7.16 Control by AM & MR (Part IX)

AM: Daily Planet. Lois is working at her computer. Bittleman walks into their office, a bouquet of flowers in his hand.
MR: Why did we agree to do this scene again?
ED: In exchange for having Allison back? Small price to pay don't you think?
JG: Depends on who you ask. Are you going to take all of Bittleman's manhood now?
AM: Mmm, pretty much.
ED: But he deserves it. He's been an ass to Lois all season.
MR: Bittleman, "You're looking chipper for someone who thought the world was ending only yesterday."
AM: Without turning around, "Despite the fact my cousin took a wrecking ball to all my Luthor research she's still alive. And that in and of itself is my first lead in my never ending quest to topple the Luthor empire."
MR: "And your Research on Kal-El?"
AM: Lois frowns but then turns toward Ted. "You know what? I think I'd much rather talk about my sexy new boyfriend."
MR: Bittleman hides the flowers behind his back with disappointment, "Your what?"
AM: "My sexy new boyfriend. I haven't told you about him?"
MR: "Um.. no."
AM: "He is charming, suave, witty..." Lois stands looks Ted in the eyes, "and did I mention he can be a huge pain in the ass?" She grabs Ted by his lapels to pull him close to kiss him passionately.
JG: Ugh. Can I barf now?
MR: Do we really have to have this scene?
ED: You promised!
AM: We did promise.
MR: [Sighs] Bittleman drops the flowers and blindly reaches behind him for the door.
AM: Cut to the view from outside the office. Bittleman finds the door and manages to shut it.
MR: Outside a small group of employees clap and whistle. The office immediately gets quiet again as Kahn approaches.
AM: There's a small crash inside the office and we hear Lois yelp and laugh in surprise. Kahn opens the door, "Bittleman! Lane! Stop screwing around and get back to..."
MR: From off-screen we hear Bittleman, "Kahn, for once in your life your actually speechless!"
AoT: Don't you think having sex in the office is a little degrading for Lois?
ED: They're not having sex!
KK: Yet.
ED: Shut up! They're just making out.
AoT: Don't you think making out in the office is degrading for Lois?
JG: Degrading for Lois!?!? What about Bittleman?!?! He was my hero and you ruined him!
KK: At least now Lana isn't the only one who ruins other characters.
ED: Lois hasn't ruined Bittleman.
JG: Says you! This is criminal!
AM: It's the only way Erica would let me write the episode, if Lois hooked up with Bittleman.
KK: And writing the episode is the only way Allison would come back.
JG: I'm not so sure which is worse. You all or Singer.
AoT: Three words, John. Kneel before Zod.
JG: OK. Singer was worse. But can we not completely ruin Bittleman?
AM: What do you suggest?
JG: I don't know? Maybe he can slap Lois around a bit before they make out.
[Cast stare at JG]
JG: What?
ED: I don't think that's going to happen.
JG: At least insult her a few more times!
AM: We can do that.
ED: What?!?!
AM: Sorry, Erica. John's right. It's in character. Bittleman should insult her.
JG: And smack her around a bit!
ED: I'll smack you around a bit!
JG: I'd like to see you try!
AoT: Cut it out, you too.
KK: Lois should insult Bittleman too.
ED: What?
AM: Sorry, Erica. Kristin's right. It's in character. Lois should insult Bittleman.
ED: What kind of romance it that?
MR: A crappy one?
KK: Which is perfect for Lois. She always has crappy romances. It's canon.
ED: You know what else is canon? You all suck!

MR: LuthorCorp. Lex's office. He's looking over the folder from the teaser.
AM: Hope stands by the desk, "I would like to remind you I was against this project from the beginning."
MR: "Your objections were duly noted."
AM: "And ignored."
MR: Lex doesn't say anything.
AM: "Miss Sullivan is a loose end."
MR: "Miss Sullivan is not to be touched."
AM: "She's dangerous, Lex."
MR: "I disagree. We wait for her to make the next move."
AM: Hope opens her mouth to object but Lex talks over her.
MR: "What I'm worried about is Dr. Richards. Who else did he share project data with?"
AM: "There's no way to know. Unfortunately he was dead before we had the opportunity to interrogate him. What we do know is inventory is missing."
MR: Lex seethes, "Sold to the highest bidder. And what's left? Are they ready?"
AM: "Despite the recent setbacks Dr. Richards was able to make significant progress before..." She chooses her words carefully, "...the primary test subject was lost."
MR: "Good." Lex glances at the contents of the folder, "Time is a luxury we no longer have. I want whatever is left of operation Vault Black operational yesterday."

AM: Chloe sits alone in the Talon, looking sadly down into a cup of coffee. She holds Lois' flash drive in her hands.
ED: Oh, I get it. You had Lois mix up yet another disgusting combination of sugar and caffeine. Why does she always...
MR: Relax, Erica. It's just Chloe in a funk.
AM: A fact Reinforced by some crappy CW sad song the playing in the background.
MR: Clark from off-screen, "Chloe?"
AM: She nearly jumps out of her skin knocking over her coffee in the process. Clark rushes over to apologize.
TW: Great, another scene where Clark says sorry. Those never get old.
KK: At least he's not apologizing to Lana for something that wasn't even his fault.
TW: Point.
AM: Chloe fires up her best "I am completely repressing my issues" smile. "It’s okay, Clark. I am just a little jumpy. Coming back from the dead can do that to a girl."
MR: Clark sits, "How are you doing? We haven't had a chance to talk since..."
AM "I channeled the softer side of Lex?" Attempting to change the subject, "Speaking of which... " she hands Clark the flash drive. "I found this in my pocket."
MR: "Lois' research? Why give it to me?"
AM: "There's quite a bit about you in there. You need to be more careful."
MR: "Does Lois...?"
AM: "Don't worry Clark, she's not on to you yet. And without that she's back at square one."
MR: Clark puts the drive in his pocket, "Thanks, Chloe I don't know what I'd do without you."
ED: They aren't going to give Lois her research back!?!?
AM: No.
ED: What about all her hard work?
[The cast collectively chuckles]
ED: What? Lois works hard!
KK: Don't you mean hardly works?
[Cast chuckles again]
ED: She does work hard!
AM: Hard work aside Lois isn't the first character to find her research stolen or destroyed or whatever.
ED: And it sucks, doesn't it?
AM: Yep.
ED: So why do it to Lois?
AM: You get used to it. Eventually. Besides we might get a season eight. And if we do we can't let Lois get too close to Clark's secret can we?
ED: [sighs]
AM: Am I right?
ED: [Dismissive] Whatever.
AM: Am I right?
ED: Just get on with the scene, OK?
AM: I'm right, aren't I?
JG: Yes, you're right, goddammit! Can we just finish this piece of crap and get out of here?
MR: You could always do a mind whammy.
JG: Oh, that's real clever. Is a mind whammy your solution to everything, Rosenbaum?
MR: I wish I could give you a mind whammy!
JG: I'll give you a mind...
TW: Come on guys. Let's just get the episode finished already!
MR: We're still going out for karaoke, right?
ED: [Pouting] Not me.
MR: Don't be a spoil sport.
ED: You ruined Lois' relationship with Bittleman and now you're stealing her research? No thanks!

Continued