An Interview with CV!KK

The first in a series of fictional interviews.

Maniac64: Hey Kristin, thank you for agreeing to do this interview.
Kristin Kreuk: No problem. So what kind of questions do you have for me?
M: Well we’ll just start off with the basics. What can we expect to see from Lana this season? Is she still alive?
KK: HA! I don’t think so.
M: So Lana really is dead?
KK: Oh yeah, dead and gone. I don’t plan a filming another scene for this show. No, this season is going to be completely Lana-free.
M: You mean we’re not even going to get any dreams or flashbacks with her in it?
KK: Not unless they're old footage. That doesn’t upset you does it?
M: Well, not particularly. It certainly doesn’t seem to be bothering you.
KK: Not in the least. I am more than ready to be done with this show. I’ve got one last year on my contract and then I am gone.
M: So if you aren’t going to be on Smallville what will you be doing this year?
KK: Well, *phone rings* Oh dang it, its Al and Miles again. One second, I better take this. *answers phone* [sounding irritated]What do you want now? *pause* [angry]NO! I told you, we are not bringing Lana back to life. *pause* I don’t care if that was what you planned when it was written, we’re the ones writing now and there is no way I’m letting Lana come back. *pause* No, they won't bring Lana back either. *pause* because if they did they know that I would make their lives hell. *pause* Don’t try and talk to me about contracts, my agent says as long as I’m on the writing staff I fulfill my contract, whether or not I appear on the show. *pause* I don’t care if everyone loves Lana, I don’t! *pause* I think this show will be just fine without her, now GOOD BYE! *hangs up* Man I really need to change my number.
M: Umm…I couldn’t help but overhear, did you say you’re on the writing staff?
KK: Yep, this season will once again be written by the cast. I probably shouldn’t have told you that, but you know what? I just don’t care any more.
M: Wow, so the rumors were true. So what’s it like writing episodes with your co-stars?
KK: Oh man, its total chaos.
M: Really?
KK: Oh yeah, it’s like a reality show or something. I’m talking fights, deceit, lying, alliances, back-stabbing, manipulation, drugged food…
M: Wait, drugged food?!
KK: Oh yeah, it’s not even safe to eat the catering here; you never know what somebody has put in it.
M: *looks down at the half eaten cookie in front of me* Gulp. It sounds like quite a situation.
KK: Oh yeah, if we filmed it we’d get better ratings than Smallville. Not that that’s hard or anything.
M: So, can you give us some spoilers about what we’ll be seeing this year?
KK: Other than that Lana is staying dead, not really.
M: Oh come on, you guys have to have something planned out by now.
KK: Oh I’m sure we do, but I never really pay any attention during the brainstorming sessions. As long as Lana isn’t on screen I don’t care what happens.
M: Ok then, well thank you for your time.
KK: No problem. Oh, and you might want to call a cab or something instead of driving. *points to cookie* You know, just in case.
M: Uh…thanks. I think.

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