7.09 Collusion by TW and ED (Part IV)

as retold by Bill C

ED: Okay, and we're finally at the Daily Planet. Lois is at her desk, busily typing on her computer, while Bittleman is on his phone at his desk.
TW: Bittleman is ranting at the person on the other end of the phone about needing some face time with someone, how he'd been brushed off a couple of times already, et cetera.
ED [dejectedly]: Lois is wearing...glasses.
AoT and AM: Glasses?
ED: Bryan's idea. He thought it would...what'd he say again, Tom?
TW: He said it would "make Lois look more like Lois."
MR: Damn, he's really backing the wrong horse on that one.
JG: Okay, so this means we get to see Lois wearing some coke-bottle glasses? That'll go great with the decolletage...
ED: A little credit, please? Lois can wear some tiny rimless glasses when she works at her computer. She can look studious and sexy at the same time.
JG: Studious stops when you can see bra straps, Durance.
TW: So Bittleman finishes his phone call and hangs up. "Hey, Lois? Her Majesty's making noises about that story you submitted."
ED: Lois answers, but sounds distracted. "The one she rejected?"
TW: "Yeah. Her exact words: 'Phaser guns out, human and/or mutant interest in.'"
ED: Do we have to stick with "phaser guns" there? Unpleasant memories and all...
TW: We're sticking to it, Erica.
ED: "Everybody's doing mutant stories now."
TW: "Yeah, but that just means we have to get our licks in now before the flood. Which reminds me...can you get us in to see your friendly neighborhood Kansas Senator?"
AoT: I'm a plot device?
AM: You weren't before?
ED: Lois shakes her head. Still distracted. "Just because she has a soft spot for her former chief of staff doesn't mean I can go and invade her privacy every five minutes, Ted."
TW: "That's exactly what it means. We need a story, and she's pretty damn near the heart of one. So let's get ourselves an appointment!"
ED: Lois is more distracted now. She's thinking about Chloe.
AM: Someone has to think about Chloe.
JG: You mean the children. Chloe's a lost cause.
AM: Not helping.
TW: Bittleman walks over to Lois's desk. "Blondie? Hello? Ground Control to Major Blonde?"
ED: Lois finally notices. "What? Sorry..."
TW: "Way to focus on how to best advance your career, Lois." Bittleman glances at Lois's computer screen, on which is displayed two blocks of text. One is headlined "CRIMINALS STAGE FOUR ROBBERIES IN ONE DAY," and the other shows a picture of Lana over some unreadable text.
MR: Tell me that's Lana's obituary.
TW: It is.
AM [cautiously]: There's no way in hell Al or Miles can get to Bryan and make him bring Lana back, right?
AoT: The damage is already done, so why bother now?
MR: And you'd probably be twice as fired if he did bring her back.
TW: Bittleman shakes his head. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but hey--you look like you've been working too hard. Or working at all for that matter. So, up for some lunch? My treat, Lois."
ED: "No, no. I'm fine, thanks."
TW: "Your loss. But I'm feeling generous, so I'll bring you back a salad anyway. You get us that appointment." Bittleman heads out.
ED: Lois takes off those damn glasses and stares at the screen for a minute. She hits a key, and the computer crashes.
MR: Just one key?
ED: You know, Tom, that's really stupid.
TW: We need that crash, though. I already told you.
ED: Couldn't it be Bittleman's computer or something?
TW: No, it's got to be Lois's.
ED: Dammit...okay, fine, so Lois is suitably pissed off about the crash and talking to her PC when a voice cuts in. "Lois?"
TW: It's Chloe, standing at the doorway to Lois and Bittleman's office.
AM: I was wondering when she'd show up. What's she wearing?
TW: Doesn't matter. Whatever you want, Allison.
AM: Really? Why? You're killing off Chloe in this scene, aren't you?
ED [surprised]: No, of course not!
AM: Sure, you say that now! [starts frantically skimming the script] There's got to be a death scene in here! There's got to be! You sons of bitches would just kill me off and get it over with, wouldn't you?!?
JG [quietly, to AoT]: And now the second stage of being fired: anger.
TW: Allison? Allison, look at me.
AM [glares at TW]: What?
TW: There's no Chloe death scene in this episode. Swear to God. No death scene.
AM [calms down a little]: Seriously?
TW [nods]: Seriously.
AM: ....okay. [takes a deep breath] Okay. I'm good. I'm fine now. Go on.
TW: You're sure?
AM: It's okay. I'm okay. I have no idea what the hell just came over me.
ED: Relax! We're gonna figure something out, Allison. Or beat Bryan up--
TW: I told you we can't do that.
ED: Shit, I forgot...
AoT: If you're even going to try, just leave me the hell out of it.
JG: Ditto. I strongly recommend a preemptive strike by shooting him from a distance, though. It's the only way to be sure you'll escape intact.
[ED just stares at JG nervously]

to be continued...