7.05 Threats by MR & ED (Part II)

as retold by RepairmanBob

MR: Lex and Hope in a limo. Lex is watching video tape of the attack on his warehouse.
TW: Lex really does need better security.
AM: We do that, and we lose half our episodes.
JG: I am certainly not going to waste my time coming up with more original ideas for episodes.
MR: “This is the third LuthorCorp facility attacked in two weeks, and we still have no idea who they are. Dr. Richards had better have some good news for me.”
TW: Mr. Luthor, your application to hair Club for Men has been accepted!
AoT: No, no it is a cure for male impotency!
MR: Lex is not impotent!
AoT: Impotent Lex would explain the lack of sex between Lana and Lex.
ED: And we know Lana was horny in season five.
KK: Lana does not get horny! She simply has… needs. Honesty, love, trust -
AM: Clark’s penis.
TW: Ahhwww!
AoT: Well, I am sure Clark has a very nice penis.
TW: (Covers ears) Ahhhwwww!!!
ED: The human body is a beautiful thing, Tom. At my last party, Annette and her husband –
TW: (Puts his head down) Not. Listening.
ED: Fine, fine. Hope hands Lex a file. “This may cheer you up, sir.”
MR: Lex looks at the file, and starts to smile.

MR: Clark on the phone with Martha, catching her up on last episode. “And then Lois showed up, and saved the day.”
AM: (Snarky voice) She sure did.
ED: Thanks, Allison! “Clark, I am overjoyed to hear Lois is alive! Tell her to call me as soon as she can! I want to hear all about what she has been up to.”
MR: “I will, Mom. She would love to hear all about Washington. She could use the good news – she took everything we saw pretty hard.”
ED: “I am working on something that may cheer her up then. Something that would help prevent anything like this from happening in the future.”

ED: Close up of Chloe’s face. She is covered is sweat, and grunting.
KK: Sounds like Jimmy is being a top today.
AM: (Scowls, writes more notes.)
TW: A top?
JG: A top is a -
AoT: Don’t bother, John. It is best if we just stop now.
TW: I want to know what a top is!
MR: I will explain it later, Clark.
AoT: Good luck with that.
ED: Pan back to show Chloe is on a weight bench, lifting an absurd amount of weight.
MR: We hear Sex’s voice. “What are you up to?”
ED: Chloe is still lifting the weights. “Twenty. Reps. Seven. Hundred. Fifty. Pounds.” She sits up.
MR: “You are using the telekinesis to enhance your strength –"
ED: “While my rapid healing increases my endurance and helps my muscles to heal faster from the excessive exercise.” A water bottle flies across the room into her open hand.
MR: “Why bother training at all? With the telekinesis, you can lift –“
ED: “Training myself to use the TK to enhance my strength increases my options. Just like training myself to use it to do more than one thing at a time.” Pan back to show a laptop with they keys typing. “Anyway, the stronger I am, the stronger the TK makes me. I would think you of all people would be the last one to complain about using my powers in creative ways.”
MR: “You cal that creative?” Sex makes a small, amused laugh.
ED: “What? Most meteor freaks never explore the full use of their abilities.”
MR: “And lifting weights is the best you could come up with?”
ED: Chloe glares. “You have a better idea?”
KK: Super hair care products, to start.
MR: “Press down on the earth.”
ED: “What?”
MR: “Press down on the earth. Push it down.”
ED: “OK, first, I am not Chuck Norris. Second, I cannot move the entire earth, and third, even if I could push the earth, it would probably not be a good idea.”
MR: Sex smirks. “Size matters not. Judge me by my size, do you?”
AM: More proof Lex is a geek.
ED: “Fine, Yoda.” Chloe presses down for a few seconds – nothing happens.
MR: “Are you still pushing?
ED: “Yes. Happy now?”
MR: “Now relax and let yourself go.”
ED: Chloe relaxes, and she shoots up into the ceiling. We hear an audible crack, and there is a large hole where her head hit the ceiling.
AM: Chloe can fly!
TW: Bullshit!
MR: Just wait, Tom. Sex looks at Chloe sympathetically. “Are you alright?”
ED: Chloe looks overjoyed. “I can fly!”
TW: Michael, what the hell? Chloe can fly before Clark?
JG: Maybe if Clark took the advice of a father figure in his life and put some work into developing his powers, he would not get shown up so often.
AoT: Like Joe-El.
JG: Or Lionel.
TW: Lionel is not Clark’s father.
JG: (Smirk) Not yet.
AM: Chloe can fly!
MR: “Actually you're just sort of pinned up against the ceiling.”
ED: “But with some practice…”
MR: “You’ll be able to fly.”
ED: Chloe concentrates, and slams back to the floor. She stands up, re-adjusts a broken arm with a sickening crunch –
TW+AM+JG+KK: Ouch.
ED: And pulls the water bottle back to her.
MR: “On to your newest power - young Johnny was able to make himself invisible. What does that suggest to you?”
ED: “Light manipulation, blending it around himself to prevent being visible to the eye.” Chloe raises the water bottle, and makes it invisible. We can see the water, floating in the air.
MR: Sex smiles. “Go on.”
ED: “Which means I should be able to manipulate light to…” Chloe starts to concentrate “to…”
MR: Clark appears and says “To create visible illusions.” Sex smiles.
KK: Wait, how can it talk?
AoT: Good point.
MR: Who cares? It just works.
AM: How about Chloe absorbed the power of someone who could make people deaf, or -
TW: No, a super-ventriloquist!
KK: With an evil dummy!
MR: I am not having a possessed dummy in my episode!
ED: We could throw it in as a reference, and go in depth if we get another Internet promo, like Justice and Doom.
KK: The search for the amazing Yaris - classic stuff.
ED: Well, it makes more sense that the Clark / Lana / Lex triangle at the end of last season.
TW: She has a point.
KK: Yes, yes she does.
MR: Damn straight. So, I will add a line about some sound-manipulation power, and we can always come back to it later. Maybe something like Banshee?
TW: That would certainly make her sex with Jimmy more interesting.
JG: Or confirm a lack of orgasms is behind Chloe being such an up-tight bitch.
AM: Chloe is not a... I mean she does not... (goes back to writing notes)
ED: Chloe looks at three computers running along the wall. “Meanwhile, the search macros I designed have removed any proof Johnny visited the hospital –“
MR: “And the LuthorCorp access codes I provided confirmed he did not appear in any Level 33.1 systems.”
ED: “Multi-tasking at its finest.” Chloe’s laptop floats over to her. “Damnit, Clark still has not responded to that Level 33.1 article I sent him last week! It was tough enough to get details out of Oliver, and Clark promised to get back to me days ago.”
MR: “The farm boy probably had to go plant some corn, or look for a shinny haired brunette to worship.”
ED: “Do you always have to make fun of him?”
MR: Sex smiles. “You get annoyed when I mock Clark or Jimmy… maybe you should improve your taste in men.”
KK: Lex does know about picking up a good man.
TW: A Lana knows about cheating on one.
AM: Or two. At the same time.
KK: Lana deserves the best –
AoT: Like Clark’s penis?
TW: Please stop.
ED: “Ha ha.” Chloe checks he watch. “Damn, I have to go. I am going to kill Clark.” Chloe walks to the bathroom.
MR: Sex takes a long glance at Chloe’s ass as she walks out. He turns, looks at the Clark illusion and glares.

continued...