Bounty by KK & AoT Part IV

as retold by jwm (with help from RepairmanBob, Bill C, PhantonChic, and Maniac64)


KK: Clark checks out his clothes and grimaces, "God, I hate flannel."
AoT: But he's shirtless!
KK: Right. There's a shirt hanging on the chair.
TW: At least red K Clark and I agree about something.
KK: He runs to his room and rifles through his clothes, flannel shirts and blue jeans flying everywhere. "Crap, crap, crap. I need new clothes." He smiles and super speeds out.
ED: So red K Clark is headed for the Gap?
KK: No.
AM: Abercrombie and Finch?
KK: Nope.
MR: Where?

AoT: Cut to a Biker bar.
TW: Just freaking great.
AoT: A juke box plays old school rock & roll. It is dark, smoky and sleazy.
KK: The double doors open revealing a smirking Clark, back-lit by bright sunlight.
AoT: Still shirtless.
TW: [sighs]
KK: Clark looks around and walks up to a large man playing pool. "Those are some nice looking pants."
TW: Excuse me?
AoT: Good Tom. That's the look the man gives Clark.
KK: "Why don't you take them off?"
TW: Kristin...
AoT: The man laughs, "No thanks, brother. I don't swing that way." He turns back to the game.
KK: Clark grins and lifts him into the air, "I wasn't asking."
AoT: Another man breaks his pool cue over Clark's head.
KK: Clark backhands him into a juke box.
TW: Great. Just great.
KK: A brawl breaks out and Clark laughs as he tosses the bikers around.
MR: Scared yet, Tom?

KK: A Metropolis alley. Lobo sits on his bike. Ferret hands him a file. John?
JG: "That should be everything you need to locate your target."
KK: Looking through file, "A Kryptonian? You want me to whack a Kryptonian?"
JG: "Is that a problem?"
KK: "Hell no! I haven't killed a Kryptonian in years! Frag me, I would have done the job for half price if you'd a told me!"
JG: Ferret grins, "Fortunately for my commission, that is not an issue."
KK: He hands the file back, "Anything else?"
JG: "Kal-El has something of a hero complex."
TW: A hero complex? He is a hero!
KK: Whatever helps you sleep at night, Tom. "A hero? I never get tired of kicking do-gooder ass."
JG: "If you cause a bit of a ruckus, it may help to get his attention."
KK: Lobo like the idea, "A bit of a ruckus?"
JG: "Extensive property damage, some riots, a large body count – I will leave it to your discretion."
KK: "Just what I like to hear." He rides out of the alley, flies through traffic shooting at random, "Bring out your beer and your babes! The Main Man is in town! Where are ya, Kal-El, ya lazy bastich?"
TW: I really don't think I like where this is going.
AM: Does Chloe get to save Clark from Lobo?
KK: Hmmm. No.
ED: Lois?
KK: No.
MR: Lobo kills him!
KK: No.
TW: Then who...?
[AoT smiles]
MR: Oh, not another yellow crayon speech!
AoT: I didn't say anything.
MR: Please tell me Martha isn't going to sway Lobo with some crappy little yellow crayon speech!
KK: Shut up, Michael.
MR: But...
JG: Maybe that and some homemade apple pie.
AM: Fighting pie with pie. I like it.
MR: If Martha's pie turns Lobo good I'll barf.
ED: Why? It turned Lionel good.
JG: It did no such thing! Lionel is evil to the core!
AoT: No, I think Martha's pie turned him good.
JG: Annette, how could you say such a thing?
MR: Her pie or her 'pie'.
TW: Oh, god! Please stop!
AoT: I think we all know which of Martha's pies interests Lionel most.
TW: I said stop!!!!
JG: OK. Well, maybe that kind of pie could turn a man good. A heterosexual man, I mean.
TW: [Covers his ears] La la la!!!!!! I can't hear you!!!!!!

KK: Back at the now ruined biker bar Clark is zipping up the leather pants that were formerly on the Large Man. He looks down at the unconscious, now pants-free man.
TW: I swear.
AoT: "Yes, these are some fine looking pants."
KK: Even though they're like at least one size to small.
AoT: That's what makes them fine looking.
[TW puts his head in his hands]
KK: Clark looks around. "Now, who has a shirt?"
[TW bangs his head on the table.]

AoT: The we run a few commercials to pay for this next scene.
KK: And come back to a close up of a television, showing a helicopter view of a police chase.
AoT: The News Broadcaster -- Erica, you want to do this?
ED: Sure! I love pretending to be in the news bizz! "This rampage through downtown Metropolis has continued for more than a hour, with the MPD unable to contain the motorcycle riding madman."
AoT: The Camera zooms in on Lobo leading a Blues Brothers-esque train of police cars. Lobo is drinking from a liter bottle of Jack Daniels and weaving in and out of traffic.
MR: You go, man!
ED: "Oh my God! He is heading right for that school bus!"
AoT: At the last minute, Lobo rides straight up out of frame. The bus narrowly misses the police cars, which quickly crash into one another. He reappears next to the helicopter.
KK: "Did you see that? Fraggin' classic! Hey, Kal, where are you? Too scared to come out and fight a real man? Com on, ya sissy!" Lobo looks past the camera, "Hey, you know where I can get some decent grub around here?"
AoT: Pull away for TV to show it's inside a bar, the Atlantis. Lobo sits at a table covered in empty bottles and chicken wings, laughing.
KK: "Damn, that does not stop being funny! Got to say, the man was right – these are some tasty wings." He burps, "Frag me, who do you have to kill to a little service?"
AoT: Lobo walks to the bar.
KK: To the bartender, "Hey! The Main Man is thirsty! Screw it, I'll do it myself!"
AoT: He rips the top off of the bar and pulls out a keg. He bites a hole in the bottom and pours the beer down his throat. After a few seconds, he tosses the empty away, eliciting screams.
KK: "Now that's more like it!" He reaches for another keg.
AoT: A hand taps Lobo on the shoulder. The unseen Man, "You're in my spot."
KK: Ignoring him, "Blow me!"
TW: Can we say that?
KK: We can say it. Unfortunately we can't show it.
AoT: The unseen man punches Lobo into a table full of women.
KK: As he stands up, "Hey ladies! No, work first, babes second!" He shakes his head, then sniffs like a dog. "Hold on, you smell like a... Kryptonian."
AoT: Pan back to a smiling tight leather clad Clark.
KK: "Kal-El, right?"
AoT: "Kal is fine."
KK: Grinning, "Good booze, tasty eats, hot bitches and the bounties just walk up and say hello. Frell me, I love this world!"
AoT: Lobo punches Clark in the jaw, slamming him into the air and against a brick wall.
KK: "Let's go!"
AoT: Lobo and Clark brawl, laying waste to Atlantis, laughing all the while.
TW: [Bangs head on table]
AoT: "Hold on!"
KK: Pointing a knife at Clark, "Why?"
AoT: "Look at how much damage we did fighting each other. Can you imagine how much fun we could have together?"
TW: Excuse me?
JG: Did Clark just... make a pass at Lobo?
KK: Lobo is suspicious, "What are you talking about, Kryptonian?"
MR: Of course he is. Lobo doesn't swing that way!
AoT: "You know, as a team."
KK: "I don't know what you've heard, son, but I don't think we play for the same team."
MR: Preach it Lobo!
TW: Clark doesn't play on that team either!
KK: Since when?
AoT: "What's the matter? Afraid to give it a try?"
TW: Please tell me you're joking.
KK: "I'm not afraid of nothin'." He hesitates, "Alright, I'll give your way a shot."
MR: No! You can't do HoYay with Lobo!
JG: Why not?
MR: Because... it's Lobo!
KK: Whatever. Lobo laughs, "I can always kill you later. But first, let's finish the beer!"
AoT: "Damn straight." Lobo tosses Kal a keg.

continued...