MR: Then don't come. Clark continues, "But you completely avoided my question, Chloe. After all you went though... how are you doing?"
AM: Chloe makes another attempt at her fake smile but isn't nearly as successful, "Well, I have been a little busy catching up on my TiVo. But no worries, I am doing just great, really."
JG: Come on, even Clark can't fall for that, can he?
TW: Even Clark?
AoT: Agreed. Even Clark isn't that dull.
TW: Come on.
KK: I disagree.
TW: Thank...
KK: Clark is definitely dumb enough to fall for this.
TW: [Scowls]
MR: "Chloe, stop that."
AM: Chloe's smile gets even faker.
AM: "Stop what?"
MR: "I know you Chloe, obviously everything isn't fine! Why won't you talk to me?"
AM: Chloe keeps smiling, but her eyes start to tear up. "What do you want me to say, Clark? That reading my own obituary didn't bother me? That I'm perfectly OK with the fact I can't explain why I am alive without coming out as the ultimate meteor freak? Everyone I know saw me buried!"
KK: Except for Lois and Clark who skipped the funeral.
MR: Jerks.
AM: "Clark, I can't even walk around town without letting my secret out! My life is over!"
KK: Aw, poor Chloe. Pity party anyone?
AoT: Maybe Chloe could change her name so people don't know she's a freak. You know? Take on a brand new identity.
AM: Was a freak.
ED: You're right, Annette! Maybe give herself a new look by dying her hair or something.
KK: I bet the fans would never see that coming.
MR: "Chloe, you've gotten through this kind of thing before. Remember when you took down Lionel? It will be alright. I'll talk to Ollie."
AM: Chloe's voice starts to break. "This isn't the kind of problem Ollie can magically solve."
KK: Off-screen.
JG: You gotta love off-screenville.
AM: "Every time I close my eyes I'm strapped to a table at one of Lex's labs surrounded by doctors ready to turn me into a living vivisection project. I can't eat, can't sleep, I can't even try to ignore it by burying myself in my work! I don't even feel like a whole person anymore... as if I've lost a part of myself I can never get back."
MR: Clark puts his hands over hers as he moves to sit beside her. "Chloe, you can get through this. I can't imagine what you went through, but I am here."
AM: Chloe smiles sadly at Clark. "My own personal bomb squad, huh?"
MR: Clark, "Of course."
AM: "Do you know what the last thing I remember is, Clark? Before I showed up in the warehouse today? I remember your voice. You said you would keep me safe, that you wouldn't let anything happen to me." Chloe starts to cry. "Why didn't you save me, Clark?"
KK: Passive aggressive much?
ED: OK, which loft scene did you steal that from?
KK: Shut up.
MR: Clark is devastated. "Chloe, I thought you were dead. If I had known... If I had any idea you were alive..."
AM: Chloe starts to completely break down. "You said you would keep me safe." She puts her head on his shoulder and sobs. Clark puts his arms around her and holds her close. "You always save me, Clark. You are my hero. Why didn't stop them? Why didn't you save me?"
MR: Go to black.
ED: Holy crap! Could it get any more depressing?
KK: Chloe could die.
AM: No thanks. Been there, done that.
ED: Not anything against that scene but how about we move my scene to the end? That way we can end on an up beat!
AM: I don't think so.
MR: Besides, Erica, don't you mean "end with a bang"? [Imatates porn music] Wacka wacka boom! Wacka wacka boom!
ED: Shut up.
TW: I know. How about we scrap the scene entirely?
AM: I don't think so.
TW: "Why didn't you save me?" Allison, really.
AM: Really, Tom? When Bryan decided to send me off to Capirca why didn't you save me? How could you stand by and let that happen?
KK: You loved being on Caprica!
AM: Yeah, but I didn't know I would at the time.
TW: I didn't...
AM: That's right. You didn't. [hugging KK] But Kristin did!
KK: [Pushing out of AM's hug] Get away from me!
TW: Do you have to take it out on Clark?
KK: Are you serious? That scene was nothing. You should have seen what I suggested.
JG: I'd love to see it.
TW: It's not fair to give Clark yet another mega guilt trip!
AoT: Tom's right. Didn't Lana already do that to him enough?
KK: Lana may be dead but her legacy must go on. I just thank the powers that be [points to herself] it's up to someone else's character now.
MR: Buck up, Tom. At least you don't have to wear the suit!
AM: Now, if I'm not mistaken someone mentioned tequila and karaoke!
ED: I'm not going.
KK: You should re-consider.
AoT: You don't have to be pregnant.
ED: The answer is no.
KK: There's going to be a wet T-shirt contest.
MR: Really!?!?! Wahoo! [To ED] You can show of your officially non-pregnant bod!
ED: Tempting. Still no.
AM: I can't believe my welcome back party consists of a wet T-shirt contest!
MR: Don't forget the tequila and karaoke! Erica, you should reconsider.
ED: It's too cold for a wet T-shirt so I wouldn't participate even if I was going.
KK: Oh, you couldn't. Even if you wanted to.
MR: [nodding] Amateurs only, huh?
ED: [Throwing a piece of paper at MR] Hey!
KK: Guys only.
ED & AM & AoT: Guys only?
KK: Yup.
ED: I'm there.
AoT: Me too.
MR: Dammit!
KK: And I've already entered Tom and Michael's names.
MR & TW: What!?!?
JG: Just Tom and Michael!?!? What am I? Chopped liver?
Next
7.16 Control by AM & MR (Part IX)
AM: Daily Planet. Lois is working at her computer. Bittleman walks into their office, a bouquet of flowers in his hand.
MR: Why did we agree to do this scene again?
ED: In exchange for having Allison back? Small price to pay don't you think?
JG: Depends on who you ask. Are you going to take all of Bittleman's manhood now?
AM: Mmm, pretty much.
ED: But he deserves it. He's been an ass to Lois all season.
MR: Bittleman, "You're looking chipper for someone who thought the world was ending only yesterday."
AM: Without turning around, "Despite the fact my cousin took a wrecking ball to all my Luthor research she's still alive. And that in and of itself is my first lead in my never ending quest to topple the Luthor empire."
MR: "And your Research on Kal-El?"
AM: Lois frowns but then turns toward Ted. "You know what? I think I'd much rather talk about my sexy new boyfriend."
MR: Bittleman hides the flowers behind his back with disappointment, "Your what?"
AM: "My sexy new boyfriend. I haven't told you about him?"
MR: "Um.. no."
AM: "He is charming, suave, witty..." Lois stands looks Ted in the eyes, "and did I mention he can be a huge pain in the ass?" She grabs Ted by his lapels to pull him close to kiss him passionately.
JG: Ugh. Can I barf now?
MR: Do we really have to have this scene?
ED: You promised!
AM: We did promise.
MR: [Sighs] Bittleman drops the flowers and blindly reaches behind him for the door.
AM: Cut to the view from outside the office. Bittleman finds the door and manages to shut it.
MR: Outside a small group of employees clap and whistle. The office immediately gets quiet again as Kahn approaches.
AM: There's a small crash inside the office and we hear Lois yelp and laugh in surprise. Kahn opens the door, "Bittleman! Lane! Stop screwing around and get back to..."
MR: From off-screen we hear Bittleman, "Kahn, for once in your life your actually speechless!"
AoT: Don't you think having sex in the office is a little degrading for Lois?
ED: They're not having sex!
KK: Yet.
ED: Shut up! They're just making out.
AoT: Don't you think making out in the office is degrading for Lois?
JG: Degrading for Lois!?!? What about Bittleman?!?! He was my hero and you ruined him!
KK: At least now Lana isn't the only one who ruins other characters.
ED: Lois hasn't ruined Bittleman.
JG: Says you! This is criminal!
AM: It's the only way Erica would let me write the episode, if Lois hooked up with Bittleman.
KK: And writing the episode is the only way Allison would come back.
JG: I'm not so sure which is worse. You all or Singer.
AoT: Three words, John. Kneel before Zod.
JG: OK. Singer was worse. But can we not completely ruin Bittleman?
AM: What do you suggest?
JG: I don't know? Maybe he can slap Lois around a bit before they make out.
[Cast stare at JG]
JG: What?
ED: I don't think that's going to happen.
JG: At least insult her a few more times!
AM: We can do that.
ED: What?!?!
AM: Sorry, Erica. John's right. It's in character. Bittleman should insult her.
JG: And smack her around a bit!
ED: I'll smack you around a bit!
JG: I'd like to see you try!
AoT: Cut it out, you too.
KK: Lois should insult Bittleman too.
ED: What?
AM: Sorry, Erica. Kristin's right. It's in character. Lois should insult Bittleman.
ED: What kind of romance it that?
MR: A crappy one?
KK: Which is perfect for Lois. She always has crappy romances. It's canon.
ED: You know what else is canon? You all suck!
MR: LuthorCorp. Lex's office. He's looking over the folder from the teaser.
AM: Hope stands by the desk, "I would like to remind you I was against this project from the beginning."
MR: "Your objections were duly noted."
AM: "And ignored."
MR: Lex doesn't say anything.
AM: "Miss Sullivan is a loose end."
MR: "Miss Sullivan is not to be touched."
AM: "She's dangerous, Lex."
MR: "I disagree. We wait for her to make the next move."
AM: Hope opens her mouth to object but Lex talks over her.
MR: "What I'm worried about is Dr. Richards. Who else did he share project data with?"
AM: "There's no way to know. Unfortunately he was dead before we had the opportunity to interrogate him. What we do know is inventory is missing."
MR: Lex seethes, "Sold to the highest bidder. And what's left? Are they ready?"
AM: "Despite the recent setbacks Dr. Richards was able to make significant progress before..." She chooses her words carefully, "...the primary test subject was lost."
MR: "Good." Lex glances at the contents of the folder, "Time is a luxury we no longer have. I want whatever is left of operation Vault Black operational yesterday."
AM: Chloe sits alone in the Talon, looking sadly down into a cup of coffee. She holds Lois' flash drive in her hands.
ED: Oh, I get it. You had Lois mix up yet another disgusting combination of sugar and caffeine. Why does she always...
MR: Relax, Erica. It's just Chloe in a funk.
AM: A fact Reinforced by some crappy CW sad song the playing in the background.
MR: Clark from off-screen, "Chloe?"
AM: She nearly jumps out of her skin knocking over her coffee in the process. Clark rushes over to apologize.
TW: Great, another scene where Clark says sorry. Those never get old.
KK: At least he's not apologizing to Lana for something that wasn't even his fault.
TW: Point.
AM: Chloe fires up her best "I am completely repressing my issues" smile. "It’s okay, Clark. I am just a little jumpy. Coming back from the dead can do that to a girl."
MR: Clark sits, "How are you doing? We haven't had a chance to talk since..."
AM "I channeled the softer side of Lex?" Attempting to change the subject, "Speaking of which... " she hands Clark the flash drive. "I found this in my pocket."
MR: "Lois' research? Why give it to me?"
AM: "There's quite a bit about you in there. You need to be more careful."
MR: "Does Lois...?"
AM: "Don't worry Clark, she's not on to you yet. And without that she's back at square one."
MR: Clark puts the drive in his pocket, "Thanks, Chloe I don't know what I'd do without you."
ED: They aren't going to give Lois her research back!?!?
AM: No.
ED: What about all her hard work?
[The cast collectively chuckles]
ED: What? Lois works hard!
KK: Don't you mean hardly works?
[Cast chuckles again]
ED: She does work hard!
AM: Hard work aside Lois isn't the first character to find her research stolen or destroyed or whatever.
ED: And it sucks, doesn't it?
AM: Yep.
ED: So why do it to Lois?
AM: You get used to it. Eventually. Besides we might get a season eight. And if we do we can't let Lois get too close to Clark's secret can we?
ED: [sighs]
AM: Am I right?
ED: [Dismissive] Whatever.
AM: Am I right?
ED: Just get on with the scene, OK?
AM: I'm right, aren't I?
JG: Yes, you're right, goddammit! Can we just finish this piece of crap and get out of here?
MR: You could always do a mind whammy.
JG: Oh, that's real clever. Is a mind whammy your solution to everything, Rosenbaum?
MR: I wish I could give you a mind whammy!
JG: I'll give you a mind...
TW: Come on guys. Let's just get the episode finished already!
MR: We're still going out for karaoke, right?
ED: [Pouting] Not me.
MR: Don't be a spoil sport.
ED: You ruined Lois' relationship with Bittleman and now you're stealing her research? No thanks!
Continued
MR: Why did we agree to do this scene again?
ED: In exchange for having Allison back? Small price to pay don't you think?
JG: Depends on who you ask. Are you going to take all of Bittleman's manhood now?
AM: Mmm, pretty much.
ED: But he deserves it. He's been an ass to Lois all season.
MR: Bittleman, "You're looking chipper for someone who thought the world was ending only yesterday."
AM: Without turning around, "Despite the fact my cousin took a wrecking ball to all my Luthor research she's still alive. And that in and of itself is my first lead in my never ending quest to topple the Luthor empire."
MR: "And your Research on Kal-El?"
AM: Lois frowns but then turns toward Ted. "You know what? I think I'd much rather talk about my sexy new boyfriend."
MR: Bittleman hides the flowers behind his back with disappointment, "Your what?"
AM: "My sexy new boyfriend. I haven't told you about him?"
MR: "Um.. no."
AM: "He is charming, suave, witty..." Lois stands looks Ted in the eyes, "and did I mention he can be a huge pain in the ass?" She grabs Ted by his lapels to pull him close to kiss him passionately.
JG: Ugh. Can I barf now?
MR: Do we really have to have this scene?
ED: You promised!
AM: We did promise.
MR: [Sighs] Bittleman drops the flowers and blindly reaches behind him for the door.
AM: Cut to the view from outside the office. Bittleman finds the door and manages to shut it.
MR: Outside a small group of employees clap and whistle. The office immediately gets quiet again as Kahn approaches.
AM: There's a small crash inside the office and we hear Lois yelp and laugh in surprise. Kahn opens the door, "Bittleman! Lane! Stop screwing around and get back to..."
MR: From off-screen we hear Bittleman, "Kahn, for once in your life your actually speechless!"
AoT: Don't you think having sex in the office is a little degrading for Lois?
ED: They're not having sex!
KK: Yet.
ED: Shut up! They're just making out.
AoT: Don't you think making out in the office is degrading for Lois?
JG: Degrading for Lois!?!? What about Bittleman?!?! He was my hero and you ruined him!
KK: At least now Lana isn't the only one who ruins other characters.
ED: Lois hasn't ruined Bittleman.
JG: Says you! This is criminal!
AM: It's the only way Erica would let me write the episode, if Lois hooked up with Bittleman.
KK: And writing the episode is the only way Allison would come back.
JG: I'm not so sure which is worse. You all or Singer.
AoT: Three words, John. Kneel before Zod.
JG: OK. Singer was worse. But can we not completely ruin Bittleman?
AM: What do you suggest?
JG: I don't know? Maybe he can slap Lois around a bit before they make out.
[Cast stare at JG]
JG: What?
ED: I don't think that's going to happen.
JG: At least insult her a few more times!
AM: We can do that.
ED: What?!?!
AM: Sorry, Erica. John's right. It's in character. Bittleman should insult her.
JG: And smack her around a bit!
ED: I'll smack you around a bit!
JG: I'd like to see you try!
AoT: Cut it out, you too.
KK: Lois should insult Bittleman too.
ED: What?
AM: Sorry, Erica. Kristin's right. It's in character. Lois should insult Bittleman.
ED: What kind of romance it that?
MR: A crappy one?
KK: Which is perfect for Lois. She always has crappy romances. It's canon.
ED: You know what else is canon? You all suck!
MR: LuthorCorp. Lex's office. He's looking over the folder from the teaser.
AM: Hope stands by the desk, "I would like to remind you I was against this project from the beginning."
MR: "Your objections were duly noted."
AM: "And ignored."
MR: Lex doesn't say anything.
AM: "Miss Sullivan is a loose end."
MR: "Miss Sullivan is not to be touched."
AM: "She's dangerous, Lex."
MR: "I disagree. We wait for her to make the next move."
AM: Hope opens her mouth to object but Lex talks over her.
MR: "What I'm worried about is Dr. Richards. Who else did he share project data with?"
AM: "There's no way to know. Unfortunately he was dead before we had the opportunity to interrogate him. What we do know is inventory is missing."
MR: Lex seethes, "Sold to the highest bidder. And what's left? Are they ready?"
AM: "Despite the recent setbacks Dr. Richards was able to make significant progress before..." She chooses her words carefully, "...the primary test subject was lost."
MR: "Good." Lex glances at the contents of the folder, "Time is a luxury we no longer have. I want whatever is left of operation Vault Black operational yesterday."
AM: Chloe sits alone in the Talon, looking sadly down into a cup of coffee. She holds Lois' flash drive in her hands.
ED: Oh, I get it. You had Lois mix up yet another disgusting combination of sugar and caffeine. Why does she always...
MR: Relax, Erica. It's just Chloe in a funk.
AM: A fact Reinforced by some crappy CW sad song the playing in the background.
MR: Clark from off-screen, "Chloe?"
AM: She nearly jumps out of her skin knocking over her coffee in the process. Clark rushes over to apologize.
TW: Great, another scene where Clark says sorry. Those never get old.
KK: At least he's not apologizing to Lana for something that wasn't even his fault.
TW: Point.
AM: Chloe fires up her best "I am completely repressing my issues" smile. "It’s okay, Clark. I am just a little jumpy. Coming back from the dead can do that to a girl."
MR: Clark sits, "How are you doing? We haven't had a chance to talk since..."
AM "I channeled the softer side of Lex?" Attempting to change the subject, "Speaking of which... " she hands Clark the flash drive. "I found this in my pocket."
MR: "Lois' research? Why give it to me?"
AM: "There's quite a bit about you in there. You need to be more careful."
MR: "Does Lois...?"
AM: "Don't worry Clark, she's not on to you yet. And without that she's back at square one."
MR: Clark puts the drive in his pocket, "Thanks, Chloe I don't know what I'd do without you."
ED: They aren't going to give Lois her research back!?!?
AM: No.
ED: What about all her hard work?
[The cast collectively chuckles]
ED: What? Lois works hard!
KK: Don't you mean hardly works?
[Cast chuckles again]
ED: She does work hard!
AM: Hard work aside Lois isn't the first character to find her research stolen or destroyed or whatever.
ED: And it sucks, doesn't it?
AM: Yep.
ED: So why do it to Lois?
AM: You get used to it. Eventually. Besides we might get a season eight. And if we do we can't let Lois get too close to Clark's secret can we?
ED: [sighs]
AM: Am I right?
ED: [Dismissive] Whatever.
AM: Am I right?
ED: Just get on with the scene, OK?
AM: I'm right, aren't I?
JG: Yes, you're right, goddammit! Can we just finish this piece of crap and get out of here?
MR: You could always do a mind whammy.
JG: Oh, that's real clever. Is a mind whammy your solution to everything, Rosenbaum?
MR: I wish I could give you a mind whammy!
JG: I'll give you a mind...
TW: Come on guys. Let's just get the episode finished already!
MR: We're still going out for karaoke, right?
ED: [Pouting] Not me.
MR: Don't be a spoil sport.
ED: You ruined Lois' relationship with Bittleman and now you're stealing her research? No thanks!
Continued
7.16 Control by AM & MR (Part VIII)
AM: "All the meteor infected needed to rise above was a unifying cause, a sense of purpose and direction. I couldn't provide that alone. I could gather them together but I couldn't focus their anger. Not without a tragedy... and you. They'll follow you through fire now, Titian."
MR: "Me, yes. Not you, Lucius."
AM: Lucius morphs into Titian. "Then I will be you."
MR: "No..." Titian's cry is cut short. Pull back to show Lucius' finger in the shape of a steel spike stuck straight through Titian's heart.
KK: No Brainiac this episode?
AM: No. Believe it or not James has real work to do. We're saving our pennies for when we really need him.
MR: Like next episode!
ED: What do you have planned?
AM: Yeah. What exactly do you have planned Micheal?
MR: Oh... nothing.
KK: Highly doubtful.
MR: Meanwhile at Building 42. Clark super speeds into the scene and separates Sex and Kahloe. Would you read Clark, Tom?
TW: Sure. Grabbing Kahloe by the shirt, "Leave her alone, Lex!"
MR: Kahloe smiles, "Clark Kent, you've made a habit of arriving just in the nick of time. Guess what?" She punches Clark in the gut using the Green K ring and Clark doubles over in pain. "This time you're too late." Kahloe punches Clark in the face sending in to the floor. She reaches down and picks up the gun.
TW: "I'm not going to let you hurt Chloe."
MR: "It's a little late for that isn't it, Clark? You already let her die once. What's another time going to hurt?" She reaches into her pocket and tosses a chunk of green K next to Clark. "Only this time you really will be helpless to prevent it."
TW: "It's not her you want. It's me."
ED: Wow. HoYaytastic!
MR: "Tell me Clark, where was this nobility with you stood by and Chloe watched die?"
TW: "I never..."
MR: "Chloe counted on you to save her. You promised her you would. But when she needed you the most, when she was strapped onto that table you just stood there and watched. Didn't you?!?!"
TW: "That's... that's what she told me she wanted."
MR: Kahloe seems almost disgusted now, "Since when have you ever given a damn what anybody wanted other than yourself?"
TW: What? That's a completely unfair characterization!
MR: Tough, "What she wanted was for you to save her!"
TW: "I didn't know..."
MR: "Such a disappointment, Clark. I thought you had more fight in you." Kahloe looks around for signs of Sex. "But take heart. Not all is lost. Chloe's body may die but she'll still live on... in me."
TW: "What's wrong with you Lex?"
MR: Calling out, "Come out, come out, wherever you are!" To Clark, "Because I am Chloe, Clark." Kahloe smiles, "I know what you're thinking. You don't believe me. But I am her. Or at least the part of her she would never let out, always there just beneath the surface. The only part of her that could actually thrive when left behind inside Lex's mind."
AM: Sex calls out from behind a pallet, "That's not true. You're nothing like Chloe!"
MR: Kahloe tries to figure out where Sex is, "And you're nothing like Lex." She pauses, "Give yourself up and I'll spare Clark's life." She aims the gun at Clark.
AM: "You know as well as I a gun can't hurt him."
MR: "Even when weakened by meteor rock?" Kahloe cocks the gun. "Are you willing to bet his life?"
AM: Sex comes out with his hands up, "I give up. Don't kill Clark."
TW: "Chloe, don't."
MR: "Shut up, Clark." She aims at Clark's chest.
AM: "But you..."
MR: Kahloe aims at Sex to keep him from coming closer, "I don't want to kill Clark. I don't even want to kill you. But you know as well as anyone sometimes you have to do things you don't want to just to survive."
KK: Doesn't she know monologuing is what always gets villain in the end?
AM: From off-screen "Aaaaaiiiiiiieeeeee!"
MR: Kahloe turns just in time to see Lois slam a two by four into her face. Kahloe falls to the ground.
AM: "Thank you, Lois." Sex's eyes roll back into his head as he collapses on the ground.
MR: Lois throws down the board and runs for Chloe.
AM: Lionel limps in, stoops over Clark, and throws the green K to the side. Clark gets up and joins Lois who now sits with Chloe's body cradled in her arms. Erica?
ED: "Are you OK, baby cuz? Please tell me you're OK!"
AM: But Sex ignores Lois and looks only at Clark. Clark takes Sex's hand and Sex smiles, "Don't you see, Clark, we could have still been friends.... if only..." Sex coughs a couple more times and falls unconscious.
TW: And there goes another stipulation for Bryan.
AoT: What stipulation was that?
AM: We had to show [makes quote marks with his fingers] "sex" between Clark and Lois.
TW: Hee.
ED: Lois freaks out, "You are not doing this to me again!"
AM: Chloe coughs again and Lois cries tears of relief. Clark brushes the hair from Chloe's eyes. "Clark, Lois? Where am I?"
TW: "What matters is you're going to be OK."
AM: Cut to Lex, face in the dirt, coughing violently. He looks up to see Lionel's tattered shoes right in front of him.
MR: "What you have done, son?"
Continued
MR: "Me, yes. Not you, Lucius."
AM: Lucius morphs into Titian. "Then I will be you."
MR: "No..." Titian's cry is cut short. Pull back to show Lucius' finger in the shape of a steel spike stuck straight through Titian's heart.
KK: No Brainiac this episode?
AM: No. Believe it or not James has real work to do. We're saving our pennies for when we really need him.
MR: Like next episode!
ED: What do you have planned?
AM: Yeah. What exactly do you have planned Micheal?
MR: Oh... nothing.
KK: Highly doubtful.
MR: Meanwhile at Building 42. Clark super speeds into the scene and separates Sex and Kahloe. Would you read Clark, Tom?
TW: Sure. Grabbing Kahloe by the shirt, "Leave her alone, Lex!"
MR: Kahloe smiles, "Clark Kent, you've made a habit of arriving just in the nick of time. Guess what?" She punches Clark in the gut using the Green K ring and Clark doubles over in pain. "This time you're too late." Kahloe punches Clark in the face sending in to the floor. She reaches down and picks up the gun.
TW: "I'm not going to let you hurt Chloe."
MR: "It's a little late for that isn't it, Clark? You already let her die once. What's another time going to hurt?" She reaches into her pocket and tosses a chunk of green K next to Clark. "Only this time you really will be helpless to prevent it."
TW: "It's not her you want. It's me."
ED: Wow. HoYaytastic!
MR: "Tell me Clark, where was this nobility with you stood by and Chloe watched die?"
TW: "I never..."
MR: "Chloe counted on you to save her. You promised her you would. But when she needed you the most, when she was strapped onto that table you just stood there and watched. Didn't you?!?!"
TW: "That's... that's what she told me she wanted."
MR: Kahloe seems almost disgusted now, "Since when have you ever given a damn what anybody wanted other than yourself?"
TW: What? That's a completely unfair characterization!
MR: Tough, "What she wanted was for you to save her!"
TW: "I didn't know..."
MR: "Such a disappointment, Clark. I thought you had more fight in you." Kahloe looks around for signs of Sex. "But take heart. Not all is lost. Chloe's body may die but she'll still live on... in me."
TW: "What's wrong with you Lex?"
MR: Calling out, "Come out, come out, wherever you are!" To Clark, "Because I am Chloe, Clark." Kahloe smiles, "I know what you're thinking. You don't believe me. But I am her. Or at least the part of her she would never let out, always there just beneath the surface. The only part of her that could actually thrive when left behind inside Lex's mind."
AM: Sex calls out from behind a pallet, "That's not true. You're nothing like Chloe!"
MR: Kahloe tries to figure out where Sex is, "And you're nothing like Lex." She pauses, "Give yourself up and I'll spare Clark's life." She aims the gun at Clark.
AM: "You know as well as I a gun can't hurt him."
MR: "Even when weakened by meteor rock?" Kahloe cocks the gun. "Are you willing to bet his life?"
AM: Sex comes out with his hands up, "I give up. Don't kill Clark."
TW: "Chloe, don't."
MR: "Shut up, Clark." She aims at Clark's chest.
AM: "But you..."
MR: Kahloe aims at Sex to keep him from coming closer, "I don't want to kill Clark. I don't even want to kill you. But you know as well as anyone sometimes you have to do things you don't want to just to survive."
KK: Doesn't she know monologuing is what always gets villain in the end?
AM: From off-screen "Aaaaaiiiiiiieeeeee!"
MR: Kahloe turns just in time to see Lois slam a two by four into her face. Kahloe falls to the ground.
AM: "Thank you, Lois." Sex's eyes roll back into his head as he collapses on the ground.
MR: Lois throws down the board and runs for Chloe.
AM: Lionel limps in, stoops over Clark, and throws the green K to the side. Clark gets up and joins Lois who now sits with Chloe's body cradled in her arms. Erica?
ED: "Are you OK, baby cuz? Please tell me you're OK!"
AM: But Sex ignores Lois and looks only at Clark. Clark takes Sex's hand and Sex smiles, "Don't you see, Clark, we could have still been friends.... if only..." Sex coughs a couple more times and falls unconscious.
TW: And there goes another stipulation for Bryan.
AoT: What stipulation was that?
AM: We had to show [makes quote marks with his fingers] "sex" between Clark and Lois.
TW: Hee.
ED: Lois freaks out, "You are not doing this to me again!"
AM: Chloe coughs again and Lois cries tears of relief. Clark brushes the hair from Chloe's eyes. "Clark, Lois? Where am I?"
TW: "What matters is you're going to be OK."
AM: Cut to Lex, face in the dirt, coughing violently. He looks up to see Lionel's tattered shoes right in front of him.
MR: "What you have done, son?"
Continued
7.16 Control by AM & MR (Part VII)
AM: "She deleted months worth of LuthorCorp research not to mention everything I had on Kal-El. Either she's taken professional jealously to a completely unhealthy new level or she's not the real Chloe after all."
MR: Unsuccessfully trying to sound upset at the loss of Kal-El research, "You didn't have any backups?"
AM: Lois rolls her eyes and shoves a wastebasket full of smashed disks at Clark's chest.
MR: Cut to the mutant group election results.
AM: Martha chats quietly with Titian's opponent.
MR: Someone comes on stage to announce the results. Titian is the new leader.
AM: Martha and Titian's opponent are disappointed. She gets up to leave.
MR: Titian jumps on stage and ridicules her on her way out. "Be careful Senator Kent! Don't turn your back on us again." The crowd cheers and throws trash at Martha. Her security detail help her leave the auditorium.
AM: Outside LuthorCorp Kahloe steps into a limousine.
MR: Lionel waits inside. "You didn't think you could get rid of me that easily, did you? We need to talk, son."
AM: Kahloe just looks annoyed and tells the driver they're going to building 42.
MR: "What's at building 42?"
AM: Kahloe smiles, "Wouldn't you love to know? The days of you prying into Lex Luthor's secrets are over... Dad."
MR: Lionel starts blather on...
JG: Lionel doesn't blather!
AM: He does today. There's a new Lex Luthor in town.
JG: So I've heard.
MR: What was he blathering on about? Oh yeah, Lex is treading on dangerous ground. Blah blah blah...
AM: Kahloe tells the driver to pull over into an ally.
MR: She steps out and orders Lionel to follow.
AM: Lionel refuses so Kahloe drags him out herself and beats the hell out of him.
JG: Excuse me!?!?
AM: Kahloe kicks his ass.
MR: Lex should have done it years ago.
AM: Lionel, "What are you doing, son?"
MR: "I'm kicking your ass!"
JG: What!?!?
AM: That's not really the line. "Taking care of some long unfinished business."
KK: You mean like from season three?
AM: You know it! As she lands each punch, "The things you've done.... The things you've gotten away with... It all ends now."
MR: Once Lionel is so beaten he can no longer stand...
JG: You're going to beat Lionel until he can't stand?
AM: Yup.
JG: I'm not standing for this!
KK: [snickers] You won't be able to.
TW: Face it, Lionel had it a long time coming.
JG: Yeah, but he's getting beaten up by a girl!
KK: Even better!
AM: Kahloe looks down at him and spits in disgust. "It's a miracle he hadn't already killed you. It's a shame he'll never get the chance."
MR: "Lex, what's gotten into you?"
AM: "The next time you interfere in my business, Lionel, you'll never walk again. That's a promise."
MR: Kahloe steps back into the car and it drives off. Damn. If it weren't for all the kissing and fruity outfits I'd want Kahloe to posses Lex more often!
AM: LuthorCorp building. Lois is trying to keep up with Clark as he hoofs it to Lionel's office, "Still don't know why you trust this guy."
MR: The furniture is in the process of being removed when they arrive.
AM: "Great. He's not here. What's your next big idea, Smallville?"
MR: One of the movers butts in, "Mr. Luthor fired..."
AM: Clark completes the sentence, "...Lionel this morning."
MR: Clark concentrates for a moment, pulls out his phone and dials.
AM: Lois, "You're obviously not telling me something. What's going on?"
MR: "Lex isn't acting like himself either. I think it might be related."
AM: "Related? How?"
MR: But Lionel has answered, "Lionel, I'm trying to track down Chloe. Do you know where Lex is?"
AM: Cut to Lionel still sitting in the ally, "Chloe?" A moment of realization. "Building 42, Clark. Get to building 42. And hurry!"
MR: Cut back to Clark, "Building 42. Got it. Clark hangs up."
AM: Lois, "Building 42? What's happening at building 42?"
MR: A elevator bell rings. When the door opens a security officer comes out, "Can I help you, Miss?"
AM: Lois turns back toward Clark, "We were just..." But Clark is gone. Lois gets a momentary look of anger before giving the guard her best flirtatious look, "As a matter of fact you could. I need to find building 42."
MR: Titian pours himself a drink inside his new office.
AM: From off-screen, "I suppose I should offer congratulations."
MR: Titian turns to find Lucius standing in the doorway.
AM: Looking around, "Didn't waste any time moving in, did you?"
MR: "Life moves on, Lucius."
AM: "Apparently it does.... for some."
MR: "I'm glad you're still alive. Without a body... Well, never gave up hope."
AM: "Don't patronize me, Titian. You were jockeying for my position before the ink was dry on my obituary."
MR: "What do you expect from me, old man? To step aside now that you're back? You knew I would challenge your leadership eventually. Everyone did."
AM: "I haven't asked you to step aside."
MR: "I wouldn't even if you did. They're finally taking us seriously, thanks to me! If you think I'm just going to give up control..."
AM: Lucius gets up in Titian's face. "The organization I built by hand?" Lucius smiles wryly, "I didn't expect you would. Not without a fight."
MR: Lois speeds down the highway. When she passes Lionel stumbling along she stops, thinks, and backs up.
AM: "What the hell happened to you? The neighborhood bully shake you down for your lunch money?"
MR: "Lex happened to me. We need to stop him."
JG: You all are killing me!
AM: "There's one thing we agree about." Lois unlocks the door. "Try not to bleed on the upholstery."
MR: Building 42. The limo pulls up and Kahloe exits. She looks around before entering the building. Sex knocks on the limo window. When the driver rolls it down Sex punches him out. He reaches in and retrieves the driver's gun.
AM: Sex follows Kahloe into the building and aims the gun at the back of her head, "You never were going to restore her powers, were you?"
MR: Kahloe turns and plays it cool, "Put the gun down. Of course I am."
AM: Sex stifles a cough, "There's nothing more than fertilizer in this warehouse."
MR: Kahloe carefully moves toward him, "You don't seriously think Lex would leave highly experimental equipment in plain view, do you?"
ED & KK & JG: I do.
MR: Shut up.
AM: "Then show me."
MR: "We're team. I'm not going to double cross you, I promise."
AM: "Sure you won't." Sex coughs violently giving Kahloe enough time to draw her own gun. She shoots at Sex as he scrambles behind a pallet of fertilizer.
MR: Kahloe coughs now as well, but not as violently, "You can feel it, can't you?"
AM: Sex is out of breath, "Feel what?"
MR: "Our hosts struggling to re-assert their will." Kahloe edges toward Sex's voice.
AM: "You said you were going to take care of that."
MR: As Kahloe spins around the corner, "I am." But Sex isn't there. She looks around, "Come out. I can help."
AM: Sex tackles Kahloe from behind sending her gun flying, "By killing me!?!?"
MR: Titian's office. Titian, "They'll never follow you again now that they finally have a leader with a backbone."
AM: Lucius, "You're right, Titian. They won't follow Lucius Best anymore. You turned my supposed death into the catalyst they needed to finally unite. Believe it or not I'd like to thank you. You played right into my hands."
MR: "I'm not your pawn."
Continued
MR: Unsuccessfully trying to sound upset at the loss of Kal-El research, "You didn't have any backups?"
AM: Lois rolls her eyes and shoves a wastebasket full of smashed disks at Clark's chest.
MR: Cut to the mutant group election results.
AM: Martha chats quietly with Titian's opponent.
MR: Someone comes on stage to announce the results. Titian is the new leader.
AM: Martha and Titian's opponent are disappointed. She gets up to leave.
MR: Titian jumps on stage and ridicules her on her way out. "Be careful Senator Kent! Don't turn your back on us again." The crowd cheers and throws trash at Martha. Her security detail help her leave the auditorium.
AM: Outside LuthorCorp Kahloe steps into a limousine.
MR: Lionel waits inside. "You didn't think you could get rid of me that easily, did you? We need to talk, son."
AM: Kahloe just looks annoyed and tells the driver they're going to building 42.
MR: "What's at building 42?"
AM: Kahloe smiles, "Wouldn't you love to know? The days of you prying into Lex Luthor's secrets are over... Dad."
MR: Lionel starts blather on...
JG: Lionel doesn't blather!
AM: He does today. There's a new Lex Luthor in town.
JG: So I've heard.
MR: What was he blathering on about? Oh yeah, Lex is treading on dangerous ground. Blah blah blah...
AM: Kahloe tells the driver to pull over into an ally.
MR: She steps out and orders Lionel to follow.
AM: Lionel refuses so Kahloe drags him out herself and beats the hell out of him.
JG: Excuse me!?!?
AM: Kahloe kicks his ass.
MR: Lex should have done it years ago.
AM: Lionel, "What are you doing, son?"
MR: "I'm kicking your ass!"
JG: What!?!?
AM: That's not really the line. "Taking care of some long unfinished business."
KK: You mean like from season three?
AM: You know it! As she lands each punch, "The things you've done.... The things you've gotten away with... It all ends now."
MR: Once Lionel is so beaten he can no longer stand...
JG: You're going to beat Lionel until he can't stand?
AM: Yup.
JG: I'm not standing for this!
KK: [snickers] You won't be able to.
TW: Face it, Lionel had it a long time coming.
JG: Yeah, but he's getting beaten up by a girl!
KK: Even better!
AM: Kahloe looks down at him and spits in disgust. "It's a miracle he hadn't already killed you. It's a shame he'll never get the chance."
MR: "Lex, what's gotten into you?"
AM: "The next time you interfere in my business, Lionel, you'll never walk again. That's a promise."
MR: Kahloe steps back into the car and it drives off. Damn. If it weren't for all the kissing and fruity outfits I'd want Kahloe to posses Lex more often!
AM: LuthorCorp building. Lois is trying to keep up with Clark as he hoofs it to Lionel's office, "Still don't know why you trust this guy."
MR: The furniture is in the process of being removed when they arrive.
AM: "Great. He's not here. What's your next big idea, Smallville?"
MR: One of the movers butts in, "Mr. Luthor fired..."
AM: Clark completes the sentence, "...Lionel this morning."
MR: Clark concentrates for a moment, pulls out his phone and dials.
AM: Lois, "You're obviously not telling me something. What's going on?"
MR: "Lex isn't acting like himself either. I think it might be related."
AM: "Related? How?"
MR: But Lionel has answered, "Lionel, I'm trying to track down Chloe. Do you know where Lex is?"
AM: Cut to Lionel still sitting in the ally, "Chloe?" A moment of realization. "Building 42, Clark. Get to building 42. And hurry!"
MR: Cut back to Clark, "Building 42. Got it. Clark hangs up."
AM: Lois, "Building 42? What's happening at building 42?"
MR: A elevator bell rings. When the door opens a security officer comes out, "Can I help you, Miss?"
AM: Lois turns back toward Clark, "We were just..." But Clark is gone. Lois gets a momentary look of anger before giving the guard her best flirtatious look, "As a matter of fact you could. I need to find building 42."
MR: Titian pours himself a drink inside his new office.
AM: From off-screen, "I suppose I should offer congratulations."
MR: Titian turns to find Lucius standing in the doorway.
AM: Looking around, "Didn't waste any time moving in, did you?"
MR: "Life moves on, Lucius."
AM: "Apparently it does.... for some."
MR: "I'm glad you're still alive. Without a body... Well, never gave up hope."
AM: "Don't patronize me, Titian. You were jockeying for my position before the ink was dry on my obituary."
MR: "What do you expect from me, old man? To step aside now that you're back? You knew I would challenge your leadership eventually. Everyone did."
AM: "I haven't asked you to step aside."
MR: "I wouldn't even if you did. They're finally taking us seriously, thanks to me! If you think I'm just going to give up control..."
AM: Lucius gets up in Titian's face. "The organization I built by hand?" Lucius smiles wryly, "I didn't expect you would. Not without a fight."
MR: Lois speeds down the highway. When she passes Lionel stumbling along she stops, thinks, and backs up.
AM: "What the hell happened to you? The neighborhood bully shake you down for your lunch money?"
MR: "Lex happened to me. We need to stop him."
JG: You all are killing me!
AM: "There's one thing we agree about." Lois unlocks the door. "Try not to bleed on the upholstery."
MR: Building 42. The limo pulls up and Kahloe exits. She looks around before entering the building. Sex knocks on the limo window. When the driver rolls it down Sex punches him out. He reaches in and retrieves the driver's gun.
AM: Sex follows Kahloe into the building and aims the gun at the back of her head, "You never were going to restore her powers, were you?"
MR: Kahloe turns and plays it cool, "Put the gun down. Of course I am."
AM: Sex stifles a cough, "There's nothing more than fertilizer in this warehouse."
MR: Kahloe carefully moves toward him, "You don't seriously think Lex would leave highly experimental equipment in plain view, do you?"
ED & KK & JG: I do.
MR: Shut up.
AM: "Then show me."
MR: "We're team. I'm not going to double cross you, I promise."
AM: "Sure you won't." Sex coughs violently giving Kahloe enough time to draw her own gun. She shoots at Sex as he scrambles behind a pallet of fertilizer.
MR: Kahloe coughs now as well, but not as violently, "You can feel it, can't you?"
AM: Sex is out of breath, "Feel what?"
MR: "Our hosts struggling to re-assert their will." Kahloe edges toward Sex's voice.
AM: "You said you were going to take care of that."
MR: As Kahloe spins around the corner, "I am." But Sex isn't there. She looks around, "Come out. I can help."
AM: Sex tackles Kahloe from behind sending her gun flying, "By killing me!?!?"
MR: Titian's office. Titian, "They'll never follow you again now that they finally have a leader with a backbone."
AM: Lucius, "You're right, Titian. They won't follow Lucius Best anymore. You turned my supposed death into the catalyst they needed to finally unite. Believe it or not I'd like to thank you. You played right into my hands."
MR: "I'm not your pawn."
Continued
7.16 Control by AM & MR (Part VI)
AM: Kahloe smiles, "There's a new Lex Luthor in town." She has security escort Lionel out before turning her attention back to Clark. Seductively, "If you're so convinced I'm behind Chloe's disappearance maybe you should talk to her yourself." She kisses Clark and exits the office.
MR + TW: What?!?!?
MR: I'm not kissing Tom!
AM: Sure you are, Michael.
MR: The hell I am! Lex wouldn't do that.
AM: This is Kahloe, not Lex.
MR: But...
AM: And I want you to really sell it. You need you to really move in for the kiss. Don't be afraid to use a little tongue.
TW: Allison, are you sure that's a good idea?
AM: You're not afraid of kissing a guy, are you Tom?
TW: No. It's that that if Lex kisses Clark he's going to wind up blowing...
KK: Heh. He sure is.
TW: [sighs] He's going to wind up blowing his...
ED: ...sworn enemy?
TW: Blowing his cover, dammit! Blowing his cover!
MR: Yeah. What Tom said. Kahloe is to smart to blow...
ED: ...her sworn enemy?
KK: Are you kidding? She's a horny slut! She'll blow whatever or whomever she wants.
MR: Not helping, Kristin.
KK: [smiles] I know.
MR: Kahloe is smart, right Allison?
AM: She's also kind of horny.
KK: Kind of?
AM: Really horny.
MR: Horny? Since when?
AoT: You wrote her that way all season, Michael. Did you not pay attention to your own episodes?
MR: I never thought it would lead to Kahloe taking liberties with Lex's body!
AM: On the contrary, it already has.
MR: That's not the kind of liberties I'm talking about!
AM: I'll think about changing it.
MR: Think about it?!?!? If you don't scrap this kiss I'll... I'll make Sex kiss Lois! You'll have to kiss Durance! How do you like those apples?
ED: [insulted] You make it sound like it's a bad thing.
AM: Nice try, Rosenbaum, but thanks to the ubiquitous bi-sexual nature of the female cylons half a season on Caprica has left me pretty numb to the idea of a lesbian kiss. If Sex had ever shown the slightest interest in Lois I'd be more than willing to lock lips with Erica.
ED: It'd be the highlight of your life, Allison!
AM: But he hasn't. A kiss just wouldn't make sense.
ED: It might get us a shared cover on Maxim, though.
MR: Why did I have to turn Kahloe into such a slut!?!?
KK: Because you're a chauvinistic pig?
MR: Shit. You're going to make me kiss Glover too, aren't you?
AM: Oh god, no.
JG: What? Why not!?!? I'm a great kisser! [Leaning in toward MR] Pucker up, Rosenbaum, I'll show you!
MR: [Leaning away] Get away from me, John!
JG: Probably for the best. I'd just leave you aching for more and I'm already spoken for.
MR: Whatever. I just don't think Kahloe would kiss Clark even if she really wanted to.
AoT: Maybe she could just tease? Like Lionel did to Chloe when he was in Clark's body.
TW: Somehow I don't think it would have the same effect.
AoT: It'd be hot though.
JG: I wouldn't mind seeing it.
AoT: What if Kahloe leans close for her last line they just kind of brush their lips together before she leaves?
KK: Stop. You're giving me goosebumps.
MR: [Head in hands] This is so wrong!
AM: Either you kiss Tom in this scene or you wear the puffy shirt. It's your choice.
MR: In that case I'm all over the puffy shirt!
ED & KK: Dammit!
KK: You should make him kiss Tom and wear the puffy shirt!
AM: Don't worry. There's more to like later.
ED & KK: Rock on!
MR: Dammit!
AM: Talon apartment. Sex is ...
MR: Sporting a pixie cut.
AM: In your dreams. He's wiping Lois' laptop. Lois bursts in while on the phone, "Of course I have no idea what's going on, Ted. Clark just seems to think Chloe is still..." Spotting Chloe she stops dead.
MR: "Alive?" Sex stands and steps away from the computer.
AM: Lois pauses for a beat. "I've got to go." She hangs up and rushes across the room and hugs her cousin tight. Fighting back tears of relief, "I... I watched you die."
MR: Sex obviously isn't into the hug but tries to play along. "Lois, would you let go? You're about to crush me."
AM: "OK, of course. I can't believe it's really you! I've got to call Clark."
MR: "Wait!"
AM: Lois keeps dialing, "I don't know how he knows these things..."
MR: Sex grabs Lois' phone and closes it.
AM: "What are you doing?"
MR: "Something I should have done a long time ago. I'm finally choosing the right side."
AM: "What are you talking about?" Noticing her laptop is deleting items, "Is that my LuthorCorp research?"
MR: Sex picks up a vase, "Let me give you a piece of advice..."
AM: Lois is at the keyboard trying to cancel the operation, "What have you done!?!"
MR: As he heaves the vase at Lois' head, "Stay out of our way!"
ED: You're going to knock Lois out?
AM: Yup. Lois falls to the ground.
ED: [pouts] That sucks!
MR: I think I might like actually like it better than Sex kissing her.
KK: Maybe Sex could kiss her and then knock her over the head!
AM: Not. your. episode.
MR: As Sex stands over Lois' body his cell phone rings. It's Kahloe.
AM: Sex glances at a flash drive in his hand labeled "Lois' research". "I've taken care of Lois' research." He slips the drive into his pocket. "How are things going on your end?"
MR: Cut to Kahloe on the phone in Richard's lab. "We've hit a minor snag... " Pull back to show Richards at gun point, nervously sitting at the desk beside her, "... but nothing I can't handle."
AM: "So you can restore her powers."
MR: "Of course. Meet me at building 42."
AM: Sex pauses, "But that's just..."
MR: "Your original copy was quite busy while you and Chloe were in stasis. The pallets of fertilizer are just a front. Building 42 is now home to the cutting edge in gene therapy." Kahloe hangs up.
AM: Cut to show the screen Kahloe is looking at. The simulation results show "Neural clone: Destroyed." Kahloe closes the window revealing a dozen other simulations, all but one with the same result.
MR: She maximizes the "successful" scenario which reads "Neural clone: Survives" Underneath it reads "Input parameter: Original copy terminated."
AM: Kahloe closes the laptop and stands. "Thank you for running those simulations, Dr. Richards. As much as I'd like to reward you with your life somebody has to take the blame for the horrible way Chloe was treated. It might as well be you. And then there's that minor issue about LuthorCorp not tolerating traitors." Kahloe winks with a smile before cocking the gun and aiming.
MR: Clark bursts into the Talon apartment, "Chloe!?"
AM: He finds Lois sitting on the floor gingerly rubbing her head. Part two of another stipulation for Bryan. Clark calls Lois Chloe.
AoT: Part two? What's part one?
MR: You'll see.
AM: Lois, "You just missed her."
MR: "Where'd she go!!??"
AM: "I don't know! She bludgeoned me with her own sympathy bouquet on her way out."
MR: "We have to find her!"
AM: Lois stands, "I'm not sure we want to."
MR: "Lois, how could you say that?"
AM: "To call who ever just left Chloe is...." And now for part one of the stipulation, "...well she's so far away from the person we knew you might as well call me Chloe Sullivan." Lois tells Clark to call her Chloe.
JG: Heh. You play dirty, Mack. I love it.
AM: Thanks. That means a lot coming from you.
Continued
MR + TW: What?!?!?
MR: I'm not kissing Tom!
AM: Sure you are, Michael.
MR: The hell I am! Lex wouldn't do that.
AM: This is Kahloe, not Lex.
MR: But...
AM: And I want you to really sell it. You need you to really move in for the kiss. Don't be afraid to use a little tongue.
TW: Allison, are you sure that's a good idea?
AM: You're not afraid of kissing a guy, are you Tom?
TW: No. It's that that if Lex kisses Clark he's going to wind up blowing...
KK: Heh. He sure is.
TW: [sighs] He's going to wind up blowing his...
ED: ...sworn enemy?
TW: Blowing his cover, dammit! Blowing his cover!
MR: Yeah. What Tom said. Kahloe is to smart to blow...
ED: ...her sworn enemy?
KK: Are you kidding? She's a horny slut! She'll blow whatever or whomever she wants.
MR: Not helping, Kristin.
KK: [smiles] I know.
MR: Kahloe is smart, right Allison?
AM: She's also kind of horny.
KK: Kind of?
AM: Really horny.
MR: Horny? Since when?
AoT: You wrote her that way all season, Michael. Did you not pay attention to your own episodes?
MR: I never thought it would lead to Kahloe taking liberties with Lex's body!
AM: On the contrary, it already has.
MR: That's not the kind of liberties I'm talking about!
AM: I'll think about changing it.
MR: Think about it?!?!? If you don't scrap this kiss I'll... I'll make Sex kiss Lois! You'll have to kiss Durance! How do you like those apples?
ED: [insulted] You make it sound like it's a bad thing.
AM: Nice try, Rosenbaum, but thanks to the ubiquitous bi-sexual nature of the female cylons half a season on Caprica has left me pretty numb to the idea of a lesbian kiss. If Sex had ever shown the slightest interest in Lois I'd be more than willing to lock lips with Erica.
ED: It'd be the highlight of your life, Allison!
AM: But he hasn't. A kiss just wouldn't make sense.
ED: It might get us a shared cover on Maxim, though.
MR: Why did I have to turn Kahloe into such a slut!?!?
KK: Because you're a chauvinistic pig?
MR: Shit. You're going to make me kiss Glover too, aren't you?
AM: Oh god, no.
JG: What? Why not!?!? I'm a great kisser! [Leaning in toward MR] Pucker up, Rosenbaum, I'll show you!
MR: [Leaning away] Get away from me, John!
JG: Probably for the best. I'd just leave you aching for more and I'm already spoken for.
MR: Whatever. I just don't think Kahloe would kiss Clark even if she really wanted to.
AoT: Maybe she could just tease? Like Lionel did to Chloe when he was in Clark's body.
TW: Somehow I don't think it would have the same effect.
AoT: It'd be hot though.
JG: I wouldn't mind seeing it.
AoT: What if Kahloe leans close for her last line they just kind of brush their lips together before she leaves?
KK: Stop. You're giving me goosebumps.
MR: [Head in hands] This is so wrong!
AM: Either you kiss Tom in this scene or you wear the puffy shirt. It's your choice.
MR: In that case I'm all over the puffy shirt!
ED & KK: Dammit!
KK: You should make him kiss Tom and wear the puffy shirt!
AM: Don't worry. There's more to like later.
ED & KK: Rock on!
MR: Dammit!
AM: Talon apartment. Sex is ...
MR: Sporting a pixie cut.
AM: In your dreams. He's wiping Lois' laptop. Lois bursts in while on the phone, "Of course I have no idea what's going on, Ted. Clark just seems to think Chloe is still..." Spotting Chloe she stops dead.
MR: "Alive?" Sex stands and steps away from the computer.
AM: Lois pauses for a beat. "I've got to go." She hangs up and rushes across the room and hugs her cousin tight. Fighting back tears of relief, "I... I watched you die."
MR: Sex obviously isn't into the hug but tries to play along. "Lois, would you let go? You're about to crush me."
AM: "OK, of course. I can't believe it's really you! I've got to call Clark."
MR: "Wait!"
AM: Lois keeps dialing, "I don't know how he knows these things..."
MR: Sex grabs Lois' phone and closes it.
AM: "What are you doing?"
MR: "Something I should have done a long time ago. I'm finally choosing the right side."
AM: "What are you talking about?" Noticing her laptop is deleting items, "Is that my LuthorCorp research?"
MR: Sex picks up a vase, "Let me give you a piece of advice..."
AM: Lois is at the keyboard trying to cancel the operation, "What have you done!?!"
MR: As he heaves the vase at Lois' head, "Stay out of our way!"
ED: You're going to knock Lois out?
AM: Yup. Lois falls to the ground.
ED: [pouts] That sucks!
MR: I think I might like actually like it better than Sex kissing her.
KK: Maybe Sex could kiss her and then knock her over the head!
AM: Not. your. episode.
MR: As Sex stands over Lois' body his cell phone rings. It's Kahloe.
AM: Sex glances at a flash drive in his hand labeled "Lois' research". "I've taken care of Lois' research." He slips the drive into his pocket. "How are things going on your end?"
MR: Cut to Kahloe on the phone in Richard's lab. "We've hit a minor snag... " Pull back to show Richards at gun point, nervously sitting at the desk beside her, "... but nothing I can't handle."
AM: "So you can restore her powers."
MR: "Of course. Meet me at building 42."
AM: Sex pauses, "But that's just..."
MR: "Your original copy was quite busy while you and Chloe were in stasis. The pallets of fertilizer are just a front. Building 42 is now home to the cutting edge in gene therapy." Kahloe hangs up.
AM: Cut to show the screen Kahloe is looking at. The simulation results show "Neural clone: Destroyed." Kahloe closes the window revealing a dozen other simulations, all but one with the same result.
MR: She maximizes the "successful" scenario which reads "Neural clone: Survives" Underneath it reads "Input parameter: Original copy terminated."
AM: Kahloe closes the laptop and stands. "Thank you for running those simulations, Dr. Richards. As much as I'd like to reward you with your life somebody has to take the blame for the horrible way Chloe was treated. It might as well be you. And then there's that minor issue about LuthorCorp not tolerating traitors." Kahloe winks with a smile before cocking the gun and aiming.
MR: Clark bursts into the Talon apartment, "Chloe!?"
AM: He finds Lois sitting on the floor gingerly rubbing her head. Part two of another stipulation for Bryan. Clark calls Lois Chloe.
AoT: Part two? What's part one?
MR: You'll see.
AM: Lois, "You just missed her."
MR: "Where'd she go!!??"
AM: "I don't know! She bludgeoned me with her own sympathy bouquet on her way out."
MR: "We have to find her!"
AM: Lois stands, "I'm not sure we want to."
MR: "Lois, how could you say that?"
AM: "To call who ever just left Chloe is...." And now for part one of the stipulation, "...well she's so far away from the person we knew you might as well call me Chloe Sullivan." Lois tells Clark to call her Chloe.
JG: Heh. You play dirty, Mack. I love it.
AM: Thanks. That means a lot coming from you.
Continued
7.16 Control by AM & MR (Part V)
MR: Clark notices Lois hesitate, "What is it?"
AM: "It's nothing."
MR: "No, tell me."
AM: "Is was just..." Lois laughs at her self, "I was just thinking I need to get makeup tips from the undertaker."
MR: Clark looks at her like she's crazy.
AM: "You asked. The truth is anyone who can cover up Chloe's unfortunate run in with a curling iron last year is a genius."
MR: Clark now just looks confused.
AM: "You don't remember? She had a band-aid under her collar bone for at least a week."
MR: Show Chloe's collar bone and then flash back to Freak where Clark fishes a tracking device out of Chloe's shoulder. Clark, "Yeah I think I remember now."
AM: Lois, "It looks like the scare was never there. Whatever they did should be patented."
MR: Two old ladies near the front give Clark and Lois dirty looks.
AM: Lois lowers her voice, "Let's sit down before Gabe kicks us out."
MR: Clark nods. As they're walking Clark whispers, "It probably just healed when she, you know, picked up that healing ability."
AM: Lois, "Yeah, I asked her about that. Turns out scars are technically already healed. It never went away."
MR: They sit and Clark looks thoughtful.
JG: That's a change.
MR: Shut up. "Like bones."
JG: Now it's Lois' turn to look confused, "What the hell are you talking about, Smallville?"
MR: "An X-ray can tell if a bone has ever been broken even after it's healed."
AM: "So?"
MR: "Our freshman year Chloe broke her arm when she fell out Lex's window."
AM: "I don't even want to know the story behind that."
MR: Sex play can be more dangerous than people think.
AM: Shut up.
MR: She must have forgotten the safe word.
AM: I said shut up!
MR: Clark focuses in on the casket. Show an x-ray of Chloe's skeleton and zoom in on an arm. "I don't think Chloe's dead, Lois."
ED: If she's not dead the who the hell is in the casket?
KK: Oh, my god! It better not be what I think it is.
ED: A blow up doll?
KK: No! A clone, Durance, a clone!
ED: That would be lame.
TW: Lamer than a blow up doll?
ED: Well...
MR: What's wrong with a clone?
KK: Faking a death with a clone? I mean come on. How lame is that?
MR: I thought it was brilliant.
JG: It's ridiculous! A clone!?!?! That's the best you could come up with?
AoT: It is pretty dumb.
JG: Dumb?!?! It makes Chloe's funeral a over a month after she dies seem like a stroke of genius.
AM: We can always revisit the Dallas method.
JG: The Dallas method?!?!? I've changed my mind. A dead clone doesn't sound so bad anymore.
ED: But how did they switch the bodies?
AM: You don't remember the lights going out right after Chloe died?
ED: No.
AM: I don't know why. You wrote it.
KK: Lex was able to switch out Chloe's body while the lights were out? Lois and Clark sure are idiots.
TW & ED: Shut up!
AM: Moving on. While we know they're about to bury a lifeless clone Lois and Clark do not.
MR: Now it's Lois' turn to look at Clark like he's crazy,
AM: "I thought I was in denial. We were there when she died, Clark. You have to let her go."
MR: Lois' tone gets her some dirty looks from other funeral attendees. Clark, "I'm telling you that's not Chloe!"
AM: "Then who the hell is it, Sherlock?"
MR: "I don't know but I know where I can find out." Clark gets up.
TW: I take it Clark is going to be bursting through a set of double doors in the next scene.
AM: Have we become that predictable? "Clark where are you going?" But Clark just walks out. Lois sits for a moment, takes a deep breath and follows. Under her breath, "Hope he's right. It's impolite to miss someone's funeral twice in a row." Once outside she calls out, "Smallville, wait up!"
MR: But Clark is no where to be found.
AM: "Clark? Clark?" Lois pulls out her phone.
MR: The minister approaches and offers a sheet of paper, "Miss Lane, you're scheduled to read in..."
AM: "No time, father Tuck. You'll have to find somebody else."
MR: Just then Bittleman walks up, "Lois, I'm so sorry about your cousin. Let me know if there's anything I can do."
AM: "There sure is." Lois takes the paper from the minister and hands it to Ted, "Read this for me." Before they can react Lois runs off leaving them looking baffled.
MR: Lex's office. Kahloe...
AM: Wearing the puffy shirt.
MR: Whatever. She's on the phone. "Thank you, Hope, but I want to speak with the doctor personally. He still has something I need." Kahloe hangs up. She's been doing a little research on Vault Black while covering up her and Lex' tracks.
AM: On her screen are calculations on how to ensure she and Sex will continue to be in control.
MR: She finds something that upsets her just as Clark in Clark!Smash mode enters the room.
TW: I knew it! Who called it?
KK: Who didn't?
TW: I called it!
AM: [Rolling her eyes] Kahloe easily neutralizes him with Green K.
TW: Wait, what? Easily?
AM: Pretty easily. Clark storms into Lex's office, shoves the desk across the room and violently pins Lex against the wall. "What did you do to her Lex!?!? What did you do to Chloe!?!?!"
MR: Even though Clark's hand is wrapped around Kahloe's neck Kahloe seems oddly calm.
AM: And a bit turned on, actually.
ED: Turned on? Kahloe is one sick puppy, isn't she?
MR: Clark starts to breathe heavily.
ED: So now Clark is turned on too?
AM: Kahloe, "So did she come to see you or did you figure it out all on your own?"
MR: Clark seems confused for a moment, "Where is she!?!?!"
AM: "So you haven't seen her yet. I'm almost impressed."
MR: Clark continues to look progressively worse. Despite his rage he can't fight the sickness off. As he falls to his knees, "If you've hurt her I swear I'll break every bone in your body!"
KK: Clark on his knees in front to Lex talking about bones? Allison, you naughty girl.
AM: Kahloe smiles, "You don't look so well, Clark. Are you OK?" Show her sporting a green K ring.
MR: We're still going to play David Bowie's "Queen Bitch" here, right?
AM: Whatever floats your boat, Michael. Lionel arrives, notices Clark on his knees in front of Lex and begins chastising his son.
JG: About time! I was starting to wonder why I had to be here today. Lionel gets a few good zingers in as always, I'm sure.
KK: How about, "You're at the office son! How many times have I told you not to mix business with pleasure!"
AM: Heh, Good one. Actually Kahloe just laughs at Lionel and fires him on the spot.
JG: What? Nobody fires the MB!
AM: Kahloe does. She kicks ass.
MR: Lionel reminds Lex of their deal from Escape.
JG: That should shut her up. What was the deal?
KK: I think Lionel promised to keep something quiet in exchange for power.
JG: But what specifically?
KK: Hell if I remember.
AM: Kahloe makes a thinly veiled threat that if Lionel so much as thinks about threatening her again she'll have him killed.
JG: Why did we bring you back again, Allison?
MR: Lionel can tell something is wrong. Lex has never been this ruthless.
TW: Lionel has never been Lex's bitch before.
AM: Still isn't. He's Kahloe's bitch.
JG: Lionel is nobody's bitch!
AM: Just you wait.
JG: I swear to god, Mack!
AM: We could always invite Bryan back.
JG: I hate my life.
Continued
AM: "It's nothing."
MR: "No, tell me."
AM: "Is was just..." Lois laughs at her self, "I was just thinking I need to get makeup tips from the undertaker."
MR: Clark looks at her like she's crazy.
AM: "You asked. The truth is anyone who can cover up Chloe's unfortunate run in with a curling iron last year is a genius."
MR: Clark now just looks confused.
AM: "You don't remember? She had a band-aid under her collar bone for at least a week."
MR: Show Chloe's collar bone and then flash back to Freak where Clark fishes a tracking device out of Chloe's shoulder. Clark, "Yeah I think I remember now."
AM: Lois, "It looks like the scare was never there. Whatever they did should be patented."
MR: Two old ladies near the front give Clark and Lois dirty looks.
AM: Lois lowers her voice, "Let's sit down before Gabe kicks us out."
MR: Clark nods. As they're walking Clark whispers, "It probably just healed when she, you know, picked up that healing ability."
AM: Lois, "Yeah, I asked her about that. Turns out scars are technically already healed. It never went away."
MR: They sit and Clark looks thoughtful.
JG: That's a change.
MR: Shut up. "Like bones."
JG: Now it's Lois' turn to look confused, "What the hell are you talking about, Smallville?"
MR: "An X-ray can tell if a bone has ever been broken even after it's healed."
AM: "So?"
MR: "Our freshman year Chloe broke her arm when she fell out Lex's window."
AM: "I don't even want to know the story behind that."
MR: Sex play can be more dangerous than people think.
AM: Shut up.
MR: She must have forgotten the safe word.
AM: I said shut up!
MR: Clark focuses in on the casket. Show an x-ray of Chloe's skeleton and zoom in on an arm. "I don't think Chloe's dead, Lois."
ED: If she's not dead the who the hell is in the casket?
KK: Oh, my god! It better not be what I think it is.
ED: A blow up doll?
KK: No! A clone, Durance, a clone!
ED: That would be lame.
TW: Lamer than a blow up doll?
ED: Well...
MR: What's wrong with a clone?
KK: Faking a death with a clone? I mean come on. How lame is that?
MR: I thought it was brilliant.
JG: It's ridiculous! A clone!?!?! That's the best you could come up with?
AoT: It is pretty dumb.
JG: Dumb?!?! It makes Chloe's funeral a over a month after she dies seem like a stroke of genius.
AM: We can always revisit the Dallas method.
JG: The Dallas method?!?!? I've changed my mind. A dead clone doesn't sound so bad anymore.
ED: But how did they switch the bodies?
AM: You don't remember the lights going out right after Chloe died?
ED: No.
AM: I don't know why. You wrote it.
KK: Lex was able to switch out Chloe's body while the lights were out? Lois and Clark sure are idiots.
TW & ED: Shut up!
AM: Moving on. While we know they're about to bury a lifeless clone Lois and Clark do not.
MR: Now it's Lois' turn to look at Clark like he's crazy,
AM: "I thought I was in denial. We were there when she died, Clark. You have to let her go."
MR: Lois' tone gets her some dirty looks from other funeral attendees. Clark, "I'm telling you that's not Chloe!"
AM: "Then who the hell is it, Sherlock?"
MR: "I don't know but I know where I can find out." Clark gets up.
TW: I take it Clark is going to be bursting through a set of double doors in the next scene.
AM: Have we become that predictable? "Clark where are you going?" But Clark just walks out. Lois sits for a moment, takes a deep breath and follows. Under her breath, "Hope he's right. It's impolite to miss someone's funeral twice in a row." Once outside she calls out, "Smallville, wait up!"
MR: But Clark is no where to be found.
AM: "Clark? Clark?" Lois pulls out her phone.
MR: The minister approaches and offers a sheet of paper, "Miss Lane, you're scheduled to read in..."
AM: "No time, father Tuck. You'll have to find somebody else."
MR: Just then Bittleman walks up, "Lois, I'm so sorry about your cousin. Let me know if there's anything I can do."
AM: "There sure is." Lois takes the paper from the minister and hands it to Ted, "Read this for me." Before they can react Lois runs off leaving them looking baffled.
MR: Lex's office. Kahloe...
AM: Wearing the puffy shirt.
MR: Whatever. She's on the phone. "Thank you, Hope, but I want to speak with the doctor personally. He still has something I need." Kahloe hangs up. She's been doing a little research on Vault Black while covering up her and Lex' tracks.
AM: On her screen are calculations on how to ensure she and Sex will continue to be in control.
MR: She finds something that upsets her just as Clark in Clark!Smash mode enters the room.
TW: I knew it! Who called it?
KK: Who didn't?
TW: I called it!
AM: [Rolling her eyes] Kahloe easily neutralizes him with Green K.
TW: Wait, what? Easily?
AM: Pretty easily. Clark storms into Lex's office, shoves the desk across the room and violently pins Lex against the wall. "What did you do to her Lex!?!? What did you do to Chloe!?!?!"
MR: Even though Clark's hand is wrapped around Kahloe's neck Kahloe seems oddly calm.
AM: And a bit turned on, actually.
ED: Turned on? Kahloe is one sick puppy, isn't she?
MR: Clark starts to breathe heavily.
ED: So now Clark is turned on too?
AM: Kahloe, "So did she come to see you or did you figure it out all on your own?"
MR: Clark seems confused for a moment, "Where is she!?!?!"
AM: "So you haven't seen her yet. I'm almost impressed."
MR: Clark continues to look progressively worse. Despite his rage he can't fight the sickness off. As he falls to his knees, "If you've hurt her I swear I'll break every bone in your body!"
KK: Clark on his knees in front to Lex talking about bones? Allison, you naughty girl.
AM: Kahloe smiles, "You don't look so well, Clark. Are you OK?" Show her sporting a green K ring.
MR: We're still going to play David Bowie's "Queen Bitch" here, right?
AM: Whatever floats your boat, Michael. Lionel arrives, notices Clark on his knees in front of Lex and begins chastising his son.
JG: About time! I was starting to wonder why I had to be here today. Lionel gets a few good zingers in as always, I'm sure.
KK: How about, "You're at the office son! How many times have I told you not to mix business with pleasure!"
AM: Heh, Good one. Actually Kahloe just laughs at Lionel and fires him on the spot.
JG: What? Nobody fires the MB!
AM: Kahloe does. She kicks ass.
MR: Lionel reminds Lex of their deal from Escape.
JG: That should shut her up. What was the deal?
KK: I think Lionel promised to keep something quiet in exchange for power.
JG: But what specifically?
KK: Hell if I remember.
AM: Kahloe makes a thinly veiled threat that if Lionel so much as thinks about threatening her again she'll have him killed.
JG: Why did we bring you back again, Allison?
MR: Lionel can tell something is wrong. Lex has never been this ruthless.
TW: Lionel has never been Lex's bitch before.
AM: Still isn't. He's Kahloe's bitch.
JG: Lionel is nobody's bitch!
AM: Just you wait.
JG: I swear to god, Mack!
AM: We could always invite Bryan back.
JG: I hate my life.
Continued
7.16 Control by ED & MR (Part IV)
AM: Chloe looks around and spots Lex face down unconscious on the floor. She continues to look around as if expecting to see someone else and after a moment gets up out of the vault and starts tentatively exploring the destroyed lab.
MR: Eventually she passes by a steel piece of machinery and upon seeing her reflection stops in surprise. She touches her face as she looks at her reflection. She inspects her hands and finally looks down at her chest and smiles slightly.
AoT: Even Chloe is impressed with the Chloveage.
JG: Is she naked or wearing the official operation silver hot pants uniform?
MR: I wanted her naked.
KK: Of course.
MR: Believe it or not Allison agreed.
KK: You're kidding me!
AM: It makes sense she'd be naked. But it doesn't really work for the scene. Where is she going to get clothes? I'm not going to do the entire scene naked so she's wearing the official Operation Silver Hot Pants uniform along with the matching accessory from Operation Silver Halter Top .
ED: Couldn't she just pick up a stray lab coat?
AM: uh...
MR: It's true. She could.
AM: uh...
MR: Don't tell me nudity is OK on the sci-fi channel but not on the CW.
AM: That's not it. Don't you think...
MR: I know what you're going to say. How about this? Chloe looks around the room for a few seconds and instead of getting out of the hot tub and looking around she sees her reflection while she's still seated. Then she gets out and slides on a lab coat. Naked.
AM: [Rolls eyes] OK. Whatever.
MR: [Pumps fist] Yes!
ED: What the hell is going on?
JG: Isn't it obvious?
ED: Yeah, Allison is trying to co-opt my role as the hottie of the show!
JG: Oh. I thought you meant plot wise.
ED: Do you think I'm an idiot?
JG: Yes.
ED: Bite me, Glover. Chloe obviously has amnesia.
MR: Not exactly.
AM: Lex stirs and Chloe spins around and moves her arms as if to throw him up against a wall with her telekinesis. When nothing happens she tries again a few more times before getting pissed. She rushes over to Lex, grabs his arm, and pulls it behind his back, and straddles him. "What have you done!?!"
MR: Lex winces in pain. "You can see me? And touch me? How is that possible?"
AM: Chloe applies more pressure to the arm, "Don't play games, Lex. Tell me what you have done to her!"
MR: Lex tries to look up at Chloe, "Her?"
AM: Chloe applies more pressure.
MR: "Stop it, dammit!"
AM: "Tell me!"
MR: "I don't know what he did. I swear."
AM: "He?" Chloe, who we'll refer to as Sex from now on, loosens her grip.
MR: His grip.
AM: His grip.
ED: Oh my God. She doesn't have amnesia.
KK: Sex has control of Chloe?
TW: Hee.
AM: Shut up. And Kahloe has control of Lex.
MR: Lex...
AM: Who we'll call Kahloe from now on.
MR: ...seems amazed. Half statement have question. "You're in control of her body."
AM: Sex lets go of Kahloe's arm and stands. "And you?"
MR: Kahloe sits up and rubs her arm, "Am in control of his."
AM: "What did Lex do? Did he cure her? We shouldn't still exist."
MR: Kahloe looks around the lab. "There's enough tech here to contain even Clark. He didn't cure her, that's for sure."
AM: "Then why can't I use her abilities?"
MR: "More importantly how did we take control of their bodies?"
AM: "Whatever the reason we need to make sure he never pulls a stupid stunt like this again."
MR: "Don't you mean they? Chloe went into this willingly."
AM: "They never pull a stupid stunt like this again."
MR: Kahloe smiles, "Maybe they'll never have the chance."
AM: Sex looks at his hands, "You think this might be permanent?"
MR: Kahloe stands. "If I have any control over it, it will be."
AM: "What are you saying?"
MR: "Look what Lex did. And Chloe... she was willing to throw away all those amazing abilities, getting rid of you in the process, just to be normal? You're not going to give her a chance to do that again are you?"
AM: Sex stops to consider, "No."
MR: Kahloe takes a look at Sex, "God. I can't believe she actually thought that hair style looked good."
AM: "Beats the one you're sporting now."
MR: Kahloe chuckles, "Touché." Pause, "So. Are we a team?"
AM: "You help me get Chloe's powers back and we're more than a team. We're a force to be reckoned with."
MR: "Deal."
AM: Sex extends his hand.
MR: Kahloe grabs Sex's head and kisses him passionately. "Deal."
KK: Oh, gross.
AM: That's what I said.
MR: What's so gross about that?
KK: Kahloe is basically kissing her self.
AM: That's want I said.
MR: This coming from the woman whose character eye-jaculated all over herself.
KK: Shut up.
AM: Establishing shot of a funeral home.
MR: Wait! What happened to my scene?
AM: The Sex and Kahloe shopping spree? It was stupid.
MR: It was set to David Bowie's "Changes." How could anything set to that be stupid?
TW: Bowie? How could it not be stupid?
MR: Just because we can't have Bowie for Darkseid doesn't me we can't still use his music! Come on, throw me a bone here people!
AM: Sorry, Michael, the scene is gone.
MR: The only reason I agreed to wear the puffy shirt was because of this scene!
AM: As much as I'd enjoy doing the androgynous transformation montage to the rocking tunes of Bowie it just isn't necessary for the episode.
MR: You just didn't want to get a pixie cut!
AM: Michael, if Lex had hair there's no way he'd ever get a pixie cut.
MR: That's it! I'm not wearing the puffy shirt!
AM: Our agreement was I chose Kahloe's outfits and you chose Sex's.
MR: That was before I found out Kahloe has terrible taste!
AM: She does not!
TW: Come on, Michael. In the whole scheme of things is the puffy shirt worse than what you wore in Sorority Girls?
MR: Don't bring Sorority Girls into this, Tom! This is about Bowie!
AM: No Bowie. Sorry.
ED: Weren't we supposed to have Bowie on the show as part of our agreement with Bryan?
AM: Erica!
ED: Tom, would it kill you to have a Bowie cameo helping Kahloe with her make over?
MR: Please, Allison! To the tune of "Changes"? Pretty please?
AM: OK, fine. But only because it satisfies one of our obligations to Bryan.
MR: Sweet!!!!!!
AM: Now the funeral home. Cut to Chloe's face and pull back to show her in a casket. Lois, dressed in black is looking down at her.
KK: Chloe's face? Isn't she... uh, vamping it up with Bowie about now?
AM: It will all make sense soon.
KK: I hope so.
MR: Clark, dressed in "the suit".
AM: Part of our concessions to Bryan.
AoT: He's going to wear the Superman suit? To a funeral?
AM: No. Just "The suit". Letter of the law. We just neglected to mention it's actually of the black double breasted variety.
JG: Oh, you're sneaky, Mack.
MR: Clark comes up behind her, "People are beginning to arrive. Are you ready?"
AM: Lois wipes away a tear, "Almost". She looks back down at Chloe and as she moves to close the casket she stops and her eyes narrow.
Continued
MR: Eventually she passes by a steel piece of machinery and upon seeing her reflection stops in surprise. She touches her face as she looks at her reflection. She inspects her hands and finally looks down at her chest and smiles slightly.
AoT: Even Chloe is impressed with the Chloveage.
JG: Is she naked or wearing the official operation silver hot pants uniform?
MR: I wanted her naked.
KK: Of course.
MR: Believe it or not Allison agreed.
KK: You're kidding me!
AM: It makes sense she'd be naked. But it doesn't really work for the scene. Where is she going to get clothes? I'm not going to do the entire scene naked so she's wearing the official Operation Silver Hot Pants uniform along with the matching accessory from Operation Silver Halter Top .
ED: Couldn't she just pick up a stray lab coat?
AM: uh...
MR: It's true. She could.
AM: uh...
MR: Don't tell me nudity is OK on the sci-fi channel but not on the CW.
AM: That's not it. Don't you think...
MR: I know what you're going to say. How about this? Chloe looks around the room for a few seconds and instead of getting out of the hot tub and looking around she sees her reflection while she's still seated. Then she gets out and slides on a lab coat. Naked.
AM: [Rolls eyes] OK. Whatever.
MR: [Pumps fist] Yes!
ED: What the hell is going on?
JG: Isn't it obvious?
ED: Yeah, Allison is trying to co-opt my role as the hottie of the show!
JG: Oh. I thought you meant plot wise.
ED: Do you think I'm an idiot?
JG: Yes.
ED: Bite me, Glover. Chloe obviously has amnesia.
MR: Not exactly.
AM: Lex stirs and Chloe spins around and moves her arms as if to throw him up against a wall with her telekinesis. When nothing happens she tries again a few more times before getting pissed. She rushes over to Lex, grabs his arm, and pulls it behind his back, and straddles him. "What have you done!?!"
MR: Lex winces in pain. "You can see me? And touch me? How is that possible?"
AM: Chloe applies more pressure to the arm, "Don't play games, Lex. Tell me what you have done to her!"
MR: Lex tries to look up at Chloe, "Her?"
AM: Chloe applies more pressure.
MR: "Stop it, dammit!"
AM: "Tell me!"
MR: "I don't know what he did. I swear."
AM: "He?" Chloe, who we'll refer to as Sex from now on, loosens her grip.
MR: His grip.
AM: His grip.
ED: Oh my God. She doesn't have amnesia.
KK: Sex has control of Chloe?
TW: Hee.
AM: Shut up. And Kahloe has control of Lex.
MR: Lex...
AM: Who we'll call Kahloe from now on.
MR: ...seems amazed. Half statement have question. "You're in control of her body."
AM: Sex lets go of Kahloe's arm and stands. "And you?"
MR: Kahloe sits up and rubs her arm, "Am in control of his."
AM: "What did Lex do? Did he cure her? We shouldn't still exist."
MR: Kahloe looks around the lab. "There's enough tech here to contain even Clark. He didn't cure her, that's for sure."
AM: "Then why can't I use her abilities?"
MR: "More importantly how did we take control of their bodies?"
AM: "Whatever the reason we need to make sure he never pulls a stupid stunt like this again."
MR: "Don't you mean they? Chloe went into this willingly."
AM: "They never pull a stupid stunt like this again."
MR: Kahloe smiles, "Maybe they'll never have the chance."
AM: Sex looks at his hands, "You think this might be permanent?"
MR: Kahloe stands. "If I have any control over it, it will be."
AM: "What are you saying?"
MR: "Look what Lex did. And Chloe... she was willing to throw away all those amazing abilities, getting rid of you in the process, just to be normal? You're not going to give her a chance to do that again are you?"
AM: Sex stops to consider, "No."
MR: Kahloe takes a look at Sex, "God. I can't believe she actually thought that hair style looked good."
AM: "Beats the one you're sporting now."
MR: Kahloe chuckles, "Touché." Pause, "So. Are we a team?"
AM: "You help me get Chloe's powers back and we're more than a team. We're a force to be reckoned with."
MR: "Deal."
AM: Sex extends his hand.
MR: Kahloe grabs Sex's head and kisses him passionately. "Deal."
KK: Oh, gross.
AM: That's what I said.
MR: What's so gross about that?
KK: Kahloe is basically kissing her self.
AM: That's want I said.
MR: This coming from the woman whose character eye-jaculated all over herself.
KK: Shut up.
AM: Establishing shot of a funeral home.
MR: Wait! What happened to my scene?
AM: The Sex and Kahloe shopping spree? It was stupid.
MR: It was set to David Bowie's "Changes." How could anything set to that be stupid?
TW: Bowie? How could it not be stupid?
MR: Just because we can't have Bowie for Darkseid doesn't me we can't still use his music! Come on, throw me a bone here people!
AM: Sorry, Michael, the scene is gone.
MR: The only reason I agreed to wear the puffy shirt was because of this scene!
AM: As much as I'd enjoy doing the androgynous transformation montage to the rocking tunes of Bowie it just isn't necessary for the episode.
MR: You just didn't want to get a pixie cut!
AM: Michael, if Lex had hair there's no way he'd ever get a pixie cut.
MR: That's it! I'm not wearing the puffy shirt!
AM: Our agreement was I chose Kahloe's outfits and you chose Sex's.
MR: That was before I found out Kahloe has terrible taste!
AM: She does not!
TW: Come on, Michael. In the whole scheme of things is the puffy shirt worse than what you wore in Sorority Girls?
MR: Don't bring Sorority Girls into this, Tom! This is about Bowie!
AM: No Bowie. Sorry.
ED: Weren't we supposed to have Bowie on the show as part of our agreement with Bryan?
AM: Erica!
ED: Tom, would it kill you to have a Bowie cameo helping Kahloe with her make over?
MR: Please, Allison! To the tune of "Changes"? Pretty please?
AM: OK, fine. But only because it satisfies one of our obligations to Bryan.
MR: Sweet!!!!!!
AM: Now the funeral home. Cut to Chloe's face and pull back to show her in a casket. Lois, dressed in black is looking down at her.
KK: Chloe's face? Isn't she... uh, vamping it up with Bowie about now?
AM: It will all make sense soon.
KK: I hope so.
MR: Clark, dressed in "the suit".
AM: Part of our concessions to Bryan.
AoT: He's going to wear the Superman suit? To a funeral?
AM: No. Just "The suit". Letter of the law. We just neglected to mention it's actually of the black double breasted variety.
JG: Oh, you're sneaky, Mack.
MR: Clark comes up behind her, "People are beginning to arrive. Are you ready?"
AM: Lois wipes away a tear, "Almost". She looks back down at Chloe and as she moves to close the casket she stops and her eyes narrow.
Continued
Control Intermission (Dancing in the street)
[The cast all get up and have a group hug with AM. TW enters the room but no one notices]
TW: ...and I'm here too.
ED: [Moves to hug TW] Oh, Tom, we missed you as well.
BR: [standing] What the hell's going on!?!?
[BS can be heard sobbing. BR edges toward the exit.]
AM: I gave Bryan an offer he couldn't refuse.
BS: [sobbing] The humanity!
TW: It's OK, Brannon...
BR: Brandon!
TW: ...Bryan hired me back.
BR: Thank god! [Backing out the door] You all are crazy! Crazy I tell you! [Exits running]
BS: All my hopes... dashed to pieces!
[TW shuts the door]
TW: So, what did we miss?
JG: You don't want to know.
AoT: What I want to know is what convinced you to come back?
AM: When the writer's strike ended the Caprica season early I figured why sit around twiddling my thumbs?
JG: I'd twiddle my thumbs.
AM: Oh, and Kristin begged me. [AM hugs KK] Again. And again. And again.
KK: [KK turns red] Shut up.
AM: It's nice to see you too.
AoT: Which leaves us wondering how you got Bryan out of the way.
TW: He signed complete creative control over to us.
JG: Why?
AoT: Did you drug him?
AM: It was a simple business transaction.
TW: In exchange for allowing us to do whatever else we want.
AM: We promised all the specific things he's always wanted would happen in future episodes.
JG & AoT: You promised him what?!?!
TW: And we're going to follow them all to the letter.
JG & AoT: What?!?!
MR: So, Ms. Mack. Would you like to help us finish reading our script?
AM: My pleasure.
JG: Wait. You co-wrote the episode? You're the one who castrated Bittleman?!?!
AM: Erica's still the one behind that.
ED: I wasn't going to give up the episode for nothing.
JG: You let Durance ruin the best thing about the season so far all so you can give Singer everything he ever wanted? Are you two insane?!?!
AM: Relax. Like Tom said we'll honor the contract to the letter. But the spirit? Not so much.
KK: That would explain the crying. He's already seen how we satisfy one of the top items.
AoT: How...?
ED: But first...
[ED pulls out a wireless mic and heads for the stereo.]
AM: Oh, no.
[ED cues up Bowie's "Dancing in the street". TW and AM exchange curious glances. MR turns on a web cam and points it at AM]
ED: Okay
KK: [KK goes around the room uncovering several video monitors naming countries as she goes. In each one a dozen or so fans smile for the camera and shout "Hi Allison!".] Tokyo, South America, Australia, France, Germany, U.K., Africa.
ED: Calling out around the world
[ED holds up the mic for her cast mates as each one sings]
MR: are you ready for a brand-new beat?
ED: Alli's back and the time is right! Fans dancing in the street.
JG: [Points to the Chicago screen] They're dancing in Chicago
Chicago Fans: [Fans serenade AM from their respective monitor] dancing in the street
KK: down in New Orleans
New Orleans Fans: dancing in the street
ED: in New York City
NYC Fans: dancing in the street
ED: All we need is Mack
[MR starts dancing with AM]
MR: sweet Mack
JG: [Holding up a bootleg season 3.5 DVD] There'll be Alli Mack everywhere.
KK: There'll be swinging and swaying, fan vids playing
AoT: dancing in the street.
ED: It doesn't matter what you wear just as long as you are there.
KK: So come on every fan grab your remote
ED: everywhere around the world.
AoT: They'll be dancing
All the fans: We're dancing in the street.
ED, KK, and AoT: Dancing in the street.
ED: This is an invitation across the nation
KK: a chance for folks to see
AoT: There'll be laughing and swinging and fan vids playing
All the fans: dancing in the street.
ED: Philadelphia P.A.
Philadelphia Fans: dancing in the street
KK: Baltimore and D.C.
D.C & Baltimore Fans: dancing in the street
MR: Don't forget the Motor City
Detroit Fans: dancing in the street
KK: On the streets of Brazil
Brazil Fans: dancing in the street
ED: Back in the USSR
Russian Fans: dancing in the street
AoT: Don't matter where you are
All the fans: dancing in the street
ED: All we need is Mack
MR: sweet Mack
JG: [Holding up AM's Maxim cover] We'll have Alli everywhere.
KK: There'll be swinging and swaying fan vids playing
All the fans: dancing in the street.
AoT: It doesn't matter what you wear just as long as you are there.
KK: So come on every fan grab your remote
AoT: everywhere around the world.
ED: They'll be dancing
All Fans: We're dancing in the street
ED, KK, and AoT: dancing in the street.
ED: Way down in L.A.
L. A. Fans: everyday dancing in the street
ED, KK, and AoT: Dancing in the street
MR: Across in China too [Dancing with AM] me and you dancing in the street
China Fans: Dancing in the street
AoT: Don't you know they'll be dancing
All fans: dancing in the street
ED, KK, and AoT: Dancing in the street
MR: Don't you know they'll be dancing
All fans: dancing in the street
ED, KK, and AoT: Dancing in the street.
[The music dies down. The cast and all the fans clap and cheer. AM turns red]
AM: Wow. Thanks. I'm just.... I'm floored.
All the fans: [Clapping] We love you, Alli!
AM: I... [fans self and start choking up] I'm verklempt.
ED: OK, everybody! Thanks so much!
MR: Say bye to Allison before she embarrasses herself!
All the fans: Bye bye, Allison! We love you!
[KK goes around turning the monitors off.]
TW: Do I get a song?
ED: Are you kidding? You hate Bowie!
TW: Yeah, but...
ED: Time for cake!
AM: There's cake too!?!?
ED: I had it made special in your honor, Allison!
AM: [Through tears] Made special? For me?
[ED pulls a cover off a cake. It has a icing photo of AM's Maxim cover]
AM: [Grimaces] Gee.... thanks?
ED: You've got to admit you're pretty hot. Even on a cake.
MR: [Animalistic growl] I claim a thigh! [KK smacks MR on the arm] Ow! What?
AM: You guys... really, you shouldn't have!
TW: Do I get a cake?
ED: [Taking TW's hand] Oh, Tom. I'm so sorry. But you weren't even gone a whole episode. You understand, right?
[TW pouts and turns away]
ED: [Stroking TW's arm] Aw, poor Tommy.
AM: Actually...
TW: [Hopeful] I get a cake too?
AM: Michael?
MR: On it! [Rolls a table in from outside.]
TW: This is fabulous!
MR: [Pulling off the cover] Ta Da! [It's a significantly smaller cake with an icing photo of TW poorly photo shopped into the super suit.]
[TW just stares]
AM: Bryan's top stipulation. We have Tom in the suit during the episode.
KK: [Attempting to force some enthusiasm] And there it is.
JG: [Tilting his head] Does his head seem a little big for his body to you?
TW: [Disappointed] That's just...
AM: [Looking at the two cakes] At least you're fully clothed.
TW: It's not even my body!
MR: I call Tom's thigh! [KK smacks MR on the arm] Ow! Come on!
ED: [holding up an ice cream scoop and a tub of Ben and Jerry's] And ice cream! We have ice cream!
MR: [Looking at ED with concern] You do know you don't have to look pregnant anymore?
ED: [Shoving the ice cream into MR's hands] Shut up and scoop.
[Later the cast finishing up their cake and ice cream. MR is eating the piece with TW's thigh and has the piece with AM's thigh set aside for later.]
AoT: So shall we get back to business?
AM: Sure.
MR: [Cutting a piece from AM's cake] Want another piece, Allison?
AM: No thanks, Michael.
MR: [Hands AM a large piece with Chloveage] Here. [Grins] Eat your heart out!
AM: [Glances at the piece and rolls her eyes] Ha. Ha.
MR: No? I'll save it for later.
TW: [Taking his last bite] I'll take it!
MR: [Moving to protect the cake] Oh, no. You eat your own heart out, Welling!
AoT: Stop it boys. We need to get going if we're going to make it to karaoke tonight.
AM: We're going to do karaoke too?
ED: Of course! Having our favorite cast-mate back is worth a celebration!
JG: I thought we were celebrating having Bryan off our backs?
ED: And we'll have the finest tequila!
TW: No Bowie songs, right?
MR: Come on, Tom! Be a sport!
TW: No Bowie, For me. Please?
ED: I can't make any promises, Tom.
AoT: This is Allison's night. Don't spoil it for her, Tom.
MR: [Between forkfuls of Chloveage] We've got pork rinds too!
ED: Right! Pork rinds! How could I have forgotten about the pork rinds?!
AM: [Starting to weep] I missed you guys so much!
MR: Put a stopper on it already, Mack, and start reading.
Continued
TW: ...and I'm here too.
ED: [Moves to hug TW] Oh, Tom, we missed you as well.
BR: [standing] What the hell's going on!?!?
[BS can be heard sobbing. BR edges toward the exit.]
AM: I gave Bryan an offer he couldn't refuse.
BS: [sobbing] The humanity!
TW: It's OK, Brannon...
BR: Brandon!
TW: ...Bryan hired me back.
BR: Thank god! [Backing out the door] You all are crazy! Crazy I tell you! [Exits running]
BS: All my hopes... dashed to pieces!
[TW shuts the door]
TW: So, what did we miss?
JG: You don't want to know.
AoT: What I want to know is what convinced you to come back?
AM: When the writer's strike ended the Caprica season early I figured why sit around twiddling my thumbs?
JG: I'd twiddle my thumbs.
AM: Oh, and Kristin begged me. [AM hugs KK] Again. And again. And again.
KK: [KK turns red] Shut up.
AM: It's nice to see you too.
AoT: Which leaves us wondering how you got Bryan out of the way.
TW: He signed complete creative control over to us.
JG: Why?
AoT: Did you drug him?
AM: It was a simple business transaction.
TW: In exchange for allowing us to do whatever else we want.
AM: We promised all the specific things he's always wanted would happen in future episodes.
JG & AoT: You promised him what?!?!
TW: And we're going to follow them all to the letter.
JG & AoT: What?!?!
MR: So, Ms. Mack. Would you like to help us finish reading our script?
AM: My pleasure.
JG: Wait. You co-wrote the episode? You're the one who castrated Bittleman?!?!
AM: Erica's still the one behind that.
ED: I wasn't going to give up the episode for nothing.
JG: You let Durance ruin the best thing about the season so far all so you can give Singer everything he ever wanted? Are you two insane?!?!
AM: Relax. Like Tom said we'll honor the contract to the letter. But the spirit? Not so much.
KK: That would explain the crying. He's already seen how we satisfy one of the top items.
AoT: How...?
ED: But first...
[ED pulls out a wireless mic and heads for the stereo.]
AM: Oh, no.
[ED cues up Bowie's "Dancing in the street". TW and AM exchange curious glances. MR turns on a web cam and points it at AM]
ED: Okay
KK: [KK goes around the room uncovering several video monitors naming countries as she goes. In each one a dozen or so fans smile for the camera and shout "Hi Allison!".] Tokyo, South America, Australia, France, Germany, U.K., Africa.
ED: Calling out around the world
[ED holds up the mic for her cast mates as each one sings]
MR: are you ready for a brand-new beat?
ED: Alli's back and the time is right! Fans dancing in the street.
JG: [Points to the Chicago screen] They're dancing in Chicago
Chicago Fans: [Fans serenade AM from their respective monitor] dancing in the street
KK: down in New Orleans
New Orleans Fans: dancing in the street
ED: in New York City
NYC Fans: dancing in the street
ED: All we need is Mack
[MR starts dancing with AM]
MR: sweet Mack
JG: [Holding up a bootleg season 3.5 DVD] There'll be Alli Mack everywhere.
KK: There'll be swinging and swaying, fan vids playing
AoT: dancing in the street.
ED: It doesn't matter what you wear just as long as you are there.
KK: So come on every fan grab your remote
ED: everywhere around the world.
AoT: They'll be dancing
All the fans: We're dancing in the street.
ED, KK, and AoT: Dancing in the street.
ED: This is an invitation across the nation
KK: a chance for folks to see
AoT: There'll be laughing and swinging and fan vids playing
All the fans: dancing in the street.
ED: Philadelphia P.A.
Philadelphia Fans: dancing in the street
KK: Baltimore and D.C.
D.C & Baltimore Fans: dancing in the street
MR: Don't forget the Motor City
Detroit Fans: dancing in the street
KK: On the streets of Brazil
Brazil Fans: dancing in the street
ED: Back in the USSR
Russian Fans: dancing in the street
AoT: Don't matter where you are
All the fans: dancing in the street
ED: All we need is Mack
MR: sweet Mack
JG: [Holding up AM's Maxim cover] We'll have Alli everywhere.
KK: There'll be swinging and swaying fan vids playing
All the fans: dancing in the street.
AoT: It doesn't matter what you wear just as long as you are there.
KK: So come on every fan grab your remote
AoT: everywhere around the world.
ED: They'll be dancing
All Fans: We're dancing in the street
ED, KK, and AoT: dancing in the street.
ED: Way down in L.A.
L. A. Fans: everyday dancing in the street
ED, KK, and AoT: Dancing in the street
MR: Across in China too [Dancing with AM] me and you dancing in the street
China Fans: Dancing in the street
AoT: Don't you know they'll be dancing
All fans: dancing in the street
ED, KK, and AoT: Dancing in the street
MR: Don't you know they'll be dancing
All fans: dancing in the street
ED, KK, and AoT: Dancing in the street.
[The music dies down. The cast and all the fans clap and cheer. AM turns red]
AM: Wow. Thanks. I'm just.... I'm floored.
All the fans: [Clapping] We love you, Alli!
AM: I... [fans self and start choking up] I'm verklempt.
ED: OK, everybody! Thanks so much!
MR: Say bye to Allison before she embarrasses herself!
All the fans: Bye bye, Allison! We love you!
[KK goes around turning the monitors off.]
TW: Do I get a song?
ED: Are you kidding? You hate Bowie!
TW: Yeah, but...
ED: Time for cake!
AM: There's cake too!?!?
ED: I had it made special in your honor, Allison!
AM: [Through tears] Made special? For me?
[ED pulls a cover off a cake. It has a icing photo of AM's Maxim cover]
AM: [Grimaces] Gee.... thanks?
ED: You've got to admit you're pretty hot. Even on a cake.
MR: [Animalistic growl] I claim a thigh! [KK smacks MR on the arm] Ow! What?
AM: You guys... really, you shouldn't have!
TW: Do I get a cake?
ED: [Taking TW's hand] Oh, Tom. I'm so sorry. But you weren't even gone a whole episode. You understand, right?
[TW pouts and turns away]
ED: [Stroking TW's arm] Aw, poor Tommy.
AM: Actually...
TW: [Hopeful] I get a cake too?
AM: Michael?
MR: On it! [Rolls a table in from outside.]
TW: This is fabulous!
MR: [Pulling off the cover] Ta Da! [It's a significantly smaller cake with an icing photo of TW poorly photo shopped into the super suit.]
[TW just stares]
AM: Bryan's top stipulation. We have Tom in the suit during the episode.
KK: [Attempting to force some enthusiasm] And there it is.
JG: [Tilting his head] Does his head seem a little big for his body to you?
TW: [Disappointed] That's just...
AM: [Looking at the two cakes] At least you're fully clothed.
TW: It's not even my body!
MR: I call Tom's thigh! [KK smacks MR on the arm] Ow! Come on!
ED: [holding up an ice cream scoop and a tub of Ben and Jerry's] And ice cream! We have ice cream!
MR: [Looking at ED with concern] You do know you don't have to look pregnant anymore?
ED: [Shoving the ice cream into MR's hands] Shut up and scoop.
[Later the cast finishing up their cake and ice cream. MR is eating the piece with TW's thigh and has the piece with AM's thigh set aside for later.]
AoT: So shall we get back to business?
AM: Sure.
MR: [Cutting a piece from AM's cake] Want another piece, Allison?
AM: No thanks, Michael.
MR: [Hands AM a large piece with Chloveage] Here. [Grins] Eat your heart out!
AM: [Glances at the piece and rolls her eyes] Ha. Ha.
MR: No? I'll save it for later.
TW: [Taking his last bite] I'll take it!
MR: [Moving to protect the cake] Oh, no. You eat your own heart out, Welling!
AoT: Stop it boys. We need to get going if we're going to make it to karaoke tonight.
AM: We're going to do karaoke too?
ED: Of course! Having our favorite cast-mate back is worth a celebration!
JG: I thought we were celebrating having Bryan off our backs?
ED: And we'll have the finest tequila!
TW: No Bowie songs, right?
MR: Come on, Tom! Be a sport!
TW: No Bowie, For me. Please?
ED: I can't make any promises, Tom.
AoT: This is Allison's night. Don't spoil it for her, Tom.
MR: [Between forkfuls of Chloveage] We've got pork rinds too!
ED: Right! Pork rinds! How could I have forgotten about the pork rinds?!
AM: [Starting to weep] I missed you guys so much!
MR: Put a stopper on it already, Mack, and start reading.
Continued
7.16 Control by ED & MR (Part III)
MR: Lex slides the top enough to reveal a hand floating in a milky liquid.
AoT: Just a hand? Gross.
MR: It's attached to someone.
AoT: Still. Gross.
MR: Vital signs continue to drop. Pushing the top, "No!" Outside sparks fly, burning Richards' hand, "Ow!"
MR: He throws the backup power switch over.
JG: Switching to backup isn't automatic?
MR: Hush.
JG: Somebody should be fired.
MR: Vault Black vitals are near flat lined and Lex notices life support has been cut off. "No, no, no, no!"
KK: Lex hasn't been so enamored with a project since operation Silver Hot Pants.
BR: What was operation Silver Hot Pants?
MR: It was called project Aries. Lex was creating super soldiers
AoT: All dressed in little silver hot pants.
BR: Why were they in little silver hot pants?
MR: God, I don't know!
JG: Cheaper than gold?
MR: Shut up.
KK: Are you sure it wasn't called Operation Silver Hot Pants?
MR: I'm sure! Outside the backup power comes back on line. The computer announces "20% charged".
KK: Richards, "Come on, come on...".
MR: "40% charged"
KK: Inside vital signs finally go completely dead. After a couple seconds Lex stops trying to push the top aside. He hangs his head in defeat.
KK: Lex is a loser even in your own episode, Michael.
MR: Don't be so sure. Back to Richards. The computer announces the field is 100% recharged. "Initiating containment field in three... two..." Richards goes to the window just in time to see Lex sitting over the half open vault. He rushes back to shut the containment field down. Back inside the lab everything is quiet. A sudden jolt of music coincides with the hand inside the vault suddenly grabbing Lex's wrist. We cut to a close shot of closed eyes just beneath the milky liquid. The eyes open and glow an eerie white. Cut to Lex looking on in horror. Outside the computer announces "containment field engaged." Richards looks into at the lab and shields his eyes as the screen goes white. There's the sound of a huge explosion.
[Muffled yelling can be heard outside. There's a loud thud against the wall which startles BR]
BR: Oh, my God! What's happening out there?
JG: [Rubbing his temples] Erica Durance is single. handed. ruining. my. career. [To MR] Get the hell out there and help her, Rosenbaum!
MR: Me? Who's going to read the script?
JG: I don't give a damn!! Go save my career!
[ED stumbles in]
ED: They're here and Bryan is none too happy about it. Michael, you're up!
MR: It seems like you're handling things OK.
ED: [Limping to the table] I'm taking a break. Besides, he likes you.
MR: Don't rub it in.
ED: Good luck.
MR: But...
JG: Listen to the battered pregnant woman and get the hell out there, Rosenbaum!
MR: Okay! Okay! [Exits]
BR: What's going on?
ED: Don't worry Brendon...
BR: Brandon!
ED: ...it's all under control.
JG: God, I hope so!
ED: [Grimacing and budding her shoulder] Do we have any ice?
JG: Somebody used it all.
ED: All of it? That was stupid. So, where were we?
KK: We just blew up Lex.
ED: Really? I'm sorry I missed that.
[Another thud against the wall and shouting]
BR: Maybe we should...
JG & AoT & KK & ED: Shut up!
ED: Next we go to a mutants' right rally. Martha is there to make peace with Titian but he gives her a sanctimonious speech and excuses himself to rally the troops from up on stage. Annette, you want to read? [Another loud thump against the wall]
AoT: Actually, do you mind if I go out and watch?
KK: I want to watch too!
ED: Fine go.
[KK & AoT get up and exit]
ED: And bring back some ice!!
JG: Moving on?
ED: Oh, I love this scene! Bittleman is dropping Lois off at her apartment.
JG: Well, crap.
ED: What?
JG: Were the hell is Lionel?
ED: We'll get to him, I'm sure. You want to read for Bittleman in the meantime?
JG: Sure! [Chuckles] I love how Bittleman insults Lois at every turn! [reading ahead] Well, crap!
ED: What?
JG: I'm not reading this! You've castrated the man!
ED: How so?
JG: He makes a pass at Lois?
ED: Of course he does! She's hot. It was only a matter of time.
JG: Sweet Jesus! And Lois turns him down!?!?! What Bryan had planned is better than this garbage!
ED: Are you going to read with me or not?
JG: Hell, no!
ED: Brendon...
BR: Brandon.
ED: Whatever. You want to read for Bittleman?
BR: Um.. [notices JG glaring] no thanks.
ED: [sighs] Fine. Bittleman makes a pass at Lois. She turns him down. He's embarrassed.
JG: As well he should be! She's emasculated him!
ED: Shut up. Bittleman says he's the king of bad timing and he'll see her tomorrow at the funeral. Lois just nods sadly and enters her apartment. She sits at her bed and... [pauses while she reads] looks at a picture of her and Chloe singing karaoke?
JG: That's not yours?
ED: I.. uh...
JG: I'm supposed to believe this sentimental soliloquy of hers is all Michael's doing?
ED: Michael is a sentimental fool. He just doesn't let it show.
JG: He's a fool alright.
[MR, AoT, & KK enter grinning ear to ear.]
MR: Mission accomplished!
ED: Where the hell is my ice!?!
AoT: [Tosses a bag of ice to ED]
JG: [Pumps fist] Yes!
AoT: It's all over but the crying.
KK: And there's going to be a lot of crying.
[From outside BS wails in despair]
ED: Congratulations.
MR: So, where are we?
JG: Lois just finished castrating Bittleman.
MR: [Returning to the table] Perfect timing.
JG: Durance says you wrote it.
MR: Yeah, right.
MR: Back to the remains of the Vault Black lab.
ED: Through the thick smoke the camera approaches the hot tub.
MR: Vault Black. It's the Vault Black.
ED: Isn't it just going to be a hot tub painted black?
MR: We're pretending. Like we pretend Clark can run really fast.
ED: Oh. Okay.
MR: The figure inside takes a desperate gasp for air while jolting up out of the liquid.
KK: Why does that seem familiar?
ED: In the dark and smoke all we can see of the figure is a silhouette. It looks around the room cautiously. Then as the smoke clears it's revealed that Vault Black is actually...
[AM bursts in]
AM: Well, I'm back!!!!!
ED: [smiles ear to ear] ...Chloe Sullivan!
Continued
AoT: Just a hand? Gross.
MR: It's attached to someone.
AoT: Still. Gross.
MR: Vital signs continue to drop. Pushing the top, "No!" Outside sparks fly, burning Richards' hand, "Ow!"
MR: He throws the backup power switch over.
JG: Switching to backup isn't automatic?
MR: Hush.
JG: Somebody should be fired.
MR: Vault Black vitals are near flat lined and Lex notices life support has been cut off. "No, no, no, no!"
KK: Lex hasn't been so enamored with a project since operation Silver Hot Pants.
BR: What was operation Silver Hot Pants?
MR: It was called project Aries. Lex was creating super soldiers
AoT: All dressed in little silver hot pants.
BR: Why were they in little silver hot pants?
MR: God, I don't know!
JG: Cheaper than gold?
MR: Shut up.
KK: Are you sure it wasn't called Operation Silver Hot Pants?
MR: I'm sure! Outside the backup power comes back on line. The computer announces "20% charged".
KK: Richards, "Come on, come on...".
MR: "40% charged"
KK: Inside vital signs finally go completely dead. After a couple seconds Lex stops trying to push the top aside. He hangs his head in defeat.
KK: Lex is a loser even in your own episode, Michael.
MR: Don't be so sure. Back to Richards. The computer announces the field is 100% recharged. "Initiating containment field in three... two..." Richards goes to the window just in time to see Lex sitting over the half open vault. He rushes back to shut the containment field down. Back inside the lab everything is quiet. A sudden jolt of music coincides with the hand inside the vault suddenly grabbing Lex's wrist. We cut to a close shot of closed eyes just beneath the milky liquid. The eyes open and glow an eerie white. Cut to Lex looking on in horror. Outside the computer announces "containment field engaged." Richards looks into at the lab and shields his eyes as the screen goes white. There's the sound of a huge explosion.
[Muffled yelling can be heard outside. There's a loud thud against the wall which startles BR]
BR: Oh, my God! What's happening out there?
JG: [Rubbing his temples] Erica Durance is single. handed. ruining. my. career. [To MR] Get the hell out there and help her, Rosenbaum!
MR: Me? Who's going to read the script?
JG: I don't give a damn!! Go save my career!
[ED stumbles in]
ED: They're here and Bryan is none too happy about it. Michael, you're up!
MR: It seems like you're handling things OK.
ED: [Limping to the table] I'm taking a break. Besides, he likes you.
MR: Don't rub it in.
ED: Good luck.
MR: But...
JG: Listen to the battered pregnant woman and get the hell out there, Rosenbaum!
MR: Okay! Okay! [Exits]
BR: What's going on?
ED: Don't worry Brendon...
BR: Brandon!
ED: ...it's all under control.
JG: God, I hope so!
ED: [Grimacing and budding her shoulder] Do we have any ice?
JG: Somebody used it all.
ED: All of it? That was stupid. So, where were we?
KK: We just blew up Lex.
ED: Really? I'm sorry I missed that.
[Another thud against the wall and shouting]
BR: Maybe we should...
JG & AoT & KK & ED: Shut up!
ED: Next we go to a mutants' right rally. Martha is there to make peace with Titian but he gives her a sanctimonious speech and excuses himself to rally the troops from up on stage. Annette, you want to read? [Another loud thump against the wall]
AoT: Actually, do you mind if I go out and watch?
KK: I want to watch too!
ED: Fine go.
[KK & AoT get up and exit]
ED: And bring back some ice!!
JG: Moving on?
ED: Oh, I love this scene! Bittleman is dropping Lois off at her apartment.
JG: Well, crap.
ED: What?
JG: Were the hell is Lionel?
ED: We'll get to him, I'm sure. You want to read for Bittleman in the meantime?
JG: Sure! [Chuckles] I love how Bittleman insults Lois at every turn! [reading ahead] Well, crap!
ED: What?
JG: I'm not reading this! You've castrated the man!
ED: How so?
JG: He makes a pass at Lois?
ED: Of course he does! She's hot. It was only a matter of time.
JG: Sweet Jesus! And Lois turns him down!?!?! What Bryan had planned is better than this garbage!
ED: Are you going to read with me or not?
JG: Hell, no!
ED: Brendon...
BR: Brandon.
ED: Whatever. You want to read for Bittleman?
BR: Um.. [notices JG glaring] no thanks.
ED: [sighs] Fine. Bittleman makes a pass at Lois. She turns him down. He's embarrassed.
JG: As well he should be! She's emasculated him!
ED: Shut up. Bittleman says he's the king of bad timing and he'll see her tomorrow at the funeral. Lois just nods sadly and enters her apartment. She sits at her bed and... [pauses while she reads] looks at a picture of her and Chloe singing karaoke?
JG: That's not yours?
ED: I.. uh...
JG: I'm supposed to believe this sentimental soliloquy of hers is all Michael's doing?
ED: Michael is a sentimental fool. He just doesn't let it show.
JG: He's a fool alright.
[MR, AoT, & KK enter grinning ear to ear.]
MR: Mission accomplished!
ED: Where the hell is my ice!?!
AoT: [Tosses a bag of ice to ED]
JG: [Pumps fist] Yes!
AoT: It's all over but the crying.
KK: And there's going to be a lot of crying.
[From outside BS wails in despair]
ED: Congratulations.
MR: So, where are we?
JG: Lois just finished castrating Bittleman.
MR: [Returning to the table] Perfect timing.
JG: Durance says you wrote it.
MR: Yeah, right.
MR: Back to the remains of the Vault Black lab.
ED: Through the thick smoke the camera approaches the hot tub.
MR: Vault Black. It's the Vault Black.
ED: Isn't it just going to be a hot tub painted black?
MR: We're pretending. Like we pretend Clark can run really fast.
ED: Oh. Okay.
MR: The figure inside takes a desperate gasp for air while jolting up out of the liquid.
KK: Why does that seem familiar?
ED: In the dark and smoke all we can see of the figure is a silhouette. It looks around the room cautiously. Then as the smoke clears it's revealed that Vault Black is actually...
[AM bursts in]
AM: Well, I'm back!!!!!
ED: [smiles ear to ear] ...Chloe Sullivan!
Continued
7.16 Control by ED & MR (Part II)
KK: Scene one?
MR: Alright, if you must know Ted has taken Lois out for drinks because Lois is still depressed about Chloe.
JG: Chloe?!?! She died like a month ago! She's still hung up on that?
MR: Lois is also down because Kahn called her latest article crap.
KK: It probably was.
JG: [Reading the script] Heh, I love Bittleman.
AoT: [Flipping through her script] What's he say?
JG: "Kahn didn't call it crap."
AoT: What's to love about that?
JG: Well Lois responds Kahn did too and then Bittleman says, "No. I was there. She called it 'such a steaming pile of crap it would embarrass even the Inquisitor.'"
AoT: Oh, I like Bittleman too.
BR: So Lois Lane on this show isn't a good reporter?
AoT + JG + MR + KK: Shut up!
MR: As long as we're reading, Lois brings up Vic Sage.
JG: "Corroborating with Sage was your first mistake, Barbie. Even the total whack jobs think the guy's a total whack job. If you want to print a story about a strange visitor from another planet you're going to find a source with at least a hint of credibility."
MR: "You're just jealous Vic choose me over you."
JG: "Because he's more interested in how somebody looks in black and purple leather than in respectable journalism?"
MR: "Vic knew I was interested in Kal-El."
JG: "Exactly. He knows somebody like me is way too smart to fall for his incredibly asinine alien conspiracy theory claptrap!"
ED: Did he just call Lois stupid?
KK: I think he did.
ED: What the hell? He was supposed to start to liking her!
MR: And that's when Lois starts going on about saint Chloe. Blah blah blah after years of calling her cousin a whacked out alien conspiracy theorist it's just Lois' luck she finally sees an honest to goodness alien the day after the only other person who might believe her dies.
AoT: Bittleman doesn't believe her? Wasn't he there too?
MR: I think he was unconscious or something? Oh look! Barn scene with Martha!
AoT: Cool!
KK: [rolls eyes] Weren't we discussing whether Bittleman believed Lois?
AoT: Oh, who cares? It's a Martha scene!
KK: It's scary when I'm the person most concerned about continuity in the room.
MR: Quiet, you, with your continuity crap. Clark is pounding stuff in the barn because he's in a bad mood.
AoT: Why?
MR: Chloe is...
JG: ...dead. We get it already! Where the hell is Lionel!?!?
MR: Kristin should be happy. There's continuity.
KK: Should I? Was she even mentioned the last four episodes?
BR: Who's Chloe?
JG: Just some girl Bryan made us kill off.
MR: Martha drops into check on Clark. She's going to bed early because she has a big day tomorrow. A new mutant leader is being elected. She knows he's down because Chloe's funeral is tomorrow.
KK: Wait. What?
MR: They're going to select...
KK: No. The other part.
MR: He's down because of Chloe's...
KK: That's it!
MR: Funeral?
KK: What the hell?
MR: Her funeral is the next day.
JG: [Shaking his head] I knew it was a mistake to let you and Durance try to write something together. You don't have two brain cells between the two of you to rub together, do you?
MR: Rub together... heh, dirty!
JG: [Rolls eyes]
KK: Chloe's funeral is five episodes after she dies!?!?
AoT: That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard!
BR: That is pretty ridiculous.
AoT + JG + MR + KK: Shut up!
MR: Clark is all about self flagellation tonight...
BR: "If I'd never come to Earth..."
MR: What the hell are you doing?
BR: Reading Clark's lines?
MR: Why?
BR: Because I'm sitting in for Clark?
KK: We don't do it that way.
BR: I'm sorry. What?
MR: I wrote it. I read it. Comprende?
BR: But...
MR: No buts. If I want you to read something I'll let you know. Annette?
AoT: [When she sees the line she rolls her eyes] "You can't blame yourself, Clark." Haven't we already been over this like a thousand times?
MR: Since we haven't even had a thousand episodes I seriously doubt it.
AoT: How may episodes have we had?
MR: [Irritated] Annette.
KK: I don't know? A hundred and thirty? Hundred and forty?
AoT: Haven't we been over this like a hundred and thirty times?
MR: We're going to go over it again, OK?
AoT: God, why can't Martha stop giving Clark get out of jail free passes and go mack out and somebody for once?
JG: Hear, hear!
BR: Could I...?
AoT + JG + MR + KK: Shut up!
MR: Clark says if he hadn't come to Earth there would have been no meteor shower. Chloe never would have been infected and she'd still be alive.
AoT: [Not even looking at the script] "Don't blame yourself for things you had no control over, Clark. You've done a lot of good."
JG: [Checks the script] Not bad. All you left out was clearing all the kryptonite out of Smallville so no one else gets infected.
AoT: Dammit! How did I miss that?
BR: There's kryptonite all over Small...?
AoT + JG + MR + KK: Shut up!
MR: Not one to stop beating himself...
KK: ...off.
MR: Would you behave, Kristin?
KK: That reminds me. What exactly was Clark banging as the scene opens?
MR: Kristin...
KK: Bessy?
MR: Kristin! [Nodding at BR] We have a guest.
KK: Spoil sport.
MR: Clark tells her sometimes he feels like his presence on Earth in the whole scheme of things has done more harm than good. Lana's parents, Zod, Darkseid. "Compared to the evil I've brought into this world how much have I really helped?"
KK: He's got a point.
BR: So Smallville's Clark...?
AoT + JG + MR + KK: Shut up!
MR: Martha tells him his story isn't over yet. She knows in the long run her son is going to do more good for this world that he can possibly imagine. She encourages him to get some rest.
AoT: That's it? That's a sucky scene.
JG: At least it's a scene. Lionel hasn't even shown up yet.
MR: Sit tight, we'll get to Lionel.
JG: Really? When.
MR: Act two.
JG: [sighs]
MR: [smirks] Or three.
JG: If my sanity wasn't dependent on the success of your "plan" I'd kick your smug little ass right right now.
MR: Cut to the mutant center. Titian politics with other mutants to take over Lucius' old position. Brief introduction of a rival who thinks Titian is dangerous and wants to honor Lucius' cooperative approach. [to KK] Do we have to read through this scene too?
KK: Nah. I don't really care about it.
JG: Is Lionel in it?
MR: No.
JG: Then I don't care either. Next scene.
AoT: Martha?
MR: No.
AoT: Skip.
MR: Back to Vault Black.
JG: Death and carnage. Next.
MR: Not so fast. Sirens go off, lots of cool smoke and mist everywhere.
KK: You know we're running low on budget...
MR: Relax, it's just a few fans and dry ice. Outside Richards tries to get the containment field back on line.
JG: But in typical LuthorCorp incompetence...
MR: On a display "Initiating emergency protocol..." Followed by "Auto shut-off of life support: Engaged."
KK: Oh, that's real smart.
MR: It's there to keep whatever is in Vault Black from escaping if the containment field goes down. Dr. Richards runs to the door and puts his hand on the ID reader. The display reads "Access denied: Lock-down mode." He can't get in.
AoT: And Lex can't get out. Even smarter.
MR: Richards makes various adjustments at the control panel. Inside a monitor shows vital signs within the Vault slowing. Lex starts to panic. He strains to slide the top aside.
KK: So after all these precautions Lex is going to let whatever is in there out himself?
JG: That's not too smart.
MR: Shut up!
Continued
MR: Alright, if you must know Ted has taken Lois out for drinks because Lois is still depressed about Chloe.
JG: Chloe?!?! She died like a month ago! She's still hung up on that?
MR: Lois is also down because Kahn called her latest article crap.
KK: It probably was.
JG: [Reading the script] Heh, I love Bittleman.
AoT: [Flipping through her script] What's he say?
JG: "Kahn didn't call it crap."
AoT: What's to love about that?
JG: Well Lois responds Kahn did too and then Bittleman says, "No. I was there. She called it 'such a steaming pile of crap it would embarrass even the Inquisitor.'"
AoT: Oh, I like Bittleman too.
BR: So Lois Lane on this show isn't a good reporter?
AoT + JG + MR + KK: Shut up!
MR: As long as we're reading, Lois brings up Vic Sage.
JG: "Corroborating with Sage was your first mistake, Barbie. Even the total whack jobs think the guy's a total whack job. If you want to print a story about a strange visitor from another planet you're going to find a source with at least a hint of credibility."
MR: "You're just jealous Vic choose me over you."
JG: "Because he's more interested in how somebody looks in black and purple leather than in respectable journalism?"
MR: "Vic knew I was interested in Kal-El."
JG: "Exactly. He knows somebody like me is way too smart to fall for his incredibly asinine alien conspiracy theory claptrap!"
ED: Did he just call Lois stupid?
KK: I think he did.
ED: What the hell? He was supposed to start to liking her!
MR: And that's when Lois starts going on about saint Chloe. Blah blah blah after years of calling her cousin a whacked out alien conspiracy theorist it's just Lois' luck she finally sees an honest to goodness alien the day after the only other person who might believe her dies.
AoT: Bittleman doesn't believe her? Wasn't he there too?
MR: I think he was unconscious or something? Oh look! Barn scene with Martha!
AoT: Cool!
KK: [rolls eyes] Weren't we discussing whether Bittleman believed Lois?
AoT: Oh, who cares? It's a Martha scene!
KK: It's scary when I'm the person most concerned about continuity in the room.
MR: Quiet, you, with your continuity crap. Clark is pounding stuff in the barn because he's in a bad mood.
AoT: Why?
MR: Chloe is...
JG: ...dead. We get it already! Where the hell is Lionel!?!?
MR: Kristin should be happy. There's continuity.
KK: Should I? Was she even mentioned the last four episodes?
BR: Who's Chloe?
JG: Just some girl Bryan made us kill off.
MR: Martha drops into check on Clark. She's going to bed early because she has a big day tomorrow. A new mutant leader is being elected. She knows he's down because Chloe's funeral is tomorrow.
KK: Wait. What?
MR: They're going to select...
KK: No. The other part.
MR: He's down because of Chloe's...
KK: That's it!
MR: Funeral?
KK: What the hell?
MR: Her funeral is the next day.
JG: [Shaking his head] I knew it was a mistake to let you and Durance try to write something together. You don't have two brain cells between the two of you to rub together, do you?
MR: Rub together... heh, dirty!
JG: [Rolls eyes]
KK: Chloe's funeral is five episodes after she dies!?!?
AoT: That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard!
BR: That is pretty ridiculous.
AoT + JG + MR + KK: Shut up!
MR: Clark is all about self flagellation tonight...
BR: "If I'd never come to Earth..."
MR: What the hell are you doing?
BR: Reading Clark's lines?
MR: Why?
BR: Because I'm sitting in for Clark?
KK: We don't do it that way.
BR: I'm sorry. What?
MR: I wrote it. I read it. Comprende?
BR: But...
MR: No buts. If I want you to read something I'll let you know. Annette?
AoT: [When she sees the line she rolls her eyes] "You can't blame yourself, Clark." Haven't we already been over this like a thousand times?
MR: Since we haven't even had a thousand episodes I seriously doubt it.
AoT: How may episodes have we had?
MR: [Irritated] Annette.
KK: I don't know? A hundred and thirty? Hundred and forty?
AoT: Haven't we been over this like a hundred and thirty times?
MR: We're going to go over it again, OK?
AoT: God, why can't Martha stop giving Clark get out of jail free passes and go mack out and somebody for once?
JG: Hear, hear!
BR: Could I...?
AoT + JG + MR + KK: Shut up!
MR: Clark says if he hadn't come to Earth there would have been no meteor shower. Chloe never would have been infected and she'd still be alive.
AoT: [Not even looking at the script] "Don't blame yourself for things you had no control over, Clark. You've done a lot of good."
JG: [Checks the script] Not bad. All you left out was clearing all the kryptonite out of Smallville so no one else gets infected.
AoT: Dammit! How did I miss that?
BR: There's kryptonite all over Small...?
AoT + JG + MR + KK: Shut up!
MR: Not one to stop beating himself...
KK: ...off.
MR: Would you behave, Kristin?
KK: That reminds me. What exactly was Clark banging as the scene opens?
MR: Kristin...
KK: Bessy?
MR: Kristin! [Nodding at BR] We have a guest.
KK: Spoil sport.
MR: Clark tells her sometimes he feels like his presence on Earth in the whole scheme of things has done more harm than good. Lana's parents, Zod, Darkseid. "Compared to the evil I've brought into this world how much have I really helped?"
KK: He's got a point.
BR: So Smallville's Clark...?
AoT + JG + MR + KK: Shut up!
MR: Martha tells him his story isn't over yet. She knows in the long run her son is going to do more good for this world that he can possibly imagine. She encourages him to get some rest.
AoT: That's it? That's a sucky scene.
JG: At least it's a scene. Lionel hasn't even shown up yet.
MR: Sit tight, we'll get to Lionel.
JG: Really? When.
MR: Act two.
JG: [sighs]
MR: [smirks] Or three.
JG: If my sanity wasn't dependent on the success of your "plan" I'd kick your smug little ass right right now.
MR: Cut to the mutant center. Titian politics with other mutants to take over Lucius' old position. Brief introduction of a rival who thinks Titian is dangerous and wants to honor Lucius' cooperative approach. [to KK] Do we have to read through this scene too?
KK: Nah. I don't really care about it.
JG: Is Lionel in it?
MR: No.
JG: Then I don't care either. Next scene.
AoT: Martha?
MR: No.
AoT: Skip.
MR: Back to Vault Black.
JG: Death and carnage. Next.
MR: Not so fast. Sirens go off, lots of cool smoke and mist everywhere.
KK: You know we're running low on budget...
MR: Relax, it's just a few fans and dry ice. Outside Richards tries to get the containment field back on line.
JG: But in typical LuthorCorp incompetence...
MR: On a display "Initiating emergency protocol..." Followed by "Auto shut-off of life support: Engaged."
KK: Oh, that's real smart.
MR: It's there to keep whatever is in Vault Black from escaping if the containment field goes down. Dr. Richards runs to the door and puts his hand on the ID reader. The display reads "Access denied: Lock-down mode." He can't get in.
AoT: And Lex can't get out. Even smarter.
MR: Richards makes various adjustments at the control panel. Inside a monitor shows vital signs within the Vault slowing. Lex starts to panic. He strains to slide the top aside.
KK: So after all these precautions Lex is going to let whatever is in there out himself?
JG: That's not too smart.
MR: Shut up!
Continued
7.16 Control by ED & MR (Part I)
MR: Start with Hope scanning the LuthorCorp security surveillance feeds as a lackey enters with a folder for her. It's a brief on Lucius and includes a photo with Dr. Richards having a back alley meeting with Mr. Best.
KK: "Thank you for bringing this to my attention." She buzzes Lex's secretary. "I need to speak with Mr. Luthor."
MR: Lex is not in his office.
KK: Hope orders another lackey, "Locate Mr. Luthor now. "This is urgent."
MR: The officer's screen shows a blueprint of Luthor Tower and something about a personal signature not detected. "He's not in the building."
KK: "I know where his is." To the man who brought the folder, "Come with me." They enter an elevator and Hope plugs in a key.
MR: The officer, "Where are we going?"
KK: "Vault Black." Cool. Hope's key unlocks the Lex's super secret levels. 33.1, 98.7, 3.141....
MR: Cut it out.
KK: She pushes the appropriate button.
MR: Cut to Lex inside a dimly lit lab. He stands next to a black steel box...
KK: Vault.
MR: Fine, vault. It's about the size of a large hot tub. As he brushes his fingers across the top the camera tracks back to outside the lab. Dr. Richards is working underneath a bank of high tech equipment. He shocks himself on an exposed wire, "Ow."
KK: Hope's voice, "How many times have I told you we have techs who can do this, Doctor?"
MR: The doctor rolls out from under the equipment. "It's your techs, Miss..." Whatever Hope's last name is, "who screwed this up in the first place!"
KK: "Our techs are the most highly trained..."
MR: "I don't care how well trained they are! I'm the only one who understands the technology behind this project. The containment field has been flaking out ever since your monkeys laid their paws on it."
AoT: Great, he's channeling Zod.
MR: You can't call somebody a primate without crediting Zod now?
JG: Apparently not. It's his catch phrase.
KK: Monkeys don't have paws, do they?
MR: Who cares!?!?
KK: Just wondering, jeez. "If they hadn't stepped in when the power grid collapsed this project may have..."
MR: "They screwed it up, Miss ...." whatever her name is.
JG: Michael, you realize you need to figure out her last name before we shoot this, right?
MR: Of course I do! Do I look like Erica to you?
KK: Oh, that's a low blow. I'll have you know that Erica is...
[KK is interrupted by a the sound of something large hitting the other side of the wall. There's muffled shouting and then something hits the wall again. The cast is silent for a minute.]
BR: Should we go see what happened?
MR: No.
[ED stumbles in holding her shoulder.]
ED: Michael, the big guns better get here soon, I'm running out of change! [ED dumps the ice from the refreshment table into a plastic bag.]
AoT: You're not planning on hitting Bryan with that are you?
ED: It was for my shoulder but that's not a bad idea! [ED exits. More muffled yelling from outside then a loud thump followed by ice scattering all over the floor and then apparently two people falling to the floor.]
MR: You were saying?
KK: Never mind.
BR: Should we...?
MR: No. She has it under control.
JG: She most obviously does not!
MR: Then you go out there, hot shot!
JG: I'm not going out there. You go out there!
AoT: Michael, you're the one who got Tom fired. You should be the one dealing with Bryan.
MR: I did not get Tom fired! Tom got Tom fired. Besides, Bryan will take it easier on a pregnant woman.
BR: She's pregnant?
AoT: No.
BR: But...
JG: Don't ask. It's a long story.
[Something bashes up against the other side of the wall. Causing BR to nearly jump out of his seat.]
KK: Poor Erica.
MR: You want to go out there?
KK: Are you kidding?
MR: She'll be fine. "Now are you here just to harass me or was there actually a point to your visit?"
KK: "I have something for Lex."
MR: "He left explicit instructions not to be disturbed." Richards turns his attention back to the equipment, "Leave it here and I'm make sure he gets it."
KK: But Hope has already put her hand on the ID machine and gone through the automatic door.
MR: Richards glances at the remaining security officer, "Her funeral." Sparks fly again, "Ow!"
KK: Cut to inside the lab.
MR: Lex doesn't turn around, "Doctor, I told you..."
KK: "I'm sorry to disturb you Lex but..."
MR: Lex spins around, "I left specific instructions..."
KK: Holding the folder out, "So I was told but we've found..."
MR: Lex points at the door, "Whatever it is handle it! That's what I pay you for."
KK: "But..."
MR: Lex turns his back on her, "Leave us."
KK: Hope stands for a second, deciding whether or not to say something. "Us, sir?"
MR: Lex turns back around in a rage, "Get the hell out! Now!!!!"
KK: Lex being obsessive. Who would have guessed.
MR: Shut up.
KK: But I'm reading.
MR: Shut up and read.
KK: Hope pauses for a second, "As you wish." She turns and exits.
MR: Richards smirks, "I told you."
KK: Hope ignores him. She and the officer head back to the elevator.
MR: The other officer as they walk, "What is in that lab anyway?"
KK: Once inside the elevator Hope selects the ground floor. As the doors close, "Trust me. You don't want to know." Hope taps her Bluetooth to get a hold of the surveillance room. "Detain Doctor Richards the minute the containment field is repaired. And whatever you do, don't let him out of your sight."
JG: "Don't let him out of your sight?" To LuthorCorp security. I think I see where this is headed.
MR: Don't be so sure. Cut back to Dr. Richards under the equipment. He shocks himself again, "Ow!" When he pulls his arm back his elbow knocks against a tool chest. A pair of pliers fall out and knock over a cup of coffee. The spill approaches a bare wire and when the liquid hits the wire there's an electrical short resulting in a plume of smoke. Inside the lab all but the emergency lights go off. Alarms blare and a computer readout displays "Containment field off-line."
AoT: That can't be good.
MR: Cut to credits and then we open with a scene where Bittleman takes Lois out for drinks.
JG: No Lionel in the teaser? Typical.
AoT: And then we go to Lois and Bittleman!?!? Why are we even here? The only person actually in the room with any lines so far is you!
MR: You will all have lines soon enough.
KK: [Pissed] I better not!!
MR: Except for you, of course.
BR: So why are...?
KK: My character is dead.
BR: So why are...?
KK: It's a pay check. And a way to make sure they don't bring Lana back to life.
JG: The cast has a nasty habit of bringing dead characters back to life. Take Lionel...
MR: Moving on. After Lois and Bittleman we go to Clark in the barn.
KK: No dialog in the first scene?
MR: Plenty of dialog. But I just don't care about it. Now in the barn...
AoT: Does Martha show up in the Barn?
MR: Yes.
KK: I'd like to know about scene one.
MR: Since when?
KK: Since you wanted to skip it.
AoT: I'm with Michael. Who cares about Lois? Let's move on to the barn scene.
BR: You all don't always run through all the lines?
MR: [Eying KK] We only run through all the lines when someone decides to be a bitch. Erica is the only one of us in the scene and she isn't here.
JG: She's out there screwing stuff up. Why read through her lines?
KK: At least tell me what happens. Do they mack?
MR: No they don't mack! Good grief!
AoT: Does Martha mack anyone this episode?
MR: [Rubbing his temples] No!
AoT: [sighs back] I see.
Continued
KK: "Thank you for bringing this to my attention." She buzzes Lex's secretary. "I need to speak with Mr. Luthor."
MR: Lex is not in his office.
KK: Hope orders another lackey, "Locate Mr. Luthor now. "This is urgent."
MR: The officer's screen shows a blueprint of Luthor Tower and something about a personal signature not detected. "He's not in the building."
KK: "I know where his is." To the man who brought the folder, "Come with me." They enter an elevator and Hope plugs in a key.
MR: The officer, "Where are we going?"
KK: "Vault Black." Cool. Hope's key unlocks the Lex's super secret levels. 33.1, 98.7, 3.141....
MR: Cut it out.
KK: She pushes the appropriate button.
MR: Cut to Lex inside a dimly lit lab. He stands next to a black steel box...
KK: Vault.
MR: Fine, vault. It's about the size of a large hot tub. As he brushes his fingers across the top the camera tracks back to outside the lab. Dr. Richards is working underneath a bank of high tech equipment. He shocks himself on an exposed wire, "Ow."
KK: Hope's voice, "How many times have I told you we have techs who can do this, Doctor?"
MR: The doctor rolls out from under the equipment. "It's your techs, Miss..." Whatever Hope's last name is, "who screwed this up in the first place!"
KK: "Our techs are the most highly trained..."
MR: "I don't care how well trained they are! I'm the only one who understands the technology behind this project. The containment field has been flaking out ever since your monkeys laid their paws on it."
AoT: Great, he's channeling Zod.
MR: You can't call somebody a primate without crediting Zod now?
JG: Apparently not. It's his catch phrase.
KK: Monkeys don't have paws, do they?
MR: Who cares!?!?
KK: Just wondering, jeez. "If they hadn't stepped in when the power grid collapsed this project may have..."
MR: "They screwed it up, Miss ...." whatever her name is.
JG: Michael, you realize you need to figure out her last name before we shoot this, right?
MR: Of course I do! Do I look like Erica to you?
KK: Oh, that's a low blow. I'll have you know that Erica is...
[KK is interrupted by a the sound of something large hitting the other side of the wall. There's muffled shouting and then something hits the wall again. The cast is silent for a minute.]
BR: Should we go see what happened?
MR: No.
[ED stumbles in holding her shoulder.]
ED: Michael, the big guns better get here soon, I'm running out of change! [ED dumps the ice from the refreshment table into a plastic bag.]
AoT: You're not planning on hitting Bryan with that are you?
ED: It was for my shoulder but that's not a bad idea! [ED exits. More muffled yelling from outside then a loud thump followed by ice scattering all over the floor and then apparently two people falling to the floor.]
MR: You were saying?
KK: Never mind.
BR: Should we...?
MR: No. She has it under control.
JG: She most obviously does not!
MR: Then you go out there, hot shot!
JG: I'm not going out there. You go out there!
AoT: Michael, you're the one who got Tom fired. You should be the one dealing with Bryan.
MR: I did not get Tom fired! Tom got Tom fired. Besides, Bryan will take it easier on a pregnant woman.
BR: She's pregnant?
AoT: No.
BR: But...
JG: Don't ask. It's a long story.
[Something bashes up against the other side of the wall. Causing BR to nearly jump out of his seat.]
KK: Poor Erica.
MR: You want to go out there?
KK: Are you kidding?
MR: She'll be fine. "Now are you here just to harass me or was there actually a point to your visit?"
KK: "I have something for Lex."
MR: "He left explicit instructions not to be disturbed." Richards turns his attention back to the equipment, "Leave it here and I'm make sure he gets it."
KK: But Hope has already put her hand on the ID machine and gone through the automatic door.
MR: Richards glances at the remaining security officer, "Her funeral." Sparks fly again, "Ow!"
KK: Cut to inside the lab.
MR: Lex doesn't turn around, "Doctor, I told you..."
KK: "I'm sorry to disturb you Lex but..."
MR: Lex spins around, "I left specific instructions..."
KK: Holding the folder out, "So I was told but we've found..."
MR: Lex points at the door, "Whatever it is handle it! That's what I pay you for."
KK: "But..."
MR: Lex turns his back on her, "Leave us."
KK: Hope stands for a second, deciding whether or not to say something. "Us, sir?"
MR: Lex turns back around in a rage, "Get the hell out! Now!!!!"
KK: Lex being obsessive. Who would have guessed.
MR: Shut up.
KK: But I'm reading.
MR: Shut up and read.
KK: Hope pauses for a second, "As you wish." She turns and exits.
MR: Richards smirks, "I told you."
KK: Hope ignores him. She and the officer head back to the elevator.
MR: The other officer as they walk, "What is in that lab anyway?"
KK: Once inside the elevator Hope selects the ground floor. As the doors close, "Trust me. You don't want to know." Hope taps her Bluetooth to get a hold of the surveillance room. "Detain Doctor Richards the minute the containment field is repaired. And whatever you do, don't let him out of your sight."
JG: "Don't let him out of your sight?" To LuthorCorp security. I think I see where this is headed.
MR: Don't be so sure. Cut back to Dr. Richards under the equipment. He shocks himself again, "Ow!" When he pulls his arm back his elbow knocks against a tool chest. A pair of pliers fall out and knock over a cup of coffee. The spill approaches a bare wire and when the liquid hits the wire there's an electrical short resulting in a plume of smoke. Inside the lab all but the emergency lights go off. Alarms blare and a computer readout displays "Containment field off-line."
AoT: That can't be good.
MR: Cut to credits and then we open with a scene where Bittleman takes Lois out for drinks.
JG: No Lionel in the teaser? Typical.
AoT: And then we go to Lois and Bittleman!?!? Why are we even here? The only person actually in the room with any lines so far is you!
MR: You will all have lines soon enough.
KK: [Pissed] I better not!!
MR: Except for you, of course.
BR: So why are...?
KK: My character is dead.
BR: So why are...?
KK: It's a pay check. And a way to make sure they don't bring Lana back to life.
JG: The cast has a nasty habit of bringing dead characters back to life. Take Lionel...
MR: Moving on. After Lois and Bittleman we go to Clark in the barn.
KK: No dialog in the first scene?
MR: Plenty of dialog. But I just don't care about it. Now in the barn...
AoT: Does Martha show up in the Barn?
MR: Yes.
KK: I'd like to know about scene one.
MR: Since when?
KK: Since you wanted to skip it.
AoT: I'm with Michael. Who cares about Lois? Let's move on to the barn scene.
BR: You all don't always run through all the lines?
MR: [Eying KK] We only run through all the lines when someone decides to be a bitch. Erica is the only one of us in the scene and she isn't here.
JG: She's out there screwing stuff up. Why read through her lines?
KK: At least tell me what happens. Do they mack?
MR: No they don't mack! Good grief!
AoT: Does Martha mack anyone this episode?
MR: [Rubbing his temples] No!
AoT: [sighs back] I see.
Continued
Prelude to Control
[JG, KK, AoT in the writers' room]
AoT: I can't believe Singer is going to turn Martha into a Grandma!
KK: Don't worry, Annette. I'm sure things will work out in the end.
AoT: In the end? How can you be so calm? Didn't Bryan just raise Lana from the dead?
KK: He thinks he did.
AoT: What do you have up your sleeve, Kreuk?
[Brandon Routh (BR) enters looking nervous.]
JG: Who the hell are you?
BR: [Offering JG his hand]I'm Brandon Routh. Bryan asked me to sit in for Tom.
AoT: You don't actually like that guy do you?
BR: Tom? Sure, he's...
KK: No! Singer, you idiot! [Pauses and extends her hand] I'm Kristin.
BR: [Figuring out JG isn't going to shake his hand shakes with Kristin] Right. Bryan? I guess he's OK.
JG: He's a freaking nut job is what he is!
BR: [Nervous smile]
JG: Sit down, shut up, and stay out of trouble and we'll get along fine. [Looks around and checks his watch] Dammit! Where the hell are Michael and Erica?!?!
BR: They were...
JG: What part of shut up don't you understand!?!?
[MR rushes in carrying scripts]
MR: OK everybody, let's get started!
KK: Get started? [Subtle head nod toward BR] What happened to the plan?
BR: Plan? What pl..?
JG: Shut up! Are you Singer's spy?!?! Are you here to squeal on us?!?!
BR: No, I'm just...
MR: [Handing the scripts out] Lighten up, John. Brandon, relax.
JG: Lighten up?!!? You said you had it all under control, Rosenbaum!
MR: I do.
JG: Then what the hell is he doing here!?!?
BR: I'm...
JG + MR: Shut up!
MR: We're still working on it.
AoT: Where's Erica?
MR: I said we're still working on it!
AoT: No reason to get testy.
MR: Erica will be here in a minute. In the meantime why don't we get started?
JG: You're leaving this in Erica's hands?!!? My god, man! Are you insane!?!?
MR: Relax, John, I've brought in the big guns. Erica is just... baby sitting until they get here.
BR: Excuse me but...
AoT: Stay the hell out of this, Ruth.
BR: Routh.
AoT: Whatever. [To MR] Michael, tell me Martha isn't going to be a Grandma!
MR: Kristin, will you read for Hope in the teaser?
KK: Sure..
JG: Another Lex teaser. Big surprise. Lionel better be in it.
AoT: Oh my god! Martha is going to be a grandma, isn't she?!?!
BR: What's the big deal? She's like, what? Seventy years old?
[AoT dives over the table at BR. KK, MR, & JG move to hold her back]
AoT: I'm going to pull that tongue right out of your mouth!
BR: Whoa.
KK: Calm down, Annette. [To BR] She gets a little touchy about Martha.
BR: [Backing his chair up against wall] I noticed.
KK: I'm sure he meant the movie version. Didn't you Ruth?
BR: Routh.
AoT: And then I'm going to stamp on it...
KK: Didn't you?!!?
BR: Yeah. The movie version. You look much younger... not a day over... [looks at KK for help]
KK: [Mouths out thirty]
BR: [Looks at KK like she's crazy]
KK: [Mouths out thirty more emphatically]
BR: Thirty. Not a day over thirty.
AoT: [Stops lunging] And?
[BR looks to KK for help]
MR: Annette, everyone knows Martha Kent is a very attractive young woman.
JG: A fire cracker!
BR: Fire cracker? Martha Kent?
KK + JG: [Glaring at BR] Shut up!
MR: Now please sit down so we can get going.
AoT: [Brushing her hair back in place] Yes, of course. [To JG] I don't like him. I don't like him at all.
JG: I know, but we can't do anything about it here.
AoT: [sitting] Later then.
BR: [Gulps]
[ED pokes her head in the door]
BR: [Stands and offers his hand] Hi, I'm Brand...
ED: [Waving him off] Yeah, yeah, we'll talk later. [to MR] Michael, pssst! Michael!
MR: Are they here already?
ED: No! I need...
JG: [Throws up his hands] Oh, god, she's screwed it up already!
ED: [To JG] Do you want to be the one out there dealing with him?!?
JG: No.
ED: Then stay the hell out of it! [Motions MR to the door.]
MR: What do you need?
ED: Some aspirin. I've been talking with Bryan for over an hour. And. I just. need. some. aspirin!
KK: [Pulling out her purse] I think I might have some.
ED: Hurry! I don't know how long a handful of change is going to keep him occupied.
MR: Is it shiny?
ED: Of course it's shiny! You think I'm an idiot!?!?
JG: If your plan relies on loose change you are an idiot!
ED: [Hands on hips] Hello! It's shiny!
KK: [Pulls pill bottle out of her purse] Oh, here we are!
ED: [Takes the pills and takes a second look at BR] Wait, I know you. Brendan, right?
BR: [Smiles] Brandon.
ED: I loved you in the Mummy! We should exchange our Al & Miles horror stories later. Gotta go. [Dumps a handful of aspirin into her hand and heads for the door] I'll be back!
JG: Don't screw this up, Durance!
ED: [As she munches on a mouthful of aspirin] Bite me, Glover! [Exits]
KK: [Noticing BR looks a little dazed] You OK? [pause] Hello?
BR: The Mummy?
AoT: I knew I'd seen you before! What was it like working with Bugs Bunny?
BR: No...
JG: You shared the screen with Bugs Bunny!?!?! Singer is surrounding us with freaks!!!
BR: I didn't actually.
JG: [Glares]
BR: Share the screen with Bugs Bunny.
JG: [Glares and picks up a pen.]
BR: That was Brendan...
JG: [Holds the pen like a dagger and calmly clicks the pen while continuing to glare]
BR: I'm shutting up now.
MR: Elizabeth Hurley is so hot!!!
BR: Again, I never...
MR: Did you know she was the inspiration for my naked exploding women robots?
KK: No. But now I know who deserves to die for making my life hell.
BR: was in...
MR: I don't get it man. Why would you go to a hooker when you've got that at home?
BR: That wasn't...
MR: Totally whacked. And that's all I have to say about that. [Opening the script] OK. Let's get started.
BR: [Puts his head in his hands and sighs]
JG: Sit up and show us some respect young man before I tear you a new one!
Continued
AoT: I can't believe Singer is going to turn Martha into a Grandma!
KK: Don't worry, Annette. I'm sure things will work out in the end.
AoT: In the end? How can you be so calm? Didn't Bryan just raise Lana from the dead?
KK: He thinks he did.
AoT: What do you have up your sleeve, Kreuk?
[Brandon Routh (BR) enters looking nervous.]
JG: Who the hell are you?
BR: [Offering JG his hand]I'm Brandon Routh. Bryan asked me to sit in for Tom.
AoT: You don't actually like that guy do you?
BR: Tom? Sure, he's...
KK: No! Singer, you idiot! [Pauses and extends her hand] I'm Kristin.
BR: [Figuring out JG isn't going to shake his hand shakes with Kristin] Right. Bryan? I guess he's OK.
JG: He's a freaking nut job is what he is!
BR: [Nervous smile]
JG: Sit down, shut up, and stay out of trouble and we'll get along fine. [Looks around and checks his watch] Dammit! Where the hell are Michael and Erica?!?!
BR: They were...
JG: What part of shut up don't you understand!?!?
[MR rushes in carrying scripts]
MR: OK everybody, let's get started!
KK: Get started? [Subtle head nod toward BR] What happened to the plan?
BR: Plan? What pl..?
JG: Shut up! Are you Singer's spy?!?! Are you here to squeal on us?!?!
BR: No, I'm just...
MR: [Handing the scripts out] Lighten up, John. Brandon, relax.
JG: Lighten up?!!? You said you had it all under control, Rosenbaum!
MR: I do.
JG: Then what the hell is he doing here!?!?
BR: I'm...
JG + MR: Shut up!
MR: We're still working on it.
AoT: Where's Erica?
MR: I said we're still working on it!
AoT: No reason to get testy.
MR: Erica will be here in a minute. In the meantime why don't we get started?
JG: You're leaving this in Erica's hands?!!? My god, man! Are you insane!?!?
MR: Relax, John, I've brought in the big guns. Erica is just... baby sitting until they get here.
BR: Excuse me but...
AoT: Stay the hell out of this, Ruth.
BR: Routh.
AoT: Whatever. [To MR] Michael, tell me Martha isn't going to be a Grandma!
MR: Kristin, will you read for Hope in the teaser?
KK: Sure..
JG: Another Lex teaser. Big surprise. Lionel better be in it.
AoT: Oh my god! Martha is going to be a grandma, isn't she?!?!
BR: What's the big deal? She's like, what? Seventy years old?
[AoT dives over the table at BR. KK, MR, & JG move to hold her back]
AoT: I'm going to pull that tongue right out of your mouth!
BR: Whoa.
KK: Calm down, Annette. [To BR] She gets a little touchy about Martha.
BR: [Backing his chair up against wall] I noticed.
KK: I'm sure he meant the movie version. Didn't you Ruth?
BR: Routh.
AoT: And then I'm going to stamp on it...
KK: Didn't you?!!?
BR: Yeah. The movie version. You look much younger... not a day over... [looks at KK for help]
KK: [Mouths out thirty]
BR: [Looks at KK like she's crazy]
KK: [Mouths out thirty more emphatically]
BR: Thirty. Not a day over thirty.
AoT: [Stops lunging] And?
[BR looks to KK for help]
MR: Annette, everyone knows Martha Kent is a very attractive young woman.
JG: A fire cracker!
BR: Fire cracker? Martha Kent?
KK + JG: [Glaring at BR] Shut up!
MR: Now please sit down so we can get going.
AoT: [Brushing her hair back in place] Yes, of course. [To JG] I don't like him. I don't like him at all.
JG: I know, but we can't do anything about it here.
AoT: [sitting] Later then.
BR: [Gulps]
[ED pokes her head in the door]
BR: [Stands and offers his hand] Hi, I'm Brand...
ED: [Waving him off] Yeah, yeah, we'll talk later. [to MR] Michael, pssst! Michael!
MR: Are they here already?
ED: No! I need...
JG: [Throws up his hands] Oh, god, she's screwed it up already!
ED: [To JG] Do you want to be the one out there dealing with him?!?
JG: No.
ED: Then stay the hell out of it! [Motions MR to the door.]
MR: What do you need?
ED: Some aspirin. I've been talking with Bryan for over an hour. And. I just. need. some. aspirin!
KK: [Pulling out her purse] I think I might have some.
ED: Hurry! I don't know how long a handful of change is going to keep him occupied.
MR: Is it shiny?
ED: Of course it's shiny! You think I'm an idiot!?!?
JG: If your plan relies on loose change you are an idiot!
ED: [Hands on hips] Hello! It's shiny!
KK: [Pulls pill bottle out of her purse] Oh, here we are!
ED: [Takes the pills and takes a second look at BR] Wait, I know you. Brendan, right?
BR: [Smiles] Brandon.
ED: I loved you in the Mummy! We should exchange our Al & Miles horror stories later. Gotta go. [Dumps a handful of aspirin into her hand and heads for the door] I'll be back!
JG: Don't screw this up, Durance!
ED: [As she munches on a mouthful of aspirin] Bite me, Glover! [Exits]
KK: [Noticing BR looks a little dazed] You OK? [pause] Hello?
BR: The Mummy?
AoT: I knew I'd seen you before! What was it like working with Bugs Bunny?
BR: No...
JG: You shared the screen with Bugs Bunny!?!?! Singer is surrounding us with freaks!!!
BR: I didn't actually.
JG: [Glares]
BR: Share the screen with Bugs Bunny.
JG: [Glares and picks up a pen.]
BR: That was Brendan...
JG: [Holds the pen like a dagger and calmly clicks the pen while continuing to glare]
BR: I'm shutting up now.
MR: Elizabeth Hurley is so hot!!!
BR: Again, I never...
MR: Did you know she was the inspiration for my naked exploding women robots?
KK: No. But now I know who deserves to die for making my life hell.
BR: was in...
MR: I don't get it man. Why would you go to a hooker when you've got that at home?
BR: That wasn't...
MR: Totally whacked. And that's all I have to say about that. [Opening the script] OK. Let's get started.
BR: [Puts his head in his hands and sighs]
JG: Sit up and show us some respect young man before I tear you a new one!
Continued
A Control Preview
MR: OK. Here's the trailer.
ED: Did you get approval?
MR: Of course I got approval. Kristin's and my entire script was axed. I don't want to go through that again.
ED: I still can't believe Bryan decided to drop the entire episode.
MR: Whatever it takes to punish Kristin.
ED: He better be careful.
MR: Do you want to read the trailer or no?
ED: OK, let's see it. [ED takes the sheet of paper]
ED: Chloe?!?! You're putting the dead woman in the teaser? What about Lois?
MR: You're in there, don't worry.
ED: Great. Lois reduced to comic relief! Again.
MR: Better than nothing.
ED: It's my episode! I should...
MR: Now, now. Don't forget about the deal we've made.
ED: Stupid deal!
MR: I mean you could have stipulated Lois be smart and intrepid but instead you wanted...
ED: Shut up! Lois should be smart and intrepid by default! I shouldn't have to stipulate...
MR: We can always re-negotiate.
ED: Really?
MR: Actually, no. The script has already been locked in.
ED: But everything is still going according to plan.
MR: Yes.
ED: [relieved] Thank goodness.
MR: Actually no.
ED: What?!?!
MR Just a slight scheduling problem.
ED: Excuse me?
MR: You're going to have to babysit Bryan for a while until everything clicks into place.
ED: Me?!?! Why me?
MR: As long as he thinks, you know, that you're in a family way he'll take it easier on you than anybody else.
ED: Lovely. Shove the pregnant woman under the bus.
MR: But you're not really...?
ED: Of course not!!!!
MR: Then what's the big deal?
ED: You suck, Michael.
MR: You just do your part and I'll do mine.
Next
ED: Did you get approval?
MR: Of course I got approval. Kristin's and my entire script was axed. I don't want to go through that again.
ED: I still can't believe Bryan decided to drop the entire episode.
MR: Whatever it takes to punish Kristin.
ED: He better be careful.
MR: Do you want to read the trailer or no?
ED: OK, let's see it. [ED takes the sheet of paper]
[A dark lab. Lex stands facing away from Hope.]
PCWV (PompousCWVoice): On Thursday...
Lex: Leave us.
Hope: Us, sir?
[Lex spins around in a rage]
Lex: "Get the hell out! Now!!!!"
[Cut to outside the lab. Richards looks through a window into the lab. Lex rests next to an open black steel box. The screen goes white in a huge explosion.]
PCWV: As Clark inches closer to the truth behind the death of his best friend...
[Cut to Clark pinning Lex up against the wall.]
Clark: "What did you do to her Lex!?!? What did you do to Chloe!?!?!"
ED: Chloe?!?! You're putting the dead woman in the teaser? What about Lois?
MR: You're in there, don't worry.
PCWV: Everyone will be asking...
[Cut to Clark on his knees. Lex stands above him.]
Lex: "You don't look so well, Clark. Are you OK?"
PCWV: What's gotten into Lex?
[Cut to show a smiling Lex]
Lex: There's a new Lex Luthor in town.
Lionel: You've never been this ruthless, son.
Lex: You haven't seen anything yet, old man.
PCWV: On an all new Smallville.
[Cut to Lois in a car rolling down her passenger window]
Lois: What happened to you? Get shaken down by the local bully for your lunch money?
[Cut back to a battered and bruised Lionel.]
Lionel: Lex happened to me. We need to stop him.
[Go to black]
ED: Great. Lois reduced to comic relief! Again.
MR: Better than nothing.
ED: It's my episode! I should...
MR: Now, now. Don't forget about the deal we've made.
ED: Stupid deal!
MR: I mean you could have stipulated Lois be smart and intrepid but instead you wanted...
ED: Shut up! Lois should be smart and intrepid by default! I shouldn't have to stipulate...
MR: We can always re-negotiate.
ED: Really?
MR: Actually, no. The script has already been locked in.
ED: But everything is still going according to plan.
MR: Yes.
ED: [relieved] Thank goodness.
MR: Actually no.
ED: What?!?!
MR Just a slight scheduling problem.
ED: Excuse me?
MR: You're going to have to babysit Bryan for a while until everything clicks into place.
ED: Me?!?! Why me?
MR: As long as he thinks, you know, that you're in a family way he'll take it easier on you than anybody else.
ED: Lovely. Shove the pregnant woman under the bus.
MR: But you're not really...?
ED: Of course not!!!!
MR: Then what's the big deal?
ED: You suck, Michael.
MR: You just do your part and I'll do mine.
Next
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