Meet the New Boss, (Not Quite) Same as the Old Boss

as retold by RepairmanBob

(Cast walks in, looks confused. JG and KK walk in together. KK is all smiles. JG looks concerned.)
JG: You need to take this seriously.
KK: Like I care? I am writing episode eight. Anything Allison tries to pull, I can just rewrite.
JG: You did not see her Kristin. Just lock your trailer door until after the reading.
ED: Why are we all here again? I have a party to set up this weekend.
MR: Really? Can I –
ED: No.
MR: But I will –
ED: Maybe next month, Michael. My husband needs some time to cool down.
MR: Wow, I just told him to check out the rack on a chick! Who thought a nuidist would be so up tight?
ED: It was his mom!
MR: It was a complement!
(AM stomps in, looking pissed)
AM: What the hell is going on? I have an episode to finish!
TW: Dawn said we were going to meet the new showrunner.
AoT: New showrunner? What happened to Al and Miles?
JG: There is no reason to go into –
KK: They were fired.
TW: Fired? Again? What did they do this time?
MR: I say they put cameras in Kristin’s trailer again.
KK: That ‘s why I switched trailers with Erica.
JG: I am sure it has nothing to do with –
AM: (scowls at JG) John got them to tank Father Knows Best.
ED: What?
JG: Damnit Allison!
ED: You got my show cancelled?
TW+MR: (exchange an awkward look)
JG: No, those morons got my show cancelled! I just wanted them to screw it up enough for Les to bring me back to save it!
AM: John convinced Al and Miles to add Lana-character to the show.
MR: That would make me stop watching.
JG: Shut up Allison!
ED: But how could they do that? It was on CBS!
MR: (Looks uncomfortable) Yes, that should have been impossible.
JG: I am sure this all just a big misunderstanding.
AM: Someonw misunderstood intellectual property laws, and persuaded Dumb and Dumber that Father Knows Best ripped off Smallville.
ED: No it didn’t!
TW: Yes it did.
ED: No it didn't!
AoT: Yes it did, dear.
JG: I wrote it. It completely ripped off Smallville.
AM: Al and Miles threatened to sue unless they got script approval. As soon as the rest of the cast saw the new Lana-riffic scripts, and they ran back to Battlestar Galactica.
TW: Well, that makes sense.
KK: I wish I could run back to Battlestar Galactica.
ED: Well, the scripts weren’t that bad.
MR: What?
TW: Come again?
ED: (Looks annoyed) Come on, do you all really think I am that dumb? That I had no idea why Father Knows Best was cancelled?
(Cast looks at each other and shrugs)
KK: Pretty much.
MR: I did.
TW: Ditto.
ED: Look, the scripts were just as good as anything Smallville put out last year.
JG: Noooooo! My work, ruined!
ED: But as soon as those prima donnas saw the changes, they started bitching and moaning. “Where is my motivation?” "Why am I in love with Donna?” “Why am I also in love with Donna?” “Didn’t we already do a mind whammy episode?” “My character learned this lesson last week!” "Why doesn't anyone tell Donna she is a bitch?" God! I thought they were professionals!
AM: But you knew Al and Miles trashed the show? Then why did you –
ED: Come back? Al and Miles gave me everything I asked for. I got to write my first episode back –
AM: My episode!
ED: Lois is at the Daily Planet, and I even got Kristin Bell some work. All I had to do was keep quiet about how they wrecked Father Knows Best. (Glares at JG) Of course, I had no idea someone was pushing them to cancel my show!
JG: My show!
AM: Goddamnit! You left the show! You sold us all out and for what?
ED: Nothing personal, Allison. I just did what was best for me and for my character. You of all people should understand that.
AM: (Stands up) You dirty, treacherous, lying –
MR+JG+TW: Fight, fight, fight!

(Bryan Singer walks in smiling. AM sits down, mutters about script changes for her next episode.)
BS: How are you all doing today! Glad to meet you all! I am a big fan of Superman! Have you all seen the Richard Donner Superman movies? I love them! I made my own Superman movie!
TW: (To MR) He seems very energetic.
MR: (To TW) Or he drinks more coffee than Allison.
BS: I think we will all work great together! I want to get Smallville back to the basics. Get back to what motivates the characters, and put on some great television. I love television. Have you ever seen House? I am the executive producer of House. Great show.
ED: (to KK) What is he talking about?
KK: (To ED) I am really not sure.
BS: Did you see the first two X-Men movies? Great films. I love movies about comic book characters. You have no idea how excited I am about doing a television show about Superman! Did I mention how much I like the Donner movies?
JG: (To AoT) He keeps mentioning those damn movies.
AoT: (To JG) Are the parents in those movies?
JG: (To AoT) I don’t believe so.
AoT: (To JG) Oh, dear.
BS: I will look forward to talking with you all soon. I want to make a big bang and get some media attention for the fall sweeps, folks. Make an impact right away, get those ratings up and get people talking about Smallville.
TW: (To MR) Has he ever seen Smallville?
MR: (To TW) Clearly not.
BS: Just remember, I love Superman! See you all soon! (Walks out.)
(Cast is in shock)
TW: Well…
MR: Umm…
ED: That was certainly…
AM: Interesting.
KK: Was Lana in the Superman movies?
AoT: I played Lana in Superman Three!
KK: Did Donner do that one?
AoT: Sadly, no.
KK: (Smiles) Then I’m happy.

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