7.12 Return by TW and JG (Part I)

as retold by jwm

A grave new threat requires Clark to recruit a former enemy as an ally.

[Writer's room. JG and KK enter.]
JG: [Dumping a stack of magazines on the table] The fruits of my labor!
ED: [Drops a half eaten cannoli and picks up Maxim. AM is on the cover] I am so fracking jealous!
KK: [handing out scripts] And the fruits of mine.
AoT: Wasn't Tom writing this episode?
JG: Too busy running interference with Bryan. [To KK] Thanks for making those final edits for me.
ED: You and John wrote the episode?
KK: The least I could do while Tom insulates us from Bryan.
MR: Heh. I bet Allison is glad she's not around for this.
JG: Tom provided episode notes.
KK: [Winks] We improved on them.
MR: I can't believe we're not off the hook thanks to the writer's strike. Can't we just scrap this nightmare and start over next year?
ED: Or join the guild?
JG: Nope. They saw us as scabs from the beginning, no point trying to show solidarity with those guys now.
KK: The teaser directly follows Cure.
AoT: Tom's not even going to read his own episode?
JG: He's with Bryan. He'll try to make it but said we should start without him.
MR: Poor bastard.
KK: There's a brief "Previously on Smallville" montage.
ED: Yeah, previously Lois was hot. Now she's pregnant.
JG: Good news! Thanks to the strike they can't touch our scripts. So Lois isn't pregnant yet.
ED: So Tom came through for us!
JG: For now. As long as the strike continues we'll just ignore Bryan's directives. There's nothing he can do about it.
AoT: Except beat the crap out of us.
ED: So I don't have to be pregnant! [throws the cannoli in the trash and stands up] I'm going to go work out.
KK: No. You're going to suffer through this just like the rest of us.
ED: [Sits] Fine. [Picks up a copy of Cosmopolitan] "Confessions of a Cylon Sex Goddess"? You've got to be kidding me.
JG: Actually I gave that interview.
ED: You posed as Allison?
JG: Her publicist.
ED: Hmm... [Opens the magazine] ... any truth to these confessions?
JG: Wouldn't you like to know.
AoT: You are one magnificent bastard.
JG: I know.
KK: I can't believe I'm saying this, but can we get started?
ED: I want to read this!
KK: It can wait, Erica.
MR: Playing the part of the up-tight lead this week will be Kristen Kruek.
KK: Shut up, Michael. Clark screams “You killed her.”
ED: Wow. Who knew Allison was so hot? [Showing AoT a photo layout] Can you believe this?
KK: [To JG] I told you they would be a distraction! [To ED] You can ogle Allison's hot bod later, Erica.
ED: [Sighs and opens her script] Whatever.
KK: How does Tom put up with us?
JG: Valium? Clark chokes Lex. Lois has to beg him to stop.
ED: Why is Clark choking Lex?
AoT: Because he thinks Lex killed Chloe?
ED: Oh yeah. Never mind, carry on. [ED surreptitiously slides a copy of FHM towards her.] They airbrushed out Allison's birthmark!.
KK: [rolls eyes] Lois, "Let's get her out of here."
JG: Lex offers to pay for arrangements but Clark goes Bo Kent on him.
KK: "Luthor money isn't going to pay for Chloe's funeral."
JG: Richards goes bad cop, "We can't allow the subject's body out of this facility."
KK: Lois, "Excuse me!?!?"
JG: Lex is good cop, "It's OK. Dr. Richards."
KK: "May I inform you, Ms. Sullivan signed a wavier..."
JG: Lex, "I don't care about the waiver, Doctor, blah blah blah."
ED: Blah, blah, blah?
JG: The idea is Doctor Richards wants Chloe's body on ice ASAP. Otherwise they'll not be able to determine what killed her. If they know what went wrong with Chloe they can prevent the same thing from happening again in the future.
KK: Lois butts in.
MR: Surprise, surprise.
JG: She says she knows all about the process “As far as I'm concerned it should never be performed again. Haven't enough people died, Lex?"
KK: The lights dim. Clark, "What the hell is going on?!?"
JG: Richards expositions they're experiencing another brown out. He's going to switch over to auxiliary power. All but the emergency lights go out. We hear some heavy machinery switching and then whirring as the power comes back on.
KK: Lois, "A brownout? LuthorCorp has enough power to run it's own city. What the hell are you up to, Lex?"
JG: “I've read all about your wild theories in the newspaper, Lois, but despite what you think I really am trying to help. People want to be cured. Your cousin wanted to be cured."
KK: Clark answers "Maybe she did, but the price was too high."
JG: Lex gets ironic, "Easy enough for you to say. Would you feel the same way if you faced a life of having to hide who you are, always afraid someone might learn you're different. Until then maybe you'll never understand why some would give anything for a chance to be normal."
KK: Clark looks like he's thinking.
MR: Hee. Is he?
JG: As much as Clark can. But before his head heats up and explodes Dr. Richards goes off the deep end. "Are you really going to stand in the way of giving other people a chance at a normal life!?!?" He pleads with Lex "At the very least we need to run some blood tests and take a few tissue samples."
KK: Lex looks to Lois and Clark for an answer.
JG: Lois, "You're not touching another hair on her..."
MR: Chinny chin chin.
JG: "...head."
KK: Clark is conflicted. He wants to believe Lex.
JG: He thinks about how much he's wanted to be normal.
KK: The thinks of all the times he's wanted to be deviant with Lex.
MR: Heh. Too bad Tom hasn't shown up.
KK: Lois pulls the family trump card.
MR: Shouldn't Chloe's dad do that?
ED: Chloe's who? I thought she was an orphan?
KK: Lois, "You're not getting as much as a eyelash from Chloe."
JG: The Doctor protests. "LuthorCorp has legal custody of the body..."
KK: Lex interjects, "We've made Miss Lane well aware of the potential benefit to others, Doctor. That's not the choice she's decided to make. We're going to follow the wishes of Miss Sullivan's family. End of discussion."
JG: Richards is pissed.
KK: But so is everyone else.
JG: A tear falls down Lois' face. She grabs onto Clark for a hug.
KK: Clark hugs her back with his really determined look on his face, "Don't worry, Lois, we'll take care of this.”
MR: You two really wrote that?
KK: [Insulted] Are you kidding?
JG: A few things from Tom's original draft survived.
KK: But since none of us knew what anyone should say after that we decided to go to credits.

JG: And come back to the Fortress. The Martian slides a crystal into the console.
MR: Heh.
JG: That wasn't intended to be HoYay, Rosenbaum.
MR: Sorry.
KK: Jor-El's disembodied yet still impressive voice, "You seem troubled, old friend."
JG: "He's coming, Jor-El, for Earth... We both know Kal-El cannot defeat him alone."
[TW bursts in and tries to slam the door behind him. BS gets one foot in first.]
BS: Tom! You have to try on the suit! I had it repaired and dry cleaned!
TW: Michael, a little help?
[MR helps TW hold the door]
TW: No, Bryan! Let me go over my episode with the the cast!
BS: But you never told me how you got Lois pregnant!
[MR holds the door while TW pulls a squirt gun from his jacket]
BS: Erica, you look glowing!
ED: [Smiles] Why thank you!
BS: How far along are you now?
ED: Screw you, Bryan!
[TW aims the squirt gun at BS]
TW: Leave us the hell alone!
BS: [Backing off] Not the squirt gun!
TW: I'm not afraid to use it!
BS: [Stepping back a bit more] I won't stand for this insurgency, Tom!
[MR slams the door and locks it.]

Continued...