Heart of Dorkiness (Part VIII)

as retold by RepairmanBob

(BS is playing the Superman Returns X-Box 360 game on his 114” HDTV.)
BS: Wow, this game still sucks. It makes me so mad! I hate EA! How can you make such a bad game about Superman? It’s like chili and apple pie! It’s just not right! Ummm, chili. (Yells out door) Get me some chili fries! And apple pie! And a programmer from EA to yell at!
MR: (Walks in) Hey Bryan, you wanted to – wow, cool TV!
BS: Thanks!
MR: Hey, is that Superman Returns?
BS: Yes!
MR: That game sucks!
BS: Yeah it does!
(BS and MR high five)
BS: Hey, I just ordered some chili fries. You want some?
MR: Sure! Chili fries rule!
(BS and MR high five again)
BS: Now, I know you play Lex, who is bad. But you seem nice. I have some ideas for Lex for this season.
MR: Cool. I hated how Lex was such a wimp last year. I want him to be cool again.
BS: Exactly. You know what is cool? Do you want to quess? I love when people guess! It makes things exciting! Like monkeys with funny hats!
MR: Mercy?
BS: No.
MR: Scary plots where I nearly kill Clark?
BS: No.
MR: Killing Lionel?
BS: Not quite.
MR: Naked exploding robot women? Sex with Chloe? Sex with Lois? Sex with naked exploding robot women who look like Chloe and Lois?
BS: Real estate!
MR: Huh?
BS: Real estate! In the Superman movies, Lex is obsessed with real estate!
MR: Well, I guess Lex could go after real estate to build more Level 33.1 facilities. He owned an island in 7.04, but Erica blew it up.
BS: No! Lex does not want real estate to build bases!
MR: Then why the hell would he want it?
BS: To sell it! Did you see in Superman when Lex blew up California?
MR: Bryan, why would Lex blow up California? There are hot women in California! Hot women Lex can have sex with!
BS: To make money! Lex loves money!
MR: Lex has money! He has piles of money! Lex loves evil experiments and the ladies! That’s what Lex needs – more hot assistants. I was thinking -
BS: Yeah, about that – I want to make Lex a wanted criminal. A man on the run. Like in The Fugitive! Did you know the cop from The Fugitive in on Scrubs? I love that show! Did you know I have a show set in a hospital?
MR: What? Lex runs LuthorCorp!
BS: About that…
MR: No way! I had to fight for years to have Lex get LuthorCorp! No way Lionel gets it back!
BS: But Lex lives under the subway! It is a cool base! It has a pit with dogs! I like dogs! Did you know Lassie was a girl?
MR: Lex lives in a castle! A big castle! With a pool table! And Scotch! He is rich! He can just buy real estate and a pit with dogs!
BS: We’ll get back to that. I also think Lex needs more minions.
MR: Cool. I want Mercy. And Black Canary. And Harley Quinn. And Wonder Woman and -
BS: No, Otis!
MR: Otis?
BS: Otis is great! He is funny!
MR: He is dumb! And fat! And a dude! No way I am having a dumb, fat dude hanging around Lex! Now, I think Wonder Woman would –
BS: How about Kitty Kowalski?
MR: Smart, tough women! No dumb women! Anyway, she betrayed Lex. We already did that last season.
BS: But she has a little dog!
MR: No little dogs! Big Dogs! With kryptonite fangs! An a pool with sharks who have lasers on their foreheads!
BS: How about more humor?
MR: Can Lex make fun of the other characters? I like when he called Lois a muffin-slinger college drop-out. Hey do you have any muffins?
BS: Muffins do sound good. (Yells) Get me some bluberry muffins!
MR: (Yells) And banana nut!
BS+MR: Muffins rule! (They high five)
BS: I was thinking more of Lex telling silly jokes. Like Gene Hackman!
MR: Lex should be smart and scary! Not a goof! It is Erica's job to act like a clueless goof! I should be scary and sexy!
BS: But I like funny Lex! Lex is funny in the movies!
MR: But didn’t you make Lex scary in Superman Returns? Kevin Spacey was pretty damn scary when he tried to kicked Superman’s ass.
BS: That is true!
MR: Maybe Lex can kick Clark’s ass!
BS: Like in my movie!
MR: Your movie rules!
BS: Yeah!
(MR and BS high five)
BS: Where are those chili fries?
MR: Chili fries rule!

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