A simple request

as retold by BillC
[AG's office. AG, MM, and JG are present.]
JG: Okay, look, guys...
AG: Oh, hi, John. What can we do f--
JG: Seriously, guys. If I'm going to be stuck here while Erica's off doing what should be my goddamn gig, I want a little...compensation.
AG: Uh...okay, that's fine. I'm sure we can swing something on your paycheck next period.
JG: The hell with that. I don't need money.
MM: A bigger trailer?
JG: No.
AG: Extra time off to do a play?
JG: No.
MM: A Wii?
JG: Hell no.
AG: What the heck do you want, then?
JG [drops a document on AG's desk]: This.
MM: What's that?
JG: Something I want put in an episode.
AG: You know the writing rotation's already made up for the most part, John.
JG: And you know how much I care about that. You can make this happen for me, Al.
MM: What is it?
JG: Read it.
MM: I think I'd like to know what kind of bo--
JG: Read it.
AG [picks up document]: Okay, okay. Let's see...all right, it's a script. For a scene?
JG: A couple of them, actually.

[Martha's Senate office in Washington. Martha and her chief of staff are present.]
Martha: ...and I don't want to be called for at least a couple of hours if that vote does go off. It's been a long day.
CoS: Of course, Mrs. Kent.
Martha: I'll see you in the morning.

AG: Harmless enough. Are you planning to blow her up or something?
JG: Keep reading.
AG: Okay, she goes out and gets in a limo...and drives away...okay, what's this notation about "music starts here"?
JG [pulls out an iPod and some small speakers]: Ah, yes. This music...I originally wanted some Barry White, but...someone...made the point that it probably should be something a little more [bitter] modern.
MM: So what's the music?
JG: In this case, Luxurious by Gwen Stefani.
MM [surprised]: Gwen Stefani. Seriously.
JG: Yes, seriously.
AG: Okay...so Martha's in this limo, going to a hotel--
JG: Hotel, townhouse, whatever. It looks expensive. She gets there, and the music starts as she goes inside--
[JG starts the iPod]

Working so hard every night and day,
and now we get the payback.
Trying so hard saving up the paper,
now we get to lay back.
Working so hard every night and day,
and now we get the payback...

MM: Okay, kind of like the music...
AG: And she goes into some posh living room/den type room, with some champagne already on ice. Okay, fine...she takes off her coat and earrings...
JG: And there's the usual slow zoom from behind her while she's doing it, yadda yadda yadda, hand in the shot, touches her shoulder...
AG: I can read that, John. So Martha's surprised, whirls around--and it's Lionel? Lionel's in D.C.?

Martha: Oh! You startled me!
Lionel: I'm sorry, Martha.
Martha: It's all right...you're early, though.
Lionel: Well, when you have a meeting with a United States Senator...why wait?
[Martha flushes]
Martha: Lionel...
Lionel: Really, now. Why delay...the inevitable?
[Lionel slowly leans forward and kisses Martha]

Champagne kisses hold me in your lap of luxury;
I only want to fly first class desires--you're my limousine.
So elegant the way we ride, our passion it just multiplies;
there's platinum lightning in the sky.
Look, I'm livin' like a queen...

AG [surprised]: Okay, hang on. This says that--
JG: Yes, I know what it says.
MM: What?
AG [shows MM the script]: Lionel kisses Martha.
JG [nods]: Passionately. Well, okay, it starts out sweet and then gets passionate--
MM [stunned]: Whoa. Would Annette even go for this?
JG: Details! The point is that there's this kiss...and it's a hot one...

This kind of love is getting expensive;
we know how to live, baby.
We're luxurious like Egyptian cotton.
We're so rich in love, we're rollin' in cashmere,
got it in fifth gear, baby.
Diamond in the rough is lookin so sparkly...

AG [skims the entire script]: A lot more than a kiss...this is a love scene, John!
JG: Damn right it is.
MM: Can we even get away with this? I mean, damn, it's Martha Kent...
AG: Martha Kent...uh...quote, "after breaking away from the steamy kiss, slowly and sensuously slides the straps of her dress off her shoulders..."
JG [nods slowly]: Yeeeeaaaah.
AG: We're so dead.
MM: Dammit, John, we can't get away with a love scene between Lionel and Martha!
JG: So you'd replace Martha with who, Lana?
MM: Can we do that?
AG [shocked]: God, no!
JG: Good, so Lionel and Martha stands!
AG: Yes! Wait, no! Dammit, how do we get a love scene between two of the older characters on the show past the network brass?
JG: That's your problem! I just want it in an episode! The music makes it all right, dammit!

Working so hard every night and day,
and now we get the payback.
Trying so hard saving up the paper,
now we get to lay back.
Working so hard every night and day,
and now we get the payback...

JG: Now, that last part can repeat during the main part of the scene...and the afterglow.
MM: Afterglow?
AG [points]: Right there.
MM [reads]: Okaaaay...so not only do we have a love scene, but we've got

[Martha's hotel/townhouse den. Martha and Lionel are curled up on the floor in front of a fireplace, underneath a comforter.]
Martha: You know...just once...I wish you could stay.
Lionel: You're a Senator...and I'm [laughs] an "evil corporate shark." It'd be nice, but do we really want this showing up on the front page of the Daily Planet one morning?
Martha: Stealing these moments when and where we can...don't get me wrong, it's been nice... [laughs] It is nice. But it's not the same as--
Lionel: As having someone to come home to every night? You're preaching to the choir, Martha.
Martha [nods, wriggles closer to Lionel]: Maybe, just maybe...one day...
Lionel [smiling]: A man can dream, can't he? [kisses Martha]

MM: Cuddling. We've got Lionel...and Martha...cuddling.
JG: Right, and?
AG: I'm still not sure we can get this past everybody involved, John.
JG [loudly]: Why the hell not? It's all fuzzy-filtered and there's blankets and fur and shit!
AG: I'm still not sure Annette will go for it.
JG: She's down for whatever, I'm telling you! As long as it's in the final script!
MM: But...Annette scares us, John...
JG [shouting]: You're the producers! Grow a pair and make this shit happen! You owe me!
AG: We owe you a love scene with Martha Kent?!?
JG: Hell yeah!
MM: Seriously, John...we could get somebody to play another hottie-of-the-week Senator and it'd be just as good. Hey, we could probably get Kari Wuhrer to do it, she works cheap--
AG: Maybe we could get Kelly Monaco...hell, we'll spring for Kelly Monaco.
JG: One, no you can't. And two, no you can't.
MM: Uh, I think Al and I are on the same page on this one, John...we're just not--
JG: It's the wrong damn page, people! Make...it...happen!

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