Heart of Dorkiness (Part I)

as retold by RepairmanBob

(Al and Miles’s old office, now Bryan Singer’s office. The Lana posters are gone. The walls, are covered in movie posters and autographed cast pictures from Superman: The Motion Picture, Superman II and Superman Returns. Movie props, photos, Alex Ross paintings of Superman, toys and a life sized cardboard of Christopher Reeves cover the room. One corner has been turned into a small shrine, with a copy of Action Comics #1 locked in a glass case. BS looks around proudly.)
BS: Everything is perfect. It is finally perfect.
(KK Bursts in)
KK: OK, you said you wanted to meet with – holy crap!
BS: (Smiles) It’s great, isn’t it? I have always been a huge Superman fan. I have always dreamed about making my own Superman movie. And I did!
KK: Yes, I know.
BS: Superman Returns! It was great! And now I get to work on Young Superman!
KK: Smallville.
BS: Yes, Young Superman! The story of how Clark Kent grows up to be Superman! I can hardly wait!
KK: Have you ever actually watched Smallville?
BS: It’s Superman! I know all about Superman! Did you know Superman can fly around the world so fast it reverses time?
KK: (Dry voice.) Wonderful. Listen, I just want to make sure my character stays dead. I don’t care what else you –
BS: Dead? No way! You can’t be dead! I refuse to allow that!
KK: (Glares, starts to move towards BS) What do you mean not dead? Lana got her goddamn head cut off! If you think –
BS: Lana? Who is Lana?
KK: (Backs off) Who is Lana?
BS: Yeah, who is that?
KK: Lana Lang?
BS: Not ringing a bell.
KK: But who did you think I was –
BS: Dawn said you played Clark’s love interest! You must be Lois Lane! I need Lois Lane on Young Superman! She is in the movies!
KK: Lois? But why would you –
BS: You look like Kate Bosworth! (Frowns) But a little heavier. Have you considered dieting? Kate is pretty and thin!
KK: (Mouth wide open, utterly speechless)
BS: Anyway, if you were Clark’s love interest, you had to be Lois! Clark loves Lois, everyone knows that! (Looks around, gets distracted) Look, a shinny penny! (BS chases after penny).
KK: You really have never watched Smallville, have you?
BS: Clark loves Lois! Everyone knows that! If there is a love interest, it has to be Lois!
KK: So, you do not care if Lana stays dead?
BS: I am still not sure who this Lana is, but if she was not in the Donner movies, I don’t care. I love those movies! Look, I have posters from them!
KK: (Smiles) Yes, I see. Listen, you like the Superman movies, right?
BS: Like them? I love them! Did you know I made my own Superman movie? Do you want to watch it with me right now?
KK: Sure, and while we do that, let me tell you about some ideas I have for Smallville.
BS: Young Superman.
KK: Whatever you say, Bryan. Whatever you say.

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