Bounty by KK & AoT Part VIII

as retold by RepairmanBob (with help from Bill C, jwm, PhantonChic, and Maniac64)

KK: Clark and Lobo are walking down the street.
AM: Are they tolding hands?
MR: They are totally holding hands.
TW: They are not holding hands!
ED: And prancing. They are holding hands and prancing.
TW: I do not prance!
KK: Well, Clark does. A large pile of wrecked and burning National Guard vehicles covering the road behind them.
TW: Oh, come on! How the fuck are you going to pay for that?
AoT: [smiles] I'm sure Dawn will figure out something.
TW: You didn't get sponsors?
AoT: If I had not been so busy cleaning motor oil out of my hair for the past few weeks, I would have had more time for that! Clark turns to Lobo. "Dude, we need some beer money."
TW: Clark doesn't talk like Ashtin Kutcher!
JG: He does this week.
KK: Lobo grins. "Check it out." He points to a well-dressed family leaving a movie theater. A poster for The Mask of Zorro can be seen behind the son.
MR: [Frowns] Wait, that sounds familiar.
KK: "Hello beer money." Lobo pulls out a large gun. "Yo! I'm the Main Man and I get respect!" He points the gun at the father. "Your cash and your jewelry are what I expect!"
MR: Damn, I should know this.
TW: [Scowls]
AoT: That father begs for mercy, and hands over his wallet. The wife takes off her rings and a pearl necklace.
TW: So now Clark is robbing a helpless family?
MR: Robbing a family...
ED: Hehehe... pearl necklace.
JG: I bet Lobo will give Clark a very nice pearl necklace.
AoT: Clark laughs. "I knew you would love the Beastie Boys!"
ED: OK, I call bullshit, Kristin.
TW: Thank –
ED: There is not way Clark listens to the Beastie Boys.
TW: [bangs head on table]
KK: It's worth it for the joke. Clark's phone rings. He pulls out his cell phone. Called ID shows it is Martha. Offscreen, we hear the sound of gunshots. Clark turns and sees both of the parents are down. Lobo points the gun at the boy. Clark runs as Lobo fires his gun.
TW & MR: [Stand up] No!
KK: [Ignoring them] Clark stops the bullet just before it hits the boy. He uses heat vision to destroy the gun.
MR: This is bullshit!
TW: What the fuck!
MR: You can't do this! It ruins everything!
TW: Exactly!
KK: [Smiling] I can do anything I want. It is my episode.
TW: You made Clark a killer!
JG: Technically, Lobo fired the –
TW: Shut the fuck up, John!
MR: The movie division will blackball us!
AoT: Michael, I think you are overreacting just a –
MR: Goddammit, it's Batman!
TW&ED&AM&JG: WHAT!
MR: These two morons just had Clark and Lobo kill Bruce Wayne's parents!
KK: [smiling] No we didn't.
MR: Stop lying! [Looks frantic] Nolan could be here any minute! [He counts off his using his fingers.] Gotham, family comes out of Mask of Zorro, botched robbery, mom has a pearl necklace – this is Batman!
TW: [Looks in confusion at MR, then back to KK and AoT] Clark killed Batman's parents?
AoT: [Small smile] No he didn't.
MR: [Voice raising] Stop it! You can't fuck up Batman! This is serious!
KK: Relax, Michael.
MR: But –
KK: It was another family.
TW: But –
KK: We never mention the Waynes. We have deniability. Clark helped kill some other family.
TW: You can't do this! It is completely unfair!
AoT: You should have thought about that when I told you to get the producers!
MR: [Looks suspicious] Another family?
TW: No, Michael! You know they are lying!
KK: It's not the Waynes. Cross my heart.
AM: What heart?
TW: Goddammit, Michael! What about Clark?
MR: Who cares about Clark? This is Batman we are talking about!
TW: [Looks pissed] I'm calling for a veto! I refuse to let you turn Clark Kent into a murdered over some petty grudge against me!
KK: [Smiles] Fine, let's have a vote.
AM: I'm in if we can also cut out the Chloe drugging Clark part.
TW: Absolutely. Erica?
ED: [Glances at KK] I don't think so.
TW&AM: What?
ED: Sorry, Tom. But there is another version of the Lois scenes where I'm incompetent and get scooped by the Inquisitor. Plus there's a scene I really like coming up.
[TW and AM look between ED and KK in disbelief. JG looks to KK who nods. He flips to the end of the script and skims the last two pages.]
JG: I vote against as well.
KK: That's four against. Overruled.
TW: [Starts to shout] This is bullshit! I have been killing myself for weeks keeping this show running! You can't do this!
KK: [Evil grin] Those words, you keep saying them. I do not think they mean what you think they mean.
AoT: I told you there would be consequences if you did not get rid of Bryan and the other producers, Tom.
TW: [Shouting, face turning red] This is not fair!
KK: So get even with me in your next script! Oh wait – you can't! Lana's dead! [Laughs]
TW: To hell with you both! I'm taking this to Dawn! [Storms out]
KK: [Shouts out the door] How does season six look now, Tom? I bet Promise is looking pretty damn good?
JG: Let's not get crazy here
AM: [Looks at KK and AoT] Do you really think that was a good idea?
KK: No, it was a great idea!
AoT: When I give someone a job, I expect them to do it. Let this be a lesson to the rest of you. Where were we?
KK: Clark stops the bullet just before it hits the boy. He uses heat vision to destroy the gun.
AoT: Thank you. "Oww!" Lobo drops the melted gun. "What the hell, Kal?"
KK: [Whining voice] "You killed them!"
JG: We could have kept Tom here is Clark was just going to whine and cry about it.
AoT: I wrote it with that in mind. I did not think Tom would throw such a fit. Lobo pushes Clark. "So?"
ED: Awww, their first lover's quarrel.
JG: Soon to be followed by their first make-up sex.
ED: Something Clark is quite familiar with thanks to Lex.
KK: [even more pathetic voice] "He gave you the money! Why'd you kill him?"
AM: Aren't you taking this a bit far?
KK: It's my last episode! I deserve to have some fun!
AoT: "Why not?"
KK: [starts to tear up] "You... you can't just kill people!"
AM: [Looks disgusted, stands up] I would have expected this kind of short sited character assassination from you, Annette.
AoT: Thank you, dear.
AM: But damnit, Kristin, didn't you learn anything from all our fighting?
KK: Watch it, or I can put the Chlones in those black bikinis Michael asked for.
AM: Fuck this. I'm going to go see if Tom is alright. [Walks out.]

Continued...