Heart of Dorkiness (Part VII)

as retold by RepairmanBob

AM: (Outside BS's office, talking on her cell phone) Trust me, Kristin will love it... Yes, a pink leather corset with breast prosthetics. At least a D-cup. She told me it will be essential to helping her feel like a sexy demon. And if you can get them past the censors, ass-less chaps... No, Michael asked for the ass-less chaps... Oh, one more tiny thing. Kristin said she was thinking of a new hair style for her Teen People photo spread. She wanted to her hair cut... yes, yes, I know but with Lana dead her actor's contract for Smallville is null and void... Short, spiked and dyed bubble gum pink... Yes, of course I watch Battlestar Galactica... Well, I am glad you enjoyed working with Tricia Helfer, but why would I be seeing her soon?... Talk to you later, Eric. (Hangs up, walks ito BS's office)
(BS plays with Superman action figures at his desk.)
BS: Take that, evil villains! You have to chance against the Man of Steel! (Superman figure smashes Matchbox cars) Zoom! Zoom! Crash, bash, boom! Kablow!
AM: (Walks in) Hi Bryan.
BS: Allison! How are you doing? I am doing great! I have been brainstorming new Superman plots all day! Come here and I will show you with these action figures!
AM: Maybe in a little bit.
BS: You saved Jimmy! It was great! That was such a great way to save Jimmy! Did you know Jimmy was in the Superman movies? Everyone loves Jimmy.
AM: (Mutters) I thought that was Lana.
BS: What?
AM: Nothing. Listen, did John come by? He had some… concerns with the changes to Consequences..
BS: I like John! He came by and we talked! He has a loud voice! Loud noises are fun! When I make my TV loud, the windows shake! Dawn says it bothers the other people in the office, but Les said I can watch TV as loud as I want! I made the guy who used to write The OC cry! Disneyland is in Organce County! I love Disneyland! And zero emmission cars!
AM: So, John was OK with the changes?
BS: Oh, he loved them! Then we acted out some scenes from Superman 2! Have you ever seen Superman 2?
AM: Actually, Bryan, that was what I wanted to talk to you about. I have something you will love.
BS: Is it a new Superman video game? I tried to play Superman Returns on my X-Box 360, but it was horrible! It was so bad, it made baby Jesus cry! Do you know how bad a video game has to be to make baby Jesus cry? It was very bad!
AM: Even better. (Lowers her voice) Bryan, have you ever heard about the super secret original cut of Superman and Superman 2?
BS: A super secret cut?
AM: A super secret cut. I found out Richard Donner actually wanted to name the female lead… Chloe Sullivan.
BS: Really?
AM: The Salkinds made Richard change the name at the last minute.
BS: I hate the Salkinds! The fired Richard Donner! It took him 30 years to bring us all the real Superman 2! They make me so angry! (Runs around the office shaking his fists and yelling.)
AM: Me too! They suck! (Follows BS running around the office, shaking her fists and yelling)
BS: Whoa, that was tough. I need a drink. (Yells out the door) Bring me some juice! And donuts! Now what were we talking about?
AM: A super secret cut of the first two Superman movies, Bryan. Don’t you like Superman!
BS: I love Superman! Did you know I made my own Superman movie?
AM: Wow, that is great. Listen, about Chloe Sullivan in the movies –
BS: I don’t know about that, Allison. I know all about Superman, and I have never heard that.
AM: Let’s check Wikipedia. If it is on the Internet, it must be true!
BS: Well, that is true. (Walks to computer) Let’s see, Wikipedia… Superman movies... Lois Lane… “Donner’s original plan was to have the female reporter / love interest named Chloe Sullivan. The Salkinds, who suck and are bad, bad people, made him change the name to Lois Lane, which is much less cool. Then they fired Donner, because they were jealous of how smart he was. After that, they hired a hobo named Richard Lester to finish Superman 2. It made baby Jesus cry.” Wow!
AM: See! I told you!
BS: Wait, it says the entry was changes earlier today –
AM (Looks frantic) Bryan! DVDs! They are shiny!
BS: Ohh, shiny!
AM: Let’s watch them! They have Superman!
BS: I love Superman!
AM (mutters) Wow, what a surprise. (Louder) I’ll put them in!
(AM and BS watch the “super secret cut” of Superman the Motion Picture. The first time a character says “Lois Lane”, it is dubbed over with AM saying “Chloe Sullivan.” Since it is Perry White, the voice-over is obvious.)
BS: Wow! You were right!
AM: Glad you like it, Bryan. Let’s keep watching.

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