Chosen

as retold by RepairmanBob

(The lights come back on in the writer’s room. BK and JW are gone. AoT has ED in a headlock. AM and KK are laying on the ground. JG is chasing a screaming MR. TW is sitting in his seat, scowling.)
ED: Owww! Owww! Owww!
KK: What happened?
MR: Help! Save me!
JG: You’ve gone too far this time, boy!
ED: Owww!
AoT: (incoherent snarls)
TW: (shakes his head)
AM: I am so confused.
MR: Somebody save me!
ED: Let go of me, Annette!
AoT: (More incoherent snarls)
MR: (Trips over KK) Ahhh!
KK: Damnit!
JG: I’ve got you now – (trips over AM)
AM: Crap!
TW: I hate you all.
(AoT released ED, looks around and spots TW. She grabs TW by the neck, lifts him into the air and slams him against the wall)
TW: What the hell, Annette!
AoT: (low voice) Tom, I have had my guitar vandalized. I have not had on-site catering, a working web-cam or a visit from my husband in a month. And now, I smell like used motor oil and sulfur.
TW: Annette –
AoT: Do you think I enjoy smelling like the devil’s motorcycle, Tom? Do you?
TW: What.. are... you...
AoT: (screams) No, Tom! I do not! I do not bloody well enjoy it one bit!
TW: (choking) Can’t… breath…
JG: (Slowly standing) Annette, he can’t answer if he can’t breath.
TW: (eyes roll back in head)
AoT: Right you are, John. (Slams TW back into his chair.)
TW: (Coughs)
AoT: Tom, let me make this perfectly clear. I want Bryan, that Whedon moron and the abysmal little cretin who covered me in this… vile concoction to go away. I want to write my script in peace. You are going to make this happen.
TW: (Looks frustrated) What am I supposed to do? Why do you think I can fix this?
AoT: Don’t be dense, Tom. (Points at ED and MR) Those two are barely functional halfwits.
ED: Did she just insult us?
MR: I am not sure.
AoT: Kristin and Allison will betray the rest of us the first opportunity they get.
AM: That’s not fair!
KK: Do you remember what happened to the first season we wrote? (High pitched voice) “You are all mean to Chloe! I am going to ask Al and Miles to fix everything!”
AM: That was a completely different - (stops and thinks, shrugs) OK, you’ve got me.
AoT: This kind of work is simply beneath John and I.
JG: As it should be.
AoT: That leaves you, Tom. Get to it.
TW: (Stands up) Let me make this clear. If I can do this, if I can get rid of Singer and those other two freaks, then you are all going to owe me. There are going to be some major changes around here. Starting with –
AoT: (ignoring TW) God, I need to get this foul ooze off of me. John, do you have any of that shampoo left?
JG: (To AoT) And some nice soaps that were supposed to go to Erica. Let’s go.
(JG and AoT stand up, head towards the door)
TW: Where are you going? I was just –
AM: (Also ignoring TW) I need a drink.
MR: It’s ten in the morning!
AM: So?
MR: (Looks around the destroyed writer’s room) I see your point.
ED: Tequila or rum?
AM: (Raises an eyebrow)
KK: Tequila it is.
TW: But, but –
(AM, MR, KK and ED walk out the door. TW sits down, looks depressed)
TW: Ah, crap.
(Shouting is heard from outside the writer’s room)
JG: Nooo! Someone switched my shampoo with tequila!
AoT: I smell like a hobo!
AM: Nooo! Someone switched my tequila with shampoo!
KK+ED+MR: (gagging, retching)
TW: (bangs head on table)

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