Producer Wars (A less interesting sequel to the Brownie Wars)

as retold by Ratman

[Dawn Ostroff's office. Dawn is raptly watching a huge flat panel TV in her office. Two corporate lackeys enter.]

Corporate Lackey #1: Ma'am?
Corporate Lackey #2: Are you free to speak now?
DO: [pointing at the screen, cackling] Ha ha ha ha! Bye bye, Cally! Eat vaccuum, you fracking bitch!
CL2: Um, maybe we should come back...
DO: [Turning off the TV] No, that's okay, I just love rewatching that scene. What's up?
CL1: Ma'am, it's about Smallville.
DO: [sigh] Now what?
CL2: It's the cast, Ms. Ostroff, they - they had the producer ejected from the lot.
DO: Can they do that? Is that another one of their crazy contract riders?
CL1: No, ma'am. Apparently they just bribed the security guards to drag him off. He's technically still under contract -
DO: Whatever, just find some new producers or something. How about those two creepy guys who started the show?
CL2: Al and Miles refuse to return unless they get exclusive character rights to Lana Lang.
DO: Maybe not. How about those Star Wars guys?
CL1: That's Star Trek, ma'am.
CL2: Berman and Braga's lawsuit for unfair termination, emotional damages, and medical costs for tranquilizer withdrawal is still pending.
DO: Crap. You know, I figured Singer would be a problem, with his big movie roots. Can we get some other person who's done Superman stuff for TV?
CL1: Actually, ma'am, there is someone who worked on the last Superman TV show, and produced a show on the WB before the merger -
DO: Okay, sounds good, hire whomever it is and get them to to put more WB label bands on the show or something, the boys and girls upstairs want more product placement.
CL2: The problem is, Singer is still -
DO: [annoyed] Just make it happen, or you're the next two to be ejected from the lot. Or better yet - I'll have you transferred to TBS.
CL1: [pulling CL2 out the door with him] Yes, ma'am, right away, ma'am.
DO: [turning the TV back on] Okay, now back to the Baltar sex scene....

[Hours later, in the CL basement office]
CL2: [as CL1 enters] So, what did he say?
CL1: He's interested, but went off on some tangent about getting a third hot female cousin, and something about magic -
CL2: Whatever, he's unemployed, and the lesser of our problems. Singer's still on contract, and we can't break it unless he quits.
CL1: There's no way he'll just give in. He's obsessed about Superman, and this may be his only chance to see his vision through.
CL2: [thinking for a minute] Unless we get him to quit.
CL1: How do we do that?
CL2: The cast. They got rid of two sets of producers already. We get the right cast members on our side, and with the right resources, we force Singer out.
CL1: But...but...they're scary.
CL2: [holding CL1 gently] It's okay. We'll make it work. Trust me.

[They kiss.]

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