7.09 Collusion by TW and ED (Part VII)

as retold by Bill C

ED: Cut to the usual establishing shot of LuthorCorp.
JG: The tower of power.
MR: Well, it would be on any other show.
ED: And from that, we go once again to Lex's office. Lex is in profile, looking out the window, with Kahloe perched on the end of his desk.
AM: Still in the red minidress?
ED: Yeah.
AM [shrugs]: Figures. Okay, fine, whatever.
MR [whispers to AoT]: Is that a stage?
JG [whispers to MR]: I'll allow it.
ED: Kahloe is just staring off into space. "Lex?"
TW: Lex is kind of distracted. "Yes, Chloe?"
MR: He calls her Chloe? The hell?
ED: What?
MR: He calls her Chloe?
AM: Like it matters at this point.
AoT [whispers to MR]: Definitely stage four.
AM: What are you talking about, Annette?
AoT: Nothing. Just waiting for my stuff to pop up.
TW: It's coming, Annette.
AoT: You already used that excuse.
TW: I'm using it again, okay?
MR: And what's up with Kahloe being called Chloe, anyway?
ED: Michael, what's your point?
MR: Just wondering if you guys are planning to kill Lex instead of Chloe or something.
TW: No, then we'd just have Hope flip out and break Lex's neck.
MR [pauses]: You actually gave it some thought?
ED: It...might have come up once or twice.
MR: Oooookaaaay.
TW [clears throat]: All right, all right. Kahloe looks startled when Lex calls her Chloe...but this whole range of emotions zips across her face in just a few seconds. Doubt, surprise, a little love and lust in there...Allison, you're getting a nice slow zoom-in there, so try to look like you're enjoying wearing the dress?
AM: .......still no death scene, right?
TW: No death scene, dammit.
AM: Okay, okay.
TW: Kahloe is about to say something when Lex's phone rings. Michael, this is your chance to be monosyllabic.
MR: At least I'm alive and monosyllabic. Okay... "Yes? Right? Really. Thank you. Keep me apprised, and good work." And click goes the phone.
ED: Kahloe is appropriately curious. "What was that about?"
MR: Can I? [TW nods] Okay. "That was the lab. That little gift from our visitor earlier? Early analysis is that it appears to be some sort of synthetic electrolyte...which by itself could probably put a dent in energy drink sales if we could reproduce and bottle it."
ED: "Luthorade?"
JG: It works every time.
MR [laughs]: That's Colt 45, you bastard. But anyway. "They're still working on it, but they did note that they're testing to gauge whether or not it has some sort of regenerative quality."
ED: "Interesting. So your new friend gives you the gift of...electrolytes."
MR: Lex nods thoughtfully. "It's a start, if nothing else. I'll wait until the first round of tests is done before putting Mr. Hasaad on my speed-dial...though this is a good start."
TW: And we just jump straight from there to Chloe and Lois coming up to the door Lois and Zinda went through a few episodes back. Lois pulls out the keycard from earlier. "Hold on. I used this card a couple of weeks ago...you think it'll still work?"
AM: "You're asking me that now?"
ED: "We--yeah." Tom, do we really have to leave that in--
TW: Yes.
ED: Makes Lois kind of a dolt.
[AM sticks her hand up, puts it back down, and covers her mouth with her other hand]
ED [glares at AM]: Quiet, you.
AM [snickers]: Chloe smiles wearily, and takes the card from Lois. "It's worth a try." She puts one hand on top of the card scanner, there's some very subtle glowy effects when she does that, and then she slides the card through the scanner. It flashes a green light and beeps, and the door opens.
ED: "Wow, Lex is stupid."
AM: Pot, meet kettle.
ED: Hey, Lois doesn't know Chloe is the Lawnmower Man. But, damn, Tom, I want to redo that dialogue...
MR [looks at ED]: Somehow, I can't picture you watching that movie.
ED: Pierce Brosnan's in it.
MR: Oh.
TW: This is where we get the usual couple of minutes of Lois and Chloe avoiding the security redshirts, sneaking around, blah blah blah--
JG: Some traditions just have to be maintained, after all.
MR: Like not having security cameras in critical areas.
JG: Or those goddamn fire doors. I love those.
TW: Eventually they get to a door labeled "SERVER ROOM," and go inside. We've seen it before, so it looks exactly the same...maybe with a couple of extra servers, some reel-to-reel machines...
JG: God, Welling. Don't emasculate LuthorCorp any more than it already has been.
MR: Well said.
TW: Okay, no reel-to-reel machines. At the rear of the room, off to one side, is a rack with a single server on it that appears to have been partially dismantled; it has a keyboard, mouse, and monitor sitting above it.
ED: "Wild guess: that's got to be our missing server over there." Lois makes a beeline for the server, sits down in front of it, and turns on the monitor. On the screen appears a message about a diagnostic program having failed to recover various files, and a Restart button. "Damn...looks like someone had the right idea. But it's hosed."
AM: Chloe leans over Lois, casually placing one hand on top of the server. "Try to start the diagnostic program again."
ED: "You sure?"
AM: "Can't hurt."
TW: More glowy effects from under Chloe's hand, as Lois clicks on the Restart button. The screen seems to flicker for a split-second, then a progress meter appears on the screen showing the diagnostic program at work. Only it's going really fast...it finishes in a few seconds, and the screen jumps to a file selection prompt.
ED: "All right...we're in!"
AM: Chloe looks anxious. "All right...we need to find the recording of the camera in Lex's office from the day Lana was killed."
ED: Lois starts scrolling through the files in the prompt. "Okay, okay...hang on."
MR: Oh, Sex pops up again, as Lois is busily scrolling through stuff. "Good move. But you really shouldn't be here."
AM: Chloe whispers her reply. "Dammit, nobody knows what happened. Or nobody's saying, whichever. This has got to be done!"
MR: Sex takes a moment to watch the terminal screen as the file prompt disappears and a massive block of text and images starts scrolling upwards. "It was just an accident involving a mutant! You shouldn't be involved more than you are!"
AM: "What do you mean 'more than I am'?"
ED: "What, Chloe?"
AM: Oh, so that last part was normal voice. Okay. "Uh...nothing."

Continued...