An interview with CV!AM

The fifth in a series of fictional interviews.

AM: OK. Get out.
[AM had taken the pad locks off, opened the top of the dumpster and lowered down a ladder. jwm and RepairmanBob squint from their first glimpse of sunlight in days.]
jwm: Allison Mack?
AM: Shh... Climb on up.
jwm: Thank you.
AM: Don't thank me, thank Al. He insisted I do this interview thing.
[RepairmanBob and jwm slowly climb up the ladder]
AM: [Nervously glancing around] Hurry up, before John sees us.
jwm: [moving significantly more quickly] What!?!?
AM: Get your asses in gear!
[jwm & RepairmanBob drop to the street. AM opens the door to a nearby sounds stage.]
AM: This way!
[The three enter]
AM: God, you two stink!
jwm: Sorry.
AM: [to RB] Why don't you go home and get a shower?
[RepairmanBob ambles off in a daze]
AM: He's not homeless is he?
jwm: I don't think so.
AM: Now about our interview...
jwm: You know, I've been in a dumpster all weekend, any chance I could go get cleaned up...?
AM: No time. Look. I need your help.
jwm: You need my help?
AM: Yeah. That whole thing between John and Erica, it needs to be kept it under wraps.
jwm: Why?
AM: Al and Miles need to think Erica chose to leave the show.
jwm: Why?
AM: That doesn't matter. The point is that's the impression we need to give.
jwm: I don't know how comfortable I am with making stuff up about people like that.
AM: What?
jwm: Said...
AM: I heard what you said... I just don't believe you. Look, Al and Miles need to think that...
jwm: I'm sorry. I can't do that. I'm not just going to make stuff up.
AM: [Putting her hand on her cell phone] You realize I have John on speed dial.
jwm: I'll do whatever you ask.
AM: Good choice. Now, about the interview.
jwm: I'm not really prepared...
AM: Bullshit. Don't tell me you haven't been dieing to ask me a few questions.
jwm: Actually...
AM: In fact, I bet your first question is about Erica.
jwm: It is?
AM: Yep. And how I feel about her suddenly abandoning us.
jwm: Actually I...
AM: I wouldn't call it abandonment per say.
jwm: But you just did!
AM: No, you did, in your question.
jwm: But you asked the question.
AM: [Puts her hand to her phone]
jwm: I'm sorry, I guess I was the one who called it abandonment.
AM: Better. I'm sure she's just doing what she feels is best for her career but I'm really sorry to see her go. I have no idea what we're going to do without her.
jwm: Are you sure she's gone?
AM: Trust me, she's gone. OK, now you can ask me what Chloe is going to do this season.
jwm: OK.
[silence]
AM: So do it.
jwm: Oh. OK. What is Chloe going to do this season?
AM: Excellent question. She's going to put her meteor powers to good use.
jwm: She's going to heal people?
AM: Yes.
jwm: What about, you know, reporting?
AM: Glad you asked. It turns out her meteor power is going to actually help her with reporting.
jwm: It is? How?
AM: Just wait for the premier. You'll see. Now, you can choose a question.
jwm: Is Mr. Glover aways that mean?
AM: He's really just a big teddy bear once you get to know him.
jwm: Is Michael Rosenbaum as fun in person as he seems in interviews?
AM: Michael? He isn't any fun at all.
jwm: But he always seems so...
AM: That's just a facade he puts on for his fans. On set he's a complete crumedgeon.
jwm: That's... so disappointing.
AM: Tell me about it.
jwm: Please don't tell me that Tom pays people off to say good things about him and that he's actually just a huge jerk.
AM: [Pauses] No. Tom is a really nice guy.
jwm: He not paying you, is he?
AM: Me?
jwm: Yes, you.
AM: No comment.
jwm: Wow. My illusions about this cast are just being shattered one my one.
AM: Sorry.
jwm: One final question?
AM: Sure.
jwm: What exactly happened between seasons three and four? Did Lex and Chloe jump in the sack that summer he hid her or not?
AM: Where did you hear that?!
jwm: Just... around. There have been rumors a few episodes where Lex and Chloe were a couple were actually filmed but when DC found out about it they put the kibosh on the whole thing.
AM: I don't know who's been feeding you this bogus information but it's complete and utter hog wash.
jwm: There are some pretty wild theories out there coming from multiple sources. Some believe DC forced Gough and Millar to bring Lois on the show as retribution. Is it true that Gough and Millar have portrayed Lois as a slacker ever since just to spite them?
AM: Believe me, I wish we had that much intrigue going on behind the scenes. The truth is things are usually pretty boring around here.
jwm: So you're denying the existence of mythical season 3.5?
AM: Is that all you're interested in asking me about? Conspiracy theories?
jwm: Is there a conspiracy?
AM: [Begins walking away] This interview is over!
jwm: I've heard the footage is under lock and key! One fan claims he bought a bootleg copy on ebay for almost $3000 but the tape never arrived and the seller just disappeared.
AM: [AM stops and turns back around.] Listen carefully. I'm going to say this one time and one time only. Chloe would never sleep with Lex Luthor. She never has and she never will. End of story.
jwm: But...
AM: Shh! If you know what's good for you you'll stop poking your nose where it doesn't belong.
jwm: But...
AM: Why don't you go get yourself cleaned up before I call up John and you wind up in the dumpster again?
jwm: But...
AM: [grabs her phone and starts dialing]
jwm: Um, thank you for your time, Ms. Mack.
AM: [Puts her phone back.] Yeah. No problem. And try to stay out of trouble from now on, OK? This set can be a dangerous place for a neophyte.
jwm: Understood.

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