7.09 Collusion by TW and ED (Part I)

as retold by Bill C

Desperate times cause Lex to form an unlikely partnership. Chloe make a difficult decision regarding her power.

[The reading room. Everyone else is assembled as TW and ED walk in.]
TW: Sorry we're late, people.
ED: We just came from Bryan's shrine.
MR: You mean office?
ED: No, I mean shrine.
TW [hands out copies of a script]: Let's get this over with.
AoT: Someone's in a hurry.
ED: He's having a bad day.
AM: Not nearly as bad as mine.
KK: That's more like a bad month, isn't it?
AM [scowls at KK]: Quiet, you. At least you're getting the hell away from this madhouse for a minute...by choice.
KK: Which reminds me--I need to run across town and talk to the Supernatural people about my cameo. I think they want to do it sooner than they originally said...
AM: Yeah, yeah, you're on your way now. Supernatural today, Jeepers Creepers 3 tomorrow.
KK: I could put in a word for you...
AM: Thank you, but no. I'm not even worrying about it yet.
MR: The first stage of being fired: denial.
AM: Come on. How often have people threatened to fire people around here?
AoT: Not as often as you'd think...but you do have a point.
JG [enigmatically]: You can check into Smallville, but you can't check out.
MR: Pete did.
JG: Yeah, but who the hell cares about Pete?
KK: Tom, do you need me here for anything?
TW: No, Lana's still dead. Get out of here.
KK: Okay. Bye!
[KK exits]
AM [quietly]: She's supposed to be doing what over there again?
AoT: Playing a succubus, I think.
AM: Hopefully they got my voicemail about making her wear pink.
MR: Good one. [high-fives AM]
TW [makes a notation on his copy of the script]: We open on a gloved hand picking up a large broken crystal fragment and putting it into a large metal container. Pull back to show it's Clark, in his protective suit, still cleaning up in the FoS.
JG [fakes a yawn] Boring.
TW: It's called setup, John, and you should be used to it by now.
AoT: Ow.
JG [amused]: Damn, Welling. There may be hope for you yet.
TW: So Clark's walking around picking up crystals and putting them in the container for a minute...
MR: It puts the lotion in the basket or it gets the hose again?
TW [ignores MR]: ...when we see a familiar red glow from behind him. He's blocking the shot, so we don't see the usual flash and so on, but when the glow fades and he moves we see that Martian Manhunter has appeared behind him.
ED: "Kal-El. The reconstruction continues?"
TW: "Yeah, that's the last of the kryptonite and the damaged crystals. Now I just need to find a way to repair the remaining ones and restart the system."
ED: And then there's the music?
TW: Oh, yeah, that.
MR: What, Erica wanted some Corinne Bailey Rae playing on a boombox in the background?
ED: Give me a little credit. I prefer stuff with lots of bass.
AM: Someone remind me to put a Whitesnake song in if I get the chance. Plenty of bass there.
ED: Hey!
TW: Bryan was working on this memo when we went to see him. He wants us to put some, quote, "appropriate music cues" into an episode if we can get away with it.
MR: You're kidding.
ED: I was there. His exact words were "More Superman music! More music from my Superman movie! And where's my pie?"
AoT [scowls]: That bastard is making me hate pie.
TW: Sooooo, while Clark and MM are talking, we've got this piece of music from Superman Returns going under it. You're Not One Of Them.
JG: Was that your choice or Singer's?
TW: Mine. If it shuts him up, it's served its purpose.
JG: Nice.
TW: Thank you. So, Clark goes over to another container and puts a huge metal cover of some sort on it, then starts taking off his protective suit. Meanwhile MM starts digging through the first container, and pulls out a particular crystal.
ED: "Theoretically, all you should need is sufficient power."
TW: Clark points at a set of generators sitting against the far wall. All of them have the Queen Industries logo on them. "It's covered."
ED: MM goes over to Clark and hands him the crystal he pulled out of the container. "Once the Fortress is restored, Kal-El, you will have many things to do."
TW: Clark looks at the crystal, which is more along the lines of a flat rectangular piece of burnt frosted glass. It also has the emblem of the House of El on it. "I know. I have to try to begin my training in earnest."
ED: "Not only that. In all your time here, your knowledge of things beyond this planet has been lacking...and that should be rectified as soon as possible."
TW: "It's not like I can leave Earth whenever I want, J'onn. Or if I can even ever leave it, apart from getting sucked through portals into the Phantom Zone or something like that."
MR: That's what happens when you've got no ride.
ED: "Perhaps. But as the last son of Krypton--"
JG: You're actually going to use that line?
TW: Like I said before: if it shuts Bryan up...
AM [puzzled]: You're trying to do an episode that he'll like?
TW: Not quite.
ED: This is more a sort of passive rebellion. We're just making it look like something he'll like.
AM: Passive rebellion...?
TW: It'll become clear later. Now, Erica, where were we?
ED: Right. "But as the last son of Krypton, the legacy left to you is truly interstellar in nature. At the very least, you should be more aware of the things that may arise one day due to your heritage."
TW: Clark holds up the crystal in front of the camera and just stares through it, past the camera. "What, like Zod? Or the Zoners? Don't tell me there are even more things my people imprisoned somewhere out there?"
ED: MM, who's behind Clark and slightly out of focus, nods--though Clark can't see it. "I can't be certain of that, of course. But there are far worse things in this universe, Kal-El."
JG: Wal-Mart?
MR: Dr. Phil?
AM [sourly]: Bryan Singer.
AoT: You're obsessing.
AM: Damn right I am.
MR: I thought you were in denial?
AM: Shut up.
TW: Clark turns to face MM, and of course now he looks worried.
ED: MM repeats it, to get the point across. "Far worse things than what you've seen."
JG: And this is where we go "Uh oh," right?
TW: Not yet. Later.

to be continued...