Bounty by KK & AoT Part II

as retold by jwm (with help from RepairmanBob, Bill C, PhantonChic, and Maniac64)

AoT: Act one begins with Lois dropping in on Clark.
ED: Yay, Lois!
KK: Clark seems surprised she's there, "Finally taking a break from your one woman alien hunt? What's the grand occasion, Lois?"
AoT: "You know, Smallville, if you make half as much fun of Chloe's conspiracy theories as you do mine I can't really blame her for putting herself in seclusion."
AM: Seclusion?
KK: That's actually Clark's line.
AM: Why is Chloe in seclusion?
KK: I don't like her.
AoT: "I'm worried about her, Clark. I've called almost everyday this week and haven't talked to her once. I'll get a voice message or email back that she's fine... but I don't know. Something just doesn't feel right."
AM: What's not right is Kristin wrote this episode.
AoT: You ought to count your blessings, Allison. The less Chloe shows up in this episode the better.
AM: Are you saying I'm not going to like my scenes?
AoT: I'm not saying anything.
KK: "Maybe she just needs some time alone. You understand that, no?"
AoT: "Yeah, sure. With Ted out on assignment.... it's been great! All this time to myself! And... well is it too much to ask for a girl's night out? I hate being alone, Clark!"
KK: "Not everyone does."
MR: Especially if the alternative is spending time with Lois.
ED: Shut up.
AoT: "Right." Lois turns to leave. "I'll take that as my not so subtle cue to leave."
KK: "Lois, I didn't mean..."
MR: Oh, yes he did.
ED: Shut up!
AoT: "Just promise you'll check in on her for me, really talk to her, not just a voice mail. And I'll be leaving you to your fortress of solitude."
KK: "Seriously, Lois, you can stay if you want."
ED: See, Michael? Clark wants Lois to stay.
MR: And you say that... because Clark never lies to her?
ED: Shut up!
AoT: "It's OK, Clark, between now and the next Kal-El sighting I have enough footage of the incident at the slab to occupy my free time for weeks. The DVR is my new best friend."
KK: Clark gulps. "You're studying video footage from the slab? Why?"
AoT: "One of the Spartan helmets came off. It's my first honest to goodness shot at figuring out what they looks like!" She does her stupid little arm punch thing and tells Clark she'll see him around.
KK: "So you haven't gotten a good look at it's face?"
AoT: "Not yet. They're so fast the picture is way too blurry."
KK: "I'm sorry."
AoT: "And OK, so maybe it's also because I'm not the greatest behind a camera either but I'm hoping there's something salvageable. When you do get in touch with Chloe put a good word in for me. Once she finally decides to come out of hiding I could really use her computing skills to clear up the video picture"
KK: Lois exits and Clark picks up his phone.

AoT: Cut to a tight shot of an answering machine.
KK: It shows an obscene number of "old" messages. There's a ring and then Chloe's voice answers.
AoT: Meanwhile slow pull out to reveal Chloe is nearby soldering a computer board.
AM: If you're not putting her back at the Planet at least she's doing some cool hacker stuff.
KK: Something like that. As we pull farther away multiple Chloes all dressed in matching black jumpsuits are revealed engaged in similar activities.
AM: What?!?!?
ED: These are Lex's amazons?
MR: Spartans! And why didn't you put them in thong bikinis?
KK: Why didn't you?
MR: Well, because then everyone would have known they were Chlones from the beginning. Now that their true identity has been revealed...
AM: Why not reveal everything?
KK: I may be evil. But I'm not that evil.
AM: Thank goodness for small favors.
AoT: Clark leaves a message, "Chloe. It's Clark. I need to talk to you. Lois is..."
KK: Before he finishes the message is interrupted by static. The number of messages increments by one. As we continue to pull back a Chloe dressed in white comes into the frame. She seems annoyed. One of the Chlones in black inserts the motherboard into a giant computer and dozens of screens flickers to life.
JG: So is Chloe setting up a secret little surveillance op?
AM: That actually sounds cool.
JG: Perhaps to keep tabs on Lex? 24/7 video surveillance, phone tap. The works.
KK: Of Lex? Who would do that?
MR: Someone who recognizes his undeniable sexiness.
KK: It's sick.
MR: She could stream it on the internet and make a fortune.
KK: It's not for surveillance. No streaming video. Not phone taps.
MR: Too bad.
ED: So it's like, for video games?
[KK rolls her eyes]
ED: Have you tried the Wii fit yet, Michael?
MR: No, but I've seen the video[Link NSFW]. I thought I'd buy one for Allison.
AM: What's a Wii fit?
MR: Don't worry. I'm more than happy to help you learn how to use it.
AM: Really? You're so sweet.
KK: I'd beware Michael's altruism when it comes to the Wii fit.
MR: Hush.
AoT: Real Chloe smiles, "OK. Let's give you a whirl!" She pauses a moment and gets a sly look on her face, "Query - how do you distract one well intentioned but highly annoying cousin and one love-sick super powered alien?"
KK: The computer answers in a slightly distorted version of Chloe's own voice.
MR: Egotistical much?
AM: Does it have to be Chloe's voice?
KK: Yes. "Input data is insufficient."
AoT: Chloe frowns and looks at the Chlone, "Needs more work."
KK: The Chlone nods, "I will run a diagnostic."
AoT: After a few keystrokes the computer starts the diagnostic.
KK: Looking at the screen Chloe smiles to herself, "Of course."
AoT: Cut to the computer screen which reads "Calculating " the symbol pie " to x digits" with the factor x increasing exponentially.
KK: "As easy as..."

AoT: Cut to the shot of a pie in a clear topped box. The pie moves away from the camera as a delivery boy carries it through the doors of the Talon.
AM: What the hell? Pie? Why would Chloe order pie?
MR: Yeah, shouldn't that be Clark?
[TW looks at MR annoyed]
KK: Just wait.
ED: Where do you even get pie delivered from?
AoT: Apparently the Pie Hole?
TW: Please tell me you're not having Chloe bribe Clark with pie.
KK: I wouldn't use the word "bribe".
ED: And that's going to distract Lois? Clark I can understand but...
TW: Hey!
JG: Maybe she's plans to distract Lois with the leftover change?
ED: Shut up!
JG: And I hope she ordered a lot because just one pie isn't going to distract Clark for long.
TW: Hey!
AoT: Cut to an interior shot as the delivery boy enters, "Who needs to fill their pie hole?"
TW: Pie hole? I thought Annette was joking.
KK: She wasn't.
TW: You're going to send this to the guild?
KK: I think they'll like it.
TW: Whatever.
AoT: He spots Chloe with her hand raised and walks over, "One deluxe apple, from the pie hole that never shuts."
TW: You're sending the pie hole that never shuts to the guild?
KK: Chloe gives him an annoyed look. Kind of like the one I'm giving you right now, Tom.
MR: [Glancing at KK] If I were the delivery boy I'd run.
AoT: "It means we're open 24/7."
TW: Is that supposed to be funny?
KK: Chloe continues to look annoyed.
MR: Like you do now?
KK: Yes.
MR: Tom, if I were you I'd stop it with the criticism.
KK: Chloe hands him a wad of money. "You'll deliver it to someone for me, right?"
AoT: Checking out the money, "No problem."
KK: "But first..."
AoT: "You'd like to taste my ware?"
TW: Oh. my. God. I can't believe they still let you write episodes, Kristin!

continued...