Prelude to Bounty

as retold by jwm (with help from RepairmanBob, Bill C, PhantonChic, and Maniac64)

[Everybody sits around the writer's table as KK and AoT enter with their scripts]
MR: So this is your last episode as a head writer right KK?
AM: Thank heaven.
MR: Should we all be worried?
KK: I don't think you have much to worry about Michael. Besides, this is the script I'm sending into the Screen Writers' Guild to see if I can join.
JG: You're serious about that?
KK: Well I have to do something now that I'm finally off of this show.
TW: I'm really focusing more on how she emphasized that Michael didn't need to worry. Who should?
[AoT and KK exchange glances and smiles]
KK: You're not worried, are you, Tom? I mean, wasn't it you who said that you weren't afraid of me?
[KK pulls out a small notebook and opens it]
KK: Ah yes here it is: "So tell me, Kristin, after this season, what could you possibly do to make Clark look worse? I am begging you, tell me, because I can't think of a goddamn thing!" Wasn't that what you said?
TW: You wrote that down?
KK: Well of course. What else is a little black book for if not for writing down who your targets are.
AM: I don't think that's what little black books are usually for.
MR: And it was months ago!
KK: Recent events haven't exactly helped either.
TW: Michael is the one responsible for that idiot Whedon!
MR: Don't go throwing me under the bus, Tom! I am afraid of her!
KK: And that's why Lex is safe. Besides, what has Tom done to get rid of that terrible trio?
AoT: Brad is the worst! My hair still smells!
TW: I'm doing all I can... and I'd do more if I didn't have to deal with you all running around making ridiculously expensive and idiotic promos.
AoT: I loved my promo!
KK: But you haven't changed your mind. Have you?
TW: No. I doubt there is anything you could do to make Clark worse than he was last season.
KK: [smiling evilly] We'll see.
TW: Great. So I assume Clark is your target this time?
KK: Well who else is there? Michael and Erica are too easy.
ED & MR: Hey!
KK: [ignoring them] Annette and John are my allies. [JG nods] And Allison and I already had our war. You're the only challenge left.
JG: This should be interesting.
AoT: Oh, I think it will be.
TW: Whatever. I trust my co-workers. If you do anything too bad it will just get vetoed anyway.
KK: Yeah, cause that always worked so well for Allison.
AM: And after you ruined all of our promos?
TW: That wasn't me that was...
KK: The folks you failed to get rid of?
TW: You don't understand...
ED: I understand my promo was ruined! And I'm still finding body paint in places I...
AM: TMI, Erica, TMI.
TW: I'm just saying if you all weren't undermining everything I've been trying to...
KK: I'm not going to sit here and listen to one of your patronizing sermons, Tom.
TW: It isn't enough you're already making my life a living hell? You have to go after Clark?
AoT: You still haven't gotten rid of those god awful interlopers.
TW: I'm doing the best...
AoT: Obviously that's not good enough. Kristin and I believe you need a little... incentive. Think of it as us helping you raise the bar.
TW: What?
KK: That and it's fun to see you angry.
AM: You are one sick puppy.
KK: Thank you. Let's get started shall we? Lex is sitting at his desk going over some files.
AoT: Hope walks in escorting a short man in a cheap suit and a bowler hat.
KK: "Mr. Luthor, I have a Mr. Ferret here that would like to speak with you.
AM: Mr. Ferret?
KK: It's a reference. Not that I'd expect any of you guys to have seen Firefly.
TW: You and your references.
AoT: We're going to tell them about the changes to Revolt first though, right?
TW: You're making changes to my episode too!?!?!
KK: Nothing major. It's been cleared up through Dawn.
MR: Worried yet?
TW: No! I'm pissed!
AoT: We're altering the last Lionel scene.
JG: The MB is back!
KK: Desert. Cue card, "Phantom Zone."
ED: You put Lionel in the Phantom Zone?
KK: No. The Martian Manhunter runs and ducks behind the ruins of a clay hut. He looks around desperately.
ED: The Martian Manhunter is in the phantom zone? How'd he get there?
KK: Banished by Zod. Please pay attention.
AoT: Cut to a man and a woman following him. I'll read the woman. Michael, will you read for the man?
MR: Sure. "Where is your precious Jor-El now, martian?"
AoT: "Did he finally tire of his pet?"
MR: "How does it feel to finally be on the other side of the hunt?"
KK: John spots the gateway from season six and makes a run for it.
MR: "That's it. Keep running, manhunter. There's no where for you to go."
KK: Once at the gateway John places his palm on the S symbol and it lights up. "An urgent message... for the emissary of Jor-El."
AoT: Cut back to the zoners. "He's signaling someone."
ED: We don't get to hear the message?
KK: No.
ED: Why not?
AoT: For one it's not important.
KK: And two I need to keep it ambiguous to gain John's support.
TW: Why does John care about Martian Manhunter?
JG: I don't.
KK: Not yet. Be patient.
MR: "Doesn't matter. There's no one to signal."
AoT: The two zoners catch up and circle John menacingly, "Your master is dead, martian. He cannot help you from the grave."
KK: "Jor-El's legacy lives on!"
MR: "Only as long as Darkseid wills it." The man lunges for John.
KK: "The fate of Earth lies in your hands, Lionel Luthor."
JG: Oh, maybe I do like this scene.
TW: You're putting the Earth in Lionel's hands?!?!?
JG: Sweet!
AM: The Earth is so screwed.
JG: It sure as hell is.
MR: Worried yet?
TW: Shut up!!
AoT: The zoners tackle John and as his hand comes away from the portal there's a dissonant buzzing as the picture washes out. We switch immediately to a close up of Lionel startling as if he's just awoken from a bad dream. He's sitting in his office.
KK: Otis is staring at him. He looks down at some Kryptonian scrawl on Lionel's notepad. "You OK, boss?"
AoT: Lionel looks down and ponders the symbols for a moment. "I'm fine. I have a task for you."
KK: Thus ends the changes.
ED: That wasn't so bad was it?
TW: No. But why not put it in your teaser? Why do you have to go and change our episode!
ED: Because she could?
AM: Because she knew it could piss you off?
TW: I mean besides those.
KK: I need a better reason?
MR: I liked it.
TW: Shut up, Michael. This is about principle! She should leave our creative work alone!
AoT: Now you know how we felt about you butting in on every single one of our promos.

continued...