MR’s Promo Shoot

as retold by RepairmanBob

(MR, AM, KK and ED are on the Study set. AM, KK and ED are in matching red leather dresses. MR is wearing the white suit.)
AM: (Adjusting the top of her dress) Remind me why I agreed to this?
KK: (Adjusting the bottom of her dress) God, could this be any shorter?
ED: Don’t you just love this dress? It shows off my chest and my ass!
AM + KK: (Glare at ED)
MR: You all look great! Now, you understand what we are going to do, right?
KK: We back you up –
AM: Then we get paid.
ED: And I get to say the tag line!
KK: Excuse me? Michael, you said I would get to do the tag line!
AM: Michael, did you tell Tom about –
MR: Let’s get started! (To director) Hit it!

(Lex stands in front of his desk.)
MR: I am Lex Luthor. Billionaire. International businessman. Humanitarian. Scientist. Genius. Savior of humanity. But what you don’t know about me is...

(Music starts)
MR: I’m too sexy for Clark Kent, too sexy for Clark Kent that jerk can get bent.
(MR dances over to the bar, picks up a glass of scotch.)
MR: I’m too sexy for this glass, too sexy for this glass, will you check out this ass?
(MR shakes his ass at the camera)

AM+KK+ED: He’s the villain, you know what I mean, and he is so much sexier than Clark Kent.
MR: So sexy!
AM+KK+ED: Than Clark Kent.
MR: Stupid farm boy!
AM+KK+ED: Than Clark Kent.
MR: That Big Dumb Alien!
AM+KK+ED: He is so much sexier than Clark Kent.

MR: (Dances over to pool table, picks up a cue) I’m too sexy for this stick, too sexy for this stick, and I have a huge –

(BS and his cloaked minions burst in.)
BS: The imposter! (Pulls out a knife.) I will put an end to you once and for all!
MR: Eeeek! (Runs away)

AM+KK+ED: He’s the villain, you know what I mean, and he’s a much bigger bastard than Lionel.
MR: Help me!
AM+KK+ED: Such a bastard!
BS: I’ll stop you once and for all!
AM+KK+ED: What a bastard!
MR: Please don’t hurt me! It’s all Tom’s fault!
AM+KK+ED: He’s a much bigger bastard than Lionel!
MR: Go get Tom!

MR: (Hiding under the desk) Someone stop him!
BS: Come out you fraud!
KK: (To Cloaked Minions) You really need to do something about him.
CK1: We would, but he scares us.
CK2: A lot.
AM: (Pats down outfit) Crap! Where is my tazer?
MR: Save me!
KK: (To director) Make sure we are still filming.

(TW opens a side door)
TW: What is this shit? Which one of you assholes used the special effects budget for leather dresses? (Looks at the scene) Oh, for fuck's sake!
BS: (Looks up) I’ll deal with you soon enough, Superman!
MR: Deal with him now!

ED: He’s the villain, you know what I mean, and he totally banged Lana!
AM: Erica!
ED: He banged Lana!
KK: Will you just shut up?
ED: He banged Lana!
CL1: Is she always this oblivious?
ED: He banged Lana and he also banged Chloe!
AM: Michael, you are going to suffer for this.

TW: Bryan, enough is enough!
BS: The name is Luthor! Lex Luthor! And if you will not embrace your destiny willingly, Superman, then I will force you to do it!
TW: (Walks over to BS, punches him on the nose)
BS: (Drops the knife, grabs his nose.) Owww! What the hell? Superman would never attack a normal human!
TW: (Scowls, then grins) Me no are Superman! Me are Bizarro!
KK: (To AM) I think Tom has finally snapped.
TW: Me are your biggest fan! Me love you so much, me kick your ass!
BS: (Runs for the door) Come, my minions! We must retreat and create a new plan!
(TW rushes BS)
CL2: We’re really sorry about this.
(CL1 and 2 push KK in front of TW, knocking them both to the ground)
KK: Ow! What the hell, Tom?
(BS and the Cloaked Minions run out)

MR: (Looks out from under desk) Is it safe to come put yet?
ED: He’s the villain, you know what I mean –
AM+KK+TW: Shut up!

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