7.07 Repercussions by AM & AoT (Part II)

AoT: Sex says they should just turn the TV off.
AM: Sex and Chloe are having tea with Lana and Clark.
KK: I don't think so. Lana is dead.
AM: Chloe is using illusion casting to draw on the TV and to recreate Lana and Clark.
TW: Clever.
MR: What's Lana wearing?
KK: Watch it Rosenbaum!
AM: Glad you asked. There's Lots of humor at the expense of Lana and Clark.
KK & TW: What!?!?
AM: Sorry, Tom. I like Clark as much as the next girl but he's just in the wrong place at the wrong time.
AoT: We call it collateral damage.
AM: Exactly. Clark stares into Lana's eyes, "Hey."
AoT: "Hi, Clark."
AM: Did I mention Lana emits a soft pink glow?
KK: [rolls her eyes]
AM: "You look great."
AoT: Lana notices something on Clark's face, "What's that?"
AM: "Hmm?"
AoT: "On your ear, you've got something."
AM: Cut to Lana's POV. There's something hanging off Clark's ear. Anyone who's seen There's Something about Mary will recognize it immediately.
TW: What!?!?!
AoT: Collateral damage, Tom, Collateral damage.
TW: This is completely unacceptable!
AoT: "Is that tapioca pudding?"
KK: What!?!?!
AM: Hee. Just kidding. Love the squirrel face, though. We'll need that later by the way.
KK: [glares]
AoT: It looks like a gob of...
ED: It's hair gel, right?
AM: [rolls her eyes] Haven't you seen There's Something about Mary?
ED: We rented it but my husband and I ended up making out on the couch for most of the movie.
JG: Yes, it's hair gel, Erica.
ED: I knew it!
AM: Cut to Lana with her hair wild in all directions. She tries to push it into place but it won't budge.
AoT: She's irritated, "What brand of hair gel is this? It's as hard as steel."
MR: Ha! That's hilarious!
AM: Glad you approve. Chloe and Sex get a good laugh out of it too.
KK: It's disgusting!
TW: Agreed. Allison, is that really necessary?
AM: I don't know. Was killing off Moira and Jimmy really necessary?
TW: But...
AM: One thing I do know is necessary is that to get her hair like that Kristen will spend a lot of time in the make up chair. How does 4am sound, Kristen?
JG: Sounds like murder on your hair.
AM: I hadn't thought about that. Bonus!
JG: [Shudders] In fact it might never be the same!
KK: [fearful] Never?
JG: At least until it grows out again.
KK: [Angry] I can't believe you!
AM: Sorry, Kristen. You're my friend so I tried to play nice. I tried to make up. But I'm tired of always being the peacemaker. You wanted to play dirty. So we're going to play dirty.
KK: Don't do something you're going to regret.
AM: [Mocking KK's voice] Don't mess with me and my shinny hair!
KK: Oh, you are so going to regret this, Mack!
AM: Yeah? I'm sure I will but you were going to keep screwing me over anyway. I figured why not have a little fun along the way?
KK: You think you've seen the worst? It can get worse!
AM: Worse than Chloe going mental and killing her own best friend? Worse than manipulating Clark and hording powers? Senselessly killing off her boyfriend? If you can do worse than that bring it on!
KK: I will!
AM: And you'll find my next couple of episodes consist of forty-five minutes of Lana Lang being skewered in various states of undress all carefully written to preclude the use of body doubles!
KK: You wouldn't dare!
AM: [AM narrows her eyes. In a deeply scary voice] Try me.
[TW, MR, and ED scoot their chairs back from AM a few inches. The room is silent for a moment as AM and KK stare each other down.]
ED: Heh. Um. This is when you two apologize to each other and make up, right?
[AM and KK continue to stare at each other. MR shifts uncomfortably in his chair]
ED: Right? [Pause] Hello?
AM: [Continuing to stare down KK.] Switch to Lana filmed in black and white in the shower.
KK: I'm not doing a shower scene.
AM: I say different.
KK: I'm not doing it!
AM: Suddenly someone pulls the shower curtain open. Lana turns and utters a blood curdling scream.
AoT: Quick shots of the bottom of the shower as a think dark liquid mixes with the water. Cue the Psycho music.
AM: Lana continues to scream, "No! Anything but that! Please, I'm begging you!" she starts sobbing, "I'm begging you." Finally she slips and falls. She lies unconscious in the tub.
AoT: The attacker drops his weapon into the tub on top of her and exits the bathroom.
AM: Focus in on it. It's a bottle of pancake syrup. It lies over turned on Lana's chest, syrup flowing out over her skin.
MR: Heh. That's pretty funny.
AM: And sticky.
JG: And it can't be good for your hair.
KK: Take it out.
AM: No.
KK: I said take it out!
AM: No!
[AM and KK glare at each other. ED picks up the refreshment tray and slides it between them.]
ED: Cookie?
MR: [Aside to ED] Back up and stay out of the line of fire.
[ED slowly pulls the tray back. MR takes a cookie.]
MR: Mmmm... oatmeal raisin! [Aside to ED] Just remember, as long as they are focused on each other they can only do minimal damage to us.
AM & KK: [Not taking their eyes off each other] Don't be so sure, Rosenbaum.
MR: [Chokes on his cookie]
AoT: Sex walks into the scene and picks up the syrup bottle. He sticks his finger in and takes a taste. "Mmmm, maple."
AM: Chloe laughs. "I didn't think Lex Luthor had a sense of humor."
AoT: Sex, "There are a lot of things you don't know about Lex Luthor."
AM: Chloe is intrigued, "Really? And what's the most shocking?"
AoT: "He's in love with you."
MR: [Chokes on his cookie again. ED pounds him on the back until it dislodges.] What!?!?
AM: Don't think you're off the hook for teaming up with Kristen last episode. Lex fell head over heels for Chloe in season 3.5.
MR: Bullshit!
ED: [Offering MR the refreshment tray] Here, have a cookie.
MR: [Knocking it out of the way] Get that out of my face! Lex never fell for Chloe!
ED: What happened to staying out of the line of fire?
MR: Suddenly I'm on the front line!
AM: [Finally switching her attention from KK to MR] You brought this on yourself.
MR: I swear to you...
AoT: Don't bother Allison, Michael. No one messes with my co-writer.
MR: But you sided with Kristen too! Why isn't Allison going after Martha?
AM: Sometimes you have to pick your battles.
AoT: And it's prudent to choose the one's you can actually win.
AM: Don't rub it in.
MR: This isn't over, woman!
AoT: [Firmly] Michael? Are you done?
MR: Yes, 'mam. I'm done.
AM: Thank you, Annette. There's a knock at the door. It's Martha Kent.
AoT: Yay!
AM: Clark and Lana disappear. Chloe opens the door and serves tea.
AoT: When Martha brings up real reason for visit -- mutant rights Chloe drops the tea kettle. Martha asks what is wrong.
AM: Chloe tells her it's nothing. She just has to go into her room for a second. Chloe heads into her room and disappears. Turns out the Chloe serving tea was an illusion. The real Chloe comes out.
AoT: Martha tells Chloe that she knows Chloe has been through a lot recently. She wants Chloe to know that this isn't something she has to face alone.
KK: I thought you hated milk and cookies Martha.
AoT: Somebody has to do it. Clark is off digging up green rocks.
TW: He doesn't have to be.
AoT: Jimmy is dead.
AM: Unfortunately.
AoT: And so is Lana.
KK: Fortunately!
AoT: Lois is persona non gratis.
AM: For good reason.
AoT: Who's left?
JG: Lionel.
AM: Heh. Yeah, right.

continued...