7.14 Escape by TW and ED (Part IX)

as retold by RepairmanBob
TW: "Considering your present circumstances, Mr. Hassad, I think it is fair to say you have been... premature in your celebrations."
KK: If this was any gayer, they would be watching Queer Eye together.
ED: Hassad looks slightly offended. “You do realize I am pointing a weapon at you? And why do you keep saying ny name? Have I threatened you before?”
TW: Lucius sounds slightly amused. “I am sorry, would you prefer I use another of your titles? The Seducer? The Manipulator? The Betrayer? Herald of Doom, Emissary of Apokolips, or my favorite, the Right Hand of Darkseid?”
ED: Hassad looks confused but pleased. “You know my work! While I am always happy to met a fan, I simply must be going.”
TW: Lucius continues to smirk. Cut to outside the warehouse. A weapon goes off once, them twice. Hassad yells "No! You cannot be -", then starts screaming. A second later, Lucius calmly walks out. And re-connects his Bluetooth. “Hello, Titan?” Pan to the door, where smoke can be seen rising. “No, it was just an rabid animal that needed to be put down.” Pan to see a badly charred corpse.
AoT+KK: Ewww
JG: Ummm, barbeque.

TW: Lex is giving a press conference. Behind him are the black armored troopers from the portal. Lex is taking full credit for the defeat of the aliens.
MR: Yes!
JG: Oh, come on!
AoT: Martha would object!
TW: He says the armored figures behind him are a top secret meta-human special forces unit created by LuthorCorp and the Department of Defense to protect the world from alien threats. “Ladies and gentlemen, I present the Spartans!”
JG: You got sponsored by the History Channel?
ED: No, by Bungie and Microsoft!
KK: Microsoft paid for this? What are Lex’s new troops programmed to run on Windows Vista?
TW: Microsoft paid us an absurd amount of money to promote Halo 3. I don’t give a crap what they want to call Lex’s soldiers, so long as it covers the special effects bill.
MR: You know, if Microsoft is willing to pay that much for a video game ad, can you imagine how much they would give us to promote their support for–
TW: (scowls, raises his upper lip)
MR: Nothing, nothing.

TW: Pan back to show the television is on in the background of a big party at Ollie’s loft. The JL and the surviving meteor freaks from Embedded are having drinks, talking and celebrating. Bart and Aquaman are giving Clark a hard time, asking since when he could fly. Michael, could you help me out?
MR: Sure. Ollie comes up the Clark. “Care to tell me exactly what happened todat, Clark? Even for Lex, this was a little much.” Hey, was that a shot at Lex?
TW: Try to think of it as a complement. “Ollie, get the guys. We need to talk.” We get a-
KK: Let me guess. Clark tells them back history and the Secret he kept from the regular cast for years?
TW: Umm –
KK: And he warns them about the threat of Darkseid?
TW: Well, you could –
KK: And there is all kinds of manly bonding and “Well, I can see why you kept it a secret but we sure are glad you decided to trust us?” macho crap?
JG: (To AoT) I think I may need to take Ms. Keurk to Las Vegas with me.
TW: You could put it –
KK: Glad I could help you summarize that.
TW: But I wrote all of –
KK: Michael, what David Bowie song do you think would work well for a –
TW: Never mind!
KK: Glad we agree. Never mind Michael.
MR: But you asked me –
KK: What song would work for Lex being beat up by midgets?
MR: (Looks confused)
ED: (To KK) Impressive.

TW: Lex and Hope are standing on a raised platform, which runs along the perimeter of a hole, well lit warehouse. White metal walls and floors, lots of lights.
ED: Pan down to show scientists examining weapons and alien bodies. The remains of the portal are suspended in air, with holograms replacing the missing pieces.
TW: Lex is giving Hope orders. “Tell Dr. Henshaw I want samples of all technology sent to LuthorCorp for internal examination before the government does a full accounting of what was salvaged. Assign three teams to back up Dr. Banner’s group working on the aliens. We cannot spare any of Dr. Richard’s team on this project, and I want –“
JG: (Interrupts) “Enjoying the spoils of victory, Lex? Or scavenging the corpses of the dead for your amusement?”
ED: Would you like to help, John?
JG: Lionel is dressing down Lex! How can I say no? Lex turns and sees Lionel, backed up by Otis.
TW: “I am a little busy right now, Dad. Make an appointment with my secretary, and maybe we can get together some time next week.”
JG: “For a man who nearly lead the world into Armageddon, you certainly do seemed pleased with yourself.”
TW: Lex smiles. “Did you miss my press conference, Dad? The LuthorCorp’s Spartans saved the world from alien invasion. Everyone has said so. The President is even talking about awarding me the Medal of Freedom.”

ED: Back at Ollie’s loft. Lois walks in –
MR: You mean bursts in.
ED: No, walks in –
AoT: She usually does burst into a room.
JG: Usually uninvited.
ED: Lois walks in and spots Clark. "I can't say I'm not surprised, Smallville. When Armageddon is upon us you're no where to be found but you always seem to pop up again the minute a major crisis is averted."
TW: Clark and Oliver share a knowing...
ED: and very gay...
TW: Not gay!
KK: Come on, you know it's going to be gay!
TW: [sighs] You're right. And somewhat gay smile at Lois' expense.
ED: Lois starts pushing Clark towards the door, "Now if you would excuse me I have a couple things I need to say to my ex in private."
TW: Ollie tries not to laugh, "So now I'm your ex?"
AoT: She doesn't seriously call him her ex does she?
ED: The best excuse she could come up with to talk to Ollie privately about the Justice League.
JG: Isn't Clark part of the League?
ED: Lois doesn't know that.
JG: Is she stupid?
ED: I'm choosing not to answer that question.
MR: I will. Yes, John, she is.
ED: Shut up.
MR: Lois Lane is galactically stupid.
ED: [Stops and glares at MR] Are you done? Because I could bring Lex's intelligence into this if I need to.
KK: Lex is the only other character who hasn't figured out Clark's secret.
MR: I'm done.
ED: And Lex has known Clark about twice as long as Lois.
MR: I said I'm done!

continued...