7.12 Return by TW and JG (Part IV)

TW: Lex enters Hasaad's facility.
JG: Hassad thanks Lex for his help but says he needs more power.
KK: Who doesn't?
TW: Lex, "I noticed. You tapped into the LuthorCorp grid and nearly ruined an important procedure earlier during one of your tests. This facility has enough power to run a mid-sized city – deal with it. I'm cutting you off the corporate grid. I have my own energy needs."
KK: Can we make it phallic?
MR: What? No!
TW: Lex has own.... what needs?
MR: Tom!
KK: Aching needs?
MR: No!
TW: Does that fit in with the conversation?
JG: Who cares!
ED: Lex should say that to Hasaad.
TW: What?
AoT: Something like, "Don't look to me to satisfy your aching needs."
JG: Not bad.
AoT: "Find someone else to fill it."
JG: [Writing] Good, Annette.
ED: Then cut immediately to Clark.
TW: What?!?!
JG: Not yet. First Lex says, "I have needs of my own."
MR: What?
JG: Then cut immediately to Clark!
KK: Perfect!
TW: It's not perfect!
JG: Maybe it's not perfect, but it's pretty damn good. Cut to Clark at the Fortress.
TW: But...
ED: Come on Tom. The fans expect some HoYay.
KK: You're not going to deny them HoYay, are you?
TW: [sighs] Fine. The fortress.
KK: Clark holds one of the ice dildos.
TW: No, he doesn't!
ED: It fits the HoYay.
TW: He's not holding anything. And he balks at the suggestion of accepting Zod's...
KK: ...You-know-what...
TW: Help.
KK: ...You-know-where...
TW: Shut up!
KK: Zod might be a "big" help.
TW: [Rolls eyes]
JG: J'onn explains they're just going to get information.
TW: Clark doesn't trust Zod.
JG: J'onn doesn't either but the enemy they face is great. Zod is the only person in the galaxy to...
KK: The known 23 galaxies.
JG: As if I care, Kristen... to even come close to defeating him.
TW: Clark doesn't care.
ED: If even Zod can save everyone's ass?
TW: Doesn't care. Zod is evil.
MR: It's just like Bo and Lex from season... uh... pretty much any season, actually.
JG: J'onn says they have no choice. The council struck all details related to Zod's plan of attack from the official records because they considered it too extreme.
KK: Extreme? Sounds interesting. What was his plan?
JG: Don't know. Don't care.
ED: Don't you think we'll need to cover that later?
JG: That's your problem... or whoever writes the next couple episodes.
TW: J'onn explains that in his final moments...
JG: ...before he went boom...
TW: Jor-El admitted that to J'onn that Zod's plan would likely have succeeded and Krypton may have been saved. Without Zod's help Earth, like Krypton before it, is doomed.
ED: Wait! In every other incarnation of Superman Jor-El is kissing Lara right before he goes boom.
MR: In every other incarnation of Superman Lois Lane is a classy and intelligent star reporter.
ED: Shut up.
AoT: So instead of spending his final moments with he beloved wife Jor-El spent them with his hired muscle?
JG: You've seen what a dick Jor-El was. It it any surprise?
AoT: I, uh, I guess not?
ED: Yeah, but if Martian Manhunter was on Krypton when it exploded how did he survive?
[Cast sits silently for a moment. When no one has any ideas TW continues]
TW: Anyway, Clark says after what Zod did during his short time on Earth Clark will never let him out of the crystal. Clark speeds away.
ED: We're not going to fix this?
JG: Jor-El sent him a telegram or something, are you happy?
ED: As the planet was exploding?
TW: We'll figure something out, OK?
ED: Something that makes sense?
JG: Don't count on it.

TW: Clark at the Farmhouse talking to Martha about Chloe.
JG: J'onn enters.
TW: Clark asks if J'onn didn't get the message the first time. He's not letting Zod out of the crystal.
JG: J'onn explains they don't have to.
ED: What? How's that?
KK: The Fortress can create a prophylactic energy field to prevent Zod's essence from escaping during the interrogation.
ED: Oh. Technobabble.
KK: Not just technobabble, homoerotic technobabble. Why do you think John asked me to help out?
TW: With Lana dead he could do whatever he wanted with the episode?
JG: Actually the technobabble came in handy too. J'onn says they don't have much time.
TW: Clark wants to know how they'll get Zod to co-operate.
JG: J'onn will enter into Zod's mind.
TW: "Is that safe?"
KK: Only if he uses a condom.
JG: J'onn hesitates, "There is a slight chance Zod could take control of my body."
TW: No way Clark is going to let that happen. "I've already dealt with a super powered Zod once. I'm not going to do it again."
JG: J'onn, "There's no other way."
TW: Martha butts in, "Maybe there is."

JG: LuthorCorp. Hope cocks her gun. "Mr. Best, what a pleasant surprise."
TW: Lionel makes a sudden move and... [surprised] Hope shoots him?
JG: Wait... what?
KK: Yeah, about that... I made some minor changes to a few scenes.
MR: Wow. You got clearance to kill Lionel?
JG: If you just killed off Lionel I'm going to kiss you!
KK: Sorry, the cast is dropping like flies. We can't loose anyone else.
JG: But you just shot him!
KK: We just need Lionel unconscious.
MR: You could conk him on the head. That's what they always do to Lex.
JG: Nobody conks the MB on the head!
TW: Besides, we need him unconscious for a while.
JG: Excuse me, but why?
KK: He can't tell Clark about the portal.
JG: Did it occur to you Lionel would take care of the portal on his own and leave Clark out of the loop?
KK: Yeah.
JG: And?
KK: Hope shooting him is more fun.
MR: You're right!
JG: Shut up, Rosenbaum.
AoT: And we're due a hospital scene.
JG: Why does it have to be Lionel!
KK: Everyone else needs to be healthy. Plus it's funny.
JG: [Stands] Kristen.
KK: Touch me and Allison finds out who sold raunchy pictures of her to Maxim.
JG: [glares] You honestly think I'm scared of Allison?
KK: All I know is I'm glad I didn't have to explain to my grandma why I'm half naked on the cover of FHM.
JG: [Takes a sharp breath] Granny Mack... saw those pictures?
AoT: They're hard to avoid at the grocery store.
JG: [sits] That's...
TW: John, you want to keep reading?
JG: What have I done?
ED: I bet granny Mack is so proud of her!
AoT: You're not helping, Erica.
KK: No, Erica is right. In fact [picks up Cosmo] maybe we should send Granny Mack a few of these just in case she missed one.
ED: That's what supportive friends do! Great idea, Kristen. [Opens her purse] I've got a few stamps in here...
JG: You send Allison's grandma anything and I'll break you into a thousand pieces, Durance!
ED: Aw, not even the Confessions of a Cylon Sex Goddess?
JG: Especially those.
ED: [Pouts] But...
KK: Erica, maybe John is right. We should let Allison have that honor, don't you think, John?
JG: Uh..., yes, of course!
KK: I mean how would you feel if we beat you to showing grandma your Maxim layout?
ED: Are you kidding? I'd never show that to my grandma. She'd have a coronary!
JG: I can't believe you had Hope shoot Lionel with no intention of killing him!
KK: That's the way the cookie crumbles, John.
TW: Lucius, "That man was unarmed."
JG: Remind me not to ask for you're help in the future, Kreuk. [Referring to the script] Hope gets into Lucius' face, "I don't care." She moves to pistol whip him.
TW: But Lucius calmly catches her hand. The remaining guards aim their weapons as Lucius squeezes Hope's wrist until she winces in pain and drops the gun. "You never shoot an unarmed man."

Continued...