Producer Wars, Part IV: A new evil is revealed

as retold by Ratman

[CL1, CL2, and BS walking down a corridor in a basement, somewhere.]

BS: I think it's time we went to see that surveillance footage, don't you?
CL2: Actually, Mr. Singer -
BS: Luthor.
CL2: Whatever. Now that you're done having your revenge, do you think you would be willing to void your contract -
BS: Done? But Miss Teschmacher, I've only just begun!
CL2: [annoyed] My name is not Miss Teschmacher, it's -
BS: [turning to CL1] Otis, what did my father used to say to me?
CL1: I don't know, sir.
BS: Get out.
CL1: [suprised] You want me to leave, sir?
BS: No, that's what you're supposed to say.
CL1: [confused] I'm supposed to say what, sir?
BS: Get out.
CL1: Get out?
BS: Before that.
CL1: Before what?
BS: Never mind. He used to say....

[BS is interrupted by the sudden appearance of a mysterious figure in a long flowing robe and hood.]

BS: Who are you? How did you find us?
Mysterious Robed Figure: Producers past and powers that be / Protect me now from the evil I see / This spell is great because it rhymes / I had my coffee with sugar and limes!

[MRF throws a glass vial full of an unidentified colored liquid at the ground next to BS. The vial shatters, spraying BS's white suit with colored liquid. MRF makes a weird tinkly noise and runs away.]

BS: My suit! That person ruined my suit!
CL1: [pulling out a handkerchief, dabbing BS's suit] Let me help clean that up, sir.
BS: How did he find us? If I ever find out who leaked the location of my secret hideout....
[CL1 and CL2 look nervously at each other.]

[Later: MRF is in a dark room lit only by candles, kneeling in front of a framed picture of Aaron Spelling.]

MRF: Lord Spelling, I beseech you for your assistance. I have been asked to take on a new project, one that is worthy of your apprentice. It has much drama and hot women with boobs, though not nearly enough sex or backstabbing or unnecesarily revealing clothing. It is a show that needs my help, and I can help it, with my experience from & Clark. But it is currently ruled by an evil demon. My spell and vanquishing potion were useless against him, so I ask you now for the strength to defeat him.
[MRF takes out an 8-track tape and lighter.]
MRF: [setting the tape on fire] I hereby sacrifice to you my only copy of T.J. Hooker, season one, episode 4, and ask for the power to defeat this dark being.
[MRF stands slowly.]
MRF: The power of three will set me free. The power of three will set me free.
[MRF takes off his hood to reveal: Brad Kern.]
Brad Kern: The power of three will set me free.

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