7.14 Escape by TW and ED (Part II)

as retold by RepairmanBob
TW: Clark wakes up in a large cell with reddish stone walls and a gray metal door. Zod is sitting up against a wall on the opposite side of the room, with his eyes closed. Clark stands up and staggers towards the door.
ED: Zod opens his eyes. “Don’t waste your strength, whelp.”
JG: We really need more people to start calling Clark whelp.
KK: Or dumbass.
MR: Or asshat.
AoT: Or a big dumb alien.
JG: Those also works.
TW: Clark glares at Zod. “So you are just giving up? You may have forgotten about your damn Crusade, but I still have people who need me.” Clark runs towards the door, and green energy rays throw him across the room.
AoT: Tom, you cannot criticize me when Clark is this dumb in your own episode!
JG: That was a pretty dumb move.
ED: When I talked Tom into it, I said it was a necessary plot device. But I guess it does make him look dumb.
TW: You said it was necessary!
ED: It is. But he still looks dumb. “I already tried a brute force approach, boy. We need to conserve our energy and wait for an opportunity to strike.”
TW: “So we just sit around while these aliens invade earth?”
MR: Clark Kent – thoughtless hypocrisy since 2001.
JG: Must be a Kent family tradition.
ED: Zod stands up. “No, you will sit and attempt to learn while I speak. Temporary captivity was one of seventeen possible outcomes I planned for after my initial confrontation with Darkseid. I am more concerned with you, Kal-El.”
TW: Clark stands up. “What are you –“
ED: Zod super speeds over to him and grabs his –
KK+MR+JG+AoT: Throat?
ED: Shirt. “Listen to me! You have seen the armies of Apokolips! You have seen Darkseid, the monstrosity that destroyed our home world! Does my Crusade still seem so evil, whelp? Are my methods so cruel, when you see what I was fighting against?”
TW: “What are you –“
ED: Zod bangs Clark up against the wall.
KK: Hello prison love!
TW: No, he-
JG: Bangs Clark?
MR: Up against a wall?
KK: Hello prison love!
TW: No one is banging Clark up against a wall!
JG: Considering how frustrated Clark is, it might do him some good.
TW: No banging!
AoT: I still think it is unfair that I am being held accountable for Clark getting abused, when you are writing this!
ED: Can I just do the damn line? “Darkseid will destroy Earth and those apes you care so much about! Just as easily as he conquered a thousand other worlds!“
TW: “So you would have enslaved Earth? Used humanity as weapons against your enemy?”
ED: “Better your precious apes die than all of known space bowing before Darkseid!“ Zod releases Clark and backs away. “But your sire made this argument pointless. Krypton is dead, and if you do not want your world to share its fate, Darkseid must be stopped. Can you do that much, Kal-El?”
TW: “Why should I trust you? What do you care about Earth?”
MR: It’s a wacky buddy cop movie!
ED: Zod smiles. “Your pathetic mudball is of no interest to me. I want revenge against the monster that –“
TW: The door of the cell open. Clark and Zod turn and face it together. A woman with dark hair and green eyes walks into the cell. Clark backs away, but Zod’s entire expression changes. For the first time, he looks happy.
KK: I thought he enjoyed making Clark his bitch!
ED: Zod rushes over the woman and hugs her. “Ursa!”
TW: “Zod?”
ED: “My wife! I never thought I would lay my eyes upon you again!”
KK: Black hair? I might have a casting idea…
TW: Ursa looks over Zod’s shoulder with a blank expression. “Zod, how did she survive the destruction of Krypton?”
JG: Did Clark just say something smart?
MR: It is rather shocking.
ED: “Silence, boy! I am reunited with my beloved! That is all that matters!” Zod pulls away from Ursa and looks at her. “My love, it has been an eternity. Trapped in the Phantom Zone, away from you.” Kristin, if you would?
KK: Fine, fine. (Looks at script, smiles.) Oh, this will be fun. Ursa looks back at Zod and she smiles. “All hail mighty Darkseid.”
TW: Clark moves away from Ursa. “Zod, get away from her.”
ED: Zod is still smiling, but he looks confused. “My love?”
KK: Ursa bitch slaps Zod across the room. “All hail mighty Darkseid!”
JG: Kryptonians have some screwed up ideas about foreplay.

TW: Back on earth, in an army tent. General Lane is talking on a phone. “I said send reinforcements!” An explosion shakes the tent. “All of them! Get every solider who can fly a plane, drive a tank or hold a gun here ASAP!” Another explosion. “I don’t give a damn what you have to do! This is a Code Armageddon event!”
ED: Martha and Lionel enters the tent. She says “General Lane –“
TW: “Senator Kent, either get a weapon or get the hell out of here!”
AoT: Martha gets yelled at?
ED: Give me a little credit, Annette. “I heard you asking for reinforcements, General. I may be able to get you some relief, but I need to talk to the President.”
ED: General Lane hands her the phone – close zoom when he hands it to Martha, showing it is an iPhone.
JG: Product placement number one.
ED: “Mr. President? I need you to pardon some people… Yes, they are meta-humans… Mr. President, this is not the time to worry about public opinion! We need help!”
MR: Oh, come on! Martha can give orders to the President?
AoT: Martha in an influential woman.
JG: In bed.
TW: Ugh.

TW: The cell. Ursa is throwing Zod around.
KK: Someone has issues about Clark being Zod’s bitch.
ED: Zod is trying to talk to Ursa, who keeps shouting “All hail might Darkseid!” while she kicks his ass. Clark tries to get between them, and punches her across the room, only to have Zod attack him. John, could you help us out?
JG: It depends on what you expect me to do. (ED points to a line in the script) Oh yes. I like this. Darkseid’s voice rumbles through the cell. “A family reunion. How touching.” Ursa backs away and drops to one knee.
ED: “Darkseid! What have you done to her, you coward?”
JG: “General, I have reunited you with your wife. Does this not please you? After your service to Apokolips, this… small kindness was the least I could do.”
TW: Clark glares at Zod. “You helped them?”
MR: No matter what world he is on, Clark is always quick to judge others.
KK: What an asshole.

continued...