Under Pressure (aka My little pregnant girl)

[ED in bed asleep. Cue the Bowie/Queen rendition of "Under Pressure." BS and MR sneak into the room.]
BS: [singing softly into ED's ear] You'll have a baby.
MR: [Also into ED's ear] A little baby.
BS: A cute, cute little baby.

[ED's eyes pop wide open. BS & MR start singing at full volume.]
BS: Pregnant! Since it's up to me!
MR: Pregnant - that is you!

ED: [Sitting up] I didn't ask for!

BS: So pregnant! Don't let it get you down.
MR: Just because you eat for two!
[ED tries to get out of bed. BS gently sits her back down]
BS: You should stay off your feet!

BS: You'll have a baby!
MR: You'll have a baby!

BS: Baby boy!
MR: Baby boy! - that's o.k.

[ED stands]
ED: It's the terror of knowing what this plot is about!

[MR picks up some papers from ED's desk and lets them fall into the trash]
MR: Watching the good scripts all get thrown out!

[BS pointing to a Superman Returns poster]
BS: Pray tomorrow - gets me a sequel!
[MR leads ED to the couch and sits her down]
MR: Pregnant people - should be off their feet!

BS: Been knocked up mm hm
MR: She's with a baby.
BS: O.k.

[ED stands back up as BS pulls a baby doll from behind his back.]
ED: Chippin' around - kick my brains around the floor. These are the days it never rains but it pours!

BS: [Presents the dollto ED] Here's your baby.
MR: [Imitating baby talk] Ee da ba ba ba
BS: [Also imitating baby talk] Um bo bo
MR: Be lap
[BS shoves the baby into ED's arms]
BS: Stay off your feet - with your baby!
[MR sitting ED back on the couch]
MR: Stay off your feet - with your baby! Baby! Baby!

[ED gets back up and tosses the doll down]
ED: It's the terror of knowing what this plot is about!

[Putting ED's script through the shredder]
MR: Watch the good scripts all get tossed out!

BS: [Picking the baby doll back up] Pray tomorrow - gets me a sequel!
MR: [Sitting ED back down] Pregnant people - should be off their feet!

[BS tries to give ED the doll back but she turns away]
ED: Turned away from it all like a blind man!
[Gets up and snatches what's left of her script from MR]
ED: Teamed with Kruek but it don't work.
[Looking over what's left of her script]
ED: I miss our old scripts full of slashy porn.

[MR takes the scripts back]
ED: Why - why - why ?
[BS tries to hand ED the doll but she won't take it]
ED: Insanity laughs! If I'm pregnant I'm cracking!

[Offering her the doll]
BS: Can't you give it one more chance?
MR: Why can't you give it that one more chance?
BS: Why don't you give up? Give up! Give up! Give up!
MR: Give up! give up! give up! give up! give up!

[Turning away from BS and the doll]
ED: I'm just an old fashioned girl!

[BS gets back in front of ED]
BS: Babies dare you to care for the people...
MR: ...on the edge of the night.
BS: Babies dare you to change our way of caring...
MR: ...about ourselves.
[BS holds the doll out for her to take]
MR: This is your last chance
BS: This is your last chance
[ED reluctantly takes the doll and holds it against her chest. MR and BS smile at each other and high five.]
MR: So pregnant!
BS: So pregnant!
[Zoom back out. The doll is gone. ED stands between MR and BS with her huge pregnant belly sticking out]
ED: [Looking at her belly in shock] Pregnant!?!?

[MR's trailer. "China Girl" plays on the stereo]
MR: [singing along with Bowie] My little china girl you shouldn't mess with me. I'll ruin everything you are!
[There's a knock on the door]
MR: [shouting] Forget it, Tom. I'm not opening the door this time.
ED: It's Erica!
MR: Oh!
[MR Gets up and heads to the door]
MR: [Still singing] I'll give you television. I'll give you eyes of blue. I'll give you men who want to rule the world.
[Opens the door]
MR: Erica, what's...?
[ED bitch slaps MR and stomps off]
MR: Ow!
Bowie: [from the stereo] And when I get excited my little china girl says "Oh baby just you shut your mouth"
MR: [Shouting] Oh, I get it! I don't care what everybody else thinks, Bowie rocks!
TW: [Out his window a couple trailers down] Bowie sucks!
MR: That's real mature, Tom! Sure, everybody just has to take a shot at Rosey! Anybody else want a shot at me?
JG: [Shouting from the neighboring trailer] What was that, Rosenbaum?!?!
MR: Uh, nothing!
JG: Then quiet it down before somebody comes over there and really hurts you!
MR: Yes, of course. [Goes back into his trailer]

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