Bounty by KK & AoT Part VI

as retold by jwm (with help from RepairmanBob, Bill C, PhantonChic, and Maniac64)

AoT: Now a Montage of Clark and Lobo committing crimes set to heavy metal music.
TW: Crimes?
KK: Either that or shopping together to Air Supply.
TW: Excuse me?
KK: Turns out the rights to "Making Love out of Nothing at All" are cheap.
MR: Personally I'd go with the crime spree.
KK: Tom?
[TW bangs his head on the table]
KK: I thought as much. Highlights include stacking police cars on top of one another, taking turns ripping ATMs off walls and pocketing the money, setting fire to a museum and beating up a clown at a children's birthday party.
TW: Beating up a clown? Are you sick?
MR: You can pretend it's the Joker!
TW: Is it the joker?
KK: No.
AM: Is it a nice clown?
JG: Is there such a thing?
AoT: We were thinking Crusty.
MR: You shouldn't feel too bad about that.
TW: But at a children's party?
MR: Well you can't have everything.
KK: End the montage with Clark and Lobo at a strip club. Clark looks bored.
ED: At a strip club? Is Kal gay?
KK: Erica, have you even been paying the slightest bit of attention?
ED: I just listen for certain key words.
TW: Key words?
ED: Yeah, like "Lois". And "strip".
AM: Clark is wearing another man's tight leather pants. What do you think?
KK: Lobo is having a great time. "Ya-hoo! Shake it baby!" He looks at Clark, "What the hell, Kal? Why so down?"
AM: His lover's decidedly heterosexual affinity for strippers has bruised his ego?
TW: Clark is not gay!
AM: Bi-sexual then.
TW: Shut up!
AoT: "'Bo, I've done the Metropolis thing."
ED: Pet names for each other already? How sweet.
TW: Hush, Erica.
AoT: "Sure, it was fun, but it's all been there, stole that, broke that –"
KK: "Why didn't you say so? I'm sure we can find some other place to roll." Lobo pulls out an alien Blackberry.
MR: I don't think the real Lobo is supposed to be into electronic gadgets.
AM: Or placating depressed lovers.
TW: Shut up!
KK: We need a little product placement to pay for the episode. "Guy who hires me downloaded all kinds of crap about this planet in here."
KK: He shakes his head. "For frell's sake, these humans love the violence! I've been to prison worlds with lower homicide rates!" After taping a few keys he grins, "Ah, now this looks like a fun place to party."

AoT: Cut to a long shot of a limousine moving down a busy street in Metropolis.
ED: Kal and Lobo rented a limo?
KK: No. It's Lex.
MR: Sweet! Mini bar at the shoot!
TW: We don't have budget...
MR: Tightwad.
AoT: There's a newscaster voice over. Erica?
ED: Cool. "Authorities are still trying to identify the person who has claimed responsibility for the destruction of three buildings in south Metropolis today. While he would only identify himself as either 'El Lobo'...."
MR: You've got to say it "Llllllllobo."
ED: "Lllllobo?"
MR: No. "Llllllllobo."
ED: "Llllllobo?"
MR: No. It's...
AoT: You know what? Good enough. Just continue, Erica.
ED: "or 'the Main Man,' however..."
KK: Cut to the inside of the limousine. Lex and Hope are present, watching a small TV screen. Cut for a few seconds to the screen, showing that the newscaster who has been talking is standing in front of a fast food restaurant that is on fire.
ED: "...it appears that he has an accomplice he calls 'Cal.' An anonymous source at the Metropolis Police Department claims that this Cal may be a gang member who disappeared years ago--"
AoT: Lex mutes the TV.
ED: But...
KK: You won't get to do the voice over in the episode anyway, Erica.
ED: Eh, I suppose you're right. Still rude muting me like that.
MR: Yeah. I just wish I could do it in real life.
ED: Quiet.
KK: Lex, "The evacuation is proceeding as planned?"
AoT: Hope answers, "Some good news...at last report critical personnel from the weapons research facility near where Lobo apparently started his search had been moved to our secondary data center at the docks, but when he...went out for barbecue...that took him further away from the other facilities. I have evac teams on standby, but I think we're okay."
KK: "Excellent. So we just wait for him to--" Lex looks briefly concerned, "Wait. What did they just say?"
AoT: "Sir?"
KK: Lex turns up the volume. Cut to a live shot of the flaming restaurant, as the newscaster is talking to a man covered in soot. Michael, you want to read the shouting man on the street?
MR: Sure. "--the [bleep] did they have to torch my place for?!? I made them all the [bleep] ribs the big guy could carry and then this 'Cal' guy literally shows up out of nowhere and [bleep] melts the grills with his [bleep] eyes! While [bleep] laughing! What the [bleep]?!?"
TW: You think you got enough beeps in there?
KK: The uncensored version is going to the guild. Gives the script a little bit of an edge.
TW: Whatever.
KK: Plus it'll be hilarious on TV.
TW: This is supposed to be a family show!
KK: Maybe season one. Have you watched recently?
AM: She's got you there.
ED: Whew.
TW: What?
ED: I heard the word "family show" and thought maybe I'd signed up for the wrong gig.
AoT: Erica, your line?
ED: Oh, uh... "What did this Cal look like?"
MR: "I didn't get that good a look. I mean, he was [bleep] melting [bleep] with his [bleep] eyes!" The man scowls at newscaster, then stomps off-camera. "WHERE THE [BLEEP] IS MY INSURANCE AGENT?!?" That's funny. Tom you gotta admit that's funny.
TW: Whatever. Personally I don't find potty mouths funny.
MR: Chill, man. Ever since Al & Miles left you've walked around like you've got a giant stick up your ass!
TW: I you had any idea the pressure...
MR: Yeah, yeah. You think I don't know pressure? Go whine to somebody who hasn't been tasked with making bald look sexy seven years straight.
KK: Cut to a close shot of Lex. "They called this Cal his...accomplice..." he pounds fist on armrest, "Dammit! Is he playing with us?"
AoT: "You don't think he's actually in cahoots with--"
MR: Cahoots. Heh I love that word.
KK: And here I thought you be upset that Lex's plan has gone south.
MR: I thought we said it was win-win? Lex can't lose.
AM: Lex can always lose.
JG: And usually does.
MR: Shut up.
KK: Lex waves at the unseen chauffeur, "Take me back to LuthorCorp. Wait--take me home." He looks towards Hope, "Hope? Get me Ferret. Now."

AoT: Cut to Lionel's office. As we pan across Otis wheels a cart out of the room holding part of the Apokoliptian equipment, as Lionel and MM watch him leave. John addresses Lionel, "I must find Kal-El at once. It is now imperative that he begin his training immediately."
AM: Hasn't his bio-dad been saying that for years now? Why's Clark going to react any different this time?
TW: Maybe now that Lana's dead...
AM: Oh, yeah. Forget I asked.
KK: "That's not a bad idea, but it might well be too late now for that."
AoT: J'onn walks across the room in front of the desk, "He is not ready to face Darkseid."
KK: "Clark's already faced him once."
MR: Yeah. Didn't he just make things worse?
TW: Quiet.
AoT: "That was with the assistance of Zod. If he faces him alone...I fear he will not survive. And your world may not survive as well, Lionel Luthor."

continued...