7.01 Bizarro by AM & KK (Part V)

as retold by jwm

JG: If it makes you feel better pretend he's just being dramatic for the benefit of the trial.
MR: Yeah, that's a good idea!
KK: Lex Luthor, everyone's favorite drama queen.
MR: Shut up!

AM: Next we have our heroic Clark scene.
TW: Yay!
KK: Heat vision and super breath...
AM: Combined with a few huge boulders...
JG: Make for the most bizarre sex scene in the history of Smallville.
KK: Shut up, John.
AM: It makes for a temporary patch to the dam.
KK: With the dam fixed he saves a few stray people who were stranded by the flood.
AM: Not to mention saving a few puppies or kittens.
KK: He doesn't save any puppies or kittens!
AM: Why not? Everybody loves puppies and kittens.
KK: He's got more important things to do!
AM: What could be more important than saving sweet fluffy puppies?
MR: Fluffy? After a flood?
AM: After Clark blow dries their fur with super breath.
TW: Clark is not blow drying puppies!
AM: How about kittens?
TW: No!
AM: Tom, you're such a stick in the mud!
TW: Don't you think Clark's time would be better spent checking on Chloe or Lois or trying to find out what happened to Lana?
KK: Lana is dead. There's nothing to check on there.
TW: He could look for Lois...
AM: Which reminds me. At the end of this scene Clark super speeds away and the camera pans over to focus on Lois' jacket caught up in some debris.
TW: Clark would have seen that!
AM: He was preoccupied saving puppies!
TW: That's ridiculous...
KK: Tom is right. There's something more important than blow drying puppies.
AM: There is?

KK: He has to go confront Lex about Lana's death again.
TW: Oh, come on! Didn't he already do that?
AM: They didn't really finish. The phantom interrupted them.
JG: It was confrontus interruptus.
KK: So naturally Clark as to go finish what he started.
AM: And Lex will deny it with such grace and flair...
KK: That Clark almost believes him.
AM: Until Lex starts laying it on a little too thick and implying that Lana's death is Clark's fault.
TW: How exactly could it be Lana's fault?
KK: Isn't everything Clark's fault?
TW: Yeah, yeah, I know the idiot is going to blame himself -- but it will all be about not having told her his secret. How is Lex going to hit that button?
AM: Hmm... how is he going to do that? Without it looking like Lex was behind it?
MR: Shove the blame on Lionel as usual.
JG: Hey, if Lionel was the one who killed Lana that's great with me. The magnificent bastard is back in business.
AM: Lex can talk about how he was obviously set up to take the fall. How convenient it was for the police found him at the dam. The fact that Lionel almost instantly took control of Luthorcorp and cut off all access to legal council? Lionel even saw to it that Lex didn't have the assets to make bail.
KK: Yeah, that's good.
MR: Lex can't even make bail? That's bullshit!
JG: Lionel couldn't make bail in season three, and that was for a murder over twenty years ago.
MR: That was bullshit too!
JG: I didn't see you raise a fuss then.
MR: We weren't in charge of the story back then!
JG: We had no influence?
[the cast glance nervously around the table at each other and sit in silence for a moment.]
AM: John...
JG: I'm sorry. I won't speak of it again.
KK: So, does Clark believe Lex or not?
MR: Absolutely.
TW: Hell no!
AM: I think he believes him.
TW: Why? Clark said Lex would feed Lana to the wolves just to spite him.
AM: And Chloe said Lex would never hurt the love of her life.
AoT: So I guess it's a matter of who's more right about Lex.
MR: Considering Clark spent the first half of last season bursting in on Lex and accusing him of things he had nothing to do with...
AM: Chloe is right.. as usual.
KK: When Clark leaves he thinks maybe Lex didn't do it.
JG: The lovers made up. How sweet.

AM: OK, and now for my favorite scene of the episode!
MR: Lord help us, not more crying!
AM: Shut up, Michael.
KK: Lionel at Chloe's bedside.
JG: What the hell is he doing there?
AM: He's on the good side now, remember?
JG: Egad! I thought he was getting his groove back!
AM: Chloe gains consciousness and moves to sit up. She winces.
KK: Lionel tells her not to move, she's been seriously injured.
AM: "Where's Lois? Is she alright?"
KK: "Lois isn't here."
AM: Chloe is confused, "She was right there beside me. No one found found her? She'd been stabbed."
KK: Lionel looks at Chloe oddly, "Ms. Sullivan, in the confusion you must have..."
AM: "No one got her out of there?"
KK: "You were the one who was stabbed, not Lois."
AM: Chloe looks down at her stomach an sees the bandage, "But that's impossible... I remember..."
KK: "Lois pulled you out of there. She pulled me out of there. She was a picture of perfect health."
AM: "No. Lois was near death. I know what I saw."
KK: "And then once she was sure you and I were going to be OK she..."
AM: Just then a young child strapped to a gurney is rolled by outside Chloe's room.
KK: The kid is screaming bloody murder, "Make them stop! Don't touch me! Please make them stop!"
AM: The mother follows, frantically talking with a nurse. She thinks her daughter is meteor infected. She wonders if she's going to have to commit her "baby" to Belle Reeve.
KK: Chloe rises from her bed and walks painfully towards the girl as Lionel implores her to stay put. He's afraid Chloe will re-open her wound.
AM: But Chloe ignores him. She takes the little girl's hand and whispers to her that everything is going to be OK.
KK: Almost instantly the girl calms down. She smiles. We hear Lionel. His voice is agitated, "What are you doing Chloe?"
AM: A bit irritated Chloe turns and snaps back, "What does it look like I'm doing? I'm helping this little girl!"
KK: Lionel pulls his hand off Chloe's shoulder. Surprised, "I didn't say anything."
AM: Chloe looks a bit surprised herself.
KK: We hear the little girl, "Thank you, pretty lady."
AM: Chloe turns back to face the girl and smiles, "You're welcome."
KK: Focus on the girl smiling back. We hear her voice but her lips don't move, "You made me better. You made the voices go away."
AM: Chloe's smile collapses. She drops the girl's hand and stares off into space for a moment. Then she looks down at her abdomen as the orderlies push the girl down the hall. With a far off look Chloe touches her bandage.
KK: Lionel, "Miss Sullivan, are you alright?"
AM: Almost as if she's still in a trance, "I'm..." She fakes a smile, "Yes, I'm fine."
AoT: Hold on, did you just turn Chloe into the Parasite?
AM: The Parasite? What's the Parasite?
MR: Traditional Superman villain. He sucks out your powers for himself.
AM: No, I did not turn Chloe into the Parasite!
JG: Seems like you did to me. She took that girl's power of telepathy, right?
AM: No! She healed the girl's meteor infection just like she healed Lois' stab wound. She didn't "take" any power.
TW: Does Chloe have the girl's power or not?
AM: She does, but...
AoT: She is the Parasite!
AM: No! She's making things right!
JG: She thinks she's making things right.
MR: Oh my God! She's Sylar!
AM: Sylar?
KK: The villain from Heroes?
MR: Yeah. Sylar started out "fixing" people and turned into serial killer.
KK: He cuts open people's heads to take their powers.
MR: Just like Chloe.
AM: Michael!

continued...