Heart of Dorkiness (Part III)

as retold by RepairmanBob

[Some time later. BS is playing a Superman board game.]
BS: I’ll save you Lois!
JG: [Walks into the office] Mr. Singer, juts let me say this is a – [looks around] oh my.
BS: [Stands up, walks to JG] HI! Bryan Singer! Great to meet you!
JG: Yes, we met a few –
BS: I am so happy to meet the cast of Smallville! I thought the name of the show was Young Superman, but Kristin told me it was called Smallville! Can you believe that?
JG: Well, I -
BS: I mean, it is the story of how Clark Kent becomes Superman! Why would you not call it Young Superman? Or Superboy! That would be so cool!
JG: And legal suicide.
BS: What?
JG: Never mind. Mr. Singer, I would like to talk to you about my role on the show.
BS: Great! I think you play an essential role on the show, and I want to increase your screen time in the next few episodes.
JG: You are an outstanding judge of talent.
BS: Halley Berry said the same thing to me! Do you know I worked with Halley Berry on two X-Men movies?
JG: How nice. So, for my new story arc –
BS: She won an Oscar!
JG: I know. Life is truly not fair.
BS: But not for X-men. Some monster movie. I didn't see it. It didn't have Superman. I love Superman.
JG: I hear you made your own Superman movie.
BS: I did! How'd you know?
JG: I...
BS: Have you had lunch yet? I want to get some lunch! Do you like Chinese food? [Opens office door] Someone order me some Chinese food! [to JG] I think Superman would like Chinese food.
JG: Let’s stay on task here. I was thinking...
BS: What to do with Jonathon Kent?
JG: [pause] Eh, what?
BS: Dawn said you were playing Martha’s love interest, and that had to be Jonathan Kent! After all, everyone knows Clark’s parents are together and love each other! Who else could Martha be involved with?
JG: Jonathon Kent is dead! I play...
BS: Oh, that's right... heart attack! What a shame. I can't believe Martha would have eyes for anyone else though...
JG: I play...
BS: Holds up his hand Wait! Let me guess! I'm good at this! I'm good at guessing games. Did you know I once won a jar of Jelly Belly's by nailing the exact number in the jar?
JG: I didn't...
BS: They were red and blue. Just like Superman's costume. I couldn't stop eating them! Wish I hadn't done that... had a stomach ache for weeks.
JG: What I wanted to say...
BS: Let me get a look at you. Ruggedly handsome...
JG: [Smiles] Why yes!
BS: [touches JG's mane] Magnificent hair!
JG: Thank you.
BS: Such a striking figure, it's so obvious! How could I have ever thought you were Clark's dad?
JG: [Flattered] No offense taken.
BS: The girl with the shinny hair! You're her father!
JG: Who?
BS: Laura? No. Donna? No.
JG: [Turns green, holds his stomach] Lana?
BS: Lana! That's it! Lana!
JG: [Expression stuck between shocked and horrified] No! I'm Lionel Luthor!
BS: Who?
JG: [Looks shocked] Lionel Luthor!
BS: Who is that?
JG: [Expression stuck between shocked and horrified] You don't know? Lionel. Luthor. The Magnificent Bastard. Father of Lex, enemy of Clark, seducer of Martha.
BS: I don’t remember him from the Superman movies.
JG: He was created for this show!
BS: Not in the movies? Then we may have a problem. I was brought in to bring Young Supeman –
JG: Smallville
BS: Back to what made it great. Back to basics. And what is more basic than the Donner Superman movies? Everyone loves them!
JG: So the big plans you had for me... were for actually for Jonathon Kent?
BS: A shame about the heart attack. Are you sure you don't play Lana's father?
JG: YES!
BS: It's just that Lex is bald and Lana's and your hair...
JG: [Looks nauseated] I have to go. We will talk [gags] later! [JG runs out the door. The sounds of vomiting, broken up by violent cursing, can be heard]
BS: Back to work! [sits back down at the Superman board game.] No real estate for you, Lex Luthor!

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