7.01 Bizarro by AM & KK (Part VII)

as retold by jwm

AM: It's no big deal. Al and Miles asked me to add this one scene. Just to, you know, tie everything back to the beginning of the episode.
KK: Al and Miles?!?!
AM: It really doesn't make sense if we never get back to the funeral, don't you think?
KK: I suppose...
AM: So let's just start reading...
KK: When did you add this?
AM: I don't know. Yesterday maybe? I thought I sent you a copy in email?
KK: I didn't see one.
AM: Hmm.. Anyway, back to the funeral. The attendants slowly disperse as the casket is lowered into the ground. Lionel approaches a lone figure standing off away from the crowd.
KK: Ah, Lois. I knew they wouldn't let you kill her.
MR: Lois isn't really dead? I thought Erica was off the show. We didn't kill her?
TW: Don't be ridiculous, you can't kill Lois.
AoT: You can't kill Lois any more than you can kill Clark or Lex or... Lana.
KK: Oh, but you can kill Lana. We did kill Lana.
AM: Lionel stands next to the mysterious figure...
KK: Of Lois.
AM: ...cut to show them from the back. Lionel is irritated, "I told you for this to work no one can see you. Not Clark, not Chloe, and especially not Lex. You've jeopardized our plan just by being here! Do you want to ruin everything we're working for?"
AM: Cut to Clark and Chloe walking away together in silence. Clark stops and looks in the direction of Lionel and the figure. Chloe asks him, "What is it Clark?"
TW: He's going to use his super hearing to figure out who it is!
AM: Actually no.
TW: No? Why not?
AM: Can't Clark afford people a bit of privacy in this time of morning?
TW: You just don't want him to know Lois is still alive!
JG: Lois can't be alive! If Erica is going to screw me over Lois must die!
AM: Clark hesitates for a second and then turns and continues walking, "Nothing." As they walk together Chloe continues to look behind her at them for a few seconds.
KK: Ah, so now Chloe knows Lois is alive.
TW: That's completely not fair! Clark is the one with super hearing!
AM: Chloe doesn't know anything Clark doesn't know.
JG: Come on, Chloe's not a complete idiot...
AM: I mean about what's going on here.
TW: Clark isn't a complete idiot!
AM: The figure turns to face Lionel. We see Lana in profile.
KK: What!?!?
AM: "I'm sorry, I just had to see him one more time."
KK: Lana is dead!!!! D - E - A - D. As in as a door knob.
JG: Apparently not. She and Lionel pulled one over on old Lex.
MR: I feel so used.
KK: You feel used?!?! Allison! How could you? I trusted you, dammit!
AM: I'm sorry, Kristen. It was the only way Al and Miles would allow the show to go on.
KK: Then the show doesn't. Fucking. Go. On!
TW: But the show must go on.
KK: Shut the fuck up, Tom! How dare you, Allison!?!? [KK throws her script at AM, sending paper flying everywhere. She stands and heads for the door.]
AM: Kristen, I...
KK: You do know what this means, don't you Mack? [KK opens the door to the writers' room]
AM: I'm sorry. Like I said...
KK: This means war!!! [KK points at AM.] You're going to pay, Allison. [She starts pointing around the room] You're all going to pay!
MR: Don't lump me in with... [KK gives MR the evil eye and MR gulps.]
KK: You've been warned. Nobody crosses Kristen Kreuk! Nobody! [KK storms out, slamming the door shut behind her.]
AM: And fade to black.
[The cast sit in silence for a moment]
MR: Wow.
JG: Damn. That woman is scary.
AoT: If she was just a little bigger she'd make for a good wrestling diva.
JG: [Putting his hand in front of AoT] Look! My hand is shaking.
[A few moments of uncomfortable silence]
MR: Wow.
[A couple of seconds more silence]
TW: Allison, do you have any idea what you just got yourself into?
MR: How about what she got us into?
[AM contemplates the situation for a moment]
AM: Actually, she took it a lot better than I thought she would.

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