The Big Meeting

[Cast sit TW, KK, MR, and AoT chatting. AM enters and clears her throat.]
AM: Can we come to attention now?
MR: What? Are you our boss now?
KK: Don't even kid, Michael.
AM: No, I'm not your boss.
MR: Thank God.
AM: Not that things wouldn't work more easily that way.
MR: So what's the big news you had to get us all together to tell us?
AoT: And why isn't Erica here?
AM: Erica is indisposed at the moment.
TW: She told me she had to meet with her lawyer...
MR: She didn't get arrested for indecent exposure, did she?
TW: ...and her agent.
KK: Ah, contract negotiations.
MR: If she gets a raise we better all get raises...
AM: I've been asked to present something to you.
MR: Great.
KK: [Standing] If this comes from Al and Miles I'm leaving.
AM: Relax, Kristen, it's good news.
MR: Good news? From Al & Miles?
TW: They're quiting?
AoT: Again?
KK: That really didn't work all that well the first time.
AM: They aren't quitting!
MR: Dammit, Allison, I thought this was supposed to be good news!
AM: It is.
MR: Them not quiting isn't good...
AM: That's not the news, you idiot!
MR: Whoa. Take a chill pill there, partner.
KK: What is this so called good news, then?
MR: Is it about the reporters that wound up in the dumpster? Because I didn't have anything to do...
AM: It's not about that either!
MR: Well then what is it about?
AM: If you would just shut up for five seconds I could tell you.
MR: I'm shutting up.
AM: Al and Miles wanted me to...
MR: Could you just get on with it?
AM: They want us to write the episodes again! OK?!?!
TW: That's all?
AM: That's big news. Huge!
KK: I thought you were going to tell us something we didn't already know. [Stands] What a waste of time.
AM: Wait. You knew we were going to write our own episodes?
TW: It was hard not to clue in when SDK packed up his office.
AM: He was leaving anyway. That shouldn't have set off any alarm bells.
MR: The packing wasn't. The foaming at the mouth was.
AM: You've known we were going to write our own episodes since Steven left?!?!
KK: You didn't?
AM: No!
TW: We assumed you did.
KK: Actually I was pretty sure she didn't.
MR: Really? Why?
KK: If she did she would have gotten all anal retentive about mapping out the season and assigning episodes and whatnot.
AM: I'm not anal-retentive!
TW: You're a bit controlling though.
AM: I am not!
AoT: Then why did you call us her to make a big important announcement instead of, oh, I don't know sending email?
AM: Email is not the appropriate form of communication for this type of thing!
MR: See? controlling.
AM: Shut up!
TW: Aren't you supposed to be convincing us to co-operate?
AM: Yes.
MR: Telling us to shut up isn't likely to do that.
AM: It works for me. So are you going to do it or not?
AoT: Do we have any other choice?
AM: Not really.
MR: So I guess we'll do it.
AM: Now, about planning out the season.
MR: Don't tell me we have to do that now? I just got a new Wii game!
AM: I could just plan the season for you.
KK: I don't think so. I want to make sure Lana stays dead.
AM: I have this room booked for the rest of the day.
KK: If anyone tries to make Lana live...
TW: It's the writers' room, Allison. If we're the writers now why would be have to book it?
AM: I don't know. I just wanted to make sure we had it.
KK: ...I'll personally see to it they die a slow and painful death.
MR: See? Controlling. No one else is going to want the room but you have to go and reserve it.
KK: Are you guys even listening to me?!?!
MR: Relax, Kristen, we're all perfectly OK with Lana being dead.
AM: Are we sure about that?
[Cast looks at AM. KK grits her teeth.]
AM: Yes. I guess we are sure about that.
AoT: What about Erica?
AM: She's going to be meeting with her lawyers all day. She said go on with out her.
MR: OK. But her story arc is going to suck donkey balls.
AM: I was thinking maybe we could leave it out.
KK: Leave it out?
AM: Yeah, and then, you know she can fill in whatever she wants when she gets here.
AoT: Oh. OK. She'll like that.
TW: I want to write the premier!
KK: I want the premier!
AoT: Why don't you two share it?
TW: Is that OK with everybody else?
AM: Al and Miles promised me the premier.
KK: Why?
AM: Just... you know, there's some stuff I wanted to do regarding Chloe's meteor ability.
TW: You can just tell us what it is and we'll put it in for you.
AM: No. They gave me the episode. It's mine and I get to choose who writes it with me.
MR: What the hell kind of system is that?
AM: It's their system. Don't try to make sense of it.
AoT: Well how many episodes do I get? It should be more than last year since we have one fewer cast member.
AM: Actually...
AoT: You've got to be kidding! Only three again?
AM: Actually...
AoT: Less than three?
AM: They distributed the episodes among me, Tom, Michael and Kristen.
AoT: None!?!? WTF!?!
AM: I'm sure you'll be picked to write several episodes though.
Aot: The very idea!
AM: I have you as co-writer on one.
AoT: This is a slap in the face!
KK: I want to write the premier with you! Tell me you picked me for the premier!
AM: I'm sorry, Kristen. I was thinking Tom would be...
TW: No, go ahead. Kristen wants to make sure Lana is dead. I'll have plenty of other episodes to write.
AM: Actually I wanted to write it with you, Tom.
KK: Allison, what's the big deal? You know I'll let you do whatever you want with the episode.
AM: I know but...
KK: Just as long as Lana is dead.
AM: But...
MR: You're trying to keep Lana alive, aren't you?
AM: What?
KK: Allison, that's not true, is it?
AM: Of course not.
TW: Then what's the big idea?
AM: OK. Kristen can write the premier with me.
KK: Yay! It's just like old times! This is going to be great!
AM: [weak smile] Yes, it's going to be great.

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