7.09 Collusion by TW and ED (Part XI)

as retold by Bill C

TW: We come back to what appears to be videotaped footage of Lois running past that police car as it blows up along with the internet cafe. Total shaky-cam action.
MR: Don't forget to wear your sports bra that day, Erica.
ED: Wouldn't dream of it.
AM: Isn't she wearing a long skirt in this episode?
ED: It'll be slit up the side or something by the time I have to do this.
TW: In the background, we hear Evelyn's voice...Annette?
AoT: My stuff is coming up, right?
TW: Sort of.
AoT: You'd better leave before I do today, Tom. [clears throat] "Based on eyewitness accounts by police officers on the scene, in addition to what this reporter witnessed, the explosion that destroyed the cafe and killed all seventeen people inside it appeared to have been caused by some sort of energy discharge created by one of the men who robbed the Metropolis Credit Union northwest branch earlier today."
TW: Cut to Lex's office, yet again. Only it's dusk. Lex and Hope are watching a flat-screen TV mounted on the wall, which is showing all this.
AoT: "While one of the robbers relied on conventional weaponry, it certainly appears that at least one of the others was a mutant...and this might have been more than the police were prepared to handle."
TW: The TV screen jumps to a closeup of some unidentified guy in a suit. "Well, uh, while we did know that one of the bank robbers was a mutant--um, that is, a metahuman--we were led to believe that his abilities were, uh, nowhere near the scale of what happened here today."
JG: Flying Chloe...exploding buildings... [grits teeth] James Callis...and now spin control? Yeah, this episode has it all.
[AoT elbows JG hard in the ribs]
JG [hunches over]: Ow! Dammit, woman!
ED: The TV is now showing footage of the now-ruined internet cafe, including a couple of firemen carrying out a body on a stretcher. Evelyn starts talking again...
AoT [sighs]: "In the end, what should have been a straightforward situation became a tragedy. Reporting from downtown Metropolis for KTMP...back to you, Rod."
TW: We hear a man's voice say "Thank you, Evelyn. That was Evelyn Tes--" before Lex turns the TV off with a remote. He looks thoughtful.
ED: Hope. "It's a good thing the gas main was sealed off. It actually could have been worse."
TW: Lex nods. "I've seen a lot of mutants...but not one that could do something like that."
ED: Kahloe is sitting in Lex's chair. Not in the minidress, though.
AM: Yay!
ED: This time it's a sweater that's so large it's falling off her shoulders and some short-shorts.
AM: VH1 Classic Kahloe?
ED: With bonus 80s flashback Chloevage.
AM: Thought so.
ED: Anyway, she puts in her two cents about the whole thing. "They had no idea what they were up against."
TW: "They wouldn't even have known to expect something like that."
ED: Hope naturally thinks Lex is talking to her. "How do you stop something like that, though, without something like a PAS?"
TW: Lex looks thoughtful. "Hope, tell the lab working on that substance to add some more tests. See if it has any benefits that could be applied to...other projects."
JG: It's a freak cure!
MR: It's a male enhancement product!
AoT: No, wait! You're both right!
TW: "See to it personally, please. I have some...business to attend to."
ED: Kahloe watches Hope leave. "Business such as a phone call, I imagine."
TW: Lex turns to Kahloe. "As much as I would love to just leave things at...Luthorade...and lucrative licensing deals, I can't. Not after what just happened today."
ED: "You're talking about the cure again."
TW: "Considering that a mutant was just responsible for killing seventeen people and it all ended up on TV? I can't not think about it."
ED: Kahloe considers that. "You realize that this probably made a lot of voters rather uncomfortable."
TW: "That it did. And that's why we need to finish developing the cure."
ED: "To make people feel safe...and grateful. Grateful to LuthorCorp."
TW: "And gratitude...is a powerful thing."
MR: Oh, hell yeah.
AM: Okay, why does he get the cool evil moment?
JG: And not me?
ED: Kahloe reaches out and takes Lex's hand, in a gentle way. "So is feeling safe."
TW: In the background, very faintly, we hear "Kneel before Zod" again. Like an echo. This is where Lex reaches for the phone on his desk, pulls a business card out of his pocket, and dials a number. Once again, we don't hear the other end--but we don't need to. "Mr. Hasaad? Lex Luthor. I think we need to talk about your statement of intent."
ED: And once again, as Lex speaks, we crossfade to Lionel's office. We hear the tail end of Lex's dialogue coming from a small speaker box sitting on Lionel's desk, and it's being enjoyed by the MB himself.
MR: Dammit.
JG: Oh, okay. Nice.
TW: We just need some good thoughtful "What are you up to, Lex?" from you there, John. That's all. It's a short scene.
JG: The hell?
TW: We come back to you, though.
ED: But first we cut back to the Planet. Lois is back at her desk, in front of her shiny new computer, disheveled and depressed as hell. And her mind is a thousand miles away.
MR: No Chloe, no Clark...Lois needs to buy a cat.
TW: Nice slow zoom on Lois's face, and into this silence comes...a ringing telephone. Lois doesn't even notice the first couple of rings, but when she does she just puts it on speaker and sounds more depressed then that guy from Reservoir Dogs. "Lane, Daily Planet."
ED: And lo and behold, it's Martha!
AoT: What? [skims script] This is nearly the end of the episode! Tom, you son of a--
TW: Hey, we actually see Martha onscreen for this. On a generic office set, but still.
AoT: Somebody hold me back before I leap across this desk.
AM: Don't tear his head off, Annette! He's trying! He wrote me out!
AoT: ....okay, fine. For you, Allison.
AM: Thank you.
AoT: Let's see what Martha has to say--figures. The first word out of her mouth is "Lois?"
ED: "Martha?"
AoT: "I saw you on TV...are you okay?"
ED: "Yeah, I'm fine. Some singed split ends, but nothing serious."
AoT: "Thank God. Uh...Lois, the reason I'm calling you is to give you a heads-up. Today's incident has already lit fires under half the people on Capitol Hill, and the rest are just waiting for their supporters and lobbyists to start spamming their telephones."
ED: "I can only imagine."
AoT: Wait a minute. If I'm going to be shoved in at the end of the episode, I get wardrobe control. I want pearls.
JG: Lionel's woman should be dolled up all the time. Make that shit happen, Welling.
TW [writing in script]: Okay, we can do that.
AoT: Thank you. So Martha goes and gives Lois an exclusive statement about how the mutant who caused the explosion was in the middle of committing a criminal act, how he isn't indicative of all mutants, et cetera...wow. That's spin control.
JG [surprised]: After all these years of knowing Lana Lang...Martha has finally gained the ability to really lie her ass off. I am in awe. [half-bows to TW]
TW: Thanks. I think.

[MR starts feeling up AoT's head]
AoT [surprised]: John, what are you doing?
MR: Funny, I don't remember Professor Xavier having luxurious red hair...
AoT [smacks MR's hands away from her head]: "If at all possible, Lois, I would like to see that on the front page."
ED: Lois looks at her computer screen, which currently displays two blocks of text. One of them is Lana's obituary, as earlier, but the other one is entitled "HOSTAGE STANDOFF GOES WRONG--17 DEAD." "Martha, I think I might be able to accomodate you."
AoT: And Martha--that's it? That's all I get?
TW: No, there's more later. But after Martha hangs up, we get a wide shot of Lois staring at her screen...then she sighs, shakes her head, and starts typing.

Continued...