK: Clark lies on the ground and moans.
AoT: Maybe he can do some hip thrusts?
ED: Oh, I like that.
TW: (Puts hands over ears) I can’t hear you!
KK: (Writing notes) Add… hip… thrusts…
TW: Hope and Lex walks into a high tech lab.
KK: "Sir, it is time to go."
JG: I told you! Les is running away! (Looks at MR) My son the sissy!
TW: Not exactly. Lex smiles. "Hardly." Three Spartans appear in front of Lex. He walks to one of the consols and presses some buttons. "Protect the civilians. Do not engage the meta-humans unless necessary." A wall slides back, revealing his battle-suit.
MR: Hold on! I want to change the battle-suit! I want something more sleek! Like a race car!
ED: You’ve been watching the new Iron Man commercials, haven’t you?
MR: Yeah! I want Iron Lex armor!
KK: Tony Stark…. (long , happy sigh)
AM: Can we afford that?
MR: A body suit has to be cheaper on the CGI budget than that walking tank we had in Masquerade.
KK: You designed that suit!
MR: Duh, that was before I saw the Iron Man commercial!
AoT: Am I going to have a scene soon?
MR: Oh! I want to have machines that get Lex dressed in the suit, too!
AM: And do you want a pony?
MR: Depends. Will a naked Chloe be riding it?
(AM leaps at MR, and is held back by ED and AoT).
TW: We’ll see what we have in the budget, Michael.
JG: (Looking at MR) Better start working out there, fatty.
MR: Hey! Don’t talk that way to Iron Lex, old man!
JG: Watch it, Rosenbaum!
KK: At the stage, Rich and Governor Smith are still arguing. The meta-humans are getting closer and closer to the stage, and they are all showing signs of silverK poisoning.
TW: Martha tries to get between Governor Smith and Rich. He uses his telekinesis to push her against the podium.
AoT: Martha should have been able to kick him in the groin before that!
TW: "This is all your fault, Kent! You sold us out to Lex Luthor! You had Lucius killed, just so you could send us all to this death camp!"
AoT: Tom…
TW: Rich walks towards Martha. "You won’t do this to us! We won’t let you treat us like cattle!"
KK: On the upper railing of the Slab, a guard slowly raises his rifle.
TW: "We won’t let you do it, Kent! We won’t let you –"
KK: A spray of blood hits Martha’s face, and Rich drops. Martha looks up, and sees the guard lower his rifle. Pan back to shocked Bittleman, who is holding up a digital camera.
AoT: I would rather Martha fight her own battles, but I suppose that will do.
TW: There is a second of stunned silence, then the meta-humans attack the guards.
KK: Lois bursts into the apartment, and sees Clark laying on the ground.
AoT: You mean hip thrusting on the ground.
TW: No, she means laying on the ground.
KK: Thanks, Annette.
TW: God damnit!
KK: "Smallville, what happened?" Lois rolls Clark over, and the GreenK falls off of him.
ED: Wow, that is contrived. Even by our standards.
KK: Do you want to be in the scene or not?
TW: Clark thinks for a second.
JG: This could take awhile.
TW: "I came here to check on Chloe. She was out, but someone jumped me."
AoT: That is a rather sad excuse.
KK: "Great job, Smallville. Way to get your ass kicked again." Lois’s phone rings. "Hello? What Ted? A riot?"
JG: Oh, let me read it! "Yes, Buffy! We have a riot! The freaks are fighting Lex’s stormtroopers, and they are tearing the place up! So stop dancing with the dwarves and playing with the butterflies and having tiny birds braid your hair while they sing happy Disney tunes and get your ass over here! You and missing the story of the year, Cinderalla!" Can we add more insults here?
KK: "Shut up! I’ll be there soon!" Lois hangs up the phone. "Jackass." She turns to Clark.
TW: "Lois, my mom is there. Did Bittleman say –"
KK: "Sorry, Clark. No idea. Crap, we have two problems."
TW: "You go help my mom. The police won’t let me near the Slab, but you can get in. I will find Chloe."
AoT: Martha doesn’t need help!
TW: Clark just wants to get rid of Lois.
ED: Lois can help!
AM: Yeah, she will make an excellent squishy shield.
continued...
TW: At the Slab, the protesting meta-humans break through the police lines and force their way inside. Rick uses telekinesis to push past two guards and confronts Governor Smith. "You want to lock us all away! You want to put us in this prison, where you can use us like lab rats!"
MR: That would be the plan, yes.
TW: Rick looks flushed – he is sweating, and just about foaming at the mouth.
KK: Hope and Lex quickly move off the stage.
JG: Lex runs away. What a surprise.
KK: Back at the Talon, Clark listens to Governor Smith deny all of it.
JG: I would hope so! If LuthorCorp went to the trouble of paying the man off, he damn well better deny it!
MR: Yeah!
KK: Clark lies on the ground and moans.
AoT: Maybe he can do some hip thrusts?
ED: Oh, I like that.
TW: (Puts hands over ears) I can’t hear you!
KK: (Writing notes) Add… hip… thrusts…
TW: Hope and Lex walks into a high tech lab.
KK: "Sir, it is time to go."
JG: I told you! Les is running away! (Looks at MR) My son the sissy!
TW: Not exactly. Lex smiles. "Hardly." Three Spartans appear in front of Lex. He walks to one of the consols and presses some buttons. "Protect the civilians. Do not engage the meta-humans unless necessary." A wall slides back, revealing his battle-suit.
MR: Hold on! I want to change the battle-suit! I want something more sleek! Like a race car!
ED: You’ve been watching the new Iron Man commercials, haven’t you?
MR: Yeah! I want Iron Lex armor!
KK: Tony Stark…. (long , happy sigh)
AM: Can we afford that?
MR: A body suit has to be cheaper on the CGI budget than that walking tank we had in Masquerade.
KK: You designed that suit!
MR: Duh, that was before I saw the Iron Man commercial!
AoT: Am I going to have a scene soon?
MR: Oh! I want to have machines that get Lex dressed in the suit, too!
AM: And do you want a pony?
MR: Depends. Will a naked Chloe be riding it?
(AM leaps at MR, and is held back by ED and AoT).
TW: We’ll see what we have in the budget, Michael.
JG: (Looking at MR) Better start working out there, fatty.
MR: Hey! Don’t talk that way to Iron Lex, old man!
JG: Watch it, Rosenbaum!
KK: At the stage, Rich and Governor Smith are still arguing. The meta-humans are getting closer and closer to the stage, and they are all showing signs of silverK poisoning.
TW: Martha tries to get between Governor Smith and Rich. He uses his telekinesis to push her against the podium.
AoT: Martha should have been able to kick him in the groin before that!
TW: "This is all your fault, Kent! You sold us out to Lex Luthor! You had Lucius killed, just so you could send us all to this death camp!"
AoT: Tom…
TW: Rich walks towards Martha. "You won’t do this to us! We won’t let you treat us like cattle!"
KK: On the upper railing of the Slab, a guard slowly raises his rifle.
TW: "We won’t let you do it, Kent! We won’t let you –"
KK: A spray of blood hits Martha’s face, and Rich drops. Martha looks up, and sees the guard lower his rifle. Pan back to shocked Bittleman, who is holding up a digital camera.
AoT: I would rather Martha fight her own battles, but I suppose that will do.
TW: There is a second of stunned silence, then the meta-humans attack the guards.
KK: Lois bursts into the apartment, and sees Clark laying on the ground.
AoT: You mean hip thrusting on the ground.
TW: No, she means laying on the ground.
KK: Thanks, Annette.
TW: God damnit!
KK: "Smallville, what happened?" Lois rolls Clark over, and the GreenK falls off of him.
ED: Wow, that is contrived. Even by our standards.
KK: Do you want to be in the scene or not?
TW: Clark thinks for a second.
JG: This could take awhile.
TW: "I came here to check on Chloe. She was out, but someone jumped me."
AoT: That is a rather sad excuse.
KK: "Great job, Smallville. Way to get your ass kicked again." Lois’s phone rings. "Hello? What Ted? A riot?"
JG: Oh, let me read it! "Yes, Buffy! We have a riot! The freaks are fighting Lex’s stormtroopers, and they are tearing the place up! So stop dancing with the dwarves and playing with the butterflies and having tiny birds braid your hair while they sing happy Disney tunes and get your ass over here! You and missing the story of the year, Cinderalla!" Can we add more insults here?
KK: "Shut up! I’ll be there soon!" Lois hangs up the phone. "Jackass." She turns to Clark.
TW: "Lois, my mom is there. Did Bittleman say –"
KK: "Sorry, Clark. No idea. Crap, we have two problems."
TW: "You go help my mom. The police won’t let me near the Slab, but you can get in. I will find Chloe."
AoT: Martha doesn’t need help!
TW: Clark just wants to get rid of Lois.
ED: Lois can help!
AM: Yeah, she will make an excellent squishy shield.
continued...
A quick little Intermission
[MR's phone buzzes. He checks who's calling]
MR: I have to take this.
TW: But...
MR: It's you know who about you know what.
ED: Huh?
TW: I'll go with you. We're going to take a little break.
[MR and TW leave]
AoT: Well that is... unexpected.
ED: I wonder what they're up to?
JG: No good I'll wager.
KK: [Pulling out her phone] I'm going to make a few calls to see if I can find out.
AM: Don't bother. I'll find out what they're up to. [Picks up a tray of brownies] Watch and learn.
[AM exits as well.]
ED: What the hell?
KK: [Phone to her ear] Could you keep it down?
JG: Can I leave too?
KK: [Heading for the door with her phone to her ear] Shhh! You guys stay put. I'll figure it out.
[KK exits]
ED: OK.
[ED, JG, and AoT sit for a moment in silence]
ED: Anybody want to play "I spy?"
[JG rolls his eyes]
ED: I spy with my little eye something that starts with a "T" [pause] Anyone want to guess?
JG: No.
ED: Come on.
AoT: A table.
ED: Dammit! OK. Your turn.
AoT: I spy with my little eye...
[JG bangs his head on the table]
[The break room MR is still on the phone. TW is looking out the window in the door.]
TW: OK, here she comes. Start wrapping things up.
[There's a knock on the door]
MR: Look, I've got to...
[The door opens and AM comes in carrying a plate of brownies]
AM: I brought brownies!
MR: Gotta go! Bye! [Guiltily hangs up the phone]
AM: Who were you talking to, Michael?
TW: Knock much?
AM: I knocked.
TW: And then barged in.
AM: It's my break room too. I thought you might like a snack.
TW: Um. No thanks. Let's go back to reading.
AM: Not until you tell me what you two are up to.
[Loud banging on the door]
TW: Come in!
[KK enters]
KK: Why did you do it Micheal!?!? Why!?!!?
AM & MR: Do what?
TW: Oh my God, it's gotten out already?
AM: Already?
KK: You're in on this too, Tom?
TW: I... uh.
KK: I should freaking kill you! But I'm sure Allison could make it more painful. [To AM] They're all yours Alli.
AM: All mine for what?
MR: Uh... nothing. Nothing all all.
KK: Killing, maiming, torturing. What ever you deem necessary. I'd start with the torture myself.
MR: We didn't...
KK: They re-negotiated with Bryan!
AM: What? Behind our backs?
TW: It's just that his lawyers had found a couple things...
AM: What. The. Hell. Did. You. Agree. To?
MR: [Getting really excited] First off we're going to get David Bowie after all!
[TW looks irritated]
AM: Tom?
TW: You see it turns out just eating a cake with a picture of me in the suit on it during a script reading doesn't actually count as having me in the suit during an episode.
AM: You sold us all out because of the Damn suit!?!?!
KK: [scowls] Just wait until you hear what he agreed to for us so he doesn't have to wear the suit.
MR: Oh! And I don't have to shave my head anymore! [Rubs head] I can feel it coming in already!
AM: What did you do?
KK: It's worse than you can possibly imagine, Allison.
AM: [Looks at MR] I can imagine some pretty bad stuff.
MR: But you're going to love it!
KK: No you're not.
TW: She might.
KK: She wont.
MR: Sure she will! How better to bring two great shows to a grand close than all at once?
AM: Two great shows?
MR: Our last five episodes are going to be a huge Battlestar Galactica cross over!
AM: A what?
TW: That doesn't sound so bad, does it?
AM: I'm not sure.
MR: When those weary travellers finally make it to Earth the big bad cylons appear and try to tear everything to hell!
KK: I'm going to tear you to hell!
MR: Lex and Clark have to team up to defeat them together.
AM: How does that work if I'm...
KK: I thought you might ask. Turns out a copy of the cylon god has been on Earth the whole time.
AM: Oh my god.
MR: That's what Chole says when she finally meets her original!
TW: Yeah. Uh. Her cylon programing finally kicks in and... well.
MR: [Jumps up and down] Lex gets to kill her!!!!!!
AM: What!?!?!
KK: That's not the worst part.
AM: What the hell could be worse than Lex killing Chloe?
KK: Turns out that Lana was sort of a cylon too.
MR: There's another copy!!!!!!!
AM: That's ridiculous!
KK: The ridiculous part is there were only two copies. And good copy and a bad copy.
AM: So you have to come back as a bad cylon?
MR: No. The bad cylon was the one that was killed.
KK: The sun is going to shine out of Lana's ass even brighter than ever before the next five episodes. Apparently the good copy is instrumental in helping Clark and Lex save the world.
MR: And then she explodes! Naked!
KK: I hate you.
TW: Allison, are you OK?
AM: You agreed to this because you didn't want to wear the damn suit!?!?
TW: Come on. It's the suit. You understand, don't you?
AM: Lex is going to kill Chloe.
MR: Well, she did turn evil.
TW: Shut up, Michael.
AM: Then he's going to team up with Clark.
MR: Actually they're already teamed up by then.
TW: Not helping!
AM: And Lana gets to help them save the world because you don't want to wear a fraking cape!?!?!
TW: I know it sounds extreme but...
AM: I'll show you extreme!
KK: Kill them. Kill them now.
AM: No. I'm in control of my destiny. [Pulls out her phone] Ron will stop this. He is a sensible man.
KK: Before you call there's something you should know.
AM: No. I'm going to put a stop to this right now! Ron would never...
[Ronald Moore walks in from another room]
RM: Never what?
AM: Ron? But...
RM: Yes, Allison. I'm in on it too. When Tom and Micheal presented it to me I thought it was a great idea.
AM: [Drops her phone in disbelief]
KK & MR & TW & RM: April fool!
AM: Why you....
MR: [His eyes go wide] Duck!
[The four all duck as a tray full of brownies flies toward them]
[Writer's room.]
ED: A crayon?
AoT: No.
JG: Do you even see a crayon here, Durance?
ED: Annette could have one in her purse.
[JG rolls his eyes]
ED: A coin?
AoT: No.
[The sound of a tray clanging against the wall is heard.]
ED: A clang?
JG: Can you see a clang?
ED: You can see something clang.
AoT: It's not a clang.
ED: Hmm... [Looks around the room slowly]
JG: A chair, dammit! A chair!
[Pause]
ED: Oh. [Pause] OK, my turn!
[JG bangs his head on the table]
[TW, KK, & MR return smiling. AM returns fuming]
TW: Shall we get started again?
AM: Whatever.
KK: Oh, come on Allison, lighten up.
ED: Did you guys eat all the brownies?
MR: [Smirking] Allison had a little "accident" with the tray.
AM: Shut up!
MR: I think she's turning evil!
AM: Shut up!
And now back to your regularly scheduled program.
Next
MR: I have to take this.
TW: But...
MR: It's you know who about you know what.
ED: Huh?
TW: I'll go with you. We're going to take a little break.
[MR and TW leave]
AoT: Well that is... unexpected.
ED: I wonder what they're up to?
JG: No good I'll wager.
KK: [Pulling out her phone] I'm going to make a few calls to see if I can find out.
AM: Don't bother. I'll find out what they're up to. [Picks up a tray of brownies] Watch and learn.
[AM exits as well.]
ED: What the hell?
KK: [Phone to her ear] Could you keep it down?
JG: Can I leave too?
KK: [Heading for the door with her phone to her ear] Shhh! You guys stay put. I'll figure it out.
[KK exits]
ED: OK.
[ED, JG, and AoT sit for a moment in silence]
ED: Anybody want to play "I spy?"
[JG rolls his eyes]
ED: I spy with my little eye something that starts with a "T" [pause] Anyone want to guess?
JG: No.
ED: Come on.
AoT: A table.
ED: Dammit! OK. Your turn.
AoT: I spy with my little eye...
[JG bangs his head on the table]
[The break room MR is still on the phone. TW is looking out the window in the door.]
TW: OK, here she comes. Start wrapping things up.
[There's a knock on the door]
MR: Look, I've got to...
[The door opens and AM comes in carrying a plate of brownies]
AM: I brought brownies!
MR: Gotta go! Bye! [Guiltily hangs up the phone]
AM: Who were you talking to, Michael?
TW: Knock much?
AM: I knocked.
TW: And then barged in.
AM: It's my break room too. I thought you might like a snack.
TW: Um. No thanks. Let's go back to reading.
AM: Not until you tell me what you two are up to.
[Loud banging on the door]
TW: Come in!
[KK enters]
KK: Why did you do it Micheal!?!? Why!?!!?
AM & MR: Do what?
TW: Oh my God, it's gotten out already?
AM: Already?
KK: You're in on this too, Tom?
TW: I... uh.
KK: I should freaking kill you! But I'm sure Allison could make it more painful. [To AM] They're all yours Alli.
AM: All mine for what?
MR: Uh... nothing. Nothing all all.
KK: Killing, maiming, torturing. What ever you deem necessary. I'd start with the torture myself.
MR: We didn't...
KK: They re-negotiated with Bryan!
AM: What? Behind our backs?
TW: It's just that his lawyers had found a couple things...
AM: What. The. Hell. Did. You. Agree. To?
MR: [Getting really excited] First off we're going to get David Bowie after all!
[TW looks irritated]
AM: Tom?
TW: You see it turns out just eating a cake with a picture of me in the suit on it during a script reading doesn't actually count as having me in the suit during an episode.
AM: You sold us all out because of the Damn suit!?!?!
KK: [scowls] Just wait until you hear what he agreed to for us so he doesn't have to wear the suit.
MR: Oh! And I don't have to shave my head anymore! [Rubs head] I can feel it coming in already!
AM: What did you do?
KK: It's worse than you can possibly imagine, Allison.
AM: [Looks at MR] I can imagine some pretty bad stuff.
MR: But you're going to love it!
KK: No you're not.
TW: She might.
KK: She wont.
MR: Sure she will! How better to bring two great shows to a grand close than all at once?
AM: Two great shows?
MR: Our last five episodes are going to be a huge Battlestar Galactica cross over!
AM: A what?
TW: That doesn't sound so bad, does it?
AM: I'm not sure.
MR: When those weary travellers finally make it to Earth the big bad cylons appear and try to tear everything to hell!
KK: I'm going to tear you to hell!
MR: Lex and Clark have to team up to defeat them together.
AM: How does that work if I'm...
KK: I thought you might ask. Turns out a copy of the cylon god has been on Earth the whole time.
AM: Oh my god.
MR: That's what Chole says when she finally meets her original!
TW: Yeah. Uh. Her cylon programing finally kicks in and... well.
MR: [Jumps up and down] Lex gets to kill her!!!!!!
AM: What!?!?!
KK: That's not the worst part.
AM: What the hell could be worse than Lex killing Chloe?
KK: Turns out that Lana was sort of a cylon too.
MR: There's another copy!!!!!!!
AM: That's ridiculous!
KK: The ridiculous part is there were only two copies. And good copy and a bad copy.
AM: So you have to come back as a bad cylon?
MR: No. The bad cylon was the one that was killed.
KK: The sun is going to shine out of Lana's ass even brighter than ever before the next five episodes. Apparently the good copy is instrumental in helping Clark and Lex save the world.
MR: And then she explodes! Naked!
KK: I hate you.
TW: Allison, are you OK?
AM: You agreed to this because you didn't want to wear the damn suit!?!?
TW: Come on. It's the suit. You understand, don't you?
AM: Lex is going to kill Chloe.
MR: Well, she did turn evil.
TW: Shut up, Michael.
AM: Then he's going to team up with Clark.
MR: Actually they're already teamed up by then.
TW: Not helping!
AM: And Lana gets to help them save the world because you don't want to wear a fraking cape!?!?!
TW: I know it sounds extreme but...
AM: I'll show you extreme!
KK: Kill them. Kill them now.
AM: No. I'm in control of my destiny. [Pulls out her phone] Ron will stop this. He is a sensible man.
KK: Before you call there's something you should know.
AM: No. I'm going to put a stop to this right now! Ron would never...
[Ronald Moore walks in from another room]
RM: Never what?
AM: Ron? But...
RM: Yes, Allison. I'm in on it too. When Tom and Micheal presented it to me I thought it was a great idea.
AM: [Drops her phone in disbelief]
KK & MR & TW & RM: April fool!
AM: Why you....
MR: [His eyes go wide] Duck!
[The four all duck as a tray full of brownies flies toward them]
[Writer's room.]
ED: A crayon?
AoT: No.
JG: Do you even see a crayon here, Durance?
ED: Annette could have one in her purse.
[JG rolls his eyes]
ED: A coin?
AoT: No.
[The sound of a tray clanging against the wall is heard.]
ED: A clang?
JG: Can you see a clang?
ED: You can see something clang.
AoT: It's not a clang.
ED: Hmm... [Looks around the room slowly]
JG: A chair, dammit! A chair!
[Pause]
ED: Oh. [Pause] OK, my turn!
[JG bangs his head on the table]
[TW, KK, & MR return smiling. AM returns fuming]
TW: Shall we get started again?
AM: Whatever.
KK: Oh, come on Allison, lighten up.
ED: Did you guys eat all the brownies?
MR: [Smirking] Allison had a little "accident" with the tray.
AM: Shut up!
MR: I think she's turning evil!
AM: Shut up!
And now back to your regularly scheduled program.
Next
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