Seven friends and a Karaoke bar (Part III)

ED: But you weren't even credited...
JG: After how they butchered our scripts who would want to be?
ED: Why doesn't anyone ever mention it?
TW: Non-disclosure agreements. [Significant look around] In fact we're all risking a lot by telling you this much.
AM: [Takes a shot] Not me. Chloe is dead and I've been fired!
MR: [Hands AM the microphone] Here, maybe this will help.
[Jewel's "Been Down So Long" starts playing]
TW: [Smacking TW on the top of the head] You're not helping!
MR: Ow!
JG: Heh, you think firing is the worst they can do to you? If it was I would have spilled the beans years ago...
KK: [Rolls eyes] Oh, no, here comes John's "poor me" routine.
JG: It's not a routine!
MR: Kristen, you're tired of John's "poor me" routine?
ED: Let's stay on topic, people! Why non-disclosures?
MR: Warner Brothers and DC hated what we did so much they never wanted fans to know it was ever even considered.
JG: There were like a hundred lawyers all working together just to figure out the best way to shut us up.
ED: Wow. A hundred?
MR: A hundred is probably an exaggeration.
KK: One for all of us and a whole team for John.
JG: Heh. Unfortunately they finally learned to wear kelvar.
ED: If it's that big a secret...
KK: It's true. [In Lana's character] We've been keeping secwets and lies from you, Erica.
ED: Are you sure you want to tell me?
TW: No! We should let sleeping dogs lie!
JG: You're a wuss, Welling.
AM: I'm ready to tell. It can't get any worse, right?
TW: Maybe not for you...
AM: [Throws some money onto the bar] More drinks all round!
ED: OK. So what happened?
KK: First off you have to understand that back in the day we used to get along a lot better.
ED: [Looks at AM and MR] Even Allison and...
MR: Yes. Even Allison and me.
AM: We still didn't like each other. We just got along better.
MR: Come on, you liked me.
AM: I pretended to like you.
TW: And we were a lot more optimistic.
AoT: Especially Kristen.
ED: [Looks at KK] You used to be optimistic?
KK: I was delusional. I thought Al and Miles hired me for my acting skills. They told me I was perfect for the part.
ED: Hey, that's exactly what they said to me!
MR: So when Al and Miles approached us about writing season four we accepted immediately.
AM: [takes a shot] That was a mistake.
ED: You don't think they hired me for my acting skills?
KK: [rolls her eyes and takes a shot]
ED: Kristen?
AM: [to ED] They think you're a fine actress, Erica.
ED: Oh, OK.
AM: Where were we?
AoT: The beginning of the end.
JG: The minute we had any control Allison started coming up with these crazy ideas.
AM: Don't blame me for this!
ED: Crazier than Chloe Luthor or absorbing meteor infections?
AM: Curing!!!
MR: Well, maybe not that crazy...
AM: Hey!!
MR: Unfortunately none involved naked exploding...
AM: Michael!
JG: One day she was surfing the Internet and stumbled on this crackpot fan theory.
AM: It wasn't crackpot!
TW: She presented it to all of us...
KK: And against our better judgment...
JG: We agreed.
ED: Against your better judgement?
AoT: You have to understand. It was big. Big enough that if Allison got what she wanted...
MR: The rest of us should sure as hell get something good out of it too.
ED: Like what?
JG: First off I wanted to make sure I would get written off the show.
ED: I thought you said it used to be a lot better?
JG: It was never really all that good.
KK: I wanted off too, but I could only negotiate an eight episode absence.
ED: Eight? Still, that's like a third of the season.
KK: Just enough time to appear in a feature film.
MR: Yep. Lana wasn't supposed to come back from Paris until what, Chloe's birthday episode?
KK: Right.
ED: That doesn't sound all that big.
KK: Al and Miles made it sound like asking for the moon.
ED: [To TW] So did you get?
TW: Clark was going to be completely over Lana when she got back.
ED: Now that's asking for the moon.
TW: I know.
MR: And I got the best thing!
ED: Good security?
MR: No.
ED: A brain?
MR: I got that too, but this was even better!
ED: Better than a brain?
MR: Lex got to kill Lionel!
ED: [Gasps. To JG] You were going to allow that?
JG: You think I was thrilled about Lex out smarting Lionel? Hardly. But if I was allowed to leave the show I wasn't going to sweat the details.
AoT: Well, it's not like you're the only one who had to make compromises! Martha's screen time plummeted!
AM: You could have asked for more screen time, but nooooo! You demanded something else.
KK: I was just pissed about having to come back at all!
ED: But obviously none of this happened. Lana was back in episode one, Lionel never left and...
JG: Clark is still Lana's bitch.
MR: Lex didn't kill Lionel.
KK: Or get a brain.
MR: All thanks to John.
JG: It wasn't all my fault!
MR: He got caught with his pants down.
ED: Really?
TW: Not literally.
JG: But don't you wish!
AM: If it was anyone's fault it was Annette's?
AoT: Me? It was your stupid idea in the first place.
AM: What you had in mind was never my idea!
AoT: But it made your idea... so much more interesting.
AM: Not to mention objectionable enough to the powers that be that once the cat was out of the bag they screwed us all over royally just out of spite.
ED: What could be that objectionable?
[The cast exchange glances. There's a pause]
ED: Hello? Don't back down now! Was it the Chloe and Lex having sex?
AM: Yes.
KK: No. They didn't care what we did with Chloe.
AM: Bastards!
AoT: What they cared about was what we did with... [TW glares and AoT stops]
ED: With who?
JG: With Lois.
ED: The other Lois.
[The cast exchange nervous glances]
ED: So tell me about Lois. What happened with this actress I replaced?
KK: The first thing you need to know is the girl you replaced wasn't Lois.
AM: It was Lori.
ED: Lori? The fish girl from season 5.5?
TW: Mermaid. And this Lori was actually a foreign exchange student.
ED: A foreign exchange student
MR: Think American Pie, the movie.
AM: Lori spent the summer with Chloe in Metropolis the summer before the Sullivans moved to Smallville. They had kept in touch and Lori was going stay with them while she attended a semester at Smallville High.
TW: But when she arrived...
JG: The Sullivans were dead.
ED: Lori found Chloe's video and started looking for Clark.
AoT: And wound up moving in with the Kents.
MR: She and Clark clicked.
TW: Allowing Clark to move on from Lana.
ED: Wait? So Lori wasn't going to be in college?
AM: Nope. She was a high school senior like the rest of them.
KK: No crazy failing high school ret-con.
ED: But what about the episode where Lois was kicked out of college?
AM: Lori wanted to go to college in the states. She was going to get into that tangle while visiting Met U just like Clark was.
ED: And the general? What about him helping hide Chloe?
KK: He still did.
AoT: But Lois wasn't involved.
AM: Yet.
ED: OK. Aside from the fact I wouldn't have had a job what you guys had planned doesn't seem objectionable at all.
AM: Yet.
AoT: You haven't' heard about what happened with Lex and Chloe.
ED: You said they didn't care what happened with Chloe.
AM: Bastards!
AoT: Right. But what happened with Lex and Chloe leads up to what they did find objectionable.

Continued...