Bounty by KK & AoT Part III

as retold by jwm (with help from RepairmanBob, Bill C, PhantonChic, and Maniac64)

AM: At least Clark's scenes don't consist of ordering around mindless clones and flirting with the Pillsbury Dough boy.
AoT: The boy bangs an imaginary cymbal. Chloe...
MR: Looks even more annoyed?
AoT: Kind of like Kristen right now. "Sorry, it's a joke. You know. The rhyme?"
KK: "I'm familiar with the rhyme. Turn around."
[MR turns around]
KK: Not you, Michael.
MR: Oh, sorry.
AoT: The deliver boy turns around. "You're not going to spit in it are you? You know we could loose our sanitation certificate if I deliver a pie with spit on it."
KK: Meanwhile Chloe pulls out a chunk of red K and files a bit onto the pie. "Don't worry. I'm not spitting on it."
AM: She what?
KK: She whispers to herself, "That ought to loosen Clark up a little."
TW: Loosen him up!?!?! What are you up to?
MR: You worried yet, Tom?
TW: No!
JG: Who knows what she'll have Clark do on red K.
TW: Canonically whatever he does under red K isn't his fault.
KK: Canon shmanon. As she puts the red K away, "There, all done."
AoT: The boy turns back around, "What'd you do?"
KK: Sly smile, "Just sweetened it up a little."
AoT: "Sweetened it up. Heh." He winks. "Can't say I haven't seen this before. It's for your boyfriend, huh?"
KK: "What are you implying?"
AoT: "Oh, nothing. Nothing at all, Senorita. Give me his address and I'll just be buzzing along on my way."
MR: She gave Clark the Kryptonian equivalent of a Spanish fly!
TW: Now hold on a second!
JG: Is he going to impregnate Lois?
ED: What!?!?! I thought we killed that plot line!
KK: Don't worry. He's not going to impregnate Lois.
MR: Chloe?
AM: Oh, god.
KK: No!
TW: Whew.
KK: So you think you dodged bullet, huh?
JG: Wait. He's going to impregnate Martha?
TW: There's no way!
AM: Clark did already kill his father.
TW: He did not!
AM: Metaphorically. But is the guild really going to look favorably on a rip off of Oedipus?
KK: I'm not ripping of Oedipus!!!!!
TW: Thank heaven.
KK: Chloe hands him a piece of paper, "Here's the address. Tell him it's from Lois."
ED: She's going to blame it on Lois?
AoT: Why not? It's not as if we can do much more damage to Clark's opinion of her.
ED: Hey!
AoT: "Lois. Right. Any message?"
KK: "Just that she hopes he enjoys it."
AoT: He eyes Chloe lustily, "I'm sure he will. Good luck tonight, not that you'll need it!"

KK: Cut to Lex's office. For exposition hell. Hope waits as Lex talks on the phone. "...I assure you, Governor, as it stands the Slab will be ready only a month behind our original schedule. No more. Yes, of course the guard was fired. Thank you, sir." He hangs up and address Hope. "Hope, I think I have actually had my fill of politicians for the day."
AoT: "Should I bring in the construction foreman?"
KK: "She can wait. What's the status of Vault Black?"
AoT: "Repairs there are proceeding ahead of schedule. Whatever happened in there mainly caused structural damage, so none of the primary facilities were seriously affected apart from access ways and the security cameras--the footage from the ones that survived intact showed that apparently Subject C36--" Noticing Lex looking at her askance she self corrects, "...Chloe Sullivan was brought there against her will by..."
KK: "Milton Fine."
AoT: Hope seems surprised.
KK: "Ms. Sullivan and I have... been in touch."
AoT: "Yes, sir. The thing is it wasn't actually Fine, more like something impersonating him, some sort of machine. All we really know for certain is that it apparently possessed some sort of polymorphic ability, it disabled the guards outside Vault Black itself, and that it nearly killed Ms. Sullivan before she somehow managed to paralyze and destroy it."
KK: "It was Fine alright." Lex looks thoughtful, "How much footage survived?"
AoT: "Not much, sir, outside of one of the control-implant chambers. However, Security also identified three mutants who were with Fine, or whatever it was, and had been subdued some time before Fine's destruction."
TW: Wasn't this all covered. I don't know, in the previous episode?
KK: Yes, but the guild members...
JG: Don't watch this crappy show.
KK: Thanks, John.
TW: And "Previously on Smallville"?
KK: The guild frowns on that sort of thing. Lex accesses and watches the security footage on his computer, "What happened to Fine's accomplices?"
AoT: "Transferred to a 33.1 facility though they no longer seem to exhibit any meteor based abilities."
KK: "Cured."
AoT: "Shall I release them?"
KK: "No." He turns off the security footage, "I want updated security reports from all divisions. For the time being any discrepancies are to be investigated, no matter how inconsequential."
AoT: "I'll get on it."
KK: "All right. Thank you, Hope, that's all."
AoT: Hope exits.
KK: Lex looks thoughtful for a moment, then turns on the TV in his office and watches a news broadcast.
AoT: A female reporter stands on the site of the slab incident. Erica?
ED: "--PR for LuthorCorp has already announced that while the riot and ensuing damage to this billion-dollar project has delayed its opening, the decision to open it at all has not been affected. Shortly after that announcement was made, Governor Smith and U.S. Senator Martha Kent issued a joint statement saying that 'the Slab is not intended to become another Abu Ghraib--it is only meant as a means of dealing with those, meta-human and otherwise, for whom normal judicial means are inadequate.' From the Slab outside Metropolis, this is Evelyn Te--"
KK: Lex turns off the TV.
ED: Dammit!
KK: "Inadequate. How right you are..."

AoT: Kent farm. Clark, sweaty, shirtless, and sexy from working on the farm...
TW: Annette?
AoT: What? You've got to give... the fans what they want, right?
[TW shakes his head]
AoT: Anyway sexy shirtless Tom super speeds into the kitchen and gets a drink of water. The door bell rings. It's the deliver boy, "Who needs to fill their pie hole?"
MR: Clark, apparently.
KK: "Excuse me?"
AoT: Handing Clark the pie, "Complements of the pie hole that never shuts."
TW: Again?
KK: Tom, does your pie whole ever shut?
TW: I...
KK: Thank you. "Pie?"
AoT: "Not just pie! A deluxe apple pie!"
KK: "Hurray!"
TW: Hurray?
KK: Shut your pie hole, Tom. "Who -"
AoT: "You are one lucky guy having a sexy girl like that sending you this delicious pastry."
KK: "But –"
AoT: As he walks off, "Lois said she hopes you enjoy it." He winks, "If you know what I mean."
KK: Clark gives him an confused look.
JG: Now there's a surprise.
TW: Shut up!
KK: "Lois? God, I bet she can even ruin a pie someone else baked."
ED: What?
KK: Clark cuts a piece and takes a bite. There is a slight red glow on the pie.
TW: Why do I have a feeling this isn't going to end well?
MR: Because you dared Kristin to make Clark look worse?
ED: I don't care what happens as long as Lois doesn't end up pregnant.
[TW glares at ED]
ED: What?
KK: "That's... not bad." He takes another bite, "Wow." He super-speed eats the piece, then cuts another one.
TW: Superspeeding pie? Come on!
KK: "Damn, that is a tasty pie." Clark eats the entire pie.
TW: He eats the whole pie!?!?
KK: In superspeed. His eyes glow red.
KK: Clark wipes his crust covered mouth with...
AoT: ...his sweaty naked forearm.
KK: "I need to remember to order from those guys again."
TW: Oh. My. God.

continued...